Coming Through the Rye
by Link Worshiper
Summary: A lonely and depressed Heero has found his way back to school, unsure of what point life has for him anymore now that Duo has vanished into thin air. But then an odd Preventers agent who knows way more than she should about Duo crashes into his life. 1x2
1. Superman's Dead

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

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Author's Note (a.k.a. "the Rant") These little ficlets are becoming a way of life for me (not that it's new or anything). Anything to keep my mind piqued, I suppose. Let's just say this story got way out of hand. I'll make this disclaimer short for once (yeah right). The pairing's a 1x2x1, as would be typical of obsessive little old me, which means (you guessed it) YAOI!!! There's a tad of 1xOC, but don't worry about it. Just give this all a chance and keep reading. The dynamic Duo will show up eventually! I'm sorry that all I have to present is yet another song-ridden fic (and that lousy pun), but I think we've been over my worship of music and my retarded sense of humour before. Know that this monster is chock loaded with sap, angst, a broken, dead and whipped Heero, a touch of OOC, and a drop or two of lime (hehe), so be wary. And sorry if this is a little weird, but it's the product of writing at the ungodly hours of the morning and mindless daydreaming/writing during class (goddamned English/Latin teacher). Song credit goes to everyone who I ripped off with kudos; GW goes to Sunrise etc. with kudos x1000. So much for a short disclaimer. Oh well, enjoy.

[[**PS**]] Sorry to JD Salinger for stealing pieces of his excellent masterpiece _The Catcher in the Rye_, easily one of my favourite books of all time. Mistake ever making me read that, heh. Quotes from that book are in the pretty braces that look like this à {_Omae o korosu… grrrrr!!!_} There might also be some references to the book that you wouldn't get unless you've read it, and for that, I'm so sorry! If you haven't read it, I'm _ordering_ you to right now, never_mind_ my fanfic! Holden's like Heero and Duo, except one person, I _swear_, which is exactly like me, frightening thought as that may be, hehe. 

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~ Part I ~ 

Superman's Dead

__

Do you worry you're not liked?  
How long 'till you break?  
You're happy 'cause you smile,  
But how much can you fake?  
An ordinary boy,  
An ordinary name,  
But ordinary's just not good enough today.

Alone, alone, alone, alone,  
Alone, I'm thinking,  
Why Superman's dead?  
Is in my head?  
We'll just laugh instead.  
You worry about the weather and  
Whether or not you should hate.

Are you worried about your faith?  
Kneel down and obey.  
You're happy you're in love.  
You need someone to hate.  
An ordinary girl,  
An ordinary waist,  
But ordinary's just not good enough today.

Doesn't anybody ever know that the world's a subway?

__

{If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.}

Heero's eyes rose from the tiny printed words of his book. He had the paperback novel hidden behind the pages of his textbook, glancing over the pages ever few moments to gaze out the window at the forlorn world, wet and fresh with rain. The drizzle splattered lazily against the thick glass embedded in the classroom's wooden window frames, the water sliding down the slick transient material in slow crystalline smears. Heero was barely paying attention to the droning physics professor standing at the head of the classroom and his dull voice preaching formulas and information Heero had known since he was ten years old. But even if he had not known a single thing about mathematics and its many scientific uses, Heero would have had just as much trouble staying focused on the class, despite his rigid disciplines and the spirit of a warring soldier within. His mind was far to preoccupied with the American he had walked out of his life almost three years ago to notice the world as it slowly climbed from the grave the war had dug. For the first time in his life, there was something that Heero regretting never doing. 

Images of the boy who wore his torrent of hair in a rope of chestnut brown seemed to be reflected in those watery smudges daubing down the windowpanes, the rain flowing faster as its onslaught upon the wet earth continued into the grey-clouded day. Irritated by the boy with a name Heero found echoing through his mind more than he could bear and whose memory could not leave him alone, even though there were sure to be miles, maybe even light years between them. A quick rerun of the cold way he had treated him rewound and played over in his head for what seemed the six hundredth time since the first bell that morning. And that did not include the confusing dreams he had about the longhaired devil the night before. He had been distant and unfeeling as he was to most people, but the brat had been quite a tenacious one, never letting Heero's verbal attacks put a damper on his abundant energy. But that was not what upset Heero most. What was making Heero's mouth curl into an even darker frown that usual was the way these memories of the ever bubbly American chatterbox would not leave him alone. Thoughts like these obstructed carrying out a mission effectively, got in the way of reality and muddled his sense of perfection. Worse yet were the emotions that threatened to bring everything Heero had known to be an effective existence, the emotions that gave him a reason to live. It angered him to think that someone could slip into his life so nonchalantly and stick there, like a looming shadow that seeped into dark corners and lingered. But he could never hope to deny to himself that he had fallen in love. 

Heero let his head drop to the side with a somewhat hollow dull thud as his mess of deep brown hair connected with the glass window, acquiring a few odd sideways glances from the rest of the class. He sneered at them, frightening the wayward lookers back into the lesson. That beautiful Maxwell boy had not been afraid of him like these children were, like everyone he ever laid his icy glare upon was. If anything, the darkened stares had only urged the braided prat on, making his commentary wilder and his laughs louder. The harder Heero had tried to shut him out, the quicker Maxwell was to come back at him with a bigger better set of explosives, in hopes to blast Heero right out of hiding. _Explosive, that's what he was_, Heero decided as he rolled his head downwards, his cold eyes falling outside to the courtyard that lay sprawling in front of the school. _He came roaring in and out of my life with that strange Gundam of his like a damn explosion._ Trying to shrug anymore illicit pondering of the boy away, Heero let his soldier's instincts take over the autopilot his mind had been running on all morning. _But explosions come big and loud before they're gone, forever. I got what I needed from him and that's all that I should ever have to associate with him. So that kid's out of the picture for good. Mission complete._ Or so he tried to tell himself, despite the sweet little voice in the back of his dark mind that kept screaming in protest that he really did miss him. Funny how those little voices always seem to pick up on subliminal things that the greater mind likes to ignore…. 

Suddenly, there was the roar of a motor and the squeal of tires treading on slick asphalt. His eyes narrowed as he stared out through the rain into the mist-coated courtyard, searching for the cause of the noise. Much to his chagrin, the sound of the motorcycle that was now thundering up the drive towards the school had attracted the curiosity of the twins that sat behind him and the girl on the right diagonal, the three leaping from their seats and rushing over to the large window to press their faces against the cooling panes to try and see. Heero stood slightly, giving the girl a somewhat cruel shove as he tried to get a good view of the biker. 

"Ahem," the professor cleared his throat, reasserting himself as the leader of the classroom. The three other students slowly meandered back to their seats, Heero sinking back comfortably in his chair now that the wall of bodies had been removed from his window, as the professor made a quick comment about the stranger down below probably being the new student that was expected to transfer in that day. Of course, all that did was create a low hum of murmurs in the room, the class suddenly buzzing with excitement at a potential new friend. The last kid to transfer in (Heero could feel them all giving him dirty looks) was not exactly the best in the social department, and showed no hope of ever being more than a callous son of a bitch. Not that it bothered Heero in the least. 

"I wonder…" Heero muttered under his breath as the professor tried in vain to get control of the class once more. His sharpened vision glimmered through the sparkling droplets of rain plummeting downwards just beyond the window as he caught a look at the slender figure dismounting the motorbike, the person's head hidden behind the tinted glass of his (or perhaps even her) helmet. Some administration member who had been waiting just inside the door rushed out to greet the new student, hiding the mystery newcomer from view beneath the shelter of a large black umbrella. Heero felt his expression tighten into an expression of stone, swearing that he saw a long brown coil of hair flair out from behind the biker as he (or she) was escorted inside. "Nani?" He let out in a loud angry outburst, slipping into his native tongue as the frustration and confusion welling up inside began to peak. He looked down again, knowing that there was no mistaking that hair. 

"Mister Yuy," the professor was glaring at the strange student who had joined his class at the beginning of the month. "Mister Yuy, is there something you would like to share with the rest of us?" 

Heero said nothing as his eyes turned from the window to the professor, the almost sadistic look in his eyes making the man pale on the spot. _Yes,_ the professor turned away from the intimidating young Japanese boy, _that kid is certainly different. He has that look almost like he could kill someone._

Satisfied that he had chased the teacher away for the rest of the period, and hopefully for the rest of his stay at this school, Heero sunk lower into his chair, wallowing in thought. Just when he was sure he had gotten over the memory of that Maxwell boy and all traces of his memory, it seemed he had come roaring right back into the picture, full-throttle, on a motorcycle. He had thought he would never see him again….

The rest of the class seemed to drag by, and when the bell finally rang once more, Heero was out of the room before anyone had even realized what had happened. At first walking brusquely down the hall with his books tucked under his arm to avoid as many people as possible, Heero began to slow, his pace becoming almost that of a snail's as he shook his head sadly. He had tried hard to find a way to forget the war, figuring that reapplying at school would help him get used to the peace, but it was just no use. His mind always trailed back to the battles, his old lover Duo Maxwell and the ridiculously depressing war that dominated more than half of his pitiful existence. Remembering it all made him even more bitter than he usually was, despite the changes his heart underwent during those years. The other students had tried to welcome him at first, unknowing of his past involvement with the Gundams and all of those messy details, the boys friendly and welcoming, the girls admiring of his merciless good looks, but even after only a few days, they had learned not to cross paths with Heero Yuy. He was punitive and seemed angry all the time, and even the excuse that the war had hardened him to be that way seemed not enough to explain away the psychological issues that teamed through the short young eighteen year old who had been to hell and back on numerous occasions. 

He was passing the small chapel on his way to his dorm, when a hauntingly familiar voice floated through the hall, stopping Heero dead in his tracks. At first it had seemed like he had imagined that braid when he saw the new student sweep into the building earlier, but he never dreamed he would be able to see Duo one more. Walking into the small sanctuary, he found a slender figure leaning at the base of a statue of the Virgin at the front of the room. 

"Hey there, Lady," the black clad person said to the statue. It looked like it could have been Duo, with the leather pants and motorcycle jacket, though the hair was swept up behind his head and pinned in a butterfly clip, this being a very feminine hairstyle like Heero had never seen on Duo before. 

__

Maybe it's not him… Heero thought, letting out a breath he had not even realized he had sucked in as he walked past the empty pews towards the new student, who was still talking softly to the stone carving. Reaching out tentatively, Heero laid his hand on the brown haired figure's shoulder. 

Jumping, the transfer student whirled around, a knife suddenly in hand and pressed against Heero's scarred wrist. "The hell!" 

Heero looked the person over, noting dismally that it could not possibly be Duo for the girl's uniform draped over the transfer's leather-clad arm and the dark purple lipstick painted on her lips. "Gomen nasai," he apologized, stepping back with a little bow, noting to himself how quickly the girl had been able to react to his touch with that knife. The girl's weapon had made it back to wherever she had been hiding it as she stood there, just staring at Heero like she had never seen another human being before in her entire life. 

She raised a brow, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "Japanese?" she questioned. 

"Hai," he answered before mentally slapping himself for still rambling on in his first language. Realizing what he was doing, he returned to English with another quick bow of apology. "Anata wa… You… I thought you were someone else. I'm sorry, again." 

"Do I?" she said, leaning irreverently on the statue behind her, crossing her arms over the uniform. Her voice was a somewhat throaty one for a girl, but it was charming nonetheless. Tall and slender with bluish purple eyes and pale skin, she looked almost exactly like Duo, obviously save the fact she was indeed a girl. Even her black leather clothes resembled something that the loudmouthed American would wear, and Heero was constantly reminded of it every time he chanced a look. She narrowed her eyes. "Have we met before? Name's Hoshi."

"No, I'm sure we have not," he said callously, his mouth dropping into a frown. Cutting to the foremost thought on his mind, Heero skipped all other formalities, including his name. "Tell me, have you ever met someone named Duo Maxwell?"

She grinned, running her hands through her thick very Duo-like hair. "That who I look like? Well I might have met him once or twice, but I ain't seen him too recently. Sorry pal." 

"But you know him?" 

"Kinda," she shrugged. "Not too well. I said I just might have seen him once or twice. That doesn't mean I _know_ him or nothing." 

"If that's the case, I'll be going," Heero said, turning to leave, a blade seeming to swipe through his heart. _So close and yet so far away_, he said to himself. The girl, Hoshi, was almost frighteningly like Duo, everything from her personality to her hair, even to her purple hued eyes. 

"Hey, wait," she called out after him as he started to head back towards the empty corridor. When Heero did not stop walking, she called to him again, "Hey, don't you wanna talk about it?"

That put an end to Heero's retreat. Curious, he turned around and said in his usual aloof tone, "About what?" 

"Well, Duo of course," she smiled as she pushed herself off of the statue and started to walk up to Heero, who was inadvertently backing away slowly. "You like to think you're tough, don't you? Well it's too bad for you that your eyes give away exactly what you're thinking. Did you think I was your Duo? He's the one with the long pretty hair, right? Makes him kind of look like a girl? I haven't seen him in a good bit."

"Yes," Heero swallowed, a dark blush rising to his cheeks. Then he darkened his tone as he raised his hand, clenching it into a tight fist. "But I swear, if I hear you calling Duo a woman again, I'll beat you shitless, nevermind that you're a girl." 

"Oh, down boy," Hoshi said with a sadistic grin. She slid down onto one of the pews, arranging the light blue skirt and crème coloured sailor shirt over her lap. "So, Duo… how do you know him?"

"I never consented to talking about him," Heero snapped. He was not about to even begin to try and explain his feelings for that braided chatterbox to whom he had clung so desperately to a perfect stranger just because she happened to look a lot like him. "You have no right to pry into my past." 

"Hurts, doesn't it?" she said, polishing her nails on her shirt casually, looking up at him with a sly gaze. "Whatever you're thinking about right now, it's tearing you apart inside, isn't it?"

"It was a war," Heero said curtly. At least it was not a lie, and that would have to do for the brown nosing girl for now. Heero shook his head as he started to step away. "And I was a soldier. We were soldiers, that's _all_." 

"Somehow, I think there's more to this story than you're letting on," she said, her eyes still narrowed into those knowing slits as Heero's steps toward the back of the little chapel became bigger and much quicker in pace. "Well at least we have the rest of the year to hear it."

That was enough for Heero. He was not going to stay around to hear some Duo rip-off try and analyze his psyche like this. Duo was his, only his, and like hell he was about to share him with anyone else. He had barely been able to tell Duo how he felt, so how could he so easily open up and make clear his relationship with the boy who shone like Death to a prat like this Hoshi girl? Brooding over these thoughts, Heero turned on his heel once again and stormed out of the chapel, angry at nothing in particular and fed up with his world, one without Duo. The faster he could walk away from it all, the sooner he would forget his tears.

Stowed away in the eves of the school, a lone figure sat in the spider infested darkness, setting up a thin laptop coated with a myriad of stickers and even a few smears of orange paint. He was with Preventers, working with another undercover agent to expose a teacher working here that had been trying to cover up a dossier practically bursting with illegal dealings. After hitting his head for what seemed the eightieth time on the low ceiling and a string of mumbled swears, he finally had the computer running, wired up to the school's system. With any luck, this mission would be cleared by the end of the week. He sneezed, the sound causing a rat to dart across the keyboard to another dark corner of the musty old school's attic, much to the agent's disgust. 

"Damn Wufei," he muttered sardonically as he settled cross-legged in front of the computer, logging onto the school's network with his cover agent's student ID. "This had better be as important as you say, my fine friend, or I swear that Shinigami will _kill_ brutally you before he gives Preventers the old heave-ho." 

A strange shadow darted past in the darkness ahead. The still complaining stranger crawled after the movement, wondering what could possible stay alive up there in that nasty old storage attic. Pouncing upon it, he found himself cuddling with a small dark brown cat. "Huh?" he knitted his brows together. "What's a cute kitty like you doing way up here?" 

He only got a low purring noise in response. 

Tickling the cat's belly, he smiled at his new feline companion, "Aren't you just the cutest damn thing! I could use a good cute buddy to hang around with nowadays." He lifted the cat up and nuzzled noses with it. "I miss hanging out with cute buddies, you know?"

The cat meowed again. 

"Oh you do know, do you?" He ruffled the soft fur between the cat's tapered ears. "That's good. I'm glad we're on the same page." 

"In any case, I'll kill that guy next time I see him. I still don't know _why_ I said I'd do this for him," he grumbled, cat now in arm. He went on muttering to his newfound friend about Wufei's persuasive skills, deciding that the former Chinese Gundam pilot was as good a person as any to pin his current discomfort on, as he hooked up the small minidisk component to the laptop and slid the disk in. His agent was able to keep a record of the day's events with a tiny recording device fixed into a necklace charm that transmitted data to a DVD recorder built into his PC. As the footage began to play on the flat screen, the image of a darkly frowning Japanese student glaring darkly seeming to dominate the entire window. "Oh yeah," he smiled, twisting the tail of his braid around his fingers. "That's why."

"…So I hope that all of you will try and make Hoshi feel welcome here," the dean was saying, standing at the front of the classroom, her arm around the new girl's shoulders. After settling in the day before, the girl was ready to be thrown into the chaotic mix of the boarding academy. The dean rambled on. "Late in the term, I know, but that's not to say there's still plenty of time to get to know her." 

The mid-morning literature class clapped politely; all save one, that is. Heero sat in the back row, by the window, frowning at the girl. There was something about her that just did not fit, and it was pissing him off beyond all belief. But what nearly made him just get up and walk out of the room was what the dean said next. "So why don't you go take the spot next to Mister Yuy back there. He can help you through the rest of the day." 

Hoshi smiled brightly as she practically skipped through the aisle to the empty seat beside Heero as he made a mental note to make sure that the dean died slowly and painfully. He gave her one of his looks and slid his chair as far to his end of the table as he could. Feeling her smile plastered upon his back, he let out a low groan of distaste, returning to his absent revelries beyond the glass of the window. It was all too familiar. It was all too much like Duo. He had his heart broken once after the war, when they were forced to go their separate ways and he was not about to make the same error twice. So since then, he had not allowed a soul within five feet of him without getting a good punch on the jaw. It was just his way of hiding, his way of keeping himself safe from his fear. 

"…Another example of symbolism can be found in chapter twelve, if you'll open your books, class," the teacher began the day's lesson, continuing their discussion of old pre-colony literature. 

Heero had read the book in question many times, finding for himself that it was a piece that hit hauntingly close to home. It probably was a mistake for him to have read the thing, the book now a bible of sorts for him, its words only making his philosophies on the world all the more complex. Besides, the title was the only physical item he really had left to remind him of Duo, finding that the story's hero was much like the loudmouth in quite a few ways. Then again, the hero was also quite a bit like himself as well. Shaking his head, as was habitual of him when he had lack of anything else to do or think, his eyes quickly scanned the chapter again as the teacher read a few selected quotes aloud, trying to entice the class into thinking over some meaning to the lines. 

"{'Well, you know the ducks that swim around in it? In springtime and all? Do you happen to know where they go in wintertime by any chance?'}" The teacher read from behind her desk, the words _The Catcher in the Rye_ barely readable on the cracked spine of her worn out edition of the book. " {'Where _who_ goes?'}"

Heero thought about the passage, thinking how he would kill for a set of wings so he could fly away. He once had been able to, way back during a time of weapons and fighting. He could have just clambered into his winged Gundam and taken to the stars where he could be alone to think, even on cold nights when there was no one there to hold him. But now he had no wings, the nights were always cold, and he never had anyone to hold him.

"{'The ducks. Do you know by any chance? I mean, does somebody come around in a truck or something and take them away, or do they fly away by themselves—go south or something?'}"

__

It seems like the kind of question Duo would ask, Heero found himself thinking. _Always had to be that way, asking weird stuff like that, that always had a double meaning. And I could never figure it out so I would just… glare…._

"{Old Horwitz turned all the way around and looked at me. He's a very impatient-type guy. He wasn't a bad guy, though. 'How the hell should I know?' he asked. 'How the hell should I know a stupid thing like that?'}"

Heero felt something very thin and flat slid beneath the hand he had pressed against the desktop. Looking down, he saw a sliver of white paper sticking out from beneath his palm. His eyes rose to Hoshi, who was sitting there with her nose buried in the white book, acting like she had nothing to do with the note. He lifted his hand and saw penned in a somewhat messy cursive on the notebook slip, a simple message. "_I knew a guy like that once," _it read_._

"{'Well don't get _sore_ about it,' I said. He was sore about something.}"

Heero could not resist, despite the angered expression he wore on his face. He wrote back simply and slid it back to her discreetly. "_Who?"_

"{'Who's sore? Nobody's sore!'}" The teacher looked up from the book to eye the class for anyone who might have comments. Seeing a hesitant hand in the back row, she favored it warmly. "Yes, Hoshi?"

She cast a smirk at Heero before she started to speak, as if what she was going to say would answer his question. "I think it's kind of like the ducks are trying to take a break from reality, you know? I know it seems silly to say something like that, but don't you think it's kind of like people too, ma'am? I mean, whether it's on their own accord or not, sometimes people just go off on their own, in the winter of their lives so to speak, when it's all cold an lonely, so they can think."

The teacher seemed stunned at such a deep and well thought remark. She laid the book facedown and folded her hands atop it. "Anything more, Miss Hoshi?" 

"Well I think Holden asks this because he feels kind of trapped, you know?" she said, fumbling with her own book, as the words seemed to just come. Natural gift for talking it appeared, no matter how nervous she seemed. "He just wants to fly away somewhere so he can gather his life together. I think that's why he bothered ditching school to go to New York in the first place anyway. But you know, they always come back, when they've got it all straight. It just takes time." 

The teacher nodded appreciatively. Then she glowered at the rest of the class as she said, "You know, it's funny how on her first day, Miss Hoshi is willing to contribute so much to the discussion where for the rest of you lot, I've spent a better part of the year begging for words." 

Heero frowned even deeper, feeling belittled. He could have outshone anyone in that classroom if he had wanted to. He was the silent genius of the school, his grades in every class top notch, but he never spoke a word when he it was not required of him. Some of his classmates had even begun to speculate that Heero was a mute. 

The teacher had returned to reading aloud, waiting for another comment about the next part of the scene. She was hoping for another stellar answer from Hoshi, realizing that the girl certainly had potential to shine in the class. "{I stopped having a conversation with him, if he was going to get so damn touchy about it. But he started it up again himself. He turned all the way around again and said, 'The _fish_ don't go no place. They stay right where they are, the fish. Right in the goddamn lake.'}"

__

Stuck, just like me, Heero said to himself darkly. 

"{'The fish—that's different. The fish is different. I'm talking about the _ducks_,' I said,}" the teacher read. "{What's _dif_ferent about it? Nothing's _dif_ferent about it!' Horwitz said. Everything he said, he sounded sore about something. 'It's tougher for the _fish_, the winter and all, than the ducks, for Chrissake. Use your head for Chrissake!}" 

__

Yep, tougher 'cause they're stuck there, without wings, Heero sneered inwardly, frowning to himself as he thought about how lonely it must be for fish frozen beneath the lake in Central Park all damn winter without anywhere to go. _Then again_, he sympathized with the sea creatures,_ I'm just like you damn fish, frozen in one place because there's nowhere else for me to go. Duo had wings… he got to fly away to gather himself…._

By the time Heero had snapped from his musings, he found he had missed a few more paragraphs. But the passage she was reading now was really starting to make Heero's mind twist around in deep thought. " {Yeah? What do they eat then? I mean, if their bodies are frozen _solid_, they can't swim around looking for _food_ and all.}

__

Frozen….

"{'Their _bodies_—for Chrissake—what'sa matter with ya? Their bodies take in nutrition and all, right through all the seaweed and crap that's in the ice. They got their _pores_ open the whole time. That's their _nature_ for Chrissake. See what I mean?' He turned way the hell around to look at me.}"

"The good and the bad," a deep voice said from the back of the room, cutting the teacher off. Every head in the room looked up and turned around to lay eyes upon Heero, who was still staring out the window, but speaking nonetheless. Even the teacher was shocked by the sound of his voice. "Even if you're stuck in a moment you can't get out of 'cause you can't fly away," Heero was saying, his eyes still sadly gone in another reality, "you have to take the good stuff, the nutrition and all and the bad stuff, the crap. It's all just part of life. It makes you grow stronger."

"Mister Yuy," the teacher clearly had no idea what to say. Not only were his words unexpected, but they were profound as well. 

"What?" he turned from the window, his melancholy eyes now radiated that smoldering glare of his. It seemed to melt the entire room, burning right into the teacher as defiantly as you please. "Are you going to trash me for that? Life has got a hell of a lot of crap I'll have you know, and I could explain it all to you in detail from a firsthand account. My life has got _way_ more crap than you could ever care to deal with." 

"Trash you?" the flummoxed teacher was beginning to quaver under his stare. It was strange how an eighteen year old had such a destructive effect on everyone that stare reached. Well, most everyone… "Mister Yuy, that was quite a bold statement. I'm pleased by it. You should talk more in class. We could benefit from your insight."

"Yeah right," Heero muttered under his breath, wondering what an insight on death and mobile suit combat could possibly do for a class of innocent rich snots. He settled back in his chair, letting his near depressive nature dominate his wistful thoughts for the rest of the period.

"Holden, hey Holden!" Hoshi called after Heero's form as he made his way towards the boy's dorms. To get there, he had to pass the chapel, which was where Hoshi had spent her free period, thinking. "Hey I'm calling you Holden Caulfield!" 

He whipped around, his expression one of his most intimidating. "Will you shut up? My name's not Holden." 

"Well since you never bothered to tell me, I suppose Holden will have to do," Hoshi shrugged, waggling her pristine newly bought copy of _The Catcher in the Rye_ beneath Heero's nose. "You're more like him than I think you want to admit." 

"Save the ridiculous questions he asks himself," Heero said, knowing that he did actually roll a few of those kinds of deep questions around his head more often than not. There had been a time where Heero had _never_ asked himself questions of any kind. But he had changed a lot since then. Duo had done that to him…. 

"Yeah," she said with arched brows as Heero turned around again, more than ready to be alone again. Her presence just radiated Duo, and it made him feel even more downhearted than he already did. If Heero had been anyone else, a person who was so much like an old love would have been a welcome thing. But Heero was not anyone else, and all this girl's presence served was a constant reminder of the one person he could not have. "So you like the book then?"

Heero stopped again with a quick roll of his eyes, responding just to humour her. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh I was just looking at your copy of it today during class," she said offhandedly, leaning on the wall. "It's really worn, almost as bad as the teacher's. Looks like you've read it a few times." 

"More than a few," Heero said, his hand subconsciously slipping into his satchel where he found his fingers curling around the worn novel. He could almost remember the day that Duo had thrust the book into his hands, telling him to get cultured. "I've had it for a long time." 

"Ha, well everyone should have their comforts," she shrugged. Silence ensued for a moment before Hoshi started to babble on again. "So anyway, I'm still kind of unsure where everything is, even though the dean laid it all out for me. And since you've been appointed as my 'guide' I think I better pester you for help. So, where's the dorms?"

"Guys' dorms," Heero pointed briefly in the direction he had been walking. Then he turned and gestured down another corridor across from the chapel. "Girls' dorms." 

"My, you really are a man of few words," she huffed, slapping her book idly against her shapely thigh. She was a very well built girl, not an ounce of unneeded weight on her, her thin body sculpted out of pure muscle. "That just means I'll have to do double the talking to make up for your silences." 

"You talk to walls often then?" Heero snapped unkindly. "Because I don't plan on spending any more time with you than I do with anyone else. Which in other words means, I don't want anything to do with you." 

"Even though I look like what's-his-name?" she said, squinting one eye shut as she shot him what was meant to be a playful look. 

"Even more so _because_ you look like Duo," Heero frowned at her and could almost feel her cracking under his stare. "It reminds me too much of a past that was more like a stolen reality. I'll never get to go back and I don't need to be reminded daily of it!" 

He turned and angrily stalked down the hall, not even bothering to look back at her as he stalked up the narrow staircase that had probably served as a servant's passage when the building had been lived in as a residence, to the top floor where his room resided. If he had though, he would have realized she was following him, something he did not notice until he was twisting the iron key around in the old fashioned lock of his dorm way at the end of the hall. 

"Having trouble?" she asked, her voice making him jump out of his skin. 

"What are you doing?" he hissed, the door swinging silently open as he glowered at her over his shoulder. "Go away." 

"You think that you're ever so descriptive directions to the girls' dorms are going to help me any? It sure would be nice if you could be a little bit kinder and actually take the five minutes out of your busy schedule to show me the way," she stood defiantly with a hand on each him, feet planted firmly on the ground. 

"Go ask one of the other girls," was the harsh reply. His voice seemed to soften when he spoke again though, as if he were trying to amend for his crisp attitude. "Boys aren't really supposed to be in the girls' dormitories, just like you really 'ought not to be here." 

"Well I'm sure no one would mind for just a little," she smiled as she tried to slip into Heero's room after him. She was a quick little devil, managing to slink into the room before Heero was even able to shut the door. Unhappy as he was, there was little he could do about it, so he just closed the door behind her and latched it. Watching this proceeding, Hoshi said curiously, "Do you always lock the door like that? What's there to be afraid of?" 

"There's everything to be afraid of," was Heero's reply, tart and biting, as could best be expected from the Japanese youth. 

"I don't know if you realized this," Hoshi commented, rising up on her tiptoes as she surveyed the sparsely furnished double suite with interest, "but the war's over. Been done for a while."

"Of course I'm aware of that!" Heero snapped, the very thought of the war cracking some nerve inside of him. Peace was a pleasant thing, but Heero felt more and more every day that there was less to live for. Why, with no war to fight, he had no purpose, and with no Duo, he had no soul, no life. 

Hoshi was kneeling on one of the two beds, looking up with interest at the myriad of photographs tacked to the wall, the only hint that anyone occupied the room at all. The otherwise sterile room, an attic bedroom with one wall slanting over the spare bed with a dormitory window, housed nothing more than two beds, each made up with tightly pulled sheets on their wooden frames, a nightstand between the two and a black lamp. A writing table was pushed up to the wall beside the door, a thin grey laptop whirring slightly on standby, waiting for its owner to indulge in another sleepless night upon its plastic keys. "So what does your roommate think of these?" she asked, pointing to the pictures, her face shining with interest at the images of Heero and four other boys who seemed to be close friends of his. "Ha, look, you're smiling in this one."

Heero grimaced, a little annoyed that she was taking such an interest in his past. He had no roommate to worry about. Well, at one time he did, but the poor boy had been so freaked out by Heero's almost killer tendencies, that he had asked for a transfer as soon as possible, leaving Heero to have a double room all to himself, much to his internal glee. Once he had heard that no one dared to try and board another student with him, he had pulled out the packet of photographs from the old war days, the only visible memories he had left of the only friends he had ever possessed. 

"That Duo?" she commented idly, pointing to a picture of the braided American just back from combat, a machine gun slung over one shoulder, his long chestnut plait a mess from fighting, pretty china face smeared with oil. One arm was flung around Heero's shoulders, pulling him close, the look on Heero's face impassive as so to hide whether or not he was displeased or satisfied with the gesture. Though Heero looked worn in the photograph, his there was the slightest trace of contentment on his countenance, which Hoshi did not fail to notice. "Aw, it's gotta be." 

She was still talking as she unpinned another photograph from the wall, turning the worn picture over in her hands. Holding it up she asked, "What's this big robot in the background?" 

Heero cursed his rotten luck and smacked his head in frustration. Leaping forward, he snatched the photograph of Trowa cradling Quatre in his arms, sitting on Heavyarm's foot. "It's just a mobile suit that belonged to a friend during the war. Just pretend like you never saw it." He looked down at the now wrinkled photo, a pang of jealously snapping through his heart at the openness that Trowa and his little desert prince had with their relationship. 

"Ooh, secrets, secrets," she smiled as she watched Heero stuff the picture into the nightstand's single drawer. For the first time, she noticed a long wooden box sitting beneath the lamp. Crawling over to the head of the bed, wrinkling the sheets as she did so, much to Heero's climaxing ire, she settled atop the pillow and lifted the box into her lap. From the corner of her eye, she could see Heero's face tense and freeze as he watched, almost as if he were unable to reach forward and stop her from looking into his personal things. Sliding the lid from the box, she noticed an inscription carved neatly with the deep scratch marks of switchblade that read: _"Could you believe in heaven, if heaven was all you had?"_ Inside she found another packet of photos and a few other random knick-knacks. She looked up at him with a devilish grin that simply oozed Duo. She sifted through a few of the items in the box, fingering a black hair tie that once belonged to Duo, and an old CD of his in a thin plastic case. "What's this, Mister Caulfield?" 

"Stop with the Holden stuff. My surname is Yuy. Heero _Yuy_!" he growled, making a reach for the box. She truly was fast, and before Heero had realized it, she had bounced off the bed, leaving a mess of rumpled sheets in her wake as she raced to the other side of the room to take refuge on the other bed beneath the room's one large dormitory window. "I'm nothing like Caulfield in any case." 

__

"If a body catch a body comin' through the rye!" she whistled, cheerfully ignoring him as she pulled the paper clip from its spot clamping down on the photos and started leafing through them. 

Heero was tense, knowing that each and every photograph in that box was one of Duo. He had decided to just compile everything he had that reminded him of Duo, just to keep his memory close despite the distance that was sure to be between them now. He was suddenly on the bed with Hoshi, looming over her as he tried to steal the photos back, before she saw something he really did not want her to. "It's 'If a body _meet_ a body coming through the rye,'" Heero said coldly. 

"I _know_ that," she smiled knowingly over her shoulder at him. He had one hand pressed against the sloped roof, supporting himself above her crouched form as his other tried to rip the pictures away from her. She grinned wider, "You think you're the only one who's read that book a dozen or more times? It's a _poem_ by Robert Burns. I'm not that stupid."

"Could have fooled me," Heero finally managed to rip the majority of photos from her hand, turning his precious collection over in his hands as he settled at the foot of the bed to make sure nothing was damaged. 

"But you know, I really do think you're a catcher in the rye," she said. Heero stopped, his fingers curling tightly around the photos as she spoke. Absently one hand came up to toy with the cross dangling about his neck that Duo had given him before they had parted ways, his eyes were frozen on the picture that lay on top of the stack, one of Duo in his usual black and baseball cap, a pair of round John Lennon-esque sunglass balanced on the bridge of his pert little nose. He was smiling, looking as happy and innocent as ever. It was hard to believe this cheerful looking boy was the one known as Shinigami, the God of Death. He heard her speaking from behind him still, her ability to nail his thoughts and feelings so easily after barely knowing him a day somewhat frightening. "It's not that hard, you know," she said, "to figure out a person like you. When people try to hide what the feel so hard, well, it just makes it all the more obvious. You're a catcher in the rye. That's why you fought in the war, huh?"

"What do you mean?"

She let out a sigh. Quietly, she pulled herself beside Heero, flopping over the edge of the bed so her long brown hair trailed on the floor, the top of her head just touching the ground as she stared up at his unwavering gaze. "I mean, why did you fight? You had to have a reason, didn't you? You had to have a reason to throw your childhood out the window like that. You would have been, what, fifteen during the war?"

"Yeah," Heero sighed, returning to shuffling through the Duo file. "I was. But I lost my innocence early, and it's something that I regret wholly. I… I didn't want to see any more innocence wasted. Accidents, things I did that I wish I could take back, there's a lot I regret doing, despite what I tell myself. I had to have peace in the world, so that no one would have to be like me, throwing themselves over a cliff there's no climbing back up from." 

"What about Duo?" she asked, folding her arms behind her head. 

"He's the real catcher in the rye," Heero sighed, suddenly finding that it felt good to talk about these things that had been churning around inside for a while. It made him feel more released. "He lost his innocence real early on too. He had it worse, I think. I just had a crappy childhood without even a _name_ to call my own; Duo had friends and a home, a family of sorts, and then it was all stolen from him. He was just as adamant as I was to make sure that no one had to suffer the way he did. But his cause just seemed… more pure than me…. He never wanted to see anyone innocent, particularly children, hurl themselves over that cliff before it was necessary. I guess I wanted that too…." 

She sort of set herself up on her elbows, though it was still a somewhat strange position considering that she was hanging upside down off the side of a bed. "You don't think your wants were pure? Peace isn't pure?"

"I was kind of forced… into the war," Heero admitted, feeling a squeeze of guilt around his heart. "Started out as a terrorist, just killing people because I was ordered to. I changed a lot and started fighting for things I believed in myself. But from the beginning, Duo fought for the innocence he'd lost, for the innocence the war needlessly slaughtered. He's one of the people who helped me change." 

"You sure don't act changed," she pointed out with a wave of her finger. 

"How would you know how I was before?" he snarled, his voice becoming even wreathed with that biting twang than before. 

"Well you would think that you would have changed for the better, don't you agree?" she shrugged nonchalantly. "You seem very dissatisfied with life." 

"Maybe because I _am_!" Heero frowned, even the sound of those words making a leaden weight in his heart. Things had been going well, as the fighting of so many years ago had begun to dwindle. He and Duo had been together, and that had been enough. He might have appeared stoic and unfeeling before, but it had become genuine since the war, though it might have seemed more realistic for the opposite to be true. But life just seemed so meaningless without Duo, and the violence done to his wrists sure as hell proclaimed as much to the world. Other students tried to ignore the scars and his apparent unhappiness, and the school had tried to do what they could for Heero, but it was of no avail. Not all the coaxing and sympathy in the world could produce Duo from the void to which he had disappeared. He seemed to have just vanished, and even Heero was at a loss at finding him, his every computer hacking skill seeming to lend no aid to find the one who should have been with him forever. 

"Are you then?" Hoshi's voice snapped Heero from the dark thoughts that swirled through his mind at a mile a minute. "That's so sad." 

"I don't need you feeling sorry for me." Heero's voice was becoming more and more dangerous with every retort. Hoshi was either unfazed by his grouchiness or was just damn persistent. It was starting to remind Heero too much of a certain towheaded aristocrat who had thankfully melded back into her own life _without_ him. 

"Who said I was feeling _sorry_ for you?" she snapped. Take that comment about her being like Relena back; she certainly had a Duo-like fire to her. "I'm just saying it's _sad_, that's all. I mean, pathetic sad that you're so dismal to want to curl up and die just 'cause you lost the one you love."

"Easy for you to say," Heero frowned, upset that _anyone_ would _dare_ to make his love and his situation seem so light, as if it were nothing at all but a throwaway thing. "You don't understand how I feel at all." 

She just rolled her shoulders back as she slid off the bed to the floor, now laying there and staring up at Heero as if she knew all the secrets of the world and she was more than happy to hold out on him with a cheesy grin on her face. "Ma-aybe." 

"What do you mean, maybe?" 

"Maybe I don't know how _you_ feel," came the sadistic reply, her mouth curled into a strange sort of grin. "Ah, but I know how the one on the _other_ side of the relationship feels." She leapt to her feet, patting Heero on top of the head before practically skipping towards the door, leaving an openmouthed Heero staring after her. 

"What are you…?" 

"Well Heero, it's been real," she grinned before darting back out into the hall. "I'll see _you_ later. Hope we can chat up on this some more, hehe." And with that, she closed the door, the echo of her laughs and footsteps receding down the stairwell as she flounced away from the dorm of a very flustered and confused Heero Yuy. 

****

[A/N] I think I've spoiled you maniacs too much! Time for the Link Worshiper to turn evil and sadistic! Instead of throwing up the whole damn story at one time, like I usually do, I've decided to do weekly postings, even though I've finished the whole story. So… _ha_! So you'll just have to wait for the next part. Hope you like it so far and keep up with the reading! 


	2. If a Body Meet a Body

****

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

****

~ Part II ~

If a Body Meet a Body

Hoshi eventually made it to the girls' dorms. As she was making her way down the narrow corridor, she nearly fell over the crouched form of a girl who was bent at her door, rattling the handle in vain and knocking upon the door, peering through the keyhole all the while. 

"Whoops, sorry!" Hoshi apologized quickly as she gathered herself together. Looking down at the girl's strange predicament, she ventured, "Uh, what's wrong?"

A sound that could have been either an extremely heavy frustrated sigh or a growl of despair fell from her lips as she explained. "Argh, my roommate locked me out _again_. She's in there, I think, taking a shower, so she won't open the door. I've been here for twenty minutes!" 

Hoshi pulled the girl to her feet, shaking her head as she dug around in her skirt pocket. "Ah, that's no way to treat a lady." She let out a happy exclamation as she pulled out the object she had been looking for. Flicking the small leather pouch open, she removed some thin silver tools and set to the keyhole. "Everyone should have one of these. You never know when you might have to get somewhere that's locked."

"But usually things are locked for a reason," the girl said, wringing her hands a little. She pushed her small glasses higher up on her nose. "Are you going to break the lock doing that?"

"Hey, I'm a pro. I learned from the best there is," Hoshi grinned over her shoulder as a faint _click_ sounded from inside the door. "There you are. All set!" She pushed the door open. 

"Wow, thank you," the girl smiled, stepping into her room. 

She was about to close the door when Hoshi suddenly shoved the small lock picking kit into the girl's hands. "Here, take this. I can always make do with what I have, but you never know when this might come in handy. Maybe I'll teach you a trick or two one day!"

The redhead examined the small black pouch with much curiosity, running her fingers over the letters embossed upon the leather. Because they seemed not to be Hoshi's initials, Sora assumed that the kit had once belonged to someone else once. "T-thank you so much! That is very kind!"

"Don't mention it," she grinned back as she started off down the hall, her hands back in her pockets as she searched for her room key. "See you around!" 

Upon entering her room at the end of the hall, she found her one duffel bag of stuff had been brought to her room for her and now sat on the only bed in her little single room. She probably would not have minded having to share with someone else, but the privacy of a single dorm was something that one could not take for granted in a place such as a school where one's business was everyone else's, and the solitude could be taken much for granted sometimes. As she plopped on the edge of the bed, there was a quiet knocking on her door. With a little sigh, she heaved herself back onto her tired feet (the walk from Heero's loft dorm room to hers on the complete opposite side of the school had proved to be quite a hike) and opened the door.

"Hi!" said the strawberry haired girl with a light dusting of freckles on each cheek, standing in the doorway, an anatomy textbook and a thin journal-looking book clutched in her arms. Though she seemed collected, the whiteness that painted the tops of her knuckles as she gripped her books tightly gave away she was a bit nervous to be greeting the new girl on her own. "Uh, hello," she said again, the uncertain grin shining fully now. 

"Ciao!" Hoshi said with a cheerful grin as she swept the door completely open, inviting the girl to come in. 

"Um, yeah, hello," she fumbled her books as she stepped through the door. "I'm Sora. I just wanted to thank you for helping me out. Uh, you're the one who came on the motorcycle. Your name's Hoshi right?" 

"Sure am!" Hoshi said proudly as she closed the door behind her new friend. "Hey, sit down and put your books there. It wierds me out that you're just standing in the middle of the room." 

Sora was quick to comply, jumping to the small bed and dropping her books beside her as if disobeying the request would end this newfound friendship. She was a sort of fidgety girl, but seemed to be a kindhearted person nonetheless. Hoshi was unzipping her duffel, proceeding to just dump all her clothes, rumpled and unfolded into the wooden chest that sat at the foot of the bed for keeping her belongings. A pair of books fell from the bag and bounced to the floor. Sora quickly swooped down to gather them up and return them to their owner. As she waited for Hoshi to stand and close the trunk, casting the duffel unceremoniously over her shoulder, Sora could not help but look at the titles of the books. "God Hoshi, where did you _get_ these?" she practically squealed. She seemed very excited. "These are mobile suit tech manuals! You can't just _get_ them!" 

Hoshi grinned knowingly as she tugged the books free. "I got friends in with Preventers. You can _get_ anything that way."

"You like that sort of thing then?" she smiled hopefully. "'Cause I'll admit to looking at your motorbike after last period today. It's a wonderful piece of machinery!" 

"It's practically my god," Hoshi laughed, flinging the tech manuals onto the bed. "You aren't kidding though; I do like bikes and all. I have a thing for building stuff. You?"

"Oh yes, yes, yes," she said excitedly. She sat back down on the bed, trying hard to compose herself. "I think we'll be excellent friends, Hoshi." 

"I think so too," Hoshi smiled, kneeling on the floor beside the bed, her elbows sinking into the mattress. Pushing the MS books towards Sora she said cheerfully, "Well from one mechanic to another, read your heart out. You can check these out whenever you'd like."

"May I then?" When Hoshi nodded, she happily took the books and flipped through each slowly, taking in each mechanical drawing and plan with interest. Hoshi smiled appreciatively. 

They chatted idly while Sora went through the books, about MS, school and other random things as they came to mind. Hoshi was grateful that Sora was not such a snotty stuck up girl, as one would expect to find at most ritzy private boarding schools. Rather, she was much the opposite, into science and machines, liked punk rock and played soccer. She had a fair deal in common with Hoshi and then a few things they she was passionate about on her own. It was good that they had found such a quick friendship in each other among a sea of so many lemmings. 

"Oh these are suits that OZ used during the war!" Sora was saying, pointing to an Aries mechanical draw up. "War is a dreadful thing, but one still has to admit that the technology that was used to create such things is extraordinary. "

"Those are nothing," Hoshi grinned, pulling the other book towards her. This was not a tech manual like the book in Sora's hands, but a blank sketchbook littered with drawings and photographs pasted on its empty white pages. "Check these."

Sora found herself gazing upon a pen and ink drawing of a Gundam mobile suit with a large beam scythe and hyper jammers. "Did you make this up? This is _amazing_!" 

"Make it up? I wish, though I can say I have worked repairs and maintenance on a suit very much like this during the war," she shrugged. "It was the best I could do for the colonies. Besides, I had a friend who was… very involved… with all that…." 

"Oh you're from one of the space colonies?" Sora asked. "No wonder you came at such an odd time of the year. Where from?"

"L2."

"It must be very different here on Earth than L2," Sora said sympathetically. She knew how poor the L2 colonies were and that most the people who loved there were in desperate straights. "You must have been very gifted for them to decide to send you down here."

"I guess you could say that," Hoshi shrugged. 

"So your first day was okay?" Sora realized how awkward the conversation was becoming and quickly changed topics. "I hope you managed to make some other friends besides stupid old me."

"Don't _say_ shit like that! You're perfectly cool!" Hoshi smacked the bed passionately. She might have been a bit courser than most girls, but she had personality and attitude, and as far as Sora was concerned, that was what mattered. "But yeah, I did meet a few other people." 

"Oh who?"

"Let's see," Hoshi put a finger to her lip in thought. "There was the dean who showed me in this morning, uh, a nice girl whose name I've forgotten, much to my embarresment, who helped me to my afternoon classes after lunch and… ah yes, a boy name Heero! Do you know him?" 

"Heero Yuy?" Sora arched a skeptical eyebrow, her face somewhat darkened the mention of the cobalt eyed boy. "The jerk that practically lives by himself up on the top floor of the boy's dorms? The damn bastard who's barely said two words to anyone all year and has never ever smiled? _That_ Heero Yuy? You spent your afternoon with _him_?"

Hoshi pouted, resting her chin in her hands. "Oh you shouldn't be so dismissive of him. Have you ever tried to talk to him? He's really just lonely, you know." 

"I don't think I'd want to," Sora frowned even deeper. "He seems like a very coldhearted individual." 

"Well he's also a very lonely individual, so there," Hoshi stuck out her tongue. "If you knew half about him, I'm sure you would change your opinion." 

"You just _met_ him!" she exclaimed. "How could you say you know so much about him? I'm telling you, Hoshi, the guy is bad news." 

"Aw, might have just met him face-to-face," Hoshi smiled a very knowing smile, "but when you have friends such as mine, you hear more than enough Heero stories to last you a lifetime." 

It was a nightly ritual for Heero to sit down at his laptop after showering, and try what he might to find any traces of Duo before collapsing to bed clutching the tattered old ripped photograph in his hand. Of every picture of Duo that Heero possessed, this was his favourite. Sometimes, he liked to think that wherever Duo was, he still kept the other half of the photo. Once a picture of the two of them, they had ripped it in two so they would have something to remember each other by. Then again, most everything reminded Heero of Duo, and he kept a lot of Duo's old things, so it's not like just one photograph made a difference. But it was the idea that Duo might still have the other piece, the side that portrayed Heero, which made this particular picture of value. Heero stuck the Duo half of the photo beside his computer as he settled down for another long night of hunting for a man that seemed to have vanished from the world. 

Sneezing, he logged onto the web and began his routine quest, not really expecting to find anything new, but not about to give up. A usually fruitless night was about to give way to something drastically different though. As Heero started his search by hacking into Professor G's private databases for what seemed the six millionth time since the war, hoping for something, _anything_ he might have overlooked. The loudmouthed never silent Duo had always had the uncanny gift to make himself disappear, but for such a length of time, well, even that was strange for Duo Maxwell. Suddenly, a window popped up in the corner of his screen, grayish fizz splaying across the box. Heero blinked at it oddly for a few seconds, not used to anything as out of the ordinary as this to happen. Just as he was about to troubleshoot it and get rid of the annoyance, the static sailing around the window subsided, the little colourless particles forming the outline of a slender figure whom Heero almost mistook to be Duo. But as the picture clarified, Heero found it was not his missing love at all, but just Hoshi, her hair in a low-slung ponytail and a white baseball cap shadowing her eyes. She raised her index finger to her lips, glancing up at Heero from beneath the baseball cap's white bill as a message in green lettering flew across the screen after the white cursor. 

__

Play my game_

Heero had barely any time to react to this message before the window flicked off of his screen as quickly as it had come, leaving nothing but the green worded message, which was soon followed by another short sentence, one that grabbed Heero's attention as well as slapping him across the face.

__

I know where Duo is_ 

The next day was a Saturday, so no classes were held. The majority of students had packed up and headed home for the weekend, but there was still a good handful of children left who stayed at school. Ever the victim of routine and the avoidance of others, it came as a huge surprise not only to Heero, but the rest of the student population, when he stalked down the stairs early that morning, walking to the dining hall with dark purpose on a day when he usually locked himself in his dorm alone to waste away with his computer, never even showing up for meals. 

Upon arriving, most everyone hushed their quiet chatter to look up with amazement that Heero had made an appearance on an off day in such a public place in the school. He glowered darkly at them all as he readjusted his satchel on his shoulder, his books and thin laptop shifting about in the brown bag as he did so, before striding with long short angry steps towards the food buffet where he snatched for himself a carton of milk, an orange, a shallow dish of pudding and a pair of ladyfinger cookies. Eyes still darting unhappily around, terribly unused to not only the irritating hubbub, but all the attention his mere presence seemed to attract as well. 

A senior class boy named D.B. was making his way with his breakfast towards the table where he usually sat with his unruly friends. He was a somewhat tall lean boy with blondish locks and decent fair looks. Just as he was about to start towards the long table where his usual gang was squeezed hip-to-hip on the wooden benches, he felt a hand with a grip of cold steel clutch his shoulder and whip him around. The motion was so fluid and quick, D.B. could have sworn he was being attacked and was on the verge of screaming "Rape!" as he fought to save his generous breakfast from falling to the floor. Looking up from his red tray of food found him staring into a pair of unwavering dark blue eyes that stared at him threateningly from beneath thick elegant brown brows. "Y-Yuy!" he managed to stutter, his words ceasing all conversation in the dining hall once more, the students preparing for either a very interesting exchange or a fight to end all fights. Though D.B. was considerably taller than Heero, who had not grown much since he was sixteen, the flaxen haired boy could not help but be struck with an all-consuming fear at this confrontation. He had heard stories about how strong Heero was, and he was not sure he wanted to find out firsthand if the rumours were true. 

"Where is that girl Hoshi?" he growled quietly, his voice soft but still very commanding and able to instill no other emotion save fear in D.B.'s soul. 

"What? Little longhaired Hoshi?" D.B. managed a weak smile. "S-she's sitting with us."

"Where?"

D.B. pointed at his table quickly. Heero glanced over his head to see Hoshi crammed between a red haired girl with freckles and oval shaped glasses and a lanky brown haired youth. She was munching contentedly on a carrot stick, watching the argument—Heero with unmoving eyes. She did not have to hear a word either boy was saying; she knew Heero was looking for her, and she knew exactly why. She smirked to herself as she said offhandedly to Sora, "So he's decided to play. Good." 

"Play?" Sora looked rightly confused. "Play what?"

"My game," Hoshi grinned. She turned her contagious smile to her freckled friend and said, "You might want to watch. It could prove to be extremely entertaining." 

"I don't understand…." Sora bit her nail nervously. Hoshi was acting very enigmatic, almost like a different person than the normally bubbly cheerful girl that had bounded over to her dorm room at the ungodly hour of six to get first dibs at breakfast. She was not quite sure she liked the idea of meddling with the obviously explosive emotions of one Heero Yuy. 

"You'll just have to watch and see," Hoshi was saying between munches of carrot. "It's the kind of game where we make up the rules as we go. Only time and luck can tell us what will happen, hehe. This will be good fun!" 

By this time, Heero had flung a very surprised looking D.B. aside and was making his way over to the table. A few of the students sitting there tried to discreetly slide as far to the end of the bench as they could, as far from Heero as possible, and two even got right up and made for the other side of the room. Heero really did have an unfriendly reputation around the school, and this sort of reaction almost pleased him, to a point. The soldier part of him was practically jigging with happiness at the fear his very presence seemed to leave hanging in the air. But then there was the softer side, the real Heero that was near sobbing at the loneliness this way of being incurred. It was the side that only Duo had seen entirely, and Heero was not quite sure if he was ready to let anyone other than the braided moron that plagued his very existence see his true colours. 

"Ah, Heero," Hoshi grinned as the Japanese boy approached. "What can I do for you?"

"You," he said, gripping the strap of his satchel so tightly, the brass buckle was beginning to leave an imprint upon his palm. "You and I need to talk." 

"I told you we'd be continuing our conversation soon," she said with a cynically sadistic laugh. Sora was looked extremely edgy, her green eyes darting back and forth between the grinning Hoshi and the sullen Heero as they stared each other down in a mental battle of wits. 

"Let's just say I didn't think you'd have the skill to hack into my system," Heero spat venomously. "But I'll only hear you out because you're now saying you know where Duo is." 

This was obviously the most any student aside from Hoshi had heard from Heero's mouth about anything at all, particularly something—someone who seemed to be a very important part of the cobalt eyed boy's mysterious past. There were a few comments floating around like "He's a _hacker_?" and "So _that's_ what he does with his computer all the time…" or "The hell is this Duo person?" It caused a light clamor to rise up amongst the students, which was then immediately hushed by Heero's glare of impending doom that he sent over the room.

"Yep, I know a thing or two," Hoshi leaned on Sora's shoulder, looking calm and casual as you please. "Told you I had met the guy a couple times and I just happen to know where he is and what he's doing—"she glanced at her black wristwatch— "right now at exactly nine forty-two in the morning on this fine March Saturday, if you care to know."

Heero elbowed a poor junior who was trying to eat his food as peacefully and quietly as possible out of the way as he slammed his palms upon the tabletop, making everything atop it jump at least a few good inches in the air. "_Where_?!" 

She wagged a finger at him. "Aw, now that's not to say I'm just going to _hand_ it to you. You'll have to work for it if you _really_ want to know where he is. After all, the game would be no fun for _me_ if I just up and _told_ you where he was."

"I'm not going to be your slave or anything idiotic like that," Heero said glibly. "I would sooner die… or perhaps kill you first."

"I never said that, though now that you mention it, it doesn't sound like such a bad idea," Hoshi was tapping her chin quickly as if she were in deep thought. "We'll see as it happens. Anyway, since we all _know_ how long and hard you've been trying to find Duo for these past few years, I'm willing to bet you'll do near anything for a lead."

"What do you need me to do?" Heero crossed his arms impatiently as he straightened back up, regaining his composure and stowing the sudden burst of emotion that had breached his mask. 

"Well I haven't decided how nice I'm going to be to you yet," she grinned. "Meet me in the library at noon, and we'll see what I've come up with by then."

Heero was seething, and the look on his face showed it. He muttered and stoic "Fine" and marched out of the room, his storm clouds rolling out behind him in his wake. The atmosphere in the room immediately loosened the moment he left. The chitchat rattled up a few ungodly decibels and people went back to their lackadaisical morning meal as if there was not a care in the world, as every Saturday breakfast should be. 

"God Hoshi, I could swear he was going to destroy you with that stare of his!" Sora let out a heavy sigh as she dug into her plum pudding with a plastic spoon. She had not dared to move, barely even to breath, when Heero had been standing right there only moments before. "Argh, I've never been so _near_ him before! He's so foreboding! I really could swear he was going to beat you!" 

Hoshi shook her head, looking almost forlorn as she did so. "Heero would never hit anyone." 

"What?" Sora looked a little reluctant to believe that. "Well I just got this feeling like he was going to murder something. I mean, he got really livid when you mentioned that… Duo, was it? What's up with that? I've never seen him react to anything like that… or even to anything at all!" 

"Ah yes, Duo," Hoshi smiled knowingly as she helped herself to Sora's pudding. At the mention of the name, all eyes were immediately upon her. It was obvious that this person who seemed to mean worlds to the puzzling Heero was the foremost thing on every student's mind. Realizing the attention she had received for the utterance, she gathered her plates and started to leave, saying quickly, "Duo is a story we'll have to save for another day." 

And with that, she made her way hastily from the dining hall, Sora hastening to catch up with her, wondering what elements her new friend had brought to the typically dull school mix. 

The library was a very beautiful place, probably the most magnificent in the entire school, at least in Heero's opinion anyway. Located in a much older section of the building, the very gothic styled room was fitted with iron ribbed glass windows that rose in pairs of arches down the length of the long stone wall amid the heavy wooden bookshelves and stuffed with everything from heavy leather volumes to flimsy old paperbacks that were crumbling with age. There were a few mahogany tables and desks littered about the labrynth of high bookcases, each set with metal lanterns that cast out a dim glow upon the desks with little tongues of gas flame. Iron chandeliers hung from the high vaulted ceilings and lighted the dark, almost gloomy room with a more cheerful glow. 

Heero sat at one of those tables alone, with his satchel resting between his sneaker clad feet, his laptop set up beside him and his nose buried in _'The Catcher in the Rye.'_ He was waiting for Hoshi, anxiously reading a part of the book that he remembered Duo saying that he liked very much. He knew all the parts Duo had been fond of not only from memory, but also because of the dog-eared pages and red pencil marks strewn all throughout the book. Notes and commentary about the text, underlined passages and circled words here and there could be found almost all throughout the old book he had entrusted to Heero so long ago. 

__

{Anyway, these two nuns were sitting next to me, and we sort of struck up a conversation. The one right next to me had one of those straw baskets that you see nuns and Salvation Army babes collecting dough with around Christmas time. You see them standing on corners, especially on Fifth Avenue, in front of the big department stores and all. Anyway, the one next to me dropped hers on the floor and I reached down and picked it up for her. I asked her if she was out collecting money for charity and all. She said no. She said she couldn't get in her suitcase when she was packing it and she was just carrying it. She had a pretty nice smile when she looked at you. She had a big nose, and she had on those glasses with sort of iron rims that aren't too attractive, but she had a helluva kind face. "I thought if you were taking up a collection," I told her, "I could make a small contribution. You could keep the money for when you do take up a collection." }

He could almost hear the braided American's voice in his head, telling him how he thought of Sister Helen whenever he read this particular part. Heero shook his head wistfully at the memory, smiling at the thought of Duo and the nun who he had come to love as his mentor and mother. He could almost place Duo in the book, finding that this sort of interaction was just the sort that Duo would have once had with his dear old Sister Helen. 

He was so lost in his thoughts, he nearly jumped out of his skin when Hoshi laid her hand upon his back, as she leaned over to read over his shoulder. Whipping angrily about, his finger wedged between the pages of the book to hold his place as he held it aloft over his head, as if he were going to strike her with it. 

__

"Heero would never hurt me." he heard Duo's voice echoing in his head. At once he felt his hand drop numbly to his side, the book falling facedown upon the wooden floor. 

"What's wrong?" Hoshi asked, cocking her head at Heero's faraway expression. "Did the big bad Heero Yuy just refuse to beat someone up?"

"Why would I hit someone weaker than me?" Heero smirked sadistically, leaning back in his chair, turning away from the amused girl behind him. He bent over the arm of the wooden library chair to pick up the discarded white book. Setting it back facedown upon the table, he settled back into the chair, his fingers reaching to his neck to idly twist the chain from which Duo's old cross hung.

"I don't know; why would you?" Hoshi shrugged. "But if you had hit me, well, I can't say that I would have minded. I might have even hit you back."

"And then I would break your neck," Heero growled, not bothering to turn around and face her with his glare of death. "Sit down. I want you to tell me everything you know about Duo _now_, or else I might really have a reason to kill you."

"Violent, violent," Hoshi shook her head as she casually strode around the table, swaying her hips as she moved, almost like she was trying to make a production of herself. Heero noted that usually did not walk this way, and typically carried herself very evenly. That knowledge made her hip-swaying all the more obvious. 

"You have five seconds to start talking before I throttle you," Heero clenched his fist, inwardly hoping for the chance to smack her across her pert little face. Then he heard it again: Duo's voice, echoing in his head. 

__

"No, Heero would never hurt me." 

"Yuy?" Hoshi's voice cut the memory off quickly, Heero snapped to attention, his hands gripping the edge of the table tensely as he fought to ground himself in reality. This was Duo at stake! This was the end of years without a single word about the braided American! 

"What?" he said a little more angry than he really need to have been.

"You were zoning out," Hoshi squinted one eye shut and pointed at him, moving her hand back and forth as she did so. "Save it for when you're in your room alone to fantasize about him. Do you want to hear what I have to say or not?" 

"Shut your mouth," Heero snapped defensively. "Duo, now." 

"Fine, fine, fine," she waved her hands for emphasis. "My, you're the impatient type."

"Where is he?" Heero crossed his arms. "You know and you're not telling me. If you're not going to spit it out, tell me what I have to do to get you to talk." 

"Well, he's been lying low, so to speak, for the last couple years," she said, folding her hands on the tabletop. She sent him a dark grin, "Shinigami can be like a shadow, you know, hiding in dark corners." 

"He was _always_ like that, but never this long before. I want to know, _where_ is he?" Heero said again, punctuating his words coarsely to further his point. A sudden cold hand of doubt clenched his chest, "He's… he's not dead is he?" 

"Dead? _Dead_?" she cackled, throwing her head back as her laughter bounced through the still library, causing a few heads to turn. She shook her head hopelessly as if Heero's suggestion was the most far out, ludicrous thing she had ever heard in her entire life. "Ha, _dead_ he says! Dead!"

"That's not very funny," Heero growled menacingly, his fingers tightening around the arms of his chair. He was virtually rising out of his seat, as if he might leap over the table and rip her to pieces. His glare darkened and flew in waves of ominous electricity at the grinning girl across from him. 

She calmed down, looking at him with a very sly unreadable look painted on her face. "How could the God of Death die? Oh he's still alive, don't you worry." 

"He's well then?" A biting fear that perhaps Duo was lying somewhere on his deathbed jumped into his mind. 

"Oh he's fine, just fine," Hoshi waved a dismissive hand. There was a faint glimmer in her eye as she went on. "You should remember, Heero, that fair is foul and foul is fair." 

"Macbeth?" Heero looked perplexed, his eyebrows knitted in an expression that just made him look ever so defenseless and adorable. The expression melted away in a moment though, not about to let this girl see that brief display of seeming weakness. It was a barrier that he had only lowered around Duo. Duo had been the only one to see who Heero really was. 

"It's one of Duo's favourite plays, you know," Hoshi was saying with that same sly grin, as if she certainly knew something that Heero did not. 

"I know that!" Heero snapped, a little offended that anyone would dare insinuate that there was something he did not know about the braided American. "But what does that have to do with anything?" 

"I told you I wasn't going to just _tell_ you where he was," Hoshi explained. "I'm going to have fun with this. So keep that in mind while you're milling around here." When all that she met was Heero's stare of daggers and his unconvinced demeanor, she elaborated. "If you _have_ to know, he's working for Preventers right now, okay? He's fine; he's on a mission, so don't worry, okay?" 

"What is this mission? How would you know?" Heero was becoming more and more suspicious of her with her every word. He was beginning to wonder if she was perhaps a spy for some underground organization or something. How else would she be able to tell so much about Duo and himself unless she had some underhand means of obtaining information? 

"I can't tell you that," she shrugged again, "and even if I could, do you think I would?" 

"No, I guess you wouldn't," Heero reasoned, relaxing the slightest bit back in his chair, slouching a little bit. 

"Oh, now this shouldn't be too hard for the code breaker of the century," Hoshi smiled as she drummed her black painted nails on the side of the table, making a hollow noise resonate through the huge quiet room. "I've decided that I'm not just going to give you a list of clues and watch as you melt your head trying to figure them out."

"So what are you suggesting?" 

"I'm _suggesting_ that you hang out with me 'n' Sora and the rest of the gang for a while," Hoshi said cheerfully, like what she was asking was the smallest task she had ever entreated anyone to perform. In a sense, it was, but considering just who it was she was asking it of, it sure left it as something to be desired. "You never know when I just might let another little hint 'slip.'" She held up her hands made little quote mark motions with her index and forefingers as she spoke that last word. 

"Absolutely not." There was the rejection, blatant and obvious as Heero crossed his arms and his knees, looking off in the other direction haughtily. "I don't want to spend any more time than I have to with _you_."

"Can I ask why?" Hoshi decided that she really wanted to hear an honest answer to this question. She could not think of a single legitimate reason as to why Heero would be so apprehensive of her friendly gestures. 

"You're… you're too much like Duo," Heero chanced a quick glance back at her, his callous mask slipping loose for a quick moment. 

"So wouldn't that make you _want_ to hang out with me?" She arched an eyebrow at him as she rose out of her chair a little bit, leaning over the table. 

"But," Heero greeted her movement in turn by leaning over the table himself, meeting her big violet eyes with an icy stare of his own, as if the look in his eyes would communicate exactly the point he was trying to illustrate, "you are _not_ Duo." 

"Aw come on," she looked somewhat crushed, the most defeated Heero had seen her as of yet. Her resemblance to Duo just shot pains of seeing his own longhaired lover upset, and it hurt him despite his unwillingness to accept her. "I… I just want to be your friend." 

"Why?" was all he found he could ask. 

"I like you," she answered ambiguously. "I like you a lot." 

"So have many other people," Heero frowned at her, still holding his halfway standing up position. "They were all wrong to like me. No one should like a killer." 

In one fell action that Heero never in a thousand years would have expected, Hoshi closed the gap between them and crushed her mouth against his. It was not a passionate throat-licking kiss like so many he had shared with Duo (both in and out of bed), but a simple press of the lips against his. Heero's eyes were wide with shock, unable to make anything of this action as he felt a delicate hand on his temple. His eyes roved around the room, his worst fear that someone might turn a corner and see a very hard-to-explain scene unfold before his eyes becoming horribly true as Sora stepped out from behind a bookcase and let her jaw drop in complete and utter shock. 

"Sometimes people just can't help themselves," she murmured almost inaudibly as she slowly pulled away, though her mouth was still intoxicatingly close. "I liked you before I even met you. I just had to see you once, and I knew I liked you more than anything." 

"Does spending time with you mean that I have to like you back?" Heero asked unhappily as he drew away, putting as much distance between him and the Duo rip-off that he could. He was frightened and intrigued by her sudden act, and even he himself could not explain what was going on behind those clouded mysterious eyes of dark blue glass. 

Realizing things were finally going her way, she leaned back into her seat, propping her black and white canvas shoes on the table. "Nope, doesn't mean a thing. Just… try us on for size. You _do_ want to find Duo after all, don't you?"

"I suppose you are right," Heero sighed, knowing that he had lost the battle. He stood, closing his laptop and sliding it into his bag as he hefted it onto his shoulder. "Just don't expect anything out of me. And I if I don't get what I want to hear out of you within the next two weeks, woe be to you, Hoshi."

"Oh, that's the first time you've said my name I think," she giggled happily. Sticking out her hand, she said jovially. "Well it's a deal then. You have two weeks to play my game. If you win, you get to see Duo again." 

For the first time, a sporting evil grin fell upon Heero's lips. "One thing you should never forget about the perfect soldier, Hoshi, is that I always win. And this is a game I intend not to lose at any cost."

"Heh, good," she replied with a curt nod. Then, making little scooting motions with her hands she said. "Now shoo, shoo you. Sora and I have things to discuss." 

As Heero disappeared from sight, Sora slinked out from behind the bookcase she had been pretending to be searching for a book on. She dashed over to the table and took over Heero's old seat, her eyes both excited and fearful. "Oh my _God_ Hoshi, I can't believe you did that! You're not here _two_ days and you _kissed_ Heero Yuy! And you're still alive to talk about it! Oh my _God_!" 

She shrugged. "It was fun. I got what I wanted out of him anyway. Now we get to play with him! If you're good, I'll share." She smiled lightheartedly across the table at her still shaking red haired friend. "You just need to know how to push his buttons right. There's another trick I can teach you, hehe."

"I still don't quite see how this is so amusing to you," Sora covered her mouth as she pondered the thought. "Maybe I'm just missing the punch line or is it an inside joke?"

"Of sorts," she rocked back on the hind two legs of the chair as she started to fiddle with her blouse, her hand eventually slipping beneath her collar to adjust her bra strap. "We'll see when I get him to come out to dinner with us tonight."

"Nuh-uh, no way." Sora was suddenly shaking her head adamantly. She still was not used to the idea of toying with someone who was so potentially dangerous. She had heard rumours that he slept with a gun under his pillow. "We planned this yesterday for all of us to get together and get to know each other, not to get killed. The last thing anyone needs to spend a meal worrying about whether or not their breathing is pissing off a perfect maniac. He's not coming and that's that!" 

"Aw, but I said he could hang out with us," she said with a little pout, dropping her feet to the floor once again. "He would be crushed if he couldn't go."

"Somehow I don't think so," Sora said realistically with a bit of a cynical glint on her tongue. 

"Look," Hoshi had her finger in Sora's face before the freckled girl had even realized that Hoshi had stood up again, "I've worked way to long and hard for this to be screwed up so easily. It's been a couple of long hard years for _everyone_ who got landed in the war. You might not understand, but Heero's still feeling the burden of it all. You know he was fucking _fifteen_ years old when they got him fighting in the war? And that's not to mention all the training they put him through as a child. He was _fifteen_ and they called him the perfect soldier. He was already prepared to die at _fifteen_. I can't even _begin_ to tell you how hard it was for him, for Duo, for all his friends and the soldiers on_ both_ sides, okay? If there's anything _anyone_ who _needs_ anything, it's Heero. And what he _needs_ isn't for you all to ostracize him, but to _welcome_ him. Did you ever stop to think that maybe his antisocial tendencies are as much _your_ fault as his!? That maybe he just wants to be loved as an equal? Well, did you?" 

Sora was silent at this sudden explosion of passion. Though she still doubted Hoshi's confidence in Heero, she did admit that she had a point. At long last, she consented, "All right, I guess so." 

"Good," Hoshi grinned. "What Heero needs now are friends, right? I think we both 'ought to try and make him feel more like a human. It's the least we could do to show him that we are thankful for the innocence he lost as a soldier." 

"Yeah," she agreed. "Yeah, you're right. Why are you always right?"

"I just… have a way about things," she flashed that wide grin as she happily smacked the table, earning her a scolding from the librarian who had huffed over to the table to piss at the two students who were making a commotion like heaven had come to Earth.

****

{{A/N}} Heh, I hope you're enjoying this story 'cause I'll tell you right now that it took a long ass time for me to write it and it has pretty much plagued my every thought almost all year. Anyway, the thing is only just getting started, so keep tuning in. by the way, the song in the first chapter is called _Superman's Dead_ and its by Our Lady Peace. Yay! 


	3. Cat Among the Pigeons

****

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

****

~ Part III ~

Cat Among the Pigeons

"Heero!" the sound of Hoshi's voice rang out from the hall as she banged loud and hard against the door with her fist. "Heero, you there?" 

She was greeted with nothing but silence from the inside of the dorm. She slammed her hand into the door again, rattling the door handle noisily as she did so. At long last, there was the sound of the shower being turned off and the sound of bare feet shuffling across the floor. The door was wrenched open, and soon Hoshi found herself staring a very irate Heero Yuy straight in the eye, one hand holding the door frame, the other supporting a large white towel around his damp body. He let out a little shiver, droplets of water leaping from his soaking wet mess of brown hair as he did so. "What?" he asked disdainfully, a more than a little pissed that his shower had been interrupted. 

"Wanna go out for dinner with us?" she asked imploringly. She tapped her palms against the sides of her thighs, playing with the fabric of her dark blue canvas jeans. 

"Why would I—" he started to say until he was cut off by the look in her eyes and the tone in her voice. 

"Duo," was the simple one worded answer. It was all she needed to say to get him to do exactly as she wanted. Almost like a magic spell, Heero gave her a tight-mouthed frown and a quick nod of agreement before turned on his water-slicked heel, slamming the door behind him. 

Hoshi, Sora and D.B. all sat on the front steps of the school, watching the sun as it set over the horizon, its blazes of pink and orange dancing across the lawn that stretched out before them. The sound of sleepy birds quietly singing the world to sleep amid the low noises of the quieting school around them as late night sports practices began to come to an end and students made their way inside for dinner. Footsteps falling upon the stone terrace behind them caused the three to turn around, finding a quiet, almost sad looking Heero standing behind them. His hands were shoved into his tight jean pockets and his eyes were shadowed by his long bangs, downcast upon his tattered old yellow sneakers. It certainly was not the attitude any of them expected out of him. Instead of the unwilling coldhearted Heero of school legend was a more demure unhappy one, one that seemed forlorn and alone. 

"Are you ready, then?" Hoshi asked amiably, breaking the gloomy silence. 

"Aa," he murmured in Japanese, his low voice like the evening bell that now tolled across the school grounds. 

"Good then," she smiled, jumping up and wrenching his wrist from his side and dragging him down the steps towards her other two friends. "Now for some proper introductions. That's Sora and he's D.B., okay?"

"Aa." Once again the quieted sad voice fell from his lips. 

"What's wrong?" Sora stood, any fear of Heero she once had of him replaced with a sympathetic feeling towards this unhappy young boy. 

"Nani?" his head turned at the new voice, looking at the concerned red head. "Oh, nothing," he said at last, turning away again. Then he went on quietly. "Well can we go? I guess I'm getting kind of hungry." 

"Sure," Hoshi answered, blinking a couple times in confusion, the sound of her voice totally unreadable. "We're walking to a little place just in town that D.B. likes."

"It's this little Italian place. Their pizza rules!" D.B. said excitedly as he stood up, pulling Sora and Hoshi along. Heero, whose hand was still gripped tight in Hoshi's, found himself being dragged along behind the human chain as they made their way down the driveway towards the school's front gates. 

They walked in a general silence along the way, Hoshi and Sora exchanging a few words on the afternoon's soccer game now and again. Heero followed in his usual stony silence, his thoughts far gone in the past. Of course, he was thinking of Duo. When Hoshi had come banging on his door, begging him to come out to dinner with them with the threat of keeping information on Duo from him, Heero had plunged himself into much loved memories. The thoughts brought warmness to his heart, as well as an empty loneliness. He wanted Duo back more than anything, and he was willing to go to hell and back just to see him once more. 

"You really are awful quiet there, Heero," D.B. commented at long last as they strode down the main drag of the little hillside town. "What'cha thinkin' about?" 

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with," Heero answered tartly. It was alright if they hated him, so long as they feared him as well, Heero figured to himself. He was not about to admit that he had been longing for someone, longing for Duo.

"Oh it's so obvious," Hoshi rolled her eyes as she popped up between the two boys, leaning an elbow on each of them. While D.B. laughed at the gesture, Heero grimaced, which only egged Hoshi on further. "Who wants to hear a good story?"

"Me!" Sora said excitedly.

Hoshi was about to launch into some long (most likely embarrassing story), when her eyes noticed that Heero was no longer even paying them any mind. He was back in his own little world, walking a couple paces ahead of them, staring forward as if he were lost in a time and reality that was far, far away. 

That could not be any more true, for Heero was busy thinking about the last time he had heard someone laugh. Laughing was something that happened when Duo was around. Laughing was something that Duo was fond of, something that only he could make Heero do. A small private grin crossed Heero's face as his mind provided a ghostly image of Duo on the golden lit sidewalk ahead of him, dancing gleefully as he sang. 

__

"I know it's only rock and roll, but I like it, like it, yes I do!" the memory belted out to the indigo sky above. Then he stopped, spinning around a couple times, braid swinging about behind him like a whip. "Do you like that song, Hee-chan?" the hazy image of Duo asked before fading into the warm glow of the street lamps. 

"Uh, Heero, it's here," Sora said, grabbing the back of Heero's shirt and pulling him to a stop. She came to a stop in front of a small restaurant. It was a tiny hole-in-the-wall affair that you probably would have overshot if you were not looking for it. Through the two windows in the front of the place, a few small tables could be seen in front of a large deli counter filled with cheese and meat. "Tell us what's on your mind over the pizza, okay?" 

__

Pizza, Heero was off in his own world again. _Ha, the last time I had pizza was with Duo when we were boarding together at some school during the war. _The jangling of the bell hanging over the door jolted him from his daydreaming, crashing him back in the aromatic Italian joint and its tacky yet wildly interesting knick-knacks and pictures of various cities such as Rome and Venice, soon to be crammed with three almost perfect strangers around two little tables in a nameless town with nameless memories. 

"Hey, are you finished thinking to yourself and ready to join up with the living?" Hoshi jammed an elbow into Heero's ribs as the waitress placed a glass of water in front of him. A surprisingly fluent D.B. was meanwhile busy rattling off in Italian to the waitress about the pizza, from what Heero could pick up here and there. 

"So Heero," D.B. tried to break the dodged staring about as the waitress strode back to the kitchen, "you're a man we never hear much from. Tell us about yourself." 

"There's nothing to tell," Heero shrugged. 

"Oh I'm sure there's _plenty_ to tell," Hoshi gave Heero a pat on the shoulder. She could feel him cringing away beneath her touch. "Just because a certain _someone_ happened to tell me all about you beforehand doesn't mean you should hold out on these other two fine lovely people."

"He told you about _me_?" Heero was shocked. Why had Duo kept himself hidden from him? Had he hurt his old lover in a way to make him angry, even after… after _that_? Heero could have sworn that Duo could have cared less about it anymore, saying that the pain was what brought them closer together in the end.Nothing made any sense at all, as did many of the things that were now coming to light. 

"Sure," Hoshi knew she had Heero exactly where she wanted him. D.B. and Sora were staring at this exchange with a very odd look in their eyes, as if they were not quite sure what to make of the whole situation. Rightly so, since Heero was the last person they ever expected to be sharing a Saturday night pizza with. They had a feeling that things were going to change very much for all four of them. 

"Well I'm not quite sure who 'he' is," D.B. began, "but I think you were going to tell us about yourself? We did say this was going to be a night for introductions." He shot a grin at Hoshi, who winked and flashed him a peace sign. 

"Fine," Heero rolled his eyes. "I'm Heero Yuy, age eighteen, height—"

"Oh dear, Heero, he means about _you_," Sora was a little surprised at this initial response to D.B.'s inquiries. "He wants to know stuff like your favourite movie and what schools you've gone to and how many girlfriends you've had and all that kind of stuff." She did not notice the amused look on Hoshi's face nor the slightly nervous expression dabbled on Heero's as she said that last bit. 

"I've never had a girlfriend," Heero said evasively. 

"Never had a girlfriend?" D.B. and Sora looked shocked as they exclaimed the statement at the exact same time with slack jaws. Sora was particularly stunned since Heero was certainly a very desirable looking boy. 

"Favourite food, quick!" Hoshi said suddenly, with a clap of her hands, cutting the silence Heero left hanging over the table. She knew that Heero was not about to talk about Duo right away. Whether or not it was because he was nervous about admitting his sexual preference to them or because he just liked to keep Duo safe in his own heart, she could not quite tell. Perhaps it was even a mixture of both. 

"Pizza!" D.B. shouted.

"Crepes!" Sora waved her fork enthusiastically 

"And you Heero?"

"Ikura and unagi," he mumbled quietly. When he was met with nothing but dumbfounded stares, he clarified himself. "My favourite kinds of sushi." Then the frustrated soldier mode began to reboot itself in Heero's mind, and he became callous again. "What's this to do with anything? Why do you care?"

Hoshi blatantly ignored him. "Movie!" she went on, without even a sideways glance in Heero's direction. 

"Don't have one," D.B. shrugged, taking a sip of his lime soda. "But I do have a bunch I really like. The _'Lord of the Rings'_ trilogy was pretty sweet."

"Oh I like '_Silence of the Lambs_,'" Sora grinned darkly. "It's so cool."

"Please, not while we're eating," D.B. grimaced, waving his hand in Sora's face. At that, all of them minus Heero broke out into laughter. Looking perplexed and feeling very excluded, Heero turned his head away, surveying the rest of the room around him. In the far corner of the restaurant was an old man in a priest's garb, reading from a thin little prayer book. Seeing too much that reminded him of Duo, Heero turned his attentions to another part of the bistro, finding a couple crowding together over what seemed to be wedding plans of some kind, or at least, that's what Heero figured from their excitement and the little blurbs of conversation he could gather. He was just regretting to himself that he would never get to pour over such an occasion with Duo any time soon when he felt the sensation of someone shaking his wrist and returned his concentration to the table, where D.B. was saying to him. "Heero, hey, Heero! Don't you like _'Silence of the Lambs'_?" 

Heero flushed brilliantly, a sight the trio was sorely shocked to see. "I-I never saw that film." 

"Never?" Sora looked absolutely appalled that he never had. "Maybe we should make Heero see it. Maybe he'd like it." 

"If he's got the stomach for all that guts and gore," D.B. added, missing Heero's flinch at the mention of death and killing. 

"What kinds of movies do _you_ like then, Heero?" Sora pressed. 

"Uh, _'Shakespeare in Love'_ was good. So was _'The Godfather,'_" Heero mumbled, grateful that the pizza had arrived, drawing everyone's attention away from him for a moment. "They were Duo's favourite movies." 

"Figures as much," Hoshi grinned, hearing his mutterings as she reached for a piece of the huge pizza, laden with everything that could be conceivably baked into one. "You're obsessed." 

"I am not!" Heero snapped defensively as he went in for a slice himself. _I just miss him, that's all_, he found himself reasoning. _I just want him to come home._

"What's the _deal_ with this Duo character? It's like Hoshi's got something on you, Yuy, with the way she always brings him up and you get all flustered," D.B. said through mouthfuls of pizza. The only person Heero had ever seen who could shove as much food as that in his mouth at one time was definitely Duo, though it certainly looked like Hoshi, and even Sora, might be able to beat the braided American out there. 

Heero was still only on his first slice, D.B. on his third, Hoshi and Sora each on their second when the brown haired girl next to him piped up. "Aw, you want to hear that story now?"

"Sure," Sora grinned. "I always am up for a good story. What were you going to tell us?"

"Big bad Heero has a we-e-eakness for longhaired Americans with purple eyes, did you know?" Hoshi replied in a sing-songy kind of voice, shaking her head a little bit as she spoke and twirling about her index finger, strands of her own long hair threatening to fall free of the large butterfly clip that held it fastened in place behind her head. She ignored the monstrous stare of condemning evil that Heero's eyes radiated towards her. 

"Ha, maybe you'll get a shot with him if that's the case," D.B. smirked, downing the rest of his soda and punctuating the sentence with a deafening burp, easily the rudest display of manners Heero had ever witnessed. Sora tapped her fingers nervously on the table in response to D.B.'s comment, thinking back to what she had seen in the school library earlier that day. 

"Tch, yeah right, like he'd want me," Hoshi rolled her eyes. She threw an unexpectedly strong arm around Heero's tense shoulders, dragging him into her side, saying to the other two, "There's only room in this boy's heart for one and only one." 

D.B. and Sora were obviously interested, the way they were practically leering over the table to hear more from their new friend. Sora, her voice filled with curiosity, just had to know more. "Hey, how come you seem to know everything about Heero?"

"That is a _very_ good question, if you don't mind my saying so," Heero commented coolly, twisting out of Hoshi's grip easily. She may have been a sturdy girl, despite her size, but Heero was obviously the stronger of the two. 

"I just met _Heero_," Hoshi explained, "but Duo and I are like this." She held up her hand, her forefinger and middle finger twisted around each other like a twine of rope. "He's got all kinds of stories about his best buddy, as Heero was always coined with him."

"No, that's what he always used to refer to his Gu—" Heero suddenly realized what he was saying and stopped himself. The other pilots and he had all agreed to keep the Gundams under wraps, not to let anyone know that they had once piloted the massive mobile suits that shaped the present course of history. 

"What was that?" Sora looked confused. 

"Nothing," Heero mumbled. He sat up straight again and turned his attentions back on Hoshi, shooting a question her way in a very no-nonsense voice. "Where did you meet Duo?"

"Used to do maintenance on mobile suits during the war," Hoshi said vaguely, that faint glimmer in her eye. "Used to bang around with his once in a while, before he really started piloting." 

"I guess that makes sense," Heero said under his breath, still not completely satisfied with the answers he was being given. Heero was always the type to get information quickly and efficiently, but this was a totally different kind of situation. Unlike during the war, when he could just whip out his pistol and threaten whoever was withholding what he needed at gunpoint, this was a completely more delicate operation. He knew things would go slower with Hoshi playing things her way, and he could not say that he exactly liked being at someone else's mercy, particularly when that someone had perfectly malicious ways of making you beg for facts. 

"What kind of suit was it?" Sora, as was typical of her, became excited as the conversation began to shift towards the objects of her passion. 

"It was a revolutionary model," Hoshi started to say, excitedly starting to get into her mechanics mode for conversation. Heero felt his muscles freeze for the zillionth time that night, afraid that all the cover he had kept for himself and his friends would be blown because of one tactless, overly talkative girl, who knew way more than she should. 

"Enough," Heero held up his hand. He had just about had it with all these close calls and these people's inability to not talk about Duo. It was starting to drive him mad, and the one thing Heero was feeling that he needed more than anything at that exact moment was a long cold shower. He stood, neatly pushing his chair beneath the disaster covered table. "I appreciate you're wanting to bring me out with you for the meal. It was not as bad as it could have been, however, I do not feel the need to stay and listen to all this. It… it hurts too much…."

"Oh Heero, come on, she wasn't going to say anything _bad_ or anything," D.B. moaned, throwing his arms up in the air. "Hang with us for just a little more and we'll walk back together. Half the point of a meal is talking and having fun, not just eating." 

"I can get myself back just fine, thanks, much," Heero said plainly as he started to step away from the trio. Just as he was about to leave, he paused in the doorway and commented, "I was not kidding when I said it was all okay. Perhaps we really can talk again sometime when I've gotten a better hold on my feelings." 

Heero hustled back to the school, his brusque walk lighted only by the iron streetlamps along the way until he reached the glowing school building on the outskirts of town. Climbing the stairs to his dorm two at a time, he stumbled into his room, shedding his clothes on his way to his bed. He supposed he had not realized how tired he actually was, his body barely able to even pull down the sheets. The last occasion he had felt so spent was years ago with Duo. Spending time with the braided American could prove to be very energy consuming. Had it been because Duo was so much fun to be around? Had it been that he had actually had fun with those three? Fun was something he had not experienced since the war, horrible as it sounded, since Duo and he had gone on with their own separate lives. 

Heero rolled over to face the wall, staring at a photograph of the five of them that was tacked to the wall, right at eye level. In the patches of moonlight he could make out his lover's grinning countenance, Trowa's unwavering calm and Quatre's peaceful smile. Wufei stood a little apart from the group, a meditative look upon his face. And then there was the image of himself, stoic and looking unhappy, despite the arm that Duo had flung around his waist. _Were they right? Am I really that miserable?_ Heero wondered in the dark, his fingers reaching out to caress the glossy surface of the snapshot. A comforting new thought grew in his mind shortly after though, as his fingers lingered upon the likeness of Duo's face. _Well, when this was taken I guess I was. Duo made me feel better as time wore on and we became closer. Duo made me smile._

He felt his eyes beginning to droop closed with sleep, the fatigue of the most eventful evening of his life beginning to take a real toll on his wasted body. Sure, he could still run laps around the campus for hours without feeling the slightest strain, still could shoot a three-pointer from mid-court, still could do everything from sports to computers to literature, everything that is, but live. He knew his life had lost something very important and the shadow that harvested itself in his mind grew a little more every day, constantly reminding him of the greatest mistake he had ever made. Not unordinary, the said shadow began to feed his poor distraught soul the memories of the past that charmed and haunted him. 

__

"Oh Heero," he could hear Duo's husky voice in his head as the haze of dreams swirled behind his closed eyelids and through his subconscious. _"Oh Heero, yeah…." _The much-desired image of Duo lying beneath him manifested itself in his dreamer's eye, slick with sweat, head thrown back in ecstasy as he chanted his name like a mantra of passion. He could almost touch Duo, the fantasy was so real, could almost kiss him and caress him. _"God Heero, I love it when you touch me. Heero… Mm, touch me just like that, Heero…."_

A low moan escaped Heero's lips, his sleeping body nearly writhing with lust at the steamy vision his mind created for him. _"Heero! Heero, my Hee-chan!"_ Duo's voice sounded in his head, louder and more pleasure-driven with every cry. He tossed his head back and forth, his seemingly endless cascade of beautiful milk chocolate hair brushing the pillow upon which his head lay with every movement. 

__

"Ah, ah, Heero! Oh Heero, it hurts!" Heero's brow twitched involuntarily with distraught, as the dream suddenly began to morph. Duo's body began to change, bruises slowly beginning to form around his eyes and on his cheeks, covering his chest and arms, spots of blood on his lips and dotting the darkest contusions. _"Heero! Heero! Make it stop! Hee-chan, please make it stop! It hurts, Heero! It hurts!" _Heero flopped over on his other side, obliviously throwing his pillow over his head in his sleep, as if to block out Duo's pain filled yells. This was where the shadow ceased mesmerizing him and began to torment him with angst. He could see the tears streaming down Duo's face, so real that he tasted the salty droplets on his tongue. Or were those his own tears? Heero grimaced, eyes squinting tighter as Duo's voice came back, more pained than ever. _"Heero! Heero… it hurts…." _

"Duo," Heero mumbled into the mattress of the little dormitory bed, his head pressed downwards into it beneath the pillow he still kept clamped tightly over his head. "Stop crying Duo…. Please, just stop crying…."

__

"Heero…."

"No more crying!" 

__

"It hurts Heero…."

"No more!"

__

"It hurts to be dead…."

"Stop, please!"

__

"…Forever…."

Heero was sent throttling into reality, finding himself sitting bolt right up in bed, his sheets on the wooden floor, pillow on the complete opposite side of the room as if it had been flung there in a moment of insanity. Streaked in sweat, he was breathing hard and unsteadily, his heart pummeling in his chest, loud enough for him to hear its steady thumping in the heavy silence around him. With a slight shake of his head, he brought a hand to his steaming forehead, blinking hard to try and focus his eyes and chase away the pounding headache between his ears. 

Sliding out of bed, his bare feet hitting the freezing floor beneath him, he wearily made his way to the little water closet in the back of the dorm. It was just a little room with naught more than a sink and a shower, but it was enough to suffice. Thank Shinigami and whatever other gods cared to listen that he did not have to share it with anyone. Bent over the sink, he splashed a wave of icy water into his face in an attempt to calm his nerves. He let his hands linger over his heated flesh, the water dripping between his fingers, not even able to distinguish the tap water from his tears. Then, groping his way back into the bedroom in the half-light, he felt his way to the bedside table and wrenched open the drawer, fishing around for the pack of cigarettes and the lighter he always kept there. Climbing onto the spare bed and sitting by the window, he threw the glass and wood panel upwards and leaned out into the fair night air, feeling the fading winter sting his face as he lit one of the cigarettes and brought it to his lips with a heavy sigh. It was a bad habit he had picked up from Duo during old days and never quite gotten rid of. Though he had never had smoked as incessantly as Duo tended to, he had always had felt the need for one whenever he was feeling sad or depressed. He wondered if it was a bad sign that he found himself always in need of buying a couple packs to last him a week. 

"Duo," he heaved out a breath with a cloud of smoke and frozen gasp of air. He had always been strong back when they were together; he had always let Duo lean on him and allowed him use of his shoulder for a good cry. Not until the war had ended had Heero realized how much he had leaned on Duo. But Duo had needed a place to stay and a good job, two things that his friend Hilde could offer him. Heero had nothing but silent love, and that was not good enough for Duo, not by Heero's standards anyway. He felt that the ever-chattering American had deserved so much more, and had actually been very supportive of the idea of Duo getting a job at Hilde's salvage yard. It had been the best for him, though the dejected look on Duo's face, a look Heero would have to die, at the bare minimum, six thousand times over to forget, spoke volumes of his unhappiness with the decision. Now that he looked back on it, Heero decided he was not too happy with that decision either. He had let the most important person in his life slip away, and it had been years since he had last seen the foul mouthed braided idiot. 

Outside Heero's window was a magnificent sight. The hills that this little town was built on rolled on into a large mountain range that faded back into the foggy distance. Stars twinkled and faded out in the sky, blue clouds washing over the pale yellow moon. Just beneath his high loft window was a courtyard that reached out into a dense forest of tall sturdy trees, all painted a bluish green colour in the bright night. Odd shadows played about here and there beneath the trees in wacky shapes of all kinds, moving ever so slightly in the dull wind. Heero could have sworn that he saw someone wandering around in the indistinguishable darkness, but his eyes were so bleary from the uncontrollable hushed tears that fell from his beautiful slanted eyes, that he could hardly focus on anything at all. Flicking the dying cigarette butt out into the courtyard, he lit up another and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He could feel the pain in his chest growing with every nightmare. _Maybe that's part of why I'm so unsocial during the day_, Heero tried to explain to himself,_ because I'm not getting enough sleep. These damn dreams about Duo just get more graphic and disturbing every night. Ha, might end up killing myself in my sleep one of these days._ He let out a raucous insane laugh that resembled his psychotic battle laughs of old. 

Suddenly, there was a fierce knocking on the door. "Heero? Heero, are you awake? I heard a scream." It was D.B., his voice sounding wrought with concern, a tone that Heero was sincerely surprised to hear. Nevertheless, he felt somewhat grateful that there was at least one soul in the world that worried about his well being, no matter how premature the friendship was. At this point, he would have taken confidence with the Devil, not that it was such an unwelcome thing. The Devil was sure to be good friends with Shinigami. 

Heero shuffled over to the door, cigarette still hanging out of his mouth as he opened the door tiredly. D.B. looked very startled at the Heero that greeted him at the door, dark circles under his eyes, a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a lighter in the other. "W-were you screaming, Heero? What's wrong?"

"I don't scream," Heero said blandly, opening the door wider as so D.B. could step into the room. "And nothing is wrong. I just couldn't sleep." 

"You look like you're no stranger to this," D.B. said, his voice now very, very concerned for his new friend. He ripped the cigarettes and the lighter from Heero's hands. "You know this shit is bad for you. Could kill you, you know." 

"Don't care if I die," the small Japanese boy said coldly, snatching the stolen items back. He inhaled deeply of the little nicotine filled roll of paper as if to emphasize his point. "I seem to be very bad at dying in any case." 

"It's against school policy anyway," D.B. tried to make another grab at Heero's cigarettes but soon gave up when he realized that Heero was far quicker than he, even when he looked like he was about to collapse. "…Or not," he ended up saying, sinking down on the bed, staring up at the almost frightening Heero that stood in the center of the room. 

"What do you want?" Heero retrieved his old white mask and carefully fitted it over his distraught face, his expression now cold and unwavering, hiding any traces of the broken young man that had sat sighing by the window. 

D.B. bit his lip and stammered, "Well like I said, I thought I heard you screaming? Were you screaming? Why couldn't you sleep Heero? Did you dream something bad?"

"Yes."

"Will you tell me about it?" D.B. could not believe that he was asking such a thing from a boy no one could have paid him enough money to approach just a few days ago. Hell, that very morning Heero had almost beaten him to a bloody pulp and yet now, D.B. could feel nothing but a warm friendship for the mysterious saddened youth with messy dark hair and sharp blue eyes. _If Hoshi says that he's good, then he must be_, D.B. reassured himself with a mental pat on the back. _Hoshi seems to be clever about that kind of thing, and she must see something in Heero that no one else does. I'm thinking like I'm beginning to see it too…._

"No." Heero's jarring one worded answer stirred D.B. from his musings. 

"Why not?" D.B. queried. "Sometimes it really helps to talk about stuff like this. You know, just, let it out of your system and all." 

"It's none of your business."

"Well I came to help you out when you were sad," D.B. shrugged. "I think I'm involved now." His face darkened a little bit, as he looked Heero straight in the eye. "Don't tell me that you're not sad. You look like you might cry. Have you been crying, Heero?"

"I… I don't…." Heero tried to say, but even as he stumbled over the words, he could feel his eyes moistening once again as thoughts of Duo danced across the plane of his mind, the steely look upon his face wavering between the strong and the defeated passions inside. "I don't… Boys don't…." He still could not find the words to say it. He could not say it. He could not lie anymore. 

"Boys don't…?" D.B. seemed to almost be daring him to continue. He could see Heero's defenses beginning to weaken right before his very eyes. Who would have ever thought that all that antisocial behavior that Heero demonstrated during the day was naught more than a mask to hide truths and secrets about his past that he would have told only the Devil. 

"…Cry," Heero finally managed to finish as a lonely tear rolled down his cheek. He mumbled it again softly, "Boys don't cry…." 

"But you're crying, Heero. You're a strong battle scarred boy and you're crying," D.B. whispered as he reached out to take Heero's limp hand reassuringly. With a gentle squeeze, he said, "It's okay to cry, Heero. You should cry. It's good for you to cry when you're sad." 

"You sound like… That's like something Duo might say," Heero handled a weak smile at his obviously caring new friend as he extinguished his low burning roll of tobacco and nicotine on the wooden beside table, already charred with burn marks from past cigarettes put out in a similar fashion. "…Even though it was Duo who always used to say that boys should never cry." 

"Did Duo ever cry?" D.B. asked. He might have not had a bloody clue in hell who Duo was or what he might have possibly meant to Heero, but he was no fool; he could tell that this was the way to help console the broken soldier before him. Somehow, D.B. could tell that Duo was a vital key as to unlocking the human protected behind Heero's shields. 

"Yeah." 

"Why would he cry, Heero?" D.B. gave Heero a yank and forced him to sit on the bed in a more comfortable position as the former boy leapt to his feet in turn, dragging the desk chair to the center of the room where he sat facing the Japanese looking forlornly at the floor. 

"Lots of things made him sad. He cried a lot when he thought about his past or after a battle where a lot of people had died. He called himself Shinigami, the God of Death, but still, he still never got used to the killing that went along with war. He… he cried a lot for me… with me. I think the only times I've ever cried were in his arms," Heero was lost in his reminiscence, hardly aware that D.B. was in the room as he spoke. D.B. had been right though; it did feel good to let everything out. It made things a fraction better, Heero guessed. "Ah, but he cried when he was happy too. He always confused me like that. He was… such a paradox…." 

"Duo was your comrade at arms then?" D.B. was still trying to piece this all together with what meager information he had been fed. He made a mental note to ask Hoshi some more about Duo when he had the chance. She seemed to know a lot about this strange character and what kind of influence he had on Heero and his past. 

"He was," Heero nodded slightly, sliding back so he resting on the backs of his elbows. "He was that and… so much more." 

"How much more?" D.B. knew he might be pressing Heero just a little much, but it was killing him to know. This half knowledge about Heero just sent him questing for more. Heero was almost more mysterious now that D.B. knew a little bit of his past than he had been when he had known absolutely nothing about the soldier's history. 

"Everything more," Heero said vaguely, collapsing at last onto his back, staring up at the sloped plaster ceiling. Rolling over into a more comfortable position, his head cradled in his arms, resting upon the pillow, his eyes got a bit droopy, feeling much more at peace than he had in quite some time, like a sleep that he had been missing for years was about to fall upon him. "Everything… more…. He was my…."—he let out a long lazy yawn—"everything…." 

D.B. stared at Heero's now sleeping prone body, a look of utter amazement upon his face. _So that's who Duo was,_ D.B. found a good portion of the puzzle fitting together. _To think that a guy like him had a soft spot for another human being… well damn!_ D.B. shook his head, realizing that there was still a good myriad of gaps left in his mental Heero jigsaw. For the first time, he noticed the mural of photographs tacked to the wall over Heero's bed. Though there seemed to be a few other boys in the pictures, he could not help but notice a good bunch of pictures portraying Heero and a thin American looking boy with long brown hair. Another clue suddenly clicked._ So that's why he acts so odd around Hoshi_, D.B. realized, pulling the blankets over Heero's shivering body. _She does have that sort of look. I wonder what kinds of wonders… and horrors… seeing her everyday does to his conscience? _He knew he really did not have to think very hard about it to figure it out. 

As he was about to close the door to Heero's dorm on the way out, he thought he heard a faintly audible mumble roll from the darkness of the room. 

"Thanks D.B." 

{{**A/N**}} Sorry this took a while to get up. Little power cord trouble with my laptop. Brief song credit goes to the Rolling Stones. It's only a line, so you might have missed it. In any case, if you could spare five seconds of your time to tell me what you thought of this chapter, that would be great. I really need the self-esteem right now…. I'm not feeling very happy with my life right now. (When I'm not thinking about anime, I tend to dream in red—and it _hurts_) Anyway, enough of my complaining. See you next week. 


	4. Who Wrote Holden Caulfield?

****

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

****

~ Part IV ~

Who Wrote Holden Caulfield?

As Heero made his way down to the dining hall for breakfast the next morning, he heard quite a loud ruckus coming from the direction of his destination. Even at the far end of the hall, he could hear the vibrant shouts of students and the sound of wild clapping and cheering. The sight that he beheld when he walked into the dining hall was the last he would ever expect to see at a boarding school at eight in the morning on a Sunday. 

Standing on one the tables in the center of the room was D.B., a fork in hand, singing into it as if it were a microphone. He looked quite ridiculous, still in his pajamas, which consisted of baseball covered flannel pants and a large black tee shirt with a cartoon tiger printed on its back. Hoshi stood beside him, making just as much of a show as D.B was, a hastily wired turntable playing a crackly relic of a record at her feet, an old song that was practically ancient filling the room as they both took turns singing the verses. Sora was there, constantly fiddling with wires to keep them connected to all the extension cords that lay strewn all over the floor. Heero thought it was a miracle that they had not blown a fuse with so many cables. 

__

"A thought grows in my head,  
And I need to tell you.  
It's news that I forethought.  
Was it just a dream that happened long ago?  
I think I just forgot!

"Well it hasn't been the first time,  
And it sure does drive me mad!"

D.B. threw his arms around Hoshi and danced with her across the table, lifting her up by the waist as he spun around with her. As the record went on, D.B. let Hoshi back down onto her feet. They flung their arms around each other as they went on practically shouting the chorus of the song together, their faces as red as a drunkard's. 

__

"There's a boy who fogs his world,  
And now he's getting lazy.  
There's no motivation and frustration makes him crazy.  
He makes a plan to take a stand,  
But always ends up sitting.  
>Someone help him up or he's gonna end up quitting."

Sora had noticed Heero's entrance into the room quite a while ago. While Hoshi and D.B. were busy carrying on their impromptu concert, Sora had shoved her way through the crowd to where Heero was standing in the doorway, his jaw practically reaching the floor as he stared at the wild abandon unfolding before him. He had never seen two people motivate a crowd in such a way before, save Duo. He was in complete and utter shock. 

__

"I shuffle through my mind,  
To see if I can find,  
The words I left behind.  
Was it just a dream that happened long ago?  
Oh well, never mind!

"Well it hasn't been the first time  
And it sure does drive me mad!

"I said now here's a boy who fogs his world,  
And now he's getting lazy.  
There's no motivation and frustration makes him crazy.  
He makes a plan to take a stand,  
But always ends up sitting.  
Someone help him up or he's gonna end up quitting.  


Oh Ye-eeahhhh!" 

Heero soon realized that Hoshi was pointing straight at him. Sora was practically shoving him up beside them, and before Heero knew it, he was standing on the table, in the middle of the school dining hall amid a good portion of the student body, and old punk recording playing the background on a fossil old turntable as his companions proceeded to re-sing the chorus with the song. 

"Hoshi!" He sounded quite perturbed as he crossed his arms and glowered at the pair standing before him. "What the hell are you two doing?" 

"Making light of a depressing time," Hoshi shrugged.

"Depressing?" Heero wondered aloud as he tried to slink off the table and meld back into the crowd. Not that it was really possible anyway since said crowd had its focus pasted right upon the threesome standing upon the table. "We have peace, baka! There is nothing to be depressed about!"

"Not like that, Soldier Boy! One, it's Sunday, which means that we have class tomorrow; two, we're bored as hell, three, because we found this old record player in the library and four, because we can," Hoshi held up a finger for each reason as she started to count them aloud aloud. At the same time, D.B had grabbed Heero by the back of the shirt and hauled him back into the limelight. Hoshi was still talking as D.B. pushed him back before her, the whole ordeal being, quite simply, the most embarrassing experience of Heero's life. "Besides, my friend, you're not one to talk. Why, what's all this moping around the school all day?"

"I do not mope!" Heero all but roared. 

He could feel the ire throbbing through his veins, his eyes clouded red with rage as Hoshi grabbed him around the waist, locking him in place and taking one wrist in her hand and holding it above their heads. "Ah, quick! Someone take Heero's pulse to make sure he's still _alive_!" 

"I do not MOPE!" Heero snapped, wrenching himself away. He was staring death at D.B and Hoshi, his fists clenching and relaxing subconsciously at his sides. There was a world of things for Heero to be perturbed about, an immediate one being this unwanted attention, another being accused of being unhappy and sulking. Though, the more Heero thought about how angry such accusations made him, the more he started to notice where they were coming from. 

"Excuse me, but what in heaven's name is going on here?" a deep adult voice cut through the waning sound of the record as it came to an end, leaving the room in a cold silence. Everyone turned to see a wizened man by the name of Professor Cawdor, the anatomy and biology teacher, standing in the doorway of the dining hall. Heero's mouth tightened into an even darker frown. Though Cawdor favoured him because he did well in his class, Heero could not help a nagging feeling stabbing in his gut that he had met Cawdor somewhere before, and that he was not a man to be trusted. 

He slowly stepped into the room, the crowd of students parting like the Red Sea as he made his way to the table where Heero, Hoshi and D.B. stood, frozen. Cawdor was shaking his head disapprovingly as he approached the edge of the table, looking up at the young trio, though not failing to send a displeased glare at Sora, who was trying to quickly pack up the turntable as inconspicuously as possible. "Mister Yuy, I'm sorely disappointed. Such a shame to see my best and yet worst student carrying on in such a manner with this rabble." 

Heero immediately switched on the defensive mode, throwing an arm in front of his other two friends as if he were blocking some enemy from getting through at them. "Professor, please, they were just having a bit of fun. It's a Sunday. Let them have just a little time to be immature." He shot a dark glare at the bunch behind him.

Everyone was staring wide eyed at Heero. Here was someone who had a murderous look in his eye nine times out of ten and had just defended the shenanigans of a trio of freehearted teens goofing off and making noise on a weekend. Certainly not what anyone, or even Heero for that matter, had ever expected. 

"Mister Yuy, I really am surprised at you!" Cawdor leaned on the table crossly, making a motion with one hand that abruptly signaled for them all to get down. "What ever shall I write to your parents about?"

Heero winced. Since he had enrolled in the school on his own accord and had been planning to ditch and make his way elsewhere about the middle of the last term, he had lied about nearly everything on his application, leaving everyone to assume that he had a loving family, came from a decent background and had merely been drafted to fight for the colonies during the war. So it was not a _total_ lie; the other Gundam boys had been a good enough family, though his upbringings were not exactly the kindest of things, and drafted would probably have been the _nice_ way of putting how Heero had ended up Wing Zero's pilot. At least he felt he had good reason to justify it all. 

"Hey Cawdor, it's not like we're doing anything _wrong_!" Hoshi suddenly piped up after a deafening silence weighted down the air between Heero and the professor. Her hands were on her hips as she sauntered up behind Heero and gave him a shove, nearly sending the Japanese boy plummeting to the floor on his face. However, Heero's unrest was too busy being directed at the crabby teacher before him to even pay her gesture any mind. 

"Standing on the table and singing—" Cawdor tried to argue before Hoshi cut him off again with a nasty sneer. Heero slinked off the table in one quick motion. 

"It's good music, not some stupid rap song that cusses every other word! How could anyone have a problem with old fashioned rock?" Hoshi fumed, stamping her foot as her fluent English poured from her mouth. "Don't know about _you_, but everyone _I_ know thinks this stuff is excellent! Can't you have a little vintage fun?" 

"Miss, you may be new and unfamiliar with our school policy, but that is no way to act!" Professor Cawdor got his rage up to a maximum as well, steam just about hissing from his ears. "I don't care who you're singing, but this is no way in which to conduct yourself in a dining hall! First thing in the morning, no less!" He was reaching up to tug Hoshi down to the floor and off to the headmaster's office when she sent a foot into his outstretched hand. 

"Like fun I will, ya old geezer! Since when was having a good time on the weekends against the school's rules? Tough regiment you have running here," she snarled at him as she hopped off the table, sizing up Cawdor with a defiant glare in her eye. D.B. sat down cross-legged on the table to watch, Heero now leaning up against the table's edge with an almost sadistic look of amusement upon his face. Hoshi was still a teenager, and though she was a few good inches taller than Heero himself, she was still not quite the height of the professor. It was quite a sight to see the slender girl standing with her legs akimbo, hands on hips as she stared up into her adversary's eyes. 

"That is no way to treat an elder!" Cawdor grabbed her dark red sweatshirt angrily. 

"And that's no way to treat a lady, ya slime!" Hoshi wrenched herself away from him, making a big show of dusting herself clean of some imaginary blemish on her sleeve. 

"Some lady you are, with such manners!" Cawdor exclaimed. Frowning and crossing his arms, he let out an exasperated sigh, tired of the futile argument. "Very well Hoshi. I will let you off with a very serious warning. Since you seem to come from an upbringing for which... certain allowances must be made, you will be without punishment this time. But if I catch you acting in such a way towards me or any other faculty member, don't think I will not send you packing straight for that L2 slum where you came from! You should thank everything holy that I am so kind." 

"Kind he says," Sora muttered under he breath to D.B. D.B. just shrugged and settled back on his arms. The other students began to go about their own business, leaving the table where Heero and the others were, seeing that the time for fun and exuberance was at an end. As Cawdor walked with an almost triumphant air to his step from the room, leaving Hoshi quivering with rage, muttering obscenities about how she severely disliked the man, Sora reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder, saying, "Aw, Hoshi, don't let it get to you so bad. He's just a bitchy old nut. Don't pay him any mind." 

"Well he's not _that_ bad," D.B. said thoughtfully, cupping his chin in his hands. 

"Oh please!" Sora rolled her eyes, hugging the still insanely vexed Hoshi to her shoulder, comforting her upset friend. 

"I agree," Heero growled softly, "with Sora that is." He shrugged almost apologetically at D.B. Seeing the look on D.B.'s face (for the soft blonde haired boy obviously placed much more trust in Cawdor than Sora did), he quickly atoned for the comment, feeling a surge of confusion flutter in his chest as to why he would even bother about D.B.'s particular feelings. _I kind of remember feeling that way around my… friends…._ Heero mused to himself while he said aloud: "That is, it was not fair of him to make those comments about Hoshi and L2. He knew that it would make her upset and used it against her." 

"Thanks, Soldier Boy," Hoshi said into Sora's shirt, almost inaudibly as she choked back her sobs, trying hard not to cry. 

"Anytime," Heero smiled somewhat warmly at her. "Anytime." 

Duo was sipping on a can of root beer, kneeling in that cramped attic space with his computer set up. Cords and various hookups snaked all over the old wooden floor, leading to spots in the wall that had been hacked away at to reveal the webs of wires that powered the dormitory building in which he had stashed himself away, which he had skillfully rooted to his own machine to power it up and offer it internet access. 

"Quite the setup for quite a mission, doncha think, Pocky?" Duo said to the brown cat as he slurped at his root beer, setting the can down beside his laptop. He slid in the disk that held the recordings of that day's events into his computer and played the files, watching the faces of everyone who had crossed paths with his cover agent during the day, particularly a certain brown haired Japanese with amazing blue eyes.

Duo closed his eyes and lay down on his stomach, ankles crossed and toes tapping on the floor as he let the footage play. Some of it was all needlessly boring, girly chitchat and mildly interesting afternoon seminar about William Blake. His eyes shifted focus, dulling a bit as his mind began to wander to thoughts of Heero, particularly whenever he wandered across the computer screen. "Miss ya, Hee-chan," he let out a sigh. "Really, I do." 

Suddenly, his finger slammed down on the keyboard, pausing the file on an old member of the school's faculty. "See that, Pocky, that's gotta be the guy," Duo muttered as the cat pawed over to curl up in a ball at his side. He absently gave the cat's fur a ruffle as he went about madly flipping through a disorganized dossier stuffed with loose paper reports and files. "Better get him outta here before something shitty happens." 

The crowing of a raven outside on the roof brought Duo from his computer. Slithering over to the small window in the empty attic space, he pushed the window open, taking in a deep breath of the cool night air. The moonlight streamed from behind the thick grey clouds smearing the sky, dabbling Duo's face in its frozen white glow. "Nice night for a walk or something," he murmured. He turned around to see the cat sitting by the computer, waving its paw in the air after him, sending him the most heart-melting look a cat could possibly give a person. Duo stuck his tongue out at his adopted pet, saying, "Aw, Pocky, you crazy fuzz ball, you know I can't deal with spending my life up here. Maybe _you_ can do it, but I really can't. I'll be back soon, I promise, okay? I'll even try to snag us some chow." The cat had added a piteous mewing to that adorable look. Duo gave a little cough and added with a small laugh, "Have I ever lied to you before, Pocky? I'll be back soon. Don't shred anything up!"

Hauling himself through the window, he jumped out onto the roof. The crowd of ravens scattered and took flight to the safe refuge of the trees down in the courtyard below. Duo slid down the slate shingled roof a bit, tumbling down to the very edge, where he ended up just sitting, bare feet shoved into the cold metal gutter that trimmed the roof. He stretched, throwing his hands up over his head and groaned. "Aaah, what am I doing here? I can't even pop up and tell him that I'm around." 

He crawled back up to the roof's peak, making his way on his toes like a gifted acrobat. He crossed to the other side of the dormitories, where the boys' quarters were and slid down to a familiar window. He had come to sit outside this window a few nights before. This night, however, Duo was in no mood to just to patter around over his ceiling though all the darkened midnight hours. Leaning down precariously, braid plummeting towards the ground as he skillfully picked the window lock with a hairpin and slid into the roomy loft dormitory. Just falling in upon the empty bed, he sat with his legs crossed, hands resting upon his knees as he stared across the empty gap between the two beds, his eyes wandering over the slender form of the dearest person of all his affections. Quiet as Death, he slinked over to the edge of the bed, leaning on the mattress as he drunk in the closet look he had had of Heero Yuy in years. 

He was stretched out on the small bed, sheets and blankets tangled around his muscled frame, head cradled in the crook of his arm as he slept on, totally unaware that he was being watched by the one person he would have given his life up to see. Mussed dark brown hair fell in its usual messy chunks, his pretty little mouth tightened in a cute pout. The wire of a set of earphones that fit into his pretty ears wound its way over his body to a thin portable compact disk player lying at his hip. Duo gently ran his fingers over Heero's closed eyes, wiping away the small tears caught on his delicate lashes. A small groan issued from Heero's mouth as he rearranged himself in his sleep, murmuring Duo's name into his pillow. He could even faintly hear the music playing softly in Heero's ears over his headset, the memory of the song almost ripping Duo's heart to shreds. 

__

[A hundred days have made me older,  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.  
A thousand lies have made me colder,  
And I don't think I can look at this the same.]

"Heh, you only see _her_, Hoshi. You have no idea that I'm even here." He buried his nose into Heero's pillow, breathing in that warm heavy scent of his like he had not done in what seemed to be forever. "It would be so easy for me to just wake you up and hold you again but I…." 

Heero seemed to almost know that something was amiss. He let out another stifled moan, which seemed to melt into something that sounded a lot like "Duo…." 

Duo was so close, he could have almost placed a kiss upon Heero's lips, their breathes mingling over the soft pillow as he watched the Oriental boy dream just inches away from his face. With a saddened sigh, he let his fingers wander over Heero's warm cheek as he whispered on to the sleeper beside him, "I just can't right now, old pal." A disappointed and heart wrenched expression fell upon his face as he continued. "Heh, you always were so cute when you slept, weren't ya, Hee-chan? You still are just as cute… just as beautiful as you were when you were a kid. Hmm, I wonder if I've changed. I wonder if you'd still think the same about stupid old me." Another discontented sigh spilled over Duo's tongue as he reluctantly rolled himself off the bed, falling to h is knees beside it, eyes still fixed upon his sweet Japanese lover from unforgotten days since past. "Maybe it's better this way then, yeah? I should just stay as Death, watchin' over ya 'til it's all over, you know? That's the best company I could ever give you anyway." 

Heero moaned in his dreams uncomfortably, rearranging himself in a position that left him on his back, one hand lazily draped over his bare stomach, the other lazily cushioned on the pillow beside his cheek. His eyes squinted a bit, dark blue irises darting around behind his eyelids, threatening to fly open as he shook his brown bangs in a fit of anxiety. 

__

[And all the miles that separate,  
Disappear now, when I'm dreaming of your face.

I'm here without you baby,  
But you're still on my lonely mind.  
I think about you baby,  
And I dream about you all the time.  
I'm here without you baby,  
But you're still with me in my dreams.  
And tonight, there's only you and me.]  


His eyes fell upon the torn photograph in Heero's hand, and seeing that just slashed away at Duo's heartstrings, knowing that no matter how hard he tried to tell himself otherwise to keep his mind on his mission, there was no denying that Heero was there, right before him, and still a very important part of his life, past and present. And seeing that photograph, now a bit crinkled and worn with age and love, he knew that Heero had still not forgotten him. 

Collapsing forward on the bedside, cradling his forehead in his arms, Duo found himself weeping into the crisp white sheets that smelled so much of Heero. "It's not fair," he whispered to his sleeping love, raising his tear stained face from the mattress at last. "It's not fair. My life is just not fair. Everything I ever wanted I found in you. All I ever wanted was _you_, you great big jerk! And I had it, I had it _all_ until you had to decide to play it noble and send me off to where I was sure to be 'happy.' Happy!? The hell did you think I would be happy without you, Heero? Do you know what happiness is? Do you understand that? Do you understand that me being happy would be with you!? Even if we lived in the slums of L2, if I was with you, my life would be worthwhile. I would have a reason to get up in the morning and live. And now…." Duo was panting hard by now, his little rant taking quite a wind out of him and he sat for a moment, clasping his chest and letting air slowly fill his lungs. He could feel a lump rising in his throat, biting hid lip hard, as so he might not cry again. Boys did not cry, ever. 

…Ever…. 

__

[The miles just keep rollin',  
As the people leave their way to say hello.  
I've heard this life is overrated,  
But I hope it gets better as we go.]

"You stupid idiot," Duo flicked Heero's forehead affectionately, his voice softened again, the sadness he had felt at being away from Heero for so long subsiding into the dark shadows beneath the bed. He still amazed at the boy's newfound uncanny ability to sleep through the end of the world, quite unlike the war days when Duo's mere rolling over in bed would have stirred him from slumber. At last, a tear fell down Duo's cheek and landed upon Heero's lip, his pout quivering ever so slightly as the damp drop fell upon him. "You stupid, stupid idiot! Why'd ya still have to care so much? You have to go and make this so much harder for me than it already is! That's just so like you! You had to go and care enough to make me go off with Hilde after the war and get a job. And then getting stuck with years without seeing so much as a hair on your head all 'cause of the stupid damn Preventers killed me enough and now… now that I finally get a mission that sends me literally to your side, I can't even tell you that I'm here. This is almost worst than the years without you, this being here with you, and yet, still alone. It kills me. Love absolutely kills me! Dammit!" Duo shook his head as the harsh whispered swear cut the quiet night. "Dammit Yuy, I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could just hold you again, forever, instead of being as good as dead to you!" He chanced another quick touch before disappearing back into the night, leaving Heero with the memory of a dream so realistic, it left the taste of tears on his mouth. 

__

[I'm here without you baby,  
But you're still on my lonely mind.  
I think about you baby,  
And I dream about you all the time.  
I'm here without you baby,  
But you're still with me in my dreams.  
And tonight, there's only you and me.

Heero's eyes slowly fluttered open, his gaze falling upon the same moonlit room, filled with the same crazy shadows, the same clutter and the same melancholy air. He thought that he had dreamed of a soft warm hand stroking his brow and cradling him in his sleep, but awoke to find it just that: a dream. There was no one there. He was still alone and forgotten without anyone to hold him tight and tell him that he had no reason to be afraid anymore.

Touching his cheek, he could feel a splotch of damp tears there, mingled with the salty wetness that was now falling from his own eyes. "How could anyone cry for me? The only who cries for me anymore is… me… because I don't have anyone to share my loneliness with anymore."

__

[Everything I know, and everywhere I go,  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.  
And when the last one falls,  
When it's all said and done,  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.  
Oh no….]

****

{{A/n}} Song credit to Green Day for _Who Wrote Holden Caulfield _ Uh, as for an explaination for a Green Day song being on a vinyl, this is what I have to tell you. Originally, I had a Beatles song there, so it being on a record would make sense. But then I decided that I couldn't write a 'fic based so heavily off _'The Catcher in the Rye'_ without using that one, so I switched 'em and was too lazy to do anything about the record. I know Greenday has released their CD '1,039/Smoothed Out Slappy Hours' on vinyl. I dunno if they did the same for 'Kerplunk', but I'd imagine as much, so just kind of work with me here, okay? Man, that was wordy. I doubt you all even care. Oh, and the other song belongs to Three Doors Down. It's called _Here Without You_. Can't wait to see them at the DC101 Chili Cook-off! *giddy snigger*


	5. Diamonds Are Forever

****

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

****

~ Part V ~

Diamonds Are Forever

"Psst, naughty Heero!" An elbow jabbed Heero in the gut, making him jump a bit. His book slid from between the pages of his heavy history text into his lap, causing him to swear low in Japanese. Thankfully the withered old monk who taught the course was too busy droning on about the importance of a stable economy between the Earth and her colonies to pay the antics in the second to last row any mind. 

"Will you shut up and keep yourself from leaning over my shoulder?" Heero hissed at Hoshi in a tone that sounded strangely mixed between irritancy and joking sarcasm. "I'm trying to spend my time well."

"You must find all your classes a waste of time since you seem to _read_ through all of them!" She kept her eyes still focused at the head of the classroom as she spoke in a low whisper from the corner of her mouth. 

"And yet I'm passing at the top of each one so mind your business!" Heero shot back under his breath, sinking low into his chair and replacing _'The Catcher in the Rye'_ between the pages of the history book propped up on his lap as he returned to the book, back to finding Duo breathing on almost every page. 

__

{They let me give them ten bucks as a contribution. They kept asking me if I was sure I could afford it and all. I told them I had quite a bit of money with me, but they didn't seem to believe me. They took it, though, finally. The both of them kept thanking me so much it was embarrassing. I swung the conversation around to general topics and asked them where they were going. They said they were schoolteachers from Chicago and that they were going to start teaching at some convent on 168th Street or 186th street or one of those streets way the hell uptown. The one next to me, with the iron glasses, said she taught English and her friend taught history and American government. Then I started wondering like a bastard what the one sitting next to me, the one that taught English, thought about, being a nun and all, when she read certain books for English. Books not necessarily with a lot of sexy stuff in them, but books with lovers and all in them. Take old Eustacia Vye, in 'The Return of the Native' by Thomas Hardy. She wasn't too sexy or anything, but even so you can't help wondering what a nun thinks about old Eustacia. I didn't say anything, though, naturally. All I said was that English was my best subject.}

"You're reading way the hell ahead," Hoshi murmured when the teacher got distracted by some thickheaded student's dull question. "It's not like you need to. Ain'tcha read the book before?"

"Yes," Heero said tartly, his eyes frozen upon the page, right at the end of the paragraph he had just finished. "This part is important to Duo... to me. I like to read it whenever I feel… lonely…" 

"I think that book has a lot of spots like that," Hoshi smiled knowingly as she also sunk low in her chair, arms folded behind her head. D.B. had started poking her in the back of her neck with his pencil from the row behind while Sora started pissing at him for being a pest and not paying attention. Hoshi, ignoring the commotion behind her, went on speaking to Heero in her hushed tones about the book that had captured both their hearts. "Are you feeling lonely then, Heero?"

"No," he said a little to quickly before sucking it back in with a nervous breath. "Well, maybe just a little." Hoshi was about to open her mouth to say something else, when Heero interrupted her train of thought. 

"Yup?"

"Will you be my friend… so I don't have to be lonely?" he asked hastily, pretending to be totally absorbed in the book, though his eyes still had not left that blank space between paragraphs where he had left of a few minutes ago. 

"Already am," Hoshi shrugged as she watched Heero go back to his reading. She was still looking over his shoulder, discreetly reading along with him, just to see what he was so interested in. she found that she was quite intrigued by what parts of the book Heero found dear or worth reading over again just for the hell of it. 

__

{To tell you the truth, it was sort of embarrassing in a way, to be talking about 'Romeo and Juliet' with her. I mean that play gets pretty sexy in some parts, and she was a nun and all, but she asked me, so I discussed it with her for a while. "Well, I'm not too crazy about Romeo and Juliet," I said. "I mean I like them, but—I don't know. They get pretty annoying sometimes. I mean I felt much sorrier when old Mercutio got killed than when Romeo and Juliet did. The thing is, I never liked Romeo too much after Mercutio gets stabbed by that other man—Juliet's cousin—what's his name?"

"Tybalt."

"That's right, Tybalt," I said—I always forget that guy's name. "It was Romeo's fault. I mean I liked him best in the play, old Mercutio. I don't know. All those Montagues and Capulets, they're all right—especially Juliet—but Mercutio, he was—it's hard to explain. He was very smart and entertaining and all. The thing is, it drives me crazy if someone gets killed—especially someone very smart and entertaining and all—and it's someone else's fault. Romeo and Juliet, at least it was their own fault."}

"You never were lonely, Heero," she whispered to him after a while when the class started to try her patience again. She kept talking for lack of anything else to do. "You're just too idiotic to notice it when you had friends. Let's take Duo for example—"

Heero cut her off with one of those ever so evil stares of his and a grab at her wrist, changing into an almost completely different person, an emotionless terrorist soldier frightening the sad and loveable side of Heero to the banishment of his inner person and locking him away like a turnkey. Squeezing almost tight enough to break the bone, he said in a very serious, no-nonsense tone, "Don't even start. You don't know anything about Duo, no matter how… close… you say you are to him. I don't need to hear you bringing him up every word, like you're trying to make some point. You know where he is, that I'm sure, and sooner or later, you're going to screw up and make a slip that tells me exactly what I need to know. So don't go thinking that you have one up on me or anything. Leave Duo out of everything we say and do together unless you're going to tell me where I can find him. He is not any of your concern." 

"You think you own him or something?" Hoshi closed her textbook on the table in front of her, as if in a silent act of defiance, now ready to battle one-on-one. She kept on talking, her voice a deep unwavering calm, though the passion building up inside of her was beginning to tear at the seams inside of her. "What is he to you then? Some pet that you think you can just take on your lap and use for your own pleasure? He's human you know! What would you do with him if you found him again? Just drag him to your dormitory by the collar and throw him in bed? Huh, well would you? Just like you used to? Would it just all be the same way it used to be all over again?" 

A haunting memory flashed through Heero's mind, making him cringe with the burden of a whole multitude of mixed emotions. He could hear the conversation flashing through his head at lightning speed, the image of Duo's wine drunken eyes peering out from beneath a large fluffy pillow still fresh in his mind as if it had happened only the day before. 

__

"Do you love her, Heero?"

"No."

"Then do you love me?"

"No."

"So I really am just your whore then? A pet to play with?"

"I don't know…. I guess so…." 

"No, no!" Heero shook his head, his fingers wound in the disarray of brown hair that fell over his eyes. Quivering almost violently, he shouted it again. "NO!" 

The whole class ground to a dead halt, slowly turning as one body to all face Heero. He was leaning on his desk, elbows crushed into the flat wooden surface, his eyes wide with fear as that recollection enflamed in his head, burning with a satanic crackling glee as it drove the dark blue eyed boy near a point of insanity. 

"Mister Yuy?" the history professor called back in his rolling refined southern American drawl. "Mister Yuy, is there something you would like to share with the class, hmm?" 

"It's not like that at all!" were the only words Heero could find, screaming them aloud more to himself than Hoshi, or anyone for that matter. 

The teacher, taking this comment the complete wrong way, began to make his way to the back of the room where Heero sat, beating his head into the palms of his hands while muttering inaudibly to himself. The wizened old monk seemed greatly disturbed by this sudden change in character of the most silent and seemingly emotionless student to ever grace his classroom, and was not at all sure how to approach the matter. Almost afraid to speak aloud, the teacher found himself standing a good few feet away from Heero, well out of arm's reach (he had heard those rumours about Heero's strength as well), as he gently prodded the distraught boy with what he felt were subtle words. "Mister Yuy, if you do not feel fit to sit through this class without disrupting—" 

Heero sudden scream ended that sentence prematurely. His eyes seemed almost totally white with rage, or clouded with _some_ form of radical emotion. "He's gone crazy!" someone shouted from the front of the classroom. For some reason, this struck everyone who was not close to Heero (and this was a good portion of the class), as extremely funny, the snickers and chuckles rising up in the air witness to that fact. 

"Shut up!" D.B. was screaming at them as Sora did her best to try and get the attention of Hoshi, who was busy making apprehensive attempts to put her hands on Heero's shoulders. "Hey will you all _shut up_!? Don't judge things you know nothing about you buncha dirty lying hypocrites!" 

"What did you _say_ to him?" Sora hissed at Hoshi behind a raised hand over one side of her mouth. 

"I didn't say a _word_!" Hoshi threw her arms up in her own defense, carefully making sure to avert her eyes from Heero, who was slowly deteriorating beside her. He kept mumbling something about Duo not being a slut, and that what he felt was something more than just lust and an escape.

"You had to have said _something_ to upset him like that," D.B. said with a worried look in his eye as he glanced quickly at Heero. Seeing Sora nodding along in agreement pushed him on further. "Goddamn Hoshi, even _you _have to have some tact! Look at what you did! You just had to get all philosophical on his ass, didn't you?" 

"He deserved it!" Hoshi crossed her arms. 

"He deserved what?" the monk asked, realizing that Hoshi obviously had a lot to do with this crisis. "Is this your doing, Miss Hoshi?" 

"Not really," she said, sounding a little guilty at last. "Everything you're seeing is his own fault."

"What's his fault?"

"His memories," she answered with a nonchalant shrug, as if the answer was the most palpable conclusion in the world. Though perhaps not as much so to just anyone, but to someone like Hoshi, it most surely was. "He chose his own path. Things that are making him go crazy now are his fault." 

"Looks like he regrets it though," Sora pointed out. "Shouldn't you forgive a person if they obviously are sorry?" 

"Not if they're going rabid in the middle of my lecture!" the teacher all but whined. The retort was kind of pathetic coming from a grown man. Hoshi, D.B. and Sora took a brief moment to snigger. Shaking his head, he was about to motion for Hoshi, then thought better of it, and pulled Sora from her seat. "Take him to the infirmary or something. Get him a glass of water or a sedative or _something_, just get him out of here!"

"What if he kills her?" the same ignorant bastard from the front of the room called. "Who's liable?" 

"Shut your trap, bitch, or we'll sic him on you!" D.B. screamed at the boy as Sora delicately maneuvered a still shaking and muttering, but thankfully calming Heero from the classroom, slamming the door behind her as she left. 

Making their way down the empty hall, she stole a glance at the brutally handsome boy walking in minute paces just behind her, wringing a dirty old white copy of _'The Catcher in the Rye'_ in his perfectly sculpted hands as they went. In the silence that hung between them, she could not help but try and guess what went on behind those disquieting Prussian eyes, wondering what sorts of things could cause a seemingly well-balanced person to suddenly snap like this. Her gaze fell to those writhing hands, still turning the book over and over, stroking the smooth paper cover as if it were some sort of comfort. _I wonder what kinds of things those hands have done in the past to make him this way? Was it killing in the war or… something deeper than even that?_ She shoved her hands deep into her uniform skirt pockets as she mussed over it in her mind. 

"S-Sora?" a meek quavering, almost unrecognizable voice said from behind her. She turned to see Heero stopped in the middle of the hall, gripping the book tight. Not waiting for her to acknowledge that he had spoken, Heero kept talking, knowing that she was listening, even if no words were spoken. "Who am I?" 

"What are you talking about?" a very flummoxed Sora asked as she tugged Heero by the arm. He refused to budge an inch, and Sora quickly learned that there was not a way in hell that she could even dream of contending with his strength, so she let him be, contenting herself with reaching over to loosen the thin black tie around the stiff collar of his school shirt. 

"I don't know who I am anymore," he shrugged, hugging his book tighter to his side, his voice sounding much like it was used to, a beautiful deep monotone that was almost bell-like. "I thought I had it all figured out, and that I had moved on with my life. Next thing you know, Hoshi comes sailing in out of nowhere and totally flips things upside down all over again. It was hard enough the first time. Now it's almost worse, with feelings she can dig up and throw in my face. Sometimes I wonder if she really is my friend or if she's…. Oh I don't know!" He threw his arms up in defeat. 

"Of course she's your friend, silly. Besides, I think you're stuck on her," she smiled, making the most cheerful face she could muster. "Me and D.B are too. You shouldn't dwell so much in the past. Take the moment you have now and forget everything else!"

"I thought I _was_, just like Duo always said to, until she came along!" he protested, slowly starting to walk again, this time side-by-side with Sora, instead of dropping back forlornly as he had been before. "She makes me _think_ about the past, and everything I used to have that's gone to me forever! I can't be happy knowing that I threw away the best thing I ever had." 

"And what was that?" Sora asked kindly, almost knowing instinctively what the reply would be. Most everything Heero did or said seemed to be related in some way to that Duo character. Though she doubted she would ever meet him, or know very much more than what she already did about him, she figured that Duo was indeed a very integral part of unraveling the mystery not only around Heero, but around Hoshi as well. 

"And what do you mean that I'm stuck on her?" he asked suddenly. "I don't like her like that at all! She's… she's… everything in a person I should like. She looks and acts like Duo. Hell, she could be his twin! But she's just… she's just not him." 

Heero refused to say any more as they stopped in front of the infirmary, a set of apartments that had once been a large guest bedroom in the huge old house that now served as a school building. Sora pushed open the oaken door and found the nurse sitting at her desk in the little entrance parlor of the rooms, the phone cradled in her shoulder as she spoke business to some sick student's mother, reading off a medical report on her desktop computer. Looking up and noticing the two standing in her office, she gave them a quick nod that she had noted their presence in the room and went back to wrapping up her conversation to the worried woman on the other end of the phone line. 

Hanging up the phone, the nurse spun around on her swivel chair, folding her hands professionally on her white coat covered lap. "Well then, I'm sorry that took a bit, you two. What can I do for you?" 

"Uh, Heero wasn't exactly…." Sora trailed off, unsure of really how to explain it without insulting Heero. 

"I am feeling completely well, Sora," Heero took the silence and ran with it. He did not see any need as to why he should have to even be there, not that he could really even remember the incident in the history classroom, though he still had a raging headache and he did feel a bit queasy. 

"Something wrong with Mister Yuy here?" the nurse asked, wheeling her chair over the uneven floorboards to a black file cabinet on the other side of the little parlor and yanking open an extremely ordered drawer, sifting through various manila folders until she found what she was looking for. Leafing through it, she said aloud, "Mister Yuy, with a perfect health record not only here, but predating his entry to our school. What could be the matter now?" 

"Well, it's a bit strange to explain," Sora said, gathering up all the confidence she had stowed away inside. Though Heero was not about to admit it, there had been something seriously wrong with him back there, though he seemed to be on the mend, turning back into the familiar Heero with every moment. Though he was now fine on the outside, she was pretty sure there was still quite a bit of turmoil churning around on a psychological level for Heero, and she knew he would probably benefit most well from a quiet rest away from the rest of the school. "I do think he should lie down though. He's not quite well." 

"Not quite well, how?" the nurse asked, not even looking up from Heero's student record. "It's not easy for someone with such an impeccable immune system to just suddenly get sick. Why, it's not even flu season or anything!" 

"I wouldn't say it's really anything like that," Sora answered blandly. She was not getting the results she desired from the woman, so she just put her foot down, Hoshi's influence upon her obviously shining through. "Look, I don't care what you think or what Heero even thinks! What _I_ think is that he should have himself a good rest to collect his thoughts and get it together. He's been having it sort of rough as of late and he needs some time to just recuperate from the shock of it all! Get him a bed, some aspirin and a glass of water, and be _done_ with it already! I'm not gonna argue about it!" 

"Well gee, Miss Sora, that's all you had to say!" the nurse sighed, exasperated. Shoving Heero's folder back into the filing cabinet, she ushered Sora to the door and closed it after her before dragging a very stony Heero into the back bedroom, which was now used as a sick bay. 

At first unbeknownst to the nurse, the dark bed filled room seemed to trigger some sickening memory in Heero's mind, his face taking on that contorted expression as seen in the history room before. He started muttering insanely to himself and wringing his hands nervously again. "He's not a slut, not a slut, not my pet, not my whore." 

"What's that?" the nurse seemed to have heard snippets of Heero's low spoken mantra, and was apparently a bit disturbed by it. Looking up from the bed she was making up for the short Japanese boy, she saw the beginnings of the same psychotic condition Heero had slipped into earlier and had a drastic thought that she might have to either strap him down or fetch a narcotic for him if he became worse. 

"He won't ever be my whore, never again," Heero's breaths quickened. Seeing this, the nurse quickly guided him to the bed and sat him down at its edge as Heero continued to talk aloud to himself. "I won't let him be just my whore ever again. 'Cause he's not a slut, he's not a slut…." 

"So that's what she meant," the nurse said to herself as she quickly ran to the joining bathroom on the other side of the room to grab a glass of water for the now shaking boy, lying on the bed in a cold sweat. Before returning to Heero's bedside, she made a stop at a large locked bookcase filled with medication and other such drugs and after scanning the labels quickly, grabbed a small orange bottle and returned to her patient. Pulling _'The Catcher in the Rye' _from Heero's sweaty grasping hand, she replaced it with two of the heavy drowse inducing pills from the orange bottle and helped him bring them to his mouth and swallow them with a swig of water. Feeling his forehead for any signs of a fever and mercifully finding none, she helped him lay back onto the soft flat pillow and held him by his wrists until he fell into a drug-induced sleep that was riddled with dreams of his ever-present past. 

__

There was Duo, ahead of him, running away, looking back over his shoulder at him with a mischievous grin on his face ever so often until the whole world seemed to tilt and waver, surrounding them in a strange haze. When the fog cleared, Heero had landed back in his past, watching those old instances that plagued his heart unfold once more before him. 

Wing lay, almost totally decimated, on the deck of a dark stealthy ship floating in the darkness of the Pacific Ocean. He was back on that Sweepers ship, the place where Duo had brought him as a place of refuge after that whole crazy incident with the hospital. The moon was bright, grinning down upon Heero's shadowy form upon the deck as he sat crouched beneath the safety of Wing's mechanical hand, still working over a few last minute repairs. He was just wondering to himself what he was going to do about those missing parts, his eyes wandering with ill intent towards the black Gundam that lay peering out from beneath a huge grey tarp on the other side of the boat, when that tall thin boy with the long messy braid came stumbling clumsily from atop the Gundam, jumping to the deck with the hollow sound of his combat boots connecting with the steel floor. He had apparently been lying there for heaven knew how long, watching the stars twinkling in the midnight sky. Heero was suddenly iced to his spot, hands frozen against Wing's metal body as he watched the gangly youth tip his black cap in his general direction with a large quirky grin as some form of goodnight before making his way down into the belly of the great steel boat to turn in for the night. It sent shockwaves rippling through his body, making his heart palpate quicker and numbed his brain from any train of rational thought. He quickly turned back to his work, forcing himself to focus on Wing's current state of dysfunction. 

After a while of quiet mechanical labour, he found that a shadow had cast itself over his work. "Hn, out of the way," he absently told whatever it was that had moved between him and the moon's icy glow. "I can't see what the hell I'm doing." 

"You look like you're doing a fine job to me." He had been startled to hear a voice reply. He knew that voice quite well by then, however, he slowly turned around, feigning supreme distaste, to face the braided Maxwell boy who had just sauntered by earlier. He was standing there with a steaming mug of something in his finely sculpted hands, his cap still perched atop the mess of long brown hair, his big plum hued eyes still sparkling from behind his unkempt fringy bangs, and a cute expression of confusion twisting that pert little mouth of his upside-down. "But you looked kind of cold out here; it is almost winter, after all, and I just thought that you might want something to warm you up." 

Heero blinked his eyes a couple times at Duo, his face totally devoid of any expression that could be named by an emotion. He surveyed the boy, looking him over from head to toe and then finally settled on a very uncaring choice of words. "I thought you had gone to bed. What are you still doing here?" 

"I told you, babe, to bring you this hot cocoa," he said cheerfully cocking his head as he extended the mug out in both hands. The steam curled over the rim of the mug and over his pale hands, floating upwards into a misty oblivion. When Heero said nothing, simply staring from the mug to Duo and then back again, Duo started to babble on mindlessly to fill the silence. "Well I could understand if you're not too keen to drink it. We don't have anything too, too fancy on board but I spiced up the last of our chocolate with some amaretto I keep hidden underneath my bed so the rest of the boys don't get at it. Tastes very good in hot cocoa I might add. I mean, it's really not much, and I'm kind of starting to run out of the liquor, but I guess for you I was willing to let you have the last drop…." 

Heero had given up staring at the mug and was now fixated on Duo and only Duo. He had long since stopped listening to what the braided American boy had been talking about, now focused only on his lithe body, his pretty features and long attractive hair. So it was true that Heero had found the boy ridiculously cute the first time he had laid eyes upon him, standing there with the black baseball cap pulled over his big violet coloured irises, gun awkwardly held out before an adorably pouted mouth. At the time, Heero had felt it was just a dark angel from hell dropping in for a quick visit, only to be gone in a moment, never to be heard from again until he had gotten landed in the hospital. The moment he had seen that baseball cap and the pretty little grin that oozed with waywardness pop up again, Heero figured that this was not someone who was just going to fade away into the darkness like a shadow. This one was here to stay, and Heero figured he might as well take full advantage of it. It was all part of being a soldier. At least, that was what he had told himself at the time. 

"…Huh? What's up, babe?" Duo cocked his head the other way, blinking in the same confused fashion Heero had just before. "Why're you looking at me like that?" 

Heero soundlessly reached over the space between them and took the mug into his calloused hands, his eyes never wavering from Duo's. Duo was locked under his stare, unable to turn his lilac gaze away from the hardened stare of the beautiful Japanese boy that radiated mystery and uncertainty. He looked down briefly at the mug and the thick liquid chocolate swirling around inside before returning to Duo's eyes, that iced over glare still upon his face. 

Duo quavered a bit under that stare and said with a nervous air that was concealed only by an offhand chuckle, "It's not poisoned, if that's what you're wondering, babe." Gathering his confidence up again, he replaced the jovial mask and said with a wink, "You think I'd try to poison someone as sexy as you? You're absolutely jolly-spiffin' nuts if you think so, babe."

The silence that ensued was punctuated with a very unexpected "Thank you," from the stoic Wing pilot as he settled down on the deck, leaning up against his Gundam's metallic body as he cradled the warm mug, just enjoying the heat upon his palms, his eyes wandering up to the star splotched heavens. Duo was still standing there, watching all this, but soon seemed to figure that the thanks had been a dismissal and that he was no longer needed. He turned to go but was stopped again by that low soothing voice. "Are you lonely?" 

Duo stopped his tracks, his back still facing Heero as he responded, his voice suddenly serious, no longer carrying that happy tone it once had only seconds ago. "Yes."

"So am I."

"Do you need company?"

"Yes." 

Duo finally spun about, braid whipping around behind him as he did so, slowly walking over to where Heero sat, at last sipping the hot cocoa. Duo crouched down next to him, watching him with those huge exotic amethyst orbs as he clutched his knees tightly to his chest. He rocked back and forth on his haunches, still eyeing Heero with a curious look painted upon his face as he watched him enjoy the mug of hot cocoa. Soon his eyes left Heero and wandered up to the inky blue washed across the nighttime sky, trying to pinpoint just what he was looking at. "Whatcha up to, babe? Are you trying to see if you can find your home from down here?" he asked at long last, the suspense of unknowing finally unable to contain itself inside. 

"I don't have a home," he answered blandly. "I never belonged anywhere." 

"Then what are you looking for out there?" Duo wondered aloud, falling into a more comfortable sitting position with crossed legs. He reclined up against the white Gundam, hip pressed against that of the other boy, arms folded behind his head. "Comfort or something?" 

"I was trying to figure out why I exist," was his saddened reply. Duo seemed entranced by the sound of his voice, closing his eyes every time Heero opened his mouth to speak, just to enjoy the way his voice fell upon his ears. "The universe is so big and I'm so insignificant. Why does anyone think that I could change the course of history all alone?" 

"Not alone," Duo grinned. "I could maybe help you. Or at least I could comfort your loneliness. It would comfort mine anyway." 

"Who are you? Where do you come from?" Heero asked at length, perplexed by Duo and his odd replies to his questions. Though he was pretty sure that the way Duo treated him would not have mattered if he was a terrorist from the stars or some high ranking Earth official, he had never known anyone who spoke to him so openly and friendly, like an equal. He set the now empty mug aside and folded his arms behind his head. He justified his earlier queries with a rushed clarification, "I've never met anyone quite like you before." 

"There," Duo pointed up at the heavens, his finger singling out the bright stars that made up the L2 colony cluster. A frown crossed his face as he tightened up again, drawing his knees to his chest once more. "It was a pretty crappy place, what with people dying in the streets and the Earth feds running around dumping their shit on anyone they could find who was poorer than they were. I mean, no matter what Earth said, their troops were up there 'cause they were stuck up there, just like everyone else on that goddamned colony. I guess they just needed a way to keep themselves occupied, even if it meant making life living hell for nearly everyone on the colony… 'Cause near everyone up there's poor... either really rich or really poor. There was no in the middle. They're fighting to survive up there on their own, no thanks to Earth." he added, spitting into his hands and rubbing them together for warmth. He paused for a moment to catch his breath after that spell of ranting before beginning his talking again. "As for me, well, I got by as well as I could. I haven't got any parents that I can really remember 'cause of all the fighting and such, so I've been wandering around the streets for a while. Thieving was really the only way me and Solo and the rest of the gang could get by day to day. I mean, it's not that appealing or nothing, but a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do to get a hot meal once in a while. When my good buddy, old Solo, kicked over from that rotten plague, I kind of turned to whoring to keep a few bucks in my pocket 'cause stealing just wasn't cutting it anymore. What a way to waste a childhood, I say. For cripes sake, I was barely ten or so at the time and if it wasn't for that church, I bet I'd be dead. Innocence gave me the short end of the stick, I can assure you that." At that, he plopped his chin atop his knees and would not say any more on the subject of his past nor his opinion on innocence, something that Heero actually found himself wondering about. Maybe Heero's own past had not been as emotionally or physically scarring as Duo's, but it was not what one would call a decent upbringing nonetheless. 

"You like to talk a lot," Heero said in lieu of pursuing any such topics. He just decided he had to fill the silence with something. He may have been more on the callous side of things, but he decided he did not like the way a person's face looked when it was wet with tears. So when Duo had begun to sob a bit, he scrambled for words to try and patch it up. 

"Does that bother you?" he asked between sobs. "I'm sorry if it does. I bother a lot of people. Why do you think I'm here without a home either?" 

"You're cold," Heero said simply as he slowly put his arms around the shivering boy and pulled him close. Duo wiped away his tears and buried his face into Heero's green tank top. Somewhat unsure of how to hold a person in a comforting way, Heero brought a hand up and slowly removed Duo's baseball cap, dropping it beside him before letting his fingers entwine themselves in Duo's long braid, stroking the long tresses absently as he took his thoughts back to the stars. "Shh, stop crying." 

"Does clinging to something make you forget?" Duo asked into the dark green fabric of the other boy's shirt. He could feel Heero's chest quake with each heavy breath, his initial reaction to that sensation being to tighten his limbs around him, pulling himself closer to the thin muscled young body in his arms. "It makes me forget. I don't have to worry about fading away or anything. Everyone always forgets that Death exists. I'm just a stupid shadow." 

"You're still shivering," Heero commented insipidly. The hand that was not lost in Duo's thick tresses was wandering up and down his spine, tracing the bones that were so distinguishable beneath his long thin physique. Feeling those shakes and unsure if it was cold or crying that was making him quiver so, Heero lifted the American boy into his arms with ease and started to walk towards Duo's quarters in the belly of the great steel ship. Duo's arms tightened around his neck and tried to press himself as close to Heero as he could as Heero brought him to his tiny cabin. 

"It's warmer here," Duo commented as Heero set him down upon the meager cot bed in the messy little room. His arms were still wound around Heero's neck, keeping the other boy bent over him. Heero nearly froze when a warm tongue played over his cool flesh and a husky voice whispered in his ear, "It's much warmer here."

"What are you…?" Heero whispered, his eyes wide with surprise and his cheeks flushed red as a volley of soft kisses fell upon his neck and shoulder. "Why are you…?" His words fell short, becoming short desperate breaths of air as the pretty little touches that sprinkled his body began to sink into his flesh. 

"I've been watching you for a while. You seem so desperate to cling to something baby, so why don't we just make the most of the dark?" Duo murmured into Heero's flesh, pulling him down onto his lap. His breathing was gravelly and his voice seductive as he went on speaking in a hushed tone. He could feel the stoic Japanese boy stiffen with surprise as he licked along his jaw line, murmuring words of seduction into his delicate ear. "You want to fuck me baby? I can tell you do, with the way you've been staring at me all day. Would you want to cling to me?"

"H-Hai," he breathed as he felt those slender arms slink around his waist and hold him fast to his body. He had no idea that Duo had been aware of his lust filled glances since the whole hospital breakout. It had been one of those things that Heero had meant to keep buried and secret, doubting that even if he were to speak his desires aloud, he would never get his way. And it any case, he himself had no idea how he ought to act upon these emotions. As he had always accustomed to live, he was following his emotions; despite the fact these emotions were new and a trifle confusing, Heero was more than ready to obey his passions. He began to wonder what good he had done lately to deserve such a reward. 

"I think I need to cling to something too," Duo was saying between little nips at his flesh. "It's been a while since I've had someone to hold onto, and you… you're just so…." His words were lost as Heero wrenched Duo from his shoulder and forcefully pressed his lips against his. He could feel Duo's body excite at this sudden turn of events, his slyly smiling lips caressing Heero's mouth in a tantalizing slow kiss, gently prying his lips apart, sucking his warm tongue into his mouth as his hands began to wander over Heero's body, exploring curiously and intrigued. Pulling away and leaving Heero most certainly craving more, Duo looked into those murky Prussian pools of dark ice, searching for Heero's inner passions. Duo did not finish his last train of thought, his lips settling on a simple mysterious grin that radiated so much more than just pure lust. 

No longer intimidated by Duo's sudden desire for him and too lost in his own passions and wants, he took Duo's chin a bit forcefully in his index finger and thumb with hidden super-human strength, as if he were examining his pale china face, and practically purred at him, "Beautiful. You are beautiful, Duo Maxwell."

"Is that what you think of me, baby?" Duo licked his lips, nuzzling the crook of Heero's neck affectionately. "No one I've ever met called their whore beautiful. You want me to be your whore, baby? 'Cause that's what people usually want with me."

"Mmm, pretty little American slut," Heero was nibbling Duo's earlobe as he brought himself closer to his soon-to-be lover's body, grinding softly against his slight frame. This was a very welcome turn of events." I want you, I do. This is all brand new. I've never felt this way for anyone before. I've never seen anyone as beautiful before."

"Me too baby, me too," Duo growled as he gave Heero a surprisingly forceful shove, sending him sprawling off his lap. As he slid off the bed and padded over to Heero on his hands and knees, he went on in that pleasing under-toned voice. "You know, you have such amazing eyes, baby, that I'd even be your whore for free." He pinned an unresisting Heero beneath him, grinning sadistically down upon him with a knowingly mischievous grin carved into his cherubic face. "Mm, yeah, such pretty eyes, even if they do hide whatever the hell you're really thinking about," he observed, flicking Heero's nose tenderly as he scrutinized the harshly breathing boy beneath him. "Ooh, you're damn horny baby,"

Heero was virtually magnetized to the amazing beauty crouched above him. It made him even hotter to think that this perfect creature was willing to be his without much protest at all. He had never expected that Duo could have wanted the exact same thing he had. After pretty much screwing up his first mission, he had been a bit pissed at himself and the war and was more than willing to find any way to relieve himself of that stress. Duo bent over him, guiding his lips towards his for another steamy kiss. Bringing his lips away for a moment, Heero huffed with a heavy breath one word, "More," before dragging Duo's mouth back upon his.

"You want more of this?" More kisses fell upon Heero's body, his mouth exploring avidly. "This, and this and this?" Duo asked between each kiss as he flung clothes across the room as he stripped them from both their bodies. 

Heero's words were lost as anything coherent he had to say liquefied into wild sex-driven moans that grew louder and louder as Duo ministered to Heero's aching need. Even his desperate begging was no more than low strings of purred Japanese as Duo familiarized himself with his new lover. It was a war back then, and they were just two soldiers who needed a way to forget it all. It was lust, it was passion, it was pleasure, nothing less, and nothing more. 

Duo had quite a while having his own way with a perfectly succumbing Heero, but as time wore on, he could feel Heero beginning to get impatient with him, tired of being toyed with and teased. It could only have gone on that way so long, anyway. He was soon thrown on his back and at Heero's mercy before he even had a chance to realize what had happened. Much to his delight though, he found that Heero was mimicking every luscious pleasure he had just exercised on him earlier. After a bit of experimenting, they found themselves fucking each other like animals on the floor, twisted in the tangled bed sheets they had dragged off the bed as they fought each other down with lusty thrusts and zealous shouts and moans. 

"Am I your first, baby? Hard to believe. You're damn amazing." Duo stretched out in a catlike yawn, his flesh rubbing against Heero's own as he did so when they were finally worn out, now just lying beside each other in the almost stifling room, letting the fresh sea air from the open portholes rush in to cool them off. All that could be heard in the heavy air was the quiet sound of a small boom box, trying in vain to lull the two soldiers to sleep. 

**[It's a damn cold night,  
Trying to figure out this life.]  
Won't you take me by the hand?  
Take me somewhere new.  
I don't know who you are but I…**

...I'm with you….]

"Hai," came the husky reply, hushed and whispered. A protective arm slipped around Duo's waist and pulled their bodies closer as Heero snuggled against the lanky youth wrapped tightly in the sheets with him. He could smell the gingery scent of Duo's skin as he cuddled with him, holding him so tightly that Duo could not have moved if he wanted to. Meanwhile the wondrous longhaired American was simply lying there, breathing gently as he stared up at the ceiling, collecting his thoughts. 

"Want me to be your last?" Duo leaned over and laid a small kiss on Heero's shoulder, almost painfully seductive. Heero was able to tell by the way Duo had been absently intently looking up into nothingness that his mind was elsewhere. Heero also knew he had probably been a bit hasty with him, practically forcing him to be his lover without so much as waiting for a nod of consent from the other, but he had been to preoccupied with his own lust to be troubled with the feelings of others. It certainly was not like Duo had not wanted it just as much as he had, and it definitely was not that the chestnut haired boy had not enjoyed it or anything; it just seemed that he had trouble coping with the notion of being used once again, as if that were his only purpose in life. Covering up for his mental unrest, no matter how obvious it was, Duo opened his mouth and kept talking, as it seemed typical with him, "I'll go at it again with you whenever you want, baby. Heh, and don't worry about ever having to pay me. With someone as good as you, what do I need money for any longer?"

"I want you to be my only," Heero growled as his grip on his lover's waist tightened, the fear that Duo might not want to escape with him again nipping at his mind and strangely, his heart. Then it might have had nothing to do with love, but Heero had trouble sharing most things. He was not about to let his new plaything just jump into anyone's bed without his consent. And knowing Heero, the only bed Duo would be crawling into would be his. "I won't share you with anyone. You belong to me and I to you, Duo Maxwell."

The rest of Heero's memories concerning that night were all a blur. He could only remember the sound of Duo's laughter, a sound that fueled him through the war and the nameless songs that played on the radio, singing the stories of their lives. 

**[I don't know who you are but I…  
...I'm with you….] **

****

{A/N} I really don't care for Avril Laveign very much (she's too much of a poseur) however, that song has a habit of getting stuck in your head, and it said what I was trying to get at so there you go. I guess I'll go as far as to say that I do think it's rather pretty.... I'll have to go do penance by listening to some _real_ punk rock for a couple hours. Keep your eyes open for the next chapter next week and I _do_ hope that I haven't bored you all to tears yet. 


	6. From Maxwell, With Love

****

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper 

****

~ Part VI ~

From Maxwell, With Love

Heero felt his eyes slowly beginning to focus as the heavy sleep began to ebb away. Propping himself up on his elbows, he looked around to find he was still lying alone in the sick bay, all the other metal-framed beds empty in the late afternoon. The heavy white drapes hanging over the tall windows were drawn tightly closed, banishing the sunlight from the darkened room. With a frustrated sigh, he collapsed onto his back once more with arms dropping off each side of the bed, his fingers just grazing the floor. A sad song wafted over the still air, its soft beat and quiet guitar chords dancing in his ears as his eyes roved the high plaster ceiling above. Gaze falling back to the furniture, he found himself tracing the sounds of the music to a small boom box sitting atop a wooden washstand beside one of the beds on the other side of the room. A few vagrant slivers of afternoon sun slid from beneath the curtains and played over the black machine where it sat forlorn and forgotten as Heero was in the solitude of the desolate room, both lamenting to the barren walls, which were all the world could offer to listen to their weeping. 

__

[I couldn't sleep last night.  
My ears were ringing in my head.  
Best friends with the boogieman,  
And I may be better off here dead.

Running on empty once again,  
Too tired for tears I dread.  
Sing deep to those magic dreams,   
While I blast off in my bed.]

Turning his head, he found a small bouquet of lilacs tied with a simple black ribbon on the little bureau beside his bed. There was no card or anything; just those three purple flowers, almost as deep and rich in colour as Duo's eyes. Heero reached over and managed to drag the bunch of lilacs to his side with as little effort as possible, holding them up over his head as he gently fingered the ribbon as he admired the beautiful gift, still feeling strangely weak and nauseated. Whether it was his untamed dreaming or his wild fits from before that made him feel thus, it was hard to be sure. 

Duo had been the first and only one to give him flowers since the little girl with Relena's eyes he had slaughtered. Before then, Heero had never seen a use for them aside from being a noisy eyesore dotting Earth's greenery. But then one morning, when he had just stumbled from Wing's cockpit after a long heinous mission, he had found Duo in the hangar, where he had been sitting, waiting with a red rose in his hand. Upon seeing him, Duo had bounded after him, chasing him down and cutting him off as Heero had tried to make a retreat from the hangar. Holding the rose out, its large scarlet bud drooping a bit over his hand and its one green leaf peeking out from between his fingers, he had offered it to Heero with a shy smile. Realizing the rose to be a gift, Heero had taken it apprehensively, not quite sure what to do with it as he stared into the depths of those crimson petals, crystallized with tiny water droplets. He felt for the first time, a steady warmth kindling itself in his heart as a small smile crossed his face. He had looked up in time to see Duo react to the smile with a contented one of his own and turn quickly on his heel, braid flying out behind him as he nervously took off down the corridor.

"Who could have known that I liked flowers, or that lilacs were my favourite?" Heero asked the boom box as he took in the soft scent of the flowers. He chuckled a little bit as he brought the flowers to his nose again and breathed in deeply once more. "Heh, who could have ever thought that I would feel so happy when I received flowers."

[And you know I planned it all here,  
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears.  
And I threw my whole night down the drain,  
You know 'cause everyone says that I'm not the same,  
Since I changed my name.]

Still clutching the lilacs close, Heero thought back to his lucid dreaming. Of all things to be reminded of, he had to be cursed with the clear memory of the way he and Duo used to use each other as a diversion from the war. They could have been called friends beyond just the sex in a sense. They had always been there for each other, sometimes to talk, sometimes just as a way to forget the unwanted pain and the needless hardships. So sure, it had started out as a purely physical relationship, even that much Heero had to admit to himself. Yes, he had been initially attracted to that slight undulating body of Duo's, the beautiful long hair and the big delightful violet wine drunken eyes. _Oh, but it sure as hell changed, didn't it,_ Heero crossed his arms behind his head, eyes upon the ceiling, lilacs lying upon his chest, faintly rising and falling with each light breath. _It turned into so much more than just sex and longing. The comfort he started to offer me began to take a more emotional form after a while. And now look; I can barely close my eyes with out thinking of him. _

[Three hours later and I'm staring at the ceiling still.  
Zantacs does nothing more but calm the sleeping thrill.   
Turning the pillows round and round to find the cold spot for my head,  
I bless my only friend. 

And you know I planned it all here,  
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears.  
And I threw my whole night down the drain.  
You know 'cause everyone says that I'm not the same,  
And everyone turns tricks for fickle fame.]

His throat was parched and dry, strained eyes watering, his lips cracked and a bit bloody. He turned on his side towards the bedside bureau once more to reach for the glass of water that had been left for him beside the orange bottle of pills. Heero defiantly pushed the bottle to the floor, refusing to take any more of the drugs. He hated medication and stimulants and avoiding taking them whenever possible. A childhood of being forced with the stuff could do that to a person. As his fingers wrapped around the tall glass of water, he noticed something he had missed before. Lying on the table, a few stray lilac petals strewn over its black cover, was a simple journal looking book. Water glass in one hand, this mysterious new book in the other, Heero rolled over onto his stomach, cracking the book open atop the pillow. 

Sipping the lukewarm water, he turned the first blank page over, only to have his heart nearly fall out of his chest. Fighting to refrain from spewing his mouthful of water all over the book, he forced a swallow and replaced the glass on the bureau and returned to the sketches of the Gundam Sandrock on the page. _Who could have gotten a hold of something like this? Did the person who left me the lilacs leave me this as well?_ Heero could only wonder as he gawked at the precise detail with which the pictures were drawn. Each tiny ink stroke captured the full beauty and horror of the MS weapon. Heero could have sworn that if he had been feeling a bit more dazed, the suit would have seemed to have flown right off the page. Turning the page held more pen and ink drawings of the Gundam, yielding then to a set of Heavyarms sketches and then both Altron and Shenlong. 

It was almost too much for him to bear, particularly in his somewhat confused state of mind. But the shock of seeing those pages held nothing in comparison to what he found next. Certainly seeing Deathscythe (a blatant reminder of Duo) and his old companion Wing was strange enough, considering the exquisite detail each sketch held, but it was the few pages that ended the small book that sent Heero on a mind trip. Astoundingly marvelous drawings of his own likeness were penned on those final pages. He had never seen an artist's rendition of himself, and found he was strangely intrigued by the pictures. _Who could have known about the Gundams… about me? _

He was few more curious as he flipped closer and closer to the final page of the book. Upon reaching that last sketch at length, he nearly lost his grip on reality once more, wondering what kind of odd higher powers were toying with his life at that very moment. The drawing was an exact reproduction of the half of the photograph Duo was to have had. Then he noticed at the very tail end of the book, beneath a set of verses scrawled in a somewhat messy hand a set of very startling words. 

[I feel my body's lost control.  
My knees get weak as I drift away.  
And it gets darker, darker,  
Dreaming's where I am.  
Oh, oh, oh…. ]

"All drawings by Duo Maxwell." 

"Heero?" he could feel someone lightly shaking him. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes again was the blurry white of his pillow obscured by the black cover of the sketchbook. It was even darker in the room than it had been when he had woken up last. With a low grunt, he turned over to see Hoshi leaning over him, a cheery smile on her face, the bunch of lilacs in her hand. She said again, "Heero, are you feeling better?" 

"Nrrrggg," Heero groaned, crumpling back onto the bed. He mumbled into the soft down of the white pillow, "What time is it? What are you doing here?" 

"It's a bit past midnight," Hoshi said, sitting down beside the bed, leaning up against the bedside bureau. Heero could just make out her head and neck before the rest of her body disappeared behind the edge of the mattress. "You've been sleeping here all day. I thought you might probably want to go on back to your dorm to spend the rest of the night. You don't want to wake up in here."

"My room, the infirmary," he rolled on his back, folding his hands over his stomach, pulling the sketchbook closer. He could feel the chilled metal of Duo's cross burning into his hot flesh beneath his shirt as he let one palm fall over his chest, tearing the first couple buttons of his collar open to cool off a bit in the airless room. "It's all the same after a while. Wherever I may roam, where I lay my head is home."

"What do you mean?" 

"The road is my home, my bride," Heero sighed, his eyes becoming cloudy with fatigue and growing fever. His condition was obviously worse than anyone had previously anticipated, and Hoshi could see it in his body, words and actions. "I have stripped of all but pride." 

"You are very proud, Heero Yuy." 

"Rover, wanderer, nomad, vagabond, call me what you will," he said, rolling over with his back towards her. Now that he thought on it, it saddened him to think that he never had anywhere to call home. He never knew what it was like to be wanted and loved with a place to run to whenever he was sad or lonely. He wondered to himself as he pressed his head deeper into the pillow, _Does that make Duo my home?_ "But I'll take my time anywhere. I'm free to speak my mind anywhere. I'll take my pride anywhere." 

"Hehe, you sound like a song," Hoshi giggled. Seeing that Heero was making no response, she stood and gently shook Heero again. "And you always though you weren't one to be very poetic and all." 

Heero smiled almost longingly as his mind began to wander back to that place it always seemed to dwell. "Duo was the imaginative one. God, you give him a problem and he'd come up with the cleverest ways of getting through it; things that were so simple that you wondered why you didn't think of them first. He was definitely underrated and under appreciated for his skills and tact. He was way smarter than anyone ever gave him credit for." 

"You're smart too. I think you're one of the smartest people I know," Hoshi stood, reaching over to aid Heero as he struggled to sit up. She could feel his flesh was searing hot, like white flame. Handing him the glass of water, she helped him drink of its refreshing tides and get up on his feet. "You know, I bet you're getting really sick. Maybe you have a fever?" 

"I've never been sick before, so I wouldn't know," Heero shrugged, feeling his head swim. He could not recall ever feeling so weak and dazed before. He knew he could not blame it on the ungodly hour at which he had been woken; an entire day of sleep had facilitated any chance that fatigue was the root of this new problem. But Heero Yuy was not about to let his body bring him down. He pushed away from Hoshi and tried to stand on his own, only to sag back onto the creaky bedsprings. 

"I think you do have a fever," Hoshi pursued the notion with a certain shake of her head. She got Heero to his feet once more and with an unseen strength, held his arms firmly in position around her neck and waist as she assisted him in his stumble back towards his dormitory. Heero probably could have broken free if he had been feeling top notch, but he was so weak that he barely had the vigor to place one foot in front of the other. "Don't forget this, you stupid bastard," she said, handing him _'The Catcher in the Rye.'_ It had been just where Heero had left it before, lying beside the cup of water on the bureau. 

"No one's called me a bastard to my face in forever," Heero smiled to himself, remembering all the joking meaningless insults Duo used to refer to him by. It all meant as much as Heero's ever-classic death glares and mumbled Japanese obscenities. "But I'd bet my life that they call me that all the time when I'm not there." 

"Who gives a crap what they say behind your back?" Hoshi exclaimed, smacking Heero's heartily on the shoulder. "If they're all too cowardly to say it to your face, then what should you care? It's not important what other people think of you anyway. All that matters is what _you_ think of you." 

"You're almost a female Duo," Heero grinned weakly. 

"My, what a compliment. Hey, you know you're really not doing so hot," Hoshi chattered on as they reached the cool hallway, noting the way Heero could barely support himself on his own. He was probably still just really drowsy. "Did the nurse give you anything?"

"Just something to get me to sleep," Heero answered quietly, his whisper rebounding off the walls of the empty corridor. He fell silent once more. 

"Oh. Well in any case you'll do better in your room with the window open than that stuffy old infirmary," Hoshi replied, that cheerful not still present in her voice. The corridors were dimly lit by the pasty yellow moon smiling serenely through the windows, casting them in an army of shadows. After a moment's pause, she went on to say, "I can't see you anymore; it's too dark. Are you smiling? Won't you smile ever?" 

"Take my word that I am smiling," Heero answered quickly, reaching up to cover the saddened frown on his face as they walked through a patch of moonlight. 

"Don't you be lying to me now," she smiled at him, the moonlight rippling across the floor as it shone through the tall old windows that lined the quiet locker filled hall. She could faintly make out in the dim light Heero as his tightly pursed lips slowly spread into a half genuine, half forced quiet kind of smile. 

"I've tried not to," was his honest response. 

More silence ensued between the pair of them as they proceeded onwards. Finally Hoshi broke the lingering stillness as they reached the school's main atrium. "Heero?" she asked, putting a hand on his shoulder as a signal to stop. "Heero, are you angry with me?" 

"Why would I be angry with you?" he voiced his thoughts aloud, not even really realizing that he was doing so. Duo had always been one to be brutally honest and speak his mind whenever it suited him. After a while, a similar sort of habit had begun to form in the perfect soldier, and as of late, he had a lot of trouble restraining his thoughts to the quiet of his own mind whenever Duo was floating amongst his thoughts, which was most the time with him. 

"For that whole thing during history today," she explained, the moonlight dancing in long bluish white streaks upon her long ponytail of brown hair. "I guess I sort of snapped. I know it's sort of hard to believe, but Duo is very important to me too and I… I just want to make sure that if I was going to help you find him again that you wouldn't hurt him again. That you'd… make him happy." 

"Hoshi," he grabbed both her arms and spun her to face him. He had to look up a bit to meet her eyes, but his gaze was nonetheless sincere, if not heartbreaking, like he was one who had a life of things he regretted and needed to make up for. "Hoshi, I would die if that's what would make Duo happy. I never thought that one day his happiness would mean more to me than the air I breath, my missions, my life, everything." 

"Heero," she put on a mock serious tone, breaking the mood like a plate being tossed idly at the wall. _So much for tact on her part anyway_, he thought. _Maybe she really is more like Duo than I had figured before. Hell, she's just like Duo; quite lying to yourself, Yuy. Duo'd kill you if he knew! _ He shook himself from his thoughts in time to hear her say, "Take my word, if you died, Duo would not be long after."

"He always did say he would see me in hell," Heero threw on that weak grin again. Hoshi tried to keep a straight face, but soon found herself melting into a fit of giggles. Her jovial laughing was soon complimented by a deeper one as Heero broke out into fierce hooting as well. A few good minutes of hearty laughing passed, ending as Heero said, "Wow, I don't think I've felt like that in years." 

"Laughing is good, good, good!" Hoshi bounced up and down with joy at the good spirits Heero had fallen into. "Besides, if you're getting sick, laughing will make you forget it all. Don't be miserable Heero! There's nothing to be sad about anymore!" 

"Oh no?" Heero put his hands on his hips and jokingly pretended to be stern. 

"That's right! Now hurry up!" Hoshi ran across the room into the hallway that led down towards the dormitory wing, still laughing as she went. Her voice reverberated in the echoing halls as she went along, stopping in front of the chapel to wait for Heero. He took his time walking over there, too busy milling over his own thoughts to pay any attention to the outside world. 

"Hey, that's not the way," Heero said as Hoshi ducked into the chapel. Heero followed her through the glass doors that led into the little room, following her around the ambulatory to the altar where she finally plopped down at the base of the Virgin statue.

"Hey Lady," Hoshi greeted the statue in her way with an idle wave up behind her head. Then she gave Heero a wave to call him over and patted the spot on the step next to her, waiting for him to sit down next to her. "We're just making a little stop. I figured since it's on the way, it couldn't hurt."

"You believe in God very much, Hoshi?" Heero asked, as he got comfortable on the wood step leading up to the altar and its statue. "You seem to like to hang out here." 

"Naw, not really," Hoshi shrugged. She looked up at the statue briefly, the vacant downcast eyes carved into the white marble as it gazed down upon the two of them sitting there at its feet. "I dunno, it's just that, well, sometimes I just like to have a quiet place to go and think. Nobody ever bugs me here. Whether they think I'm all prayerful and all that crap or they just don't like to come in here, I don't care, but it gives me some time on my own anyway."

"Do you keep things bottled up a lot then?" he asked. If she did, he was sure he could sympathize with her. He did that a lot, rarely ever opening up to people, even if he was supremely comfortable with them. For crying out loud, even when Duo was the closest person to him in his life, he still had issues when it came to voicing his thoughts. Thankfully the more time he wiled away with his braided lover began to cure him of that problem. 

"Not when I come to places like this," she said. Pointing up at the statue, she added with a smile that Heero could not help but see as extremely forced. Duo often made himself smile like that when he was sad, and Heero knew a fake mask of cheer when he saw one. "I know that she'll always be willing listen to me quietly. Even if she can't give me any answers, it sure is nice to know that she's there to talk to when I'm feeling sad." 

"So it's just comfort then?"

"I guess you could say that, but then again, that's what most religion tends to be," she shrugged. "But I guess I don't need to talk to my old friend, the Lady, anymore. Years of talking to the same old face no matter what stupid church you go into gets a bit dull after while. See, now I can talk to you when I'm not feeling so good inside. You'll listen won't you?"

"Am I a statue then?"

"Oh no, no," she shook her hands in the negative to reassure him. "That's not what I meant at all. You're much better than a statue. A statue can't say anything back, no matter how hard you cry at it. But you, you have a heart and a soul and feelings and sympathy."

"I don't like to offer pity. I don't think it helps anybody with anything. It's a weakness."

"Oh I think we could all use a little pity, Heero."

"If I thought like that, I would be dead," Heero snapped. He wrapped his arms around legs and folded them up against his chest, securing his precious bundle of flowers and books against his body, resting his chin atop his knees. Burying his face into his cradled arms, he hid himself away from Hoshi's eyes. 

Hoshi was silent, not sure of how to respond to that. Conversations between the pair always seemed so disjointed with all those odd silences befalling them whenever the mood got to awkward for either of them. She reached over and placed a hand of reassurance upon his shoulder, for once not speaking a word at all. It seemed to be what Heero needed, for he raised his head up and looked at her and opened up his bodily position, a meager smiled traced upon his pale rose lips. Hoshi gave a cheerful smile of her own in return and began to remove her hand when she suddenly felt Heero's fly to his shoulder, gripping her fingers in a tight impasse. 

"Heero?" She blinked her large violet eyes at him curiously. 

"But what's the use? I'll be dead eventually one day… anyway," he said, his low voice barely audible in the quiet little chapel. The empty pews and mindless statues watched on as Heero gave Hoshi's arm a somewhat rough jerk, sending her tumbling into his lap. She was looking up at those almost statue-like blue eyes, seemingly empty and devoid of emotion, her breath quickening with the second. Heero leaned over, holding her delicately in his arms, his stony eyes suddenly flooded with life, half-lidded and sleepy, almost aching for some sign of affection from anyone. "I guess I have to take the cards I've been dealt. So why should I worry if…." His mouth was close to hers, so much that they could feel the warmth of the other's breath feathering out over their lips. "…If you look like Duo or not…. I…." 

"You…?" 

"…I…" Heero laid the tiniest, most chaste kiss upon her upper lip, a gingery taste falling upon his tongue as he did so. "I… I don't know…." 

She reached up, pushing him away as she struggled to sit up again. Straightening out her skirt, she fought for words, almost too shocked by that sudden oncoming of passion from Heero. It was gone now, the moment ruined. A look at Heero found him sitting there like a gargoyle once more, staring out past the physical world into a place that only his mind could reach. 

Trying to lighten up the temper of their dead tête-à-tête, she made a quick thieving grab at Heero's books and managed to nab _'The Catcher in the Rye'_, her speed still coming much to Heero's surprise. "Let's see, let's see," she was murmuring as she thumbed through the pages. "What would make Heero feel better? We'll read him a good bedtime story before we send him off to sleep, hehe." 

"Do you really think this is a good place to read a book like that?"

"Like I give a crap. It's just a stupid old statue. It couldn't care less what we read or don't read in here," Hoshi reasoned as she came to a stop. "Ah ha, this will be fun. Should make little old sad Heero feel better. This book oozes Duo sometimes." 

"Of course it does! That copy has him written on nearly every page, and I'm not just talking about what Salinger wrote," Heero thundered impatiently, referring to the notes Duo had scribbled in all the margins of the book. Then, upon seeing the look that crossed Hoshi's face right then, he found unexplainable words tumbling over his lips. "You really do know him, don't you?"

She ignored the question and started to read aloud to him. Heero had to admit that she had a very good reading voice, with nice diction and all. She took her time with the words so you could understand them well, but did not drag through it so that it took a godforsaken year to read a sentence or two. 

"{I got bored sitting on that washbowl after a while, so I backed up a few feet and started doing this tap dance, just for the hell of it. I was just amusing myself. I can't really tap dance or anything, but it was a stone floor in the can, and it was good for tap dancing. I started imitating one of those guys in the movies. In one of those _musicals_. I hate the movies like poison, but I got a bang out of imitating them. Old Stradlater watched me in the mirror while he was shaving. All I need's an audience. I'm an exhibitionist. 'I'm goddamn Governor's son,' I said. I was knocking myself out. Tap dancing all over the place. 'He doesn't want me to be a tap dancer. He wants me to go to Oxford. But it's in my goddamn blood, tap dancing.' Old Stradlater laughed. He didn't have too bad a sense of humour. 'It's the opening of the_ 'Ziegfeld Follies.'_' I was getting out of breath. I hardly have any wind at all. 'The leading man can't go on. He's drunk as a bastard. So who do they get to take his place? Me, that's who. The little ole goddamn Governor's son.'}" 

Heero was laughing again as Hoshi folded the book closed and tossed it back to him. It was not that what she had read was particularly funny, but the memory it stirred up sure as hell was. He could remember Duo enacting the exact same scene for him once when they were off boarding together at school during the war. Crappy times called for cheerful measures, and that was certainly Duo's forte. It had been fun, and though Duo had actually gotten quite a bit out of breath (he had just had a smoke), he had managed to pull Heero along with him, and soon they had both been tap dancing like mad men in their tiny double dorm, laughing like there was no tomorrow. He supposed he probably could have still done the same thing now to cheer himself up, but he knew it would never be quite the same alone. _Duo always said "Live life for the moment and dance like no one's looking," or something like that anyway_, Heero was thinking to himself, not even realizing that Hoshi had stood and was walking out of the chapel until she was nearly gone. He shouted after her, suddenly wondering why he cared that she was going. "Oi, matte, Hoshi!" He cursed himself for slipping back into Japanese again. Sometimes he forgot that not all the world was fluent in his native tongue.

"Huh?" Hoshi obviously understood though, for she stopped and turned around. "What?"

"Where're you going?" he asked. 

"To bed, to bed," she said melodramatically, the muted rainbows of colour produced by the light shining through the stained glass windows behind the altar playing over the floor and her body, setting her in the most peculiar light. The glass picture of an angel and a devil reaching out for the same light was illuminated over the spot where she stood. It looked like she had been ripped from a circus act with all those colours. 

"You'll… I'll see you tomorrow morning?" he asked. 

"Sure," she winked before skipping off down the hall. Heero hastened to his own dorm to crash onto his bed in a rush of newfound fatigue, missing the dejected look etched on Hoshi's face the minute she turned her back to him. 

Heero wandered back into his room, one hand thrust in his pocket, the other carrying his books and lilacs. He stumbled into the room, not even bothering to turn on the lamp; the moon's pale white glow offered light enough to suffice. His shirt and trousers fell to the floor as he collapsed on the bed in nothing but his boxer shorts, his slender muscled frame slick with sweat. It most certainly was not hot in his room, particularly with the window open, the waning winter air wafting into the loft dormitory. He had no idea what could have brought on this fever; it was making him go mad. Groping along the edge of the bed, he found his CD player. Checking to make sure Duo's old music mix CD was still in there, he fumbled with the cord of the earphones as he fit them into his ears. He wilted back onto his back, arms and legs spread akimbo, eyes roving the flaky plaster ceiling above. In the darkness, he could make out the darkened spot where the plaster had fallen completely away, revealing a bit of the old wooden eaves overhead. There were a few cracks in the wall, radiating out from the places where he had driven tacks into the walls to keep his collection of photographs up and the floors boards were worn and uneven. Granted, the room was originally intended for servants, but age had taken quite a toll on the tired old room, but Heero decided then that he liked it nonetheless. It was the first room he could really call his own. 

"The hell am I doing?" Heero wondered aloud to the spot in the ceiling, dejected and suddenly feeling more alone than ever. He had nearly kissed his newest friend Hoshi, but still, he could not forget the smiling bundle of cheer named Duo that constantly rocketed around his mind and thoughts. He had no idea what he was to think anymore. He was confused by Hoshi and her friends, confused by his still lingering love for Duo, by everything in the world that made him feel. "It's strange that… I… that there was a time when neither of us could have given less a damn about the other. And then there's now, when I can't even move on with my life without him." 

__

[This vacation's useless; these white pills aren't kind.  
I've given a lot of thought on this thirteen-hour drive.]

Without even realizing it, he was rolled over on his side, desperately feeling around the inside of the bedside table's drawer for his box of cigarettes. Pulling one of the last ones in the pack, he scuffled with the lighter, flicking it desperately as if his life depended upon its tiny fickle flame. A puff of smoke now floating lazily over his head, he tossed the lighter and the near empty cigarette box to the floor and lay down again, curling up and rolling over so his back was to the middle of the room. The CD whirled around, humming slightly in Heero's old discman, quietly singing into his ears as his eyes began to fall out of focus, his mind going back to the war, a place and time where he still lived, even now that they had won peace. 

[I miss the grinded concrete where we sat past eight or nine,  
And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights.]

He had to admit, even before he had realized what that strange feeling that pained his chest and brain had been, he had always had fun with Duo, in one way or another. Always smiling and ready to cheer up anyone no matter how torn up he was on the inside, Duo had been a light like Heero had never seen in his life ever before. He was such an abrupt change from the sorts of people he was used to, that he could not _help_ but be attracted to him. No one else was so good a friend to Heero as Duo had been; they revered him too much like he was some kind of god, not human. But Duo found him human. Duo _knew _that Heero Yuy was a human. They were so alike and yet still ever so different at the exact same time. They had been kindred spirits and polar opposites, as much of a paradox as Duo himself had been, or maybe even more so. Time only kindled his opinions and feelings for Duo. 

The other pilots, maybe even Relena as well, were still his friends. That is, they had been way back during those disastrous days when they had all been together. Though he still kept pretty good correspondence with Quatre and Trowa, his lover, and even the still occasional letter or telegram from Wufei or Zechs, they all seemed to blend together after a while, especially when compared with his braided wonder. His obsession with Duo during the war could be nothing but fueled by Relena's ridiculous fixation on him. A pang of guilt had started to gnaw at him when he found himself using Duo to strike out vengefully at Relena, as if to further his point that he wanted nothing to do with her. Whether or not Relena really understood what Heero felt, he never did find out for sure. After she had found out that he and Duo had been sleeping with each other, he noticed how much harder she plagued him for affection, and how much more adamantly she ignored Duo. So he had his ways of getting at her, and she had her ways of biting him back. And then it all got even more complicated when some higher power decided to dump love into the equation. 

[I've given a lot of thought to the nights we used to have.  
The days have come and gone; our lives went by so fast.]

"Help me figure out what the fuck I'm doing," he whispered to the photographs on the wall. "I'm lost, addicted and obsessed. The one thing I can't have is the only thing I need to live anymore. And what's worse, I gave you away. I _had_ everything I fucking needed to live and I threw it all away! I'm so stupid!"

__

"Oh I wish I could be everything you are, Hee-chan," he heard Duo's voice echoing in his head. He could still see the way Duo had looked when he had told him that, sitting on the floor of some school's dormitory just as they had packed up to leave, watching as Heero erased their student records from the school's mainframe computer that he had hacked into with such ease. A flash in his mind's eye, and he saw the crackly image of Duo's face as he appeared on Wing's transmission screen, his face sad, eyes downcast and darkened to an almost blackish-blue purple as he spoke a small speech of sorts Heero always heard replaying in his mind at the most ungodly hours of night. _"Oh I wish I could be just like you Hee-chan, and you want to know, I really tried. God knows I really tried but I… I'm nowhere near as good at anything as you are. I could never be like you, even if I gave my life to do it. I don't deserve to be with someone as perfect as you and we both know it. You're so high above me, and I'm just extra baggage. What could you possibly want with a stupid rat whore like me?"_

"You're not a whore. You're not a whore or extra baggage or anything like that," he could feel that delusional insanity coming on again. He quickly went back to the cigarette, its nicotine calming him for the moment. "Did you know I always thought you were beautiful, Duo?"

[I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor,  
Where I laid and told you, but you sweared you loved me more.]

He felt his entire body quivering as he shook with a wild laughter, unable to really understand why he was doing so. Rolling back over to snuff the lit cigarette on the blackened spot on the bedside table, he fell back to the bed, staring up at the ceiling once more. Memories of that haunting dream penetrated his thoughts and for some reason, all it resulted in was a more uncontrollable laugh. "Ah," he choked out, his head falling violently back into the soft down of his pillow, "Isn't it funny, Duo, that I actually liked holding you and kissing you so much more than you ever realized, even before I told you that I… that I…." He could not say it aloud anymore. He had let him go, and that had apparently spoken to Duo that he did not care enough about him to protect him anymore. "I guess you have every right in the world to never speak to me again. You probably have good reason to hide yourself away from me for all these years. I did it to you, after all. I used you, then fooled you, and then let you go. And I am so stupid for doing it." 

__

[Do you care if I don't know what to say?  
Will you sleep tonight? Will you think of me?]

"Ha, and I bet he and Hilde are off happily together by now," he moaned into his pillow, clutching it tightly like a lost little boy. He could feel that scared and lonely juvenile that had been abandoned to the scientists of L1 crawling out from the darkest, most forgotten shadows of his mind. The perfect soldier was dead now. He was just a lost little boy once again, without anyone to love him. "Yep," he kept feeding himself the lies, "probably off and married with five kids by now, never thinking about me. And why the hell should he?! She's a better friend to him than I ever was!" he shouted, pounding his frustrated fist into the pillow, a few tears spurting from his squinted eyes, his voice cynical and condemning, "I did it to him! I told him to stay with Hilde! He probably thinks I want nothing to do with him anymore and that's not true. Of course, when I finally came around with the _brilliant_ idea to go and find him again, it was too late. He had disappeared from the face of the Earth. Disappeared from _me_." 

[Will I shake this off? Pretend it's all okay?  
That there's someone out there who feels just like me.]

"And nothing is okay. I've just made everything so wrong." 

[There is.]

****

{{A/N}} Oooh, intrigue! Uh, song kudos to Sugarcult for _Since I Changed My Name_ and to Boxcar Racer for _There Is_. And if you caught the little Metallica reference in there, you get a pat on the head. ^__^


	7. For Your Eyes Only

****

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

****

~ Part VII ~

For Your Eyes Only

A loud cracking noise roused Sora from her sleep. Groggily sitting up, she felt around for her glasses and glanced around her dorm room, looking for the disturbance. All that her roaming eyes found was her roommate curled up on her bed on the other side of the room. A dim glow spread out from the partially opened bathroom door, mutedly illuminating the dormitory in fair order, her belongings right where she had left them the night before, untouched. 

__

Crack!

The sound rang through the room again. This time the fiery haired girl was able to trace it to the grounds just outside their open window. She pulled herself across the room to the window and peered out over the baseball diamond that stretched out before her. She could barely make out the dark silhouette of a figure standing on home plate, a small pile of baseballs sitting at his feet. He was alone, tossing balls up in the air for himself, quick enough to respond to the pitch by whipping the bat around and smacking the balls as the fell back to Earth deep into deep left field. 

__

Snap!

This time the bat shattered with the force with which he swung as the ball connected with the wood. She watched him curse himself before throwing the useless bat away, not even bothering to see where it landed. Then he disappeared into the dugout and came back out carrying another wooden bat and was soon back at striking the balls forcibly into the faint orangey sunrise ahead.

__

Crack! Crack, crack, crack! 

She did not even have to think about who the identity of the person was. She could tell by his build and the shadowy wisps of his short hair billowing about in the crisp morning air, fresh sunlight highlighting his brown locks ever so often as his body twisted with each swing that it was none other than the infamous Heero Yuy. Checking to make sure her roommate was still dormant, she slid into a pair of heavy woolen pajama pants and threw on her jacket, slinking out the door as quietly as she could as she hurried to the baseball diamond, padding down the hall and quickly sneaking down the back stairs. It was against the school's policy to be out after curfew and before the morning wakeup bell; being caught probably would have resulted in at least a suspension to say the least. Not that such a threat mattered to anyone since many of the students seemed to find the nighttime hours most convenient for whatever agendas they had. 

"What the hell are you doing up so bright and early, Yuy!" she called as she stepped out of the building and made her way over to the field. He looked up briefly, noticed her presence and then immediately went back to his batting practice without a word. She made her way into the rows of empty bleachers and sat down to just watch him. Now that she had come closer and was able to make out the expression on her friend's face, she was able to tell that there was something wrong; that there was a reason he was up so early sending balls flying into the outfield with such fervor. But even minutes of silence were beginning to kill her curiosity slowly, and she found that her voice was speaking again without her even realizing it. "Hey Heero, you're pretty good at that! You should join the baseball team this spring! Tryouts are soon, you know." 

He stopped, dropping the bat to his side as he watched his last hit sail out over the fence, probably never to be seen again. Realizing that he had run out of baseballs, he tossed the bat aside and started to walk off, thought better of it and made his way up to the bleachers to sit a few rows ahead of Sora. He acted like he was doing so just because he had nothing better to do, his body language slack and distant, though the tone in his voice when he spoke most certainly dictated otherwise. "They say I'm good at most things." 

"Huh, it sure must be nice being so good at everything." She paused and let out a small sigh. "Oh I wish I could be good at a few things here and there. You can play baseball, and you're the best in school, the top of all your classes. What _can't_ you do?" 

"You'd be really surprised," Heero mumbled to himself, reclining back on the bleacher behind him. "That was just a bit of good old fashioned stress relief, though I really don't think it did much for me anyway." 

"Well, you don't have very good people skills, if that's what you mean," Sora said thoughtfully, her finger caressing her lower lip as she spoke. Heero peeked over his shoulder, and the saddened look Sora caught flying her way caused her to stutter over a quick amendment. "I mean, you're getting better and all. Me and Hoshi and D.B. all like you just fine the way you are. That's not to say there isn't room for improvement." She tried to laugh at the attempt to cheer the atmosphere, but it fell flat. 

"If you say so," he turned back around, his eyes back on the gradually rising sun painting the morning cerulean blue horizon with oranges, pinks and reds.

"Well it's true!" Sora exclaimed, sliding down a few benches so she was sitting next to Heero. He slid down the bleacher, trying to get out of the reach of Sora's hand as she tried to lay a warming hand on his shoulder. "Heero! You're not going to get anywhere if you keep running away!" 

"Running away?" Heero was suddenly hooked. He had never looked at it that way. All these years he had been so busy pitying himself and mourning for Duo that he had never really stopped to think about what he could possibly do about his problems. He had let himself slip into depression, frustration and an inability to live beginning to nibble away at him slowly. 

"It's funny though, because you really don't strike me as someone who would run away. You seem very strong and brave to me," Sora assured him, clenching her fists tightly together. "Heero, what do you have to be afraid of?" 

"Myself! It's all me!" His sudden explosion of passion surprised Sora as he abruptly turned to face her, gliding back down the bench so he could grab her by the shoulders. He looked desperately at her, his face coloured with more emotion than Sora could ever remember seeing in her time knowing him. "I'm running from myself, Sora! I can't stop reminding myself of my own mistakes." 

"Well if you've made mistakes, you can just _un_make them," Sora told him determinedly. She gave him an encouraging punch on the shoulder. "You can't just go on moping about stuff you did once a long time ago. You've got a whole damn life to live and wishing that you had done this and that is not going to get you anywhere fast!" 

"It's not that easy, Sora!" he cried. He let his heavy breaths calm before he said in a more controlled voice, "It's not that easy to say I'm sorry!" 

"It's plenty easy to say sorry. What's hard is _meaning _you're sorry," she answered, folding her hands in her lap. "Like D.B and me, well, we're good friends. We've been really good friends for a long time but you know, we've always been fighting each other. He'll say one thing and I'll say another; next thing you know, we're arguing again. I mean, sometimes we get at each other really bad, but it's not like we never get over it. Sometimes we even forget what we're fighting over and we're all good again. He knows that I don't really mean anything I do." 

"No, no it's not like that at all," Heero was shaking his head. "It's not that easy for me. The person I hurt is gone… gone and never coming back. All I have left is regret." 

"What did you even _do_ to Duo anyway, Heero?" Sora knew exactly what was at the heart of the issue, though the details still eluding her. After listening to Heero a few times, she was able to get a good handle on the things that usually floated around inside his head. Her interest in Heero's psyche was starting to kill her. She wanted to help him; she hated seeing that sad look on his face all the time. "You hurt him or something?" 

"In a way," Heero shrugged. "It's like he thinks that I used him and lied to him."

"Well then the question is, did you?" 

"I don't know!" Heero clutched his head and buried his face in his palms as if he were trying to force his tears back into his eyes. "But I feel like that's why he hasn't come to me in years. After the war, I told him he needed to find a real life away from me, because I couldn't give him what he needed. He was convinced that he wasn't good enough for me. It didn't help that I didn't think that I was worthy of him either."

"So what did you do? You didn't actually _let_ him go, did you? How fucked could one person be?"

Heero shrugged, "His friend Hilde runs a good business and they're pretty close and all so I told him to stay with her." 

"You…" Sora trailed off, raising her fist as she clenched it tightly and fell silent before she swiftly reeled it back and slapped him across the cheek, shouting; "You… _idiot_!" 

"You don't have to remind me that I'm so stupid," Heero growled angrily at her. "They say you don't really know what you've got until you say goodbye. I'm beginning to think that's really true."

"Only beginning to think so?" Sora raised a skeptical eyebrow. 

"Only beginning to _know_ so. I always _thought_ so," Heero snapped hastily. Either he was not a morning person or he was really having some emotional unrest. Honestly, Sora strongly suspected the latter as opposed to the former. 

"So tell me about it. I mean, smacking baseballs over the fence at the crack of dawn only does so much," Sora tried to warm up to him. She wanted to coax him in to a sense of comfort, so he could just talk out his emotions instead of keeping them bottled up tight inside. 

"It still kind of hurts to talk about it."

"So you _did_ do something to him," Sora frowned. She was trying so hard not to, but there were times when she just could not help but be on the offensive. "It's no wonder he's not spoken to you in years!" 

"He has every right not to and yet…." Heero tried to start again, but his words were becoming as confused and muddled as his thoughts were. "…. And yet…. It's kind of hard to explain it. I mean… afterwards, he… he forgave me. It was still quite some time until he went away. Do you think he held a grudge for all that time?" 

"What makes you think that he would?" she asked. "Weren't you close?" 

"Extremely," Heero barked, on guard once again. "But he had this way of pretending like it's all okay, smiling all the time, joking and laughing like he didn't have a care in the world when on the inside he was crying. He could even hide it from me." 

"You wear a mask too, Heero," Sora said quietly. She knew he would probably get irritated again and snap at her, and her prediction was not wrong at all.

"I have good reason to! Everyone has their reasons! I'm sure he had his!" His shoulders heaved with each longwinded breath as he spoke with an obstinacy of his own. She could see him physically start to break down as his emotions flooded free of his heart's prison. "Maybe he was afraid I would hurt him… again…." There was no mistaking the sobs in his choked up voice. "…Maybe he lied again to save me." 

"Oh, now you're crying. You're crying Heero!" Sora pulled her sleeve over her fingers and used the cloth-covered digits to wipe the tears from his eyes, the other arm embracing him in a friendly hug. "It's okay. Cry hard." 

"These days it seems I'm always crying. Heh, you know I used to get mad at Duo for crying all the time," he whispered, trying to conceal an ironic chuckle, fighting hard to calm himself down. He could hear the morning bells tolling melodically from the far-off belfry, their deep baritones rolling over the campus from the high bell tower on the other side of the school. "But, you shouldn't see me like this. A girl shouldn't have to watch me be weak." 

"You're not being weak, you're being _human_!" Sora protested. Heero stood and turned his back to her as he began to walk away, that dejected slump hanging in his shoulders. "You don't always have to be so strong for everyone, Heero!" she called out after him. "You don't have to always be the heartless bad ass!" Her calls fell futilely on deaf ears as he sped up his pace, desperate to be alone once more in a quiet corner where he could think more clearly before condemning himself in his usual way. 

Sora watched him disappear back into the old school building, the door slamming behind him with a loud crash. As she was about to make her way back up to her room to get ready for classes that day, she noticed that Heero had left his coat lying on the bench. Lifting it up, she found beneath it Hoshi's technical sketchbook. "Now where did he get this I wonder? Hoshi probably let him borrow it or something." She picked it up, looking it over curiously, wondering what Heero could possibly want with a sketchbook full of mecha. She knew he had been a soldier, but these were suits like she had never seen before. They could have been the….

"Oh _man_, that's _it_!" The realization dawned upon her. She cracked the book open to get a better more thorough look at it. When Hoshi had first shown it to her, she had gotten naught but a brief glance at a few of the pages. "These are Gundams, the Gundams from the colonies during the war! Hoshi did maintenance on one of these!?" she exclaimed, both excited and a little frightened by the notion at the exact same time. 

She returned to the bleacher and sat down again, now avidly leafing through it. "Huh, what's this?" she wondered aloud, reaching a page that was a little reluctant to turn. One side of the paper was adorned with a dark black suit with large bat's wings while the other was covered with pictures of a white suit mounted with great mechanical angel wings. "This page is thicker than the others," she observed keenly, testing the weight of the paper with her forefinger and thumb. She flipped a few pages over, holding her spot at the thick page, just to make sure that she wasn't hallucinating that it was different from the others. 

Surprised as she finished flipping, the page landing on a few of those sketches of Heero. "Huh, now _that_ is weird. Who would fill up almost half a sketchbook with drawings of Heero…? Was he… a Gundam pilot? Was that what he did during the war?" she pondered the idea, rolling the possibilities around in her head. "It's plausible, very plausible. I guess this is how Hoshi knew so much about him." Another realization emerged as she thought harder on it. "So worked on one of the _Gundams_ then? So that's why she's so good with her hands and using tools and all. Wow, this is all sort of starting to make a creepy sort of sense." 

Returning to the mysterious thick page, she ran her hands over it, trying to figure out just what it was about this paper that was so odd. Then she felt it. She let her hand glide over the creamy white paper again, her fingers running over the same lump in the surface that she had just encountered moments before. "Someone's hiding something in here," she hypothesized, holding the page up again to test its weight. Suddenly wanting to test out a theory that had just formulated in her head, she lifted the book and bent the cover around, holding the thick page out before the bright rising sun. The sunlight shone through, barely illuminating a packet of papers covered in messy scrawl and a few black rectangles that she assumed were photographs, all carefully hidden between the two pages with a bit of paste and ingenuity. "Very clever," she whistled, tucking the book under arm. She would have to make a mad dash if she hoped to make it to class remotely on time, the foremost thought on her mind being the enigmatic character who had stashed his notes or whatever those papers were between the pages of an innocent old sketchbook. 

Heero's dormitory was left quiet and forgotten way up there on the attic floor. It was the most solitary room in the entire school, and no one ever really bothered to hike up there for anything, though as of late, the usually forlorn room seemed to be greeted all kinds of strange guests. One in particular always came when no one was looking, when classes were in session or the moon was sailing through the nighttime sky, flanked by the twinkling of the millions of stars. He was mysterious and unfamiliar to the room, and yet he seemed not to be a stranger at all. 

"Maybe I should leave you forget-me-nots instead of lilacs," Duo murmured, sitting on the edge of Heero's unmade bed in his empty dormitory. He fingered the petals of a fresh bunch of the purple flowers he had stolen right out of the head master's private garden behind the school. He pulled the old dying bouquet he had left by Heero's bedside in the infirmary from the tall glass on the bedside table Heero had moved them to. "Heh, you do the cutest things sometimes, Hee-chan," Duo said affectionately as he pulled the yellow ribbon still knotted around the withering flowers' stems and retied it in a neat bow on the freshly picked lilacs. 

Dropping them with a satisfying _kerplunk_ into the glass, Duo stood up, surveying the room sadly. Heero seemed to have fallen into the terribly out of character habits of one who was seriously depressed. The room was not in the usual neat and organized manner with which Heero used to keep everything way back during the war. The sheets of the bed he used were strewn over the floor along with a mess of clothes and other items. The only things kept in good order were his laptop and the small half-open box filled with Duo's old belongings. He eyed it forlornly, reading the inscription carved on the underside of the lid over again. _"Could you believe in heaven, if heaven was all you had?"_

"Wish I could be staying here with you instead of hiding out like a fugitive. I don't like seeing you like this all the time… all because of me." 

He shook his head, knowing that it was a wish that could not become reality, not for the time being anyway. Standing up, he dug around in his pocket, drawing out a slender bugging device, which he set to hooking up in the corner over Heero's bed. "Just so I can make sure you're not getting into too much trouble when I'm not looking," Duo amended to the empty room, as if to excuse himself for leaving such a prying device behind. He had been planting them all over the school, listening in and watching out for anything suspicious that Cawdor might have been doing behind the world's back. Duo had figured it would not hurt to apply the same technique to Heero.

"Just, just don't let him forget me until I come back to get him," he said to the flowers determinedly as he hopped off the bed, heading for his escape route. Then he quickly slid back out the way he had come, scaling the wall from the open window to the high roof above. 

"I hate this class. Thank high heaven he's late," Sora mumbled as she dragged herself into the morning anatomy class. She dumped her books on her desk and slid into her chair beside D.B., who was lost amid the pages of his science text. "And you, I hate _you_, with all your extra science courses just because you think that"—she put on a mocking whinny voice—"Professor Cawdor is just _soooo_ intelligent and well learned. Please, who fed you that bullshit? I should _like_ anatomy by all accounts and I just can't _deal_ with it because of that damn man!" 

"Idiot," D.B. grumbled, inattentively reaching over to punch her in the arm. 

"It's just a class. I don't know why you get so worked up about it," Heero commented over his shoulder, his arms crossed moodily over his chest as he waited for the professor to call the class to order. He had not had a very restful night, his mind being too preoccupied with thoughts that need not be said again. Sora had been right about his stress relief session that morning: it could only do so much. He was still tired and upset. And on top of all that, he had misplaced his sketchbook. _Goddamn, now I'll not have a chance to figure out for sure who left it for me._

"You never seem to get worked up about _any_thing!" D.B. commented offhandedly as he glanced up from his textbook to give the rest of the class a quick survey. A few paper airplanes were gliding through the air and someone was at the front chalkboard doodling crude drawings of the headmaster and the dean. 

"He gets plenty worked up about plenty of things," Sora snapped at D.B. She was obviously not in the best of spirits. First period tended to have that effect of students. "It would be nice if you took the time to _notice_ once in a while!"

"Hey, I notice stuff," D.B. thwacked Sora on the knee with his book before losing himself in his studies again. He made a low comment under his breath, not really intended for any ears other than his own. "You're just too hotheaded to notice." 

"Shut up."

"Yes, do," Heero cut in. he had not even turned around as he spoke, but let the tone of his voice say more than his death glare ever could. 

"See?" Sora said triumphantly. "You're being a twit." 

"You too," Heero snapped in that same tone. Sora immediately quieted herself, realizing that Heero was still in no mood to be social, and spent the next couple minutes brooding and wondering about what could possibly be hidden inside the sketchbook. She sulked a little and then rummaged around in her pocket for the lock-picking kit that Hoshi had given her, pulling out the small blade tucked inside the black leather pouch and quickly used it to slit the two pages in the sketchbook apart. Carefully prying them apart, she fished out the papers and the photos and began to look them over with interest. 

Suddenly the door flew open and in swept Professor Cawdor, textbook and briefcase under arm as he silently made his way towards his desk at the front of the room. Students who were not at their seats at this brusque and stony entrance quickly scuffled to their desks and shuffled through their bags to produces notes and books. Cawdor was one of those teachers who kids did not mess with, the sort with a nasty anti-juvenile temper, zero tolerance for anything and found children worth practically nil. He cared for very few of his students, and even then, appreciation of their talent was not all that remarkable. Granted, he was a very intelligent man who knew very much about a great many things, even outside his field of science, but if a child was on his bad side (and that most certainly accounted for nearly all of the student population), he never hesitated to demean and treat him or her as if their lives were trifling and unimportant. He quite frankly could have cared less if one of his students dropped dead right there in the middle of a lecture, so long as it did not cause and problems during the class. A man of his caliber who was obviously sour with his position as a teacher was most likely to act condescending towards most anyone, but it was frightening to have to spend a class period under his eyes, when even the slightest breath out of line would find a child with a week's detention and a flunking grade for discipline and pertinence. 

"I would like you all to have last night's assignment ready for me to collect," he began the class in his haughty tone. Perhaps coming from a kinder person, the things he said were not particularly mean, but sometimes it was just the way he _said_ them that made them insulting or hurtful. "I hope you had little trouble with the reading and the comprehension questions. It should not have been hard at all." 

As the sound of unzipping bags and flipping notebooks filled the room, the door blasted open once again. This time it was Hoshi who stumbled into the room, her hair a mess and falling free of her hairclip and her face devoid of the usual makeup accents she usually wore, uniform in disarray with mismatched uneven socks, a dirty mud spot streaking the tail of her black blazer. She practically groped her way to the back of the room and fell into the empty chair beside Heero with a heavy sigh. He was watching her curiously, eyeing her with a very indifferent look on his face, masking his thoughts from the world. He could see she had been rushed that morning, probably from oversleeping or a scramble on undone homework. In any case, she looked a wreck and Heero was secretly a bit worried by it. "Sorry Sir," she huffed as she kicked her bag under the table, dropping her homework notebook on the desktop with a loud _thwap_. 

"Miss, I do think you have come to terms with the expectations and regulations for this course," Cawdor glared angrily at the latecomer. "After your embarrassing late entrances into this classroom when you first arrived, well, I had liked to think that you had learned better than to barge in after the bell. It seems I was wrong." 

"Wrong about a lot of things," Hoshi muttered under her breath. "You don't seem me complaining." 

"What was that?" Cawdor asked, arching an eyebrow as a vicious and cruel grin crossed his face. "Hoshi, if you would care to share with the rest of the class." 

"No Sir, I don't think I'd care to," she responded automatically, not even raising her eyes to meet his. She had that tone of biting sarcasm in her voice, not a wise choice when dealing with such a teacher. She even knew he resented such a brogue, all the more reason to speak in such a way. 

"I rather think you would," he snapped. "Stand up and repeat what you just muttered under your breath." 

"No _thank_ you, Sir!" She did indeed stand, but not because she was asked, but rather because she was so infuriated by the way with which she was being treated. "I don't care to! I don't want to care to! I'll never care to! You've wasted enough time already! Now I'm here for an anatomy class, and I'd like to see that my time was well spent!" 

"Insolence is not tolerated very well in this class, Hoshi. If you'll please leave," Cawdor indicated the door. "And then perhaps we'll see how many things I am indeed wrong about. And don't you dare ever show up for my class again looking like… _that_…." He spat out that last comment with a demeaning glance at her uniform and hair. 

As Hoshi gathered her things and walked towards the door, so full of rage that she had not even bothered to look up at the rest of the room. So when she heard Cawdor speak up again, she was quite surprised by what she heard. 

"Mister Yuy, I should like to know where you think you're going?" she heard him say. Her hand was on the doorknob as she turned around to see Heero standing right behind her, school bag shouldered and his face set with that stony look that crossed his face whenever he had no mind to change his course of action. 

He did not even turn around as he answered, his face still frozen in that dark expression all the while. "I cannot sit through a class where the teacher targets students because he feels he is above them." 

"A student should respect the teacher," Cawdor argued, the sound of ire in his voice peaking. The rest of the class was all but cowering beneath their desks. "As head of this classroom, you should obey me without question. I _am_ better than you are."

"Respect should be mutual," Heero said darkly, his trademark icy stare falling over his shoulder as he turned his head ever so slightly. "A student cannot respect a teacher who does not respect him in return. Relationships between two people, whether they are student and teacher, friends or… lovers… cannot exist when there is no respect for one another. I learned that the hard way. What will it take for you to understand that, Professor?" 

"If you weren't one of the brightest students to ever wander into this classroom, I would be much less lenient with you than I am being now," Cawdor snapped, tired of fighting a battle he could see he would clearly lose. "Get out, both of you. I shant want to see either of your faces until tomorrow." 

The slamming of the door behind them signaled their abrupt exit from the room, and no one dared breath another word about the incident until they were well away from that dangerous class. 

"Argh, that man makes me so crazy!" Hoshi ranted when she felt they were a safe distance away, flinging her arms irately over her head. Heero could hear the frustration in her voice as she walked quickly down the hall in short angry steps. 

"He is very unkind," Heero commented simply in his drab monotone, watching as Hoshi started pacing around in circles, arms flailing with passion as she got worked up into an aggravated rage against the professor. 

"You sure said it!" she cried, her voice rising in volume with passion. "I mean, he's been grilling my ass since the day I transferred in here! God, no other school I've ever been to has had such a nasty teacher! I swear, if he was not so damn erudite in science and all, they would have fired his stupid ass a long time ago! I mean, his methods are totally out of date and he takes a ridiculous unhealthy pleasure in making other people's lives hell. My god, I hope I can get his fucking carcass out of here soon, because if I have to deal with him a second more when there are much more important— "she cut herself off, covering her mouth with her hands, as if she had just said something she really regretted. 

"Come again?" Heero asked politely, looking up at her for the first time since she had blundered into the science class late. In all honesty, he had not heard a word she had said, words flying in one ear and out the other, as he had been too busy fretting over his own personal dilemmas to listen to her annoyed outcry. 

"I said," she looked flustered for a minute, as she tried to quickly come up with something to replace her slip-up with. She hastily ended up saying: "I said that I was sick and tired of that _bastard_ treating everyone like they're the shit under his boots." 

"I think I got that impression," Heero said. "No, I want to hear what you were saying before you just stopped. That bit about getting him out of here? How do you intend to do that?" 

She stopped her circling to look at him intently, her face coloured, then pale, then frosted with a look of indifference. "Uh, that was nothing. Just a wish." She laughed so nervously, Heero could tell without a second thought that it was phony. 

"And how do you intend to carry out such a wish?" Heero asked with a smug grin on his face, leaning against the wall as he pulled at the thin ribbon of silk tied around his throat. He had her cornered. "You don't seem like one to make idle threats." 

"So I got friends I can talk to about it!" she burst out, her voice suddenly raspy and deeper than usual. A curious look crossed both their faces at this, Hoshi's one of embarresment, Heero's one of suspicious interest. She flushed a dark red colour again as she quickly amended. "My voice sometimes cracks like that when I get really mad. People tell me I shouldn't yell so much; it'll put a strain on my vocal cords." 

"What, biker buddies?" he asked sardonically, which earned him a dirty glare. 

"You have a very strange sense of humour," Hoshi said accusingly as she sunk down to the floor. Heero crossed the hallway and stooped down beside her, looking at her inquisitively. Seeing the concern written on his face, and unable to stay angry at such an adorable expression, she asked him a question that had been nagging her since the moment they had left the class. "Heero, why did you follow me? I mean, he wasn't mad at you or nothing. You're one of the few kids he actually _likes_." 

"To a point," Heero corrected. "He still refers to me as his best and worst student." 

"Well look at you!" she exclaimed, nearly nailing him in the face with a whirling fist. "You have great marks, you know everything about everything and yet, you never say a word during class. You just… stare out the window, like you're waiting for something… or someone who will never come."

"I am waiting!" It was Heero's turn to get a bit hostile. "You of all people should know that! You, who's always so quick to remind me how idiotic I am to have let Duo go. You who knows so much and yet… you refuse to tell me anything! I'm waiting for your _help_, Hoshi, and I'm not getting it! So all I can do is wait! Wait like I've been doing for years!" 

"Wait a little more," she said. "I promise you, Heero, that you will have the one thing you want, one day." She stood up and walked away before Heero could even have a chance to comprehend what she had told him, afraid that he might say something they would both forever regret. 

A soft knocking on Heero's door late that afternoon drew him from his usual upset thoughts. Lying on his bed, wired to his discman and smoking, as was typical of him as of late, he had to pull himself from a very hazy sense of loss and lethargy. He had blown off the rest of his classes after storming out of Cawdor's class that morning with Hoshi, leaving the rest of the day to just wither away alone in his dormitory with only a pack of cigarettes, his photographs and a strangely refreshed looking bunch of flowers to keep him company. He had been planning to look over the sketchbook more scrupulously the next time he had a free moment, but in a moment of anger, he had forgotten where he had left it and thus, misplaced the stupid thing. 

The knocking on his door persisted, though now it was loud and more noticeable than before. Heero let out a heavy smoke laced breath as he called out in a lackadaisical voice, "It's open. Just come in." 

The door handle turned and Sora slipped into the room, closing the door quietly behind her. She stood for a brief moment, just leaning on the door, a very familiar black book pressed in her folded arms, eyeing the very unexpected sight before her. She had never seen Heero in his own element, alone in his room. Her eyes followed the silver tendrils of smoke as they coiled up from the burning cigarette in Heero's hand, watching as they played over the photograph collage on the wall beside him, as they wrapped around the lamp in grayish wisps of cloud and rose up towards the sloping ceiling above. 

She did not speak a word as she approached the bed. She paused over it, pushing her glasses up on her nose as she stared down at the boy lying there, ignoring her as he reveled in his cigarette and his music. Lowering her arms from her chest, she looked down at the stack of notebook paper that lay on top of the black sketchbook that had taken her the better part of the day to get through, reading during all her classes and foregoing lunch and her free periods just to finish the account scribbled down there. Paper-clipped to the pages was a small bundle of photographs, mostly of Heero. She looked down at the photo on top, a torn picture that portrayed a contentedly smiling Heero, the arm of a mysterious companion from the picture's other half around his shoulder. Raising her eyes, she compared the Heero in the photo to the Heero lying on the bed before her, and noted sadly to herself that they were almost two completely different people. The past Heero remembered in the photos she had flipped through countless times that day was contented with himself and his position in life, with the friends and everything he had won for himself during the war, even if he was a little callous and mentally unsure. But the Heero she knew was depressed and unhappy with the entire world, lost in the universe without the one person that had given him joy way back in a time that seemed long forgone, a person she had become quite well acquainted with since she had slit open those pages in the sketchbook. Then, letting her actions dictate the words she could not allow herself to say, she dropped the book and the papers, watching as they fell upon Heero's stomach. His eyes snapped open, glowering up at her as he registered what had happened. She saw those dark eyes narrow as they fell upon just what had been tossed to him and said in as neutral a voice as she could muster, "I read it all, Heero, and now I know everything that you're trying to hide."

"What did you hear?" he growled menacingly, pulling the earphones off and throwing them aside as he flew bolt right up in the bed, causing everything on his chest to tumble into his lap and Sora to jump with surprise. 

Swallowing her fear of that startling deep voice, she told him bravely as she gathered herself, pushing her glasses up on her nose again, "If you want to know, look that over. Your friend did a very good job of hiding things from you, you know that, Heero? Almost as good at hiding as you are. After all, Duo Maxwell runs, hides, does everything, but never lies." 

Heero was staring at her with a face that emanated something that smeared anger, surprise and hurt all together into one expression. He looked up at the solemn redhead standing above him and then back at the sketchbook, photographs and papers littered across his lap. When he saw the ripped photo, his jaw fell slack and he started to shake slightly as he absently reached to the box sitting beside his bed, accidentally knocking the lilacs from the table to the floor with a splintering crash and an explosion of water and glass. Heero seemed to not even notice as Sora dove to the floor to try and clean the mess up as best she could; nor did he heed the cuts that the glass had drawn upon his palm as he finally got his fingers upon the photograph he had been looking for. Still quivering with a myriad of emotions, he brought the two long separated halves of the photograph he and Duo had split between the two of them so long ago back together once more. "W-where did you get this?" he asked in a voice that matched his trembling body. 

"It was with all of those other things, inside Hoshi's sketchbook. That's a question you might want to ask her," Sora answered plainly from the ground. He saw the top of her long red hair and watched as a pale freckled hand fluttered up over her head and tossed the bouquet of lilacs onto the bed with him. "You don't get flowers often, do you? You should know how to take care of them nicer." 

"It was an accident," he said quietly, the accusative and punitive air in his voice melting away into that frightened tone he took on whenever the sad little boy in him crawled to the surface. "I didn't mean to do it." 

"You don't seem to '_mean'_ to do a lot of things," Sora said sarcastically. "Did you not _'mean'_ for Duo's feelings to be as muddled as they were? Did you not _'mean'_ to be so callous and unfeeling towards him all the time? Did you not _'mean'_ for him to go away!?" 

"I didn't, I swear it on my life!" Heero exclaimed, swinging his legs over the side of the bed as he looked up at her with imploring eyes, searching out some form of comfort in her unforgiving eyes and posture. "You… you can't say that you're angry at me for what I did…. Sora… you can't say you won't be my friend for those things. I… I really didn't mean to hurt him." 

"Oh of course you didn't _'mean'_ to," she went on with that same cynicism. "Just as I'm sure you didn't '_mean_' to hurt yourself." She reached out and grabbed his wrists, yanking them out and turning them over, running her thumbs lightly over the pale scars that adorned his skin. Dark brown lines were drawn in hasty slashes across the undersides of both pale white arms, crisscrossing up from his wrists to his elbows. "Why did you do this, Heero? Why do you hurt yourself? You're a mental and physical wreck. It doesn't take anyone who's particularly close to you to figure that out; I knew you had troubles even before I really met you. I mean, Heero, really, look at what you're doing to yourself?"

"I'm not happy!" he jerked his wrists away and curled back up on the bed defensively, his back now facing her. "It calms my nerves to think that I just might fall asleep one day and never have to wake up again! Do you know how badly I want that to happen?" 

"Not badly enough," she said in a more soothing voice as she stooped down beside him, resting her arms and chin on the mattress as she looked up at him. She realized that what Heero needed right then was a friend, not a prosecutor. "If you really wanted to die, you would have done something drastic like… like throwing yourself out the window or shooting yourself or something…." She watched as Heero's hand absently started to snake towards his pillow, clamping down upon the soft cushion as if he were trying to hide something. "Don't think I'm blind, Heero. Move your hand. What do you have there?" 

He just shook his head and said nothing, discarding the fading cigarette butt beneath the lamp, his other arm falling firmly atop the pillow.

"I said, move your hand, Heero," she said in a more firm voice. Her short patience rang through as she suddenly shouted, "Dammit, move your hand Heero Yuy, right now!" She unexpectedly ripped the pillow out from beneath his arms with a surprising amount of might, causing him to falter on top of the sleek black handgun he had kept concealed there. Her eyes grew wide at the sight of the weapon as she quickly made a grab for it, holding it as far from Heero's grasping hands as she could. "A gun? You still carry a gun, Heero? Even in a _school_? My God, Heero, you're paranoid!"

"It's mine and I'd like it back," he said simply, reaching out an expectant hand. He was used to being obeyed and did not like this ignorance of orders. 

"Heero, I'm afraid I might have to keep this," she said, eyeing both he and the weapon doubtfully. "I mean, Heero, as a friend, I should want to protect you and it seems that your biggest threat is… well… _you_…. I would have to be a complete _moron_ to let you keep this!" 

"It's mine," Heero flexed his fingers as if to further his point. 

She looked down at the gun again. Glancing quickly up at him, she let the magazine fall out of the gun and found it still had a few rounds left to go. "Nuh-uh, not while it's still loaded. You're crazy."

"I am not crazy," he rolled his eyes. "Give me the gun. You'll hurt yourself with it."

"You'll shoot yourself."

"I haven't shot myself yet," he rejoined so quickly, it almost seemed to be an end to her last statement. There was a pause and a falter in his speech. "I-I'm to afraid to. Don't think like that gun's never been pressed against my head, because it has many a time, Sora. But every time, I find that I'm too weak to pull that trigger. Something always happens; I always find a reason to keep on living. I might have been a soldier, but shooting a gun is the hardest thing for me to do. Don't worry, Sora. I'm too cowardly to die." 

"You won't die," she told him. Then with a little chuckle she added, "I'll kill you if you do. Now I'm going to put it just here," she said as she pulled the drawer of the bedside table open and laid the gun inside, but not before emptying the magazine of all its leftover bullets before replacing it back in the gun. "I'm going to leave it there, but you have to promise not to use that thing, okay? It scares me that you still have it, Heero. It scares me that you're so in love with your sadness." 

He smiled a little bit at that and shook his head, unable to come up with words to explain how he felt. Sora cared for his well-being, like any good friend should, but he found himself frightened of having friends again. Having friends only meant that he could be let down and abandoned again, and that was something that he knew he could not bear. 

"Won't you say something?" she asked him, terribly aware of his sudden and unexplained silence. Heero only shook his head in the negative. "Won't you talk to me? I'm sorry if I seemed too cold but I… I was just so…." He looked at her with arched eyebrows, his eyes widening the slightest bit as he did so. She gestured to the pages in his lap and said, "I never expected it to be like that. I know it's really not my business… but it was there and I just had to know…. I wanted to know why…." 

He simply shrugged and looked away. 

"…. I had to know why you were so sad…" 

Heero still did not turn around to look at her as she finished her sentence, his eyes playing sadly from the photographs on the wall to those scattered in his lap. The sound of her retreating footsteps flooded his ears, fading away with the creaking of his door on its squeaky old hinges and the click of the door handle as it fell closed after her, her parting words fluttering delicately like soft wings in the still air. "…And now I know…." 

He looked back down into his lap, pushing the collection of photographs onto the bed. _I guess I wasn't the only one who kept these as a way to remember_, he reflected fondly, remembering how much Duo had enjoyed collecting photographs. Though he kept those of his friends and his old lover very dear, Duo had liked to keep photographs of all kinds of people and things, and Heero found himself somewhat relieved to find that even those seemingly random pictures were still intact with all the rest. Heero remembered the quirky American had always carried four things with him wherever he went: a camera, his sketchbook, his Discman and a good book to read. He was always taking note of the world around him, watching, recording, listening. He photographed, sketched, jotted down notes and comments about any and everything. Sometimes it was hard for the other pilots and people who did not spend constant time with the boy to fathom how one who chattered on about nothing in particular could possibly be so acute. He was always aware of the people around him, what they said and did, even when it appeared that he had not even been paying attention. Wufei had always found Duo mindless and a klutz; sweet Quatre just saw his good qualities and his compassionate side, but then again, it was hard for the little Arabian blonde to think ill of anyone; and whatever Trowa felt was always a mystery, kept under lock and key behind silent green eyes and a mute tongue. But Heero had understood it. Since the very first occasion they had spent time together, he had always watched Duo watching. Sometimes it seemed he could almost even _hear_ Duo as he listened. And after a while, his prattle seemed not so foolish, his actions not so senseless and his thoughts not so deluded. 

"And here it is, everything he ever did. All his notes, his drawings, thoughts and pictures," Heero whispered softly as he gathered all the things Sora had found sealed up in that old sketchbook in his hands and brought it to the hardwood floor. Clearing space on the floorboards, he spent a few quiet minutes arranging everything in a methodical fashion around him. Notebook pages were laid out in chronological order, accentuated by a photograph or sketch here and there. "Everything he ever kept buried in the depths of his mind he wrote down when he had no one else to talk to. Everything right under my nose the entire time, hidden in all his stupid books, because he never had anyone to tell anything to. Some great friend I turned out to be when I can't even be confided in because I'm so damn arrogant and cold!" 

His eyes roved around the pages arranged in an almost perfect circle all the way around him. Pictures of himself and perhaps one or two of the other pilots were scattered amongst drawings and photographs of natural beauty, the birds, the fields, little rivers and the many hands of countless unknown people. Everything there was serene and beautiful, not at all reminiscent of the deadly war that caused Duo to create them all. And at long last, having inspected each and every piece of artwork to a most high degree, he turned to the sheets dripping with the quick scribbles of his handwriting that would eventually come together to form the core of his emotions, whether they had been expressed to Heero or not. Now that Sora had read it and told him that she knew everything, he had to know just what that 'everything' was. It was finally time to unearth the truths of Duo Maxwell's heart. 

Groping up on his bed, he dragged down his pillow and CD player, propping himself up on his elbows atop the soft cushion. Fitting the earphones back into place, he lazily flipped it on as he got comfortable, box of cigarettes within easy grabbing distance, gathered papers in a neat stack before him, waiting to be read after years of being sealed away. Perhaps if it would not divulge his whereabouts, it would at least help him to understand _why_ Duo had gone.

****

{A/N} Am I evil or what? Stay tuned. You know the drill. 


	8. The Spy Who Loved Me

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

~ Part VIII ~

The Spy Who Loved Me

October 31, AC 195

Whoever the hell you are, you who's reading this, you have to forgive how I ramble, but I write how I think, and it would be stupid to fancy my thoughts up with frilly words and shit when all I want to do is get my head cleared up. Well, now that I'm through with that, I need to ask; you know what's best about art? Not that you care or anything, but this is where my mind is now. Heh, yeah sure it looks all good and well when you hang it up on your wall and I'm sure it sounds just great when you play it over your speakers or whatever the hell you do, but that's not why I like it. Well, let's leave it at, that's not the only reason I like it anyway, 'cause I do think art is very pretty on walls and stuff. In any case, what makes art such a damn wonderful gift is its ability to free your imagination and unleash your soul. Goddamn, now I've gotten all corny and shit, but it's true, I swear it on my life! I mean, whenever I get really involved in a drawing or something, I just totally lose myself in it. I usually bend real low over my work, with my nose almost to the page when I'm really into it, you know? I mean, I know you really shouldn't get real close to your art when you're doing it (paintings and stuff look best from far away and that's the perspective you have to keep in mind) but by no accounts am I real artist or anything. I don't really know a thing about it, so leave it me to do it all wrong. All I can say is that it makes me forget where I am and what I'm doing. I guess you could call it an escape or something. Yeah, I suppose that's what it is, an escape. I mean, don't you ever notice how a picture can spirit you away to another world? Paintings, drawings, photographs, even music, the whole lot, all of them bring you to another time and place; a place where all that matters is just that one moment captured in time. That one look in an old man's eye or that one kiss of new lovers, the patterns swirling upon a butterfly's wing or the way the morning rain falls in glass orbs upon a leaf. That's all there is and nothing more. The world can be as big or small as you want it to be. You don't have to think about morals or ideals or whatever, just that one second right there in front of you, frozen into infinity forever. 

**[And it's been a while since I could hold my head up high.  
And it's been a while since I first saw you.]**

Actors have it good, you know? Art like their kind lets them be whoever the hell they want to be. They get to throw their identities away and just transform into a completely new person. And all that counts is the stage, you know? They only have to think about being that one person, that one moment being played out in the theatre at that one very moment, and that's all that matters. I mean, with a world riddled with as much shit as this one, as mine, who wouldn't give a freaking arm and a leg to become someone else? That in itself is the sad part as far as I'm concerned though. 'Cause I'll always go back to being Duo Maxwell, and no one will care who the fuck I was or where I let my mind escape. I'll still run, still hide, but you know I'll never lie. I mean, if you want to know the truth, I just want to find myself some peace. I can't keep running forever, you know. There's only so far you can go without reaching a dead end. Pretty soon you'll just end up running in circles, and that never got anybody jack shit.

So what's there to do about it? Not much. Here it is, Halloween, and Shinigami is all alone on his day of glory. Howard thinks I'm getting sick or something. I've not eaten anything in a few days, and he thinks I'm getting too thin and a nasty kind of pale colouring. I guess he's sort of right. I've been taking a much keener interest in my artwork lately, and I haven't had much time for anything other than that and my old pal, Deathscythe. See, it started to get worse when I found a few unused rolls of film in the ship's cargo hold while I was cleaning up the disaster zone mess back there. I had always had this rotten old camera that I had snitched off some street-vendor in the projects before I got involved with that stupid old scientist, Professor G. It's not just the fact that the thing still needed film to work that really made it seem so outdated. I mean, there are still pros out there that use those things, but man, this thing was the real deal, with manual speeds, f-stops and focus and everything! You even had to wind the film after you snapped a shot 'cause it didn't have an automatic mechanism to do it for you. But I liked it anyway. The sound it made when you clicked the shutter just gave me this weird sort of thrill, like I had caught something special on film forever. I felt like I had control over what I got pictures of since I got to play with the aperture and all. I'm telling you, this thing is old; they just didn't have stuff that did everything on its own way back then and you know, sometimes I think they just did it better then! Newer ain't always better, I say. And even though I had to work kind of hard to come up with film, since not so many cameras use it anymore, it was always well worth it. I liked it almost as much as drawing, which I liked almost as much as singing, and that sure says a lot in my book. Well anyway, I had this new obsession with my camera now that I could actually use it, and I started to forgo even meals, a sure sign of the apocalypse in many people's opinion, including mine. 

**[And it's been a while since I could stand on my own two feet again.  
And it's been a while since I could call you.]**

But here's what's twisting it into a manifesting obsession for me. There's this guy I met a few days ago who has more mystery about him than God in heaven. Then again, I've been up past the clouds, and I know for a fact that there is not god up there, never has been and never will be. Funny that Shinigami gets to fly though heaven, don't you think? In any case, this guy hasn't even told me his name. He's been sleeping on my bed for the past three hours and he's barely twitched an eyebrow since I fished him out of the whole crap-load of trouble he was in. I know, I know, it was a little drastic of me to have shot him and even more so to pull that whole great escape thing just for his sake, but you know, I didn't kill him, so there! When I fired the gun, I was a bit far off, which makes my misinterpreting that whole interaction between mystery boy and that towheaded girl a bit more understandable. He got all weird about it and ended up unconscious in the water, and me being the nice little God of Death that I am, I saved his ass and next thing you know, I brought him home to Howard and the boys to fix him up. Don't ask me why I did it; I'm a sucker for a pretty face. Alright, alright, so I think he's one of the sexiest things I've ever laid my stupid eyes on in my entire damned life, so sue me, Jesus! I secretly kind of hoped I could photograph him so I could keep him near me all the time, so I could always remember those moments when he was around. I mean, here I am getting all worked out about a guy who I just met, who's name I don't even know, sets his own broken bones, splints them with a bit of tape and a wrench, and hasn't even spoken three consecutive words to me directly yet, and I'm worrying about whether or not he'll let me take a picture of him because I thought he had amazing eyes and a good body. Talk about superficial on my part. I really don't think he'll be waking up any time soon, and writing all this has only killed so much time. Maybe I'll just sketch him real quick while he's still sleeping, just so I can keep a fresh memory of how cute he looks when he's asleep, forgetting that that the world is a pissy place and that he's a soldier doomed to fight for it.

November 1, AC 195 

Shinigami's back! I guess it felt kind of good to get all that out on paper yesterday and maybe this journal habit just might catch on, you know? I mean, I don't exactly have anyone to talk to about the shit that plagues my nasty little mind and keeping it all underneath a cheerful mask and a mess of brown hair isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world. You can see me start to physically break down whenever I do. I'm not exactly the most lusty of creatures; stealth and sneaking around is a bit more my thing, if you know what I mean. Oh, believe me, I've tried to talk to loads of different people about my problems, but no one really seems to get it but me. Either I'm just deranged or they're all just stupid. I bet it's a schmere of both if you ask me. I'm a pretty sick kid. 

You know, I even tried talking to that pretty boy who had been sleeping in my room yesterday. Turns out he hadn't really been sleeping all that time, though he thinks I don't know that. He was all acting like he could have cared less if I'd dropped dead right there on the spot, but something tells me he kind of understands what I mean, at least better than anyone else I've ever talked to before. At six or so last night, I found him out sitting on top of his mobile suit, typing like mad on that laptop of his. I guess he kept it in his Gundam 'cause I sure don't remember him having that when I brought him down to my room. Then again, where else would he have kept it? I think it's a wonder enough he manages to keep a handgun stuffed in those tight shorts of his, which, I might add, is not exactly good for me, being as he has such a cute ass and all. Yeah, so shoot me, I'm a dirty old faggot. I don't care what the hell you feel about guys like me. It's not my problem if you really do think I'm a sick kid or not now. I could really care less about that. Why don't you all just fade away? 

**[And everything I can't remember,  
As fucked up as it all may seem,]**

Actually, today I had a very interesting go with him. I'd just finished reading one of my favourite books, 'The Catcher in the Rye,' for the six hundredth time and I decided it was time that Superman got a little bit more than just numbers between his ears. I walked in on him while he was working incessantly on his Gundam and threw the book at him. He didn't turn around to catch it and let it nail him squarely on the back. Honestly, I don't think he even saw it coming. He looked down at it lying there innocently by his sneaker-clad feet and then back at me with an admittedly cute confused look in his eye. I told him it would do him good to give the book a read if he could fit it into his oh-so-busy life before snapping around on my heel and walking off with rigid steps before I rethought my decision and took the book back. It was my own special copy with all my commentary and such written inside. I had used the margins of the thing as a sort of coded diary for a while until I ran out of room. Now, as you can see, I've upgraded to notebook paper and a pen. Fancy that. 

Well in any case, he still hasn't told me jack shit about himself and he's not exactly easy to extract information out of. Well fine then, I do like a good challenge. He'll just be my latest conquest. Perhaps I'll even tack a photograph of him tied to the bedpost to my wall as a sort of trophy that I got him to be mine. 

November 2, AC 195

So no photograph for my wall, but damn the triumph most certainly is mine! Well, let me rephrase that. I suppose it was more of a mutual stalemate. He got me back into the old whoring business again and I got him wrapped around my cute little finger. I could tell he was curious about me, perhaps even almost as curious as was about him. We both have our secrets and barriers and I could bet everything my skinny ass is worth that we're both formulating schemes to blow each other's defenses to smithereens. Well count me in; this game should be fun. He had been trying to drop the callous uncaring hero shit ever since he woke up again but I could see he was trying to cover something up. Didn't take observant little old me very long to notice that he was checking me out every moment he thought I had my back turned. I first saw it in the reflection cast in the side mirror of a motorcycle Howard keeps on board to soup up for fun whenever we get spare parts. I'd been tinkering around with the engine when I saw him standing there in the door, quiet and unmoving, just watching me as I sat stooped over the mechanical spread beside the bike. I don't think he realized that I could see him in the mirror's reflection because he just stayed there without saying a word. In fact, his breathing was so quiet, I bet I wouldn't have even noticed he was there if I hadn't seen him in the mirror. He didn't say anything for the whole forty-five minutes I slaved over that bike, managing to slink off when he figured I was started to finish up, and I bet he thinks that I'll never know he was there. Hell, I got one up on his game, let me tell you.

**[The consequences that are rendered,  
I've stretched myself beyond my means.]**

But that all just kind of opened up the pathway. After that, I really began to notice him watching me whenever it looked like I wasn't paying attention. Heh, and me, being the perfect devil that I am, tried my damndest to make it look that way as often as possible, 'cause to tell the honest truth, I liked feeling his eyes on my back. It made me feel wanted, even if it only was in the yearning way that the guys used to want me back up on L2 when I made servicing my main source of income. Yeah, so I bet I just lost about a zillion points in your opinion of me, now that you know that gritty little detail about my past there. But what am I supposed to do, lie about it? Well cut of my fingers while you're at it then! This is my goddamned story, and if you don't fucking like it, then why the hell are you reading, bitch? Whoo sure felt good to let that out. Maybe I should rant like this more often…?

So there it is. Last night, when he escorted me down to my cabin, I pretty much found myself lost in our bitter game of seduction. He told me he wanted a slut like me and I was desperate enough to be more than willing to get on my back for him. I wanted him that badly, and it seemed at least that feeling was a common one. Guess I really am just a load of gutter trash at heart. I mean, I had sworn the instance I crawled into G's care that I would never whore myself again, that I didn't need to and I never would. Well I guess it's not like I was doing it because I needed cash or anything; Howard and G kept me pretty much covered in that department nowadays. Hell, I didn't even ask him for money. In fact I right up and told him that I'd fuck him because I liked his eyes, which isn't a lie at all; it's as true as anything, petty as it might be. The comfort that cuddling with someone else offered was compensation enough, I thought. Well, if you must know, I do suppose it would have been nice to have found someone who I felt something more than lust for to find condolence in, but he was there and he would have to do, though with a little bit of time and maybe a heart-to-heart conversation or two, something a little more than desire would come. But you know, at that exact point in time, what mattered most was that I wanted him and he wanted me, and I don't think I could deal with having to spend another night alone a moment longer, so there you have it, thank you very much, end of story. I mean, maybe he would tell me his name one day at least, and that would make it all the better. Ha, it's not like I care. Once he takes off, I bet I'll never see him again anyway. 

November 3, AC195

Howard pulled me over today, saying he wanted to talk to me or some shit. I was a little confused to say the least. I mean, Howard's cool and all, but I've never really seen him act serious about anything. I knew that something was definitely up though, when he sat me down on the deck and pocketed his sunglasses so I could see the look in his eyes. The second I saw how grave his face looked, I knew that this was no punk joke of his. 

"Duo," he started off, his tone a little strange. I don't think he's used to these little heart-to-heart type discussions. I feel bad for any kids he might end up having if he ever gets married one day. Seeing the look on my face must have done something though, because after a brief pause, he took in a deep breath and tried again. "Duo, I think we need to talk."

"Well duh," I said, smacking my forehead deftly. I hadn't quite gotten the point yet, and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. "What'd you want to say? Make it quick. My old buddy needs me."

"Which one? Deathscythe or that homicidal boyfriend of yours?" The sun glinted oddly in his eyes as he cocked his head to look at me sideways. 

"Well now, aren't we a little nosy," I said haughtily, crossing my arms and throwing my chin up into the air as I rocked back on my haunches. "What business is it of yours what I do on my off hours? You're not even my boss." 

"Duo, this has nothing to do with Sweepers," he said, that serious tone back in his voice. I opened my eyes and rolled them back to stare at him, my nose still facing towards the sky. "I've—well, not just me to be honest—everybody on board has noticed the way you two stare at each other."

"Yeah, and what's it to you?" I snapped, suddenly defensive. I did not like the way this conversation was going. 

"Everyone knows he sleeps with you too," he went on. I stared at him expectantly, my upper lip curled in some odd expression that doesn't even have a name. I could hear the wind whistling over the ocean, waiting for one of us to say something. He broke the silence. "Not that I really care about that specifically, but Duo…." He trailed off, staring at something over my shoulder. I spun my head around to see Mister Self Destruct himself casually walk by and lean on the starboard banister nearby, pretending as if he were staring out at the sea. I could tell he was watching my every move though, the cheap bastard. Howard jarred me from my musings with his suddenly hushed voice. "Duo, don't you think he's just a little possessive of you? Doesn't that frighten you a little? I mean, you really don't know much about him. You don't even know his name!"

"Hey, it's my life to fuck up as I please," was my bloody retort. "And maybe you don't understand this 'cause you've got a ship full of comrades to waste your life away with, but I don't have many people who love me. And that 'homicidal boy' over there just happens to be the only person I've ever met who made me feel good about myself. He likes the way I look and the way I am, for a change. Don't try and put me down. I'm going to die before I get old; I want to enjoy what little of my crappy life I have left."

"Duo, he nearly murdered one of the deckhands for greeting you when you walked by. If a bunch of guys hadn't been around to physically pry him off—and he's a strong mother fucker—that deckhand would have been dead meat. I mean, he won't let anyone even breathe on you funny." Howard said. "You honestly don't think he's using you at all?"

"So what if he is? I don't give a flying fuck! I'm not trying to cause a big sensation or anything! You don't have to dig what I'm saying here, Howard!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands over my head irately. "I don't care what he wants with me. What matters is what I want with him, and that's someone I can go to when I'm feeling lonely." 

"So you're using him?"

"If that's what you want to call it." 

"Duo…."

"What?" 

Howard stood as I stood, about to put a hand on each of my shoulders when he noticed the angry glare Heero was sending him. He settled for jamming his hands into his pockets and saying, "Well you just take care of yourself, Duo. You may not think so, but you're a good kid, okay, and none of us Sweepers want to see you hurt. You've been hurt enough in one lifetime."

"Thanks for caring," I said maybe a little too callously, sarcasm ringing in my voice as I sauntered across the deck towards my boy. The moment I came to lean on the banister beside him, he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to his hip. I threw my head over my shoulder and stuck my tongue out at Howard before attacking my mystery lover with a very passionate throat-licking kiss, just for Howard's benefit. 

"I don't like it when other people look at you," he growled into my ear softly. His voice was always that deep dangerous sensual tone around me. "You're mine. Only I should be allowed to touch you." He kissed my neck, gnawing gently at the soft skin beneath my jaw. "Mine," he whispered between kisses as he claimed me with the mark of his lips. "Mine, mine." 

I knew I was digging myself a grave that I soon wouldn't be able to climb out of. And the frightening thing was, I wasn't quite sure if I really wanted to. I was obsessed with how dangerous he was. 

**[And it's been a while since I could say that I wasn't addicted.  
And it's been a while since I could say I love myself as well.]**

? AC 197

Nevermind the date; I've lost track of it anyway. The best I can say is that it's cold as shit outside and I don't even have a scarf to wear, end of discussion. It's been a while since I last wrote and that's because I haven't really had a need to up 'til now. You see, Heero and I—that's right I've found out what the pretty boy's name is; it's Heero—have this really weird relationship going on. I mean, it's weird in that there is little to no emotion involved in it and yet, it is the most comfort I've felt in years. Even though talking to him is like talking to a wall, he a somebody who breathes and most definitely understands the way I operate better than anyone I've ever met in my whole life. Okay, so I suppose that's an emotion, but that most certainly is not a mutual thing at all! This guy really has some personal issues he needs to work out and quick. I'm sorry, but a pretty face, a body to die for and one hell of a tight ass isn't going to cover for the fact that he has trouble dealing with his inner angst. I mean, man does this guy have anger! God, then again, I'm not really the person who 'ought to complain. Hell, I'm no better than he is, but at least I can admit it to myself, unlike the robot sleeping next to me, who can barely even tell if I have any other use aside from sex. I bet that's why he busted my ass out of prison too, 'cause he'd miss having his fuck-buddy around when he was bored. Okay, okay, so perhaps it's a little unfair of me to judge him and say how he may or may not feel, but I can't change how I feel, and no matter what he's got tumbling around inside, that's the signal I'm getting from everyone's favourite perfect soldier. 

But no matter what the hell his reasons were for saving my ass, whether it's sex or silence or whatever the hell it was, he's got me on the mend, hiding out in some ritzy boarding school in the heart of Austria until I can get around without limping anymore. I'm getting on pretty well in any case, despite a few little technical problems that might be slowing my weak body down. I mean, though I've still got a few bruises and such here and there, I can walk okay enough to play sports again and I can hold a pencil and a camera properly again, so all's well for now. I've got a neat little single room on the second floor of the dormitory building and three art classes plus a literature course and a history class to keep me entertained while I'm here. Mister Yuy resides on the floor above, slaving away over extra sciences and math to keep his systematic brain cranking like a godforsaken well-oiled machine, stopping only long enough to drag my ass to bed for a quick screw whenever he's in the mood. Ha, I bet he is half machine underneath that tanned skin. He's all routine; up, class, lunch, more class, homework, basketball, fuck, homework, bed, with the occasional whip OZ's ass into the ground every once in a while, though he's trying hard to lie low for the most part. He's pretty damn lucky that he's far too good looking to flay alive to find out what makes him tick in there, even to satisfy my curiosity. 

**[And it's been a while since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do.  
And it's been a while, but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you.]**

Oh God, but he's been driving me mad lately! Wait, I take that back. It's actually me who's been driving me mad. Because you see, this little problem had to decide and present itself to me in the middle of the night a few days ago when I was staying up extra late to utilize the dark room when no one was around. Well there I had been, bent over those chemicals, bathed in that creepy red safe-light you use when you're working, pushing a piece of photography paper around in the developer, my eyes jumping from the black timing clock sitting on a shelf by the radio to the slowly emerging image of Heero drowned in that smelly developer chemical. As the black-and-white image of the exotic Japanese boy started to become clearer, I found myself looking at the picture strangely. It wasn't in a lust-barbed, 'Oh Christ, he's a sex god' sort of way, but more an 'Oh Heero, what a mystery you are' kind of thing. It was like I had found this sort of calling from him that he and I were somehow alike, and that somehow we called for each other, even if we were both too retarded to catch on to it. It was about then that it hit me that my feelings about him had started to change. I mean, wasn't just sex anymore, not for me anyway. Oh I'm sure it still is just physical pleasure for him, but me…. Goddamn…. I've never felt this way for anyone in the entire world for a single second of my whole stupid existence. And to tell the perfectly honest frank truth, I'm damn scared and confused by it. It was one thing up on L2 when you got paid to do a job, but this whole thing with Heero is totally different, even if it's under that whole whoring pretense. Sometimes I think that there might be something more complex than just having me around for a convenient lay once and a while by the way he treated me sometimes. Sometimes when he looked at me in this certain way, or sometimes when he spoke to me and said my name in this certain tone or said certain things that made me wonder what really made the gears in his head turn, I wondered if my perception of him was just totally wrong. Ah, but then he'd realize that he'd slipped up again and it was back to the norm, leaving me to turn back to the notion that he really was just an efficient opportunist soldier on a mission. 

And that got me thinking, you know, about whether or not he really did just see it as a necessary escape from the world or not. With Heero, it's sometimes really hard to tell what actually goes on behind those glassy blue eyes of his. I mean, wearing the hard mask is one thing, but that's as good as cracked white porcelain because it's so damn easy to see beyond that, it's almost ridiculous. No, see what the kicker is, is that he might seem easy to read, but just when you think you've got everything about him under control, he lets something slip, some new element to the puzzle, and you realize you've put the whole thing together wrong and you've got to take it all apart and start building up from the beginning again. Very confusing man, that. 

So what did I choose to do about it? Being as I have a tad of trouble keeping my feelings contained, unlike dear Mister Yuy, I, of course, decided that right then and there I had to go and sort out my head. And how might I do that, you ask? Well I marched right out of the dark room, leaving that photograph to curl and darken to blackness in the developer, and headed straight for the dormitories, taking the stairs two at a time, past the second floor and up to the third, made my way down the hall and knocked hard on Heero's door, pasting what I thought to be a neutral look on my face while I waited for him to open the door. Now granted that it was about two in the morning and that students were usually kept under tight curfew regulations (not that curfew meant shit to the God of Death, master of stealth and shadow), I started to figure that even the perfect soldier needed sleep and that the five minutes I ended up waiting there at the door began to lend themselves to a sudden falter of confidence. I had actually been about to turn tail and make a mad retreat to the safety of my own dorm when the door suddenly swung open to reveal a very bed tussled Heero Yuy. I stood there like a deer in the headlights, clapping my mouth open and shut a few times like a complete idiot, taken completely by surprise with the ferocity with which he had opened the door. And the moment he had registered just who was standing in the hall before him, he got that feral look in his eye again, and I knew that there was no escape for me anymore. 

**[And everything I can't remember,  
As fucked up as it all may seem,]**

I think it was just then that I realized just how obsessed and possessive he was with me. He grabbed me fiercely by the uniform necktie that still hung around my neck and yanked me towards him so he could place a wild kiss on my lips as he dragged me into the room, throwing the door closed behind me as he did so. Then he slammed me coarsely up against the door, still violently kissing me and lifting me slightly up off the floor, making the wood crash against the frame as my back made violent contact with the flat surface. I kissed him back, naturally, even putting my arms around his neck too, while crazy thoughts raced through my head, concerned with what sorts of feelings this kind of treatment instilled and just what I wanted out of this whole twisted game, a game I was sure I would be bound to lose. 

"My little devil," he purred into my ear, pressing his body against mine and pinning me against the door. "My pretty little devil." 

My breathing became ragged as he attacked my neck with his moist exploring lips. "Oh, Hee-chan," I gasped when his one hand started to wander. I wondered aloud as I felt said hand creep down and around my thigh, "Why me? Why do I deserve your attention? You could have anyone you wanted, and yet you chose me. Why not Relena or…." 

"Why you?" he repeated, cutting me off in mid sentence, his breath still hot against my slender neck. "Isn't it obvious? Because I don't want her the way I want you, Duo Maxwell. She offers me her feelings on a silver platter but you; I have to work for your affection. I like being able to tame such a wild devil. She doesn't have that same fire, that same passion. She's an innocent naïve little girl who is lost in a world of war and fighting. She doesn't understand me, not the way you do."

"But she would do anything for you," I blurted out. I wasn't advocating her—not by any means—but she was the first person that I could think to compare myself to and I wanted to hear what he thought. I wanted to know why he desired (I hesitate to write the word 'love' here) me, a street brat, above her, the ruler of the universe. "I can't give you anything." 

"Oh you give me more than you could ever understand," he answered his voice deep and husky. I wondered what sort of things he meant. I hardly had time to think about it, for in a moment, he was speaking again. "She lives in a world full of flowers and ideals. She doesn't see the real world, with all its grit and misery. But you, oh you, Duo, you are real. You have secrets and mysteries hidden away from the world behind that jesters mask you wear. You have real breath in you and you see with real eyes. You know what suffering is and you know what it's like to feel hate and pain. She's been bruised and cut, but you've been scarred and bloodied. You, Duo, are a real man." He finished his little soliloquy with a ferocious kiss that bled and fattened my lower lip a little bit with his hard sucking. 

At last he let me go and I fell to the floor in a lapse of breath, heaving against the wall and thinking how much I needed a smoke. Not that I disliked the taste of him on my lips or anything. Oh no, far from it. I just needed to unwind. He sometimes had a way of sapping me of what little strength I have. Not that I'm really that weak by any account, but compared to him, I'm just a rag doll that gets thrown around and abused. He had turned away and was making his way over to the small writing table underneath the room's long diamond-paned window. His laptop was sitting there, the screen glowing ominously, casting the whole shadowy room in a surreal white light, much more heavenly and cold than the warm hellish red of the dark room's safe light. 

"Hee-chan," I addressed his back with the epithet I had coined him with soon after I had learned his name, as he settled back down in the chair I was sure he had just been roused from when I'd knocked. Getting no reaction, I said his name again. Still nothing, and I got a little upset. He had never ignored me like this before, especially whenever he wanted some. "Heero!" I said a third time from my spot on the floor, my voice a little huffy. 

He looked a little irritable as he looked over his shoulder, not even needed to say a word since the look on his face dictated all he meant to say. 

"Hee-chan, I still want to talk to you," I said, calming my voice again as I stood up and leaned casually against the door, folding my arms over my chest. 

"Well I don't want to talk to you. I've finished all I need to say for now," he snapped bitterly before turning back to whatever he was working on. He must have been going over mission reports or something, because the clacking tap of his fingers playing over the keyboard was strangely absent. 

"Heero, this is important!" I protested, taking large strides over to the desk. I looked over his shoulder, shocked to find that he was absorbed in the book I had given him so long ago.

"Hn, whatever it is, it can wait," he answered, not even looking up this time. 

"Hey, I'm tired of living at your convenience here, pal!" I barked, my impatience breaking loose at him as I opened my mouth. I had meant to talk about the new feelings I had found inside, to ask him if he knew what it meant or if I was the only one who felt that way, but all that came out were the pent up frustrations towards him that had always been there. Well, I guess he needed to hear those too, but not like that, not then. It did nothing to help the confusion of my heart, nor the confusion of his, for that matter. I grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around, a mistake if anything, because I could see the anger flaring up in his eyes when I did so. I figured I was on a roll though, so I just kept my mouth going. "I got something to say, and I think you'd owe me the common courtesy of at least hearing me out here."

"Maybe another time," was the tart reply. I knew he couldn't be that into the book. He really didn't strike me as the rabid reader sort. I heard him grumble, "I'm busy right now."

"Why do you always ignore me like that?" I could feel myself getting further and further from my true objective the angrier I got. I gave a childish irate stomp of the foot as the sight of his back became more offensive with each second. "What will it take 'till you believe in me the way I believe in you, Heero! You only notice me when you want something. God dammit, I'm tired of only being worth your time whenever you're horny!" 

This earned me no reply. Ha, bet he had known that I had him beat there. Point for Maxwell. Damn, I'm good. So the mission was taking a… detour route. I figured I would get around to my initial point eventually. 

"Well what do you say to that, Mister Perfect Soldier?" I grabbed the chair back as I leant over to whisper harshly into his ear. I could feel him tensing up with every word I spoke, though the look he wore on his face betrayed nothing. When you were as good at observing and reading body language as I was though, it didn't matter how hard he tried to hide whatever it was he was trying to hide. I could read him like a mother fucking book. 

His reply was surprisingly even-toned and quiet as he laid the book over his lap, pushing me away with the back of his hand. "I'm reading now, Maxwell." 

I gave an indignant snort. "Reading? You? Since when did you care about books? Since when did you care about anything? Oh God Heero, don't you get it at all? Don't you realize that maybe I'm your freaking love slave for more than just your mere convenience? That maybe there's just more to it than surfaces?" 

He stared at me blankly, as if he were not sure what to make of this accusation. At length, he gathered his wits and came together with a plain reply. "Is this not working for you any more then, Maxwell? Didn't you want me for your benefit too?"

"Well yeah," I threw my arms over my head, exasperated that someone so insanely brilliant could be so stupid at the exact same time, "but it doesn't seem that way so much anymore. Sure, we had a good thing going for a while. But it was more of a shared thing before. We had our good times and an excellent way to relieve both our tensions and fears. Hell, I think we had something really good going on a while ago. I really did! But now it's just a good fuck for you whenever you're 'in the mood,' nevermind what I want or what I need. And dammit Heero, I'm sick of it!"

The slight twitching of his eyebrow disclosed his discomfort with the direction the conversation was taking. He was either extremely hurt by this or pissed at this blatant indictment of an abused agreement. 

"Admit it, you know I'm right," I egged him on. 

"So what is this?" he said finally, standing up and laying the book aside. He gave me a hearty shove, sending me tumbling back onto the bed. "You're here for sex? You're, how did you put it, 'in the mood'?" 

"I'm not here for sex," I found myself shouting, not even really paying attention to the foolery coming from my mouth anymore. I never knew what the hell I was talking whenever I really got into something. All I knew was that my head was swimming, my vision was blurred and red and my throat killed like a bitch. "I'm here for you!" I suddenly realized what I had just said and covered my mouth in horror. I was frightened by the statement as much as he was. 

He was looming over me, the whites of his eyes shining like specters in the odd illumination that bathed the room in that ethereal light, making him look like some kind of fallen angel of death. "And just what do you mean by that?" he asked in a dangerous voice. I knew that what my future held would depend on what I said next, and God knew how he would take it. 

"I mean that…." I trailed off, lost in the dark blue of his eyes. They were shimmering, ghostly and bright in the dimly lit room, and I found myself, for once in my life, lost for words as I stared into those haunting irises. I stumbled again over my sentence, trying to choke out the words. I realized that I was really afraid to admit to him what I had figured out for myself in the dark room earlier. "I mean that there's… more to it than just escape… for me…. I don't want to run away from you anymore…. That I want to know about you as a person, not just a thing. I want to know what you do when you're bored, what scares you most, how you stand to wear those stupid spandex shorts all the time or what your favourite colour is! Do you even know what a colour is, Heero? Did you know that there's more to the world than just your generic black and white spectrem? I was looking over a calendar in the library the other day, Heero, because I was keeping track of much time we spent together, even if you've never strung four words together for me. It's quite a good deal, you know."

"So what? I never noticed before."

"The point is that I noticed," I cried. "I want to be so much more to you than just a… a conquest…." 

His face tightened, like he was trying to keep something stomached and hidden away from the world. With a forced swallow, he told me, "And why… should I care about how you… feel?" 

"I would have you ask yourself if you care about how you feel before you start worrying about me, since that seems to be so much more of a problem for you," I barked suddenly at him, my previous gloom gone in a heartbeat.

"Don't you… understand, Duo?" he asked, his voice suddenly soft and tinted with this almost sad connotation. Even his angry expression seemed to have melted away for just a moment. I think he realized that I had noticed his slip, for he was quick to readjust his porcelain mask over his real face. 

"Have you fallen in love with her? You know, Relena?" I guess I had sort of misread his expression, because his face seemed to contort even more as I said this. 

I had actually asked him this question once before when Relena had barged into the dormitory Heero and I had shared at some other nameless boarding school near when we had first met. She had mistaken me lying on the bed with the pillow obscuring my face for Heero and it wasn't until he had come storming back into the room, wrapped in a towel from an early morning shower that she realized her mistake. I will admit it was a rather classic moment when she asked Heero what I was doing naked in his bed and he had plainly told her that we had been fucking the night before and that I was waiting for my turn with the bathroom like the lazy bastard I was. But in any case, when she had run out of there almost crying, leaving a darkly smirking Heero standing in the middle of the room, I just had to know. So I asked and I got the same answer then that he gave me now. This time it was far more a definite and firm answer than I had expected, final and absolute. I guess that was heartwarming in a strange sort of way.

"No." 

"Then you love me?" I had also asked him this before, and I was willing to bet that if his answer to the former question had not changed, neither had this. But then again, I just had to make sure. His reply was a little more tentative than the last, but still the same flat out refusal. He sounded almost a little choked in the throat, as if he were having trouble spitting out the word. Any other time I would have thought it cute, but not tonight. 

"No." 

"Then what am I to you?" I suddenly exclaimed, growing impatient and a little angry. " Am I really just your whore? I'm just a pet to play with? Is that it?" 

"I don't know," he seemed unsure of himself, his mask falling free for just a brief moment as he faltered over the words. "Maybe…." 

That did it. I just started to cry, sitting there on his bed. Through teary eyes, I could see him still standing there looking shocked and flummoxed in that dull flickering light, while I broke down before his eyes. I'm sure he had no idea how to handle it, and I could see those cranks beginning to work behind his mask, evaluating what to do. I had never cried like this before, and certainly not in front of him. Seems that his ever-so systematic mind wasn't quick enough to beat his emotions to the tee though. I could actually see it in his eyes, as he snapped as well, but not in a river of tears like stupid old me. Instead he wheeled his fist back, yelling at me for crying, and slammed me hard across the cheek. That sure as hell shut me up for a second. Heero can hit like nobody's business. I cradled my stinging, slightly bleeding and bruised cheek, too shocked for words. 

"You want a good fuck?" he grabbed me violently by the shoulders and forced me onto my back, nearly cracking my head against the wall as he pushed me downwards. "God dammit, I'll show you a good fuck, Duo." The anger evaporated as that primal grin flashed across his face as he descended upon me again. "After all, I learned from the best, didn't I?" 

Ah ha, ah ha. Oh the laughable, laughable irony. 

He was straddling me, a crazy look lighting his eyes as he stared hungrily down at me, hands ripping brutally at my clothes. I could hear nothing but the deafening sound of tearing cloth as he literally tore my shirt and tie off my body, exposing my pale scar covered body in the white computer glow. In another time and place, you could have placed this with all the kinky games we used to play. I will give him this: though we usually did end up in bed according to his desires, he had never really mistreated me or harmed me while we were going at it. Sure, he was usually pretty rough, and he always gave it to me fast and hard, but to tell the truth, I kind of had a taste for that, and he was never brutally violent, never meaning to hurt me really. 

But there was something in his eye that most certainly did not denote this as a playful romp. Not this time. Hell, this time his kisses were more like carnal bites at my flesh, and I could feel his fingers leaving bruise marks on my shoulders where he held me down fast to the mattress. I tried really hard to suck it up and deal with it like I usually did whenever he just wanted to have his way, but it was kind of hard to do so when he was making me bleed with his love bites and such. He dragged his calloused hands over my chest, leaving dull red trails upon my skin as he pressed his fingers painfully into my skin and hit me whenever I let out a whimper. I thought I had been doing pretty well until the those damned tears started to crystallize in the corners of my squinted eyes and I felt the repercussions of his hand smashing back across my face, condemning me for crying once again. "Stop crying, Duo!" I heard him yell out frantically. I think the tears really frightened him, to be honest. I heard him order me to dry up again, his voice starting to quaver a little bit. "Why are you crying, Duo? Stop it!" He beat me again across the other cheek. "Stop it, dammit!" With ever entreaty for me to cease my tears, his fist fell over my body again, which only resulted in forcing me into outright sobs. "STOP IT NOW!"

**[The consequences that I've rendered,  
I've gone and fucked things up again!]**

"H-Heero, please, it hurts," was all I could muster myself to choke out between snivels. He didn't stop though, despite my begging, and I could feel him only growing more brutal with his ministrations. "Please Heero, stop; you're hurting me. It hurts, it hurts so much." I was actually whimpering now. 

Next thing I knew, my pants were torn and hanging over the foot of the bed, his hands violently exploring a body he had come to be quite familiar with over the past months. "You like it, don't you, little slut," he growled heatedly, pushing his freshly shed tank top and faded blue jeans to the floor. He didn't wait too long before he grabbed me by the hips and went on to fuck me rougher than I could ever remember him doing. My moans seemed to satisfy his remark. Hey, what could I do; he might have been beating me senseless and what he was doing to me could probably be best categorized as rape, but I couldn't deny that it felt good to have him inside of me. He leaned over and snarled again into my ear, his voice breathy and hoarse from screaming, "Admit it, you enjoy it, don't you, you stupid American whore!"

"Ah, ah, Heero," I heaved, feeling weak and defeated. I was bent and crippled again, covered with new bruises and cuts from his savage scratches and punching. It felt like he had re-broken my arm, or at least twisted it around again in a way it really 'ought not to be bent. I couldn't move; I could scarcely bring myself to breath. 

When he was finished, he slid off the bed and had the nerve to return calmly to his chair as if nothing had happened, eyes back to the pages of his book—my book! I almost felt a rage boiling inside that I had ever let him have my favourite story for his own and I felt the almost insuppressible urge to rip it out of his hands and use it to bash him around the ears a couple of times. I doubt anything like that I could have done would have hurt him much, but it would have been the joy of hitting him that would have felt good. Right then, I had nothing but a sheer dislike for him, any affable feelings I might have been favouring for a while nowhere to be found. I wanted him, I needed him, and I desperately longed to love him, but I suddenly felt that it was something I could never do. Not anymore, at least. 

**[Why must I feel this way?]**

I still haven't figured out the date. If I didn't know it the day before, there's no way I'd know it now, so just forget that it even matters. Doesn't to me. Life has lost any bearing and I could care less if it was Christmas or the Fourth of July. The day after all that ensued between Heero and I in his dormitory, we found ourselves on almost non-speaking terms and avoiding each other as much as possible. This was somewhat bad for us being as it made us far more noticeable to the rest of the student body, which was most certainly not good for our cover. You might think that a bit odd (and believe me, it is), but my refusal to say anything, plus the added fact that my counterpart was nowhere to be found, was definitely something that got the other kids wondering what was amiss. I don't have any doubt that some of them suspected what kind of relationship Heero and I had, and I'll bet you my soul (if my soul is still mine to bet) that my lack of words, particularly towards him, was quite a bit of a shocker. 

But no one dared to bring anything up about it to either of us about it. It's pretty obvious they were all afraid that Heero would kill them and that I would have some rash reaction to whatever they had to say. In fact, we were pretty much left blissfully alone, that is, until it came around to the basketball game we were to play in that afternoon. We were in the locker room, changing into our uniforms with the rest of the team. Heero was sitting a little more removed from the group as usual, stealing furtive glances my direction ever so often. I wondered now and again if he wanted to apologize. He had odd ways of doing so, like holding me for once when we slept together and he thought I was out, or a gentle kiss or something like that, but this was different. He never realized that I knew he liked to touch me and hold me soft when he thought I was sleeping, and I let it stay that way, because those tender moments were just as precious to me as they were to him, I'm sure. It doesn't matter though. I really didn't think that stuff like that would fix this so easily. 

As for me, well, I was just sitting on the bench, my eyes picking out patterns in the folds of my rumpled uniform, which lay in a red and black mass of cloth at my feet. I still had trouble moving, and after a few minutes of trying to get the shirt over my head, gave up and just tossed it aside, contenting myself to moodily stare at the row of lockers before me. 

"Oh, Duo, aren't you playing today?" a voice said from behind me. I looked over my shoulder a little angrily at the interruption to see another kid on the team standing there, orange ball under arm and ready to go. I was supposed to play first string, but I was beginning to think that Heero had hurt me too much the night before for me to even get on the court. I just shrugged and turned back around. I could sense the confusion he felt at my erratic behavior radiating off his skin. He said, "Duo, is something wrong? You want to talk to the coach about it?" 

**[Just make this go away.]**

I shook my head no, not realizing that I had begun to subconsciously rubbing my twisted wrist, the one injury I could reach without drawing much attention to myself. My whole body pained me, though I tried hard not to make it seem that way. 

"Is something wrong with your arm?" he pressed, coming closer. I heard the sound of him dropping the basketball to the floor as he sat down on the bench next to me and plucked my uniform off the ground. He obviously noticed my nervous massaging and wondered what to make of it. I shook my head no again. It was when he put his arm around my shoulder and noticed me physically wince at the pain that he began to figure that something was up. "You're injured, aren't you? Why don't you tell anyone about it? Ask the coach if you can sit this one out." 

"I… I don't want to let the team down," I mumbled feebly, trying hard to force a smile. "It's a big game today." It was all I could think of to say. Anything to keep him from wanting to give me a look over and asking questions he 'ought not to ask. Then what would I say? Would I have to… lie?

He furrowed his brow and asked me in a no-nonsense voice to take off my shirt. Reluctantly, I gave into the inevitable and started to unbutton the uniform oxford with shaky fingers. His eyes grew wide and bulbous when he saw all the dark heavy bruises and light cuts crisscrossing my torso, some fresh from Heero's abuse and some old from battles and demons long past. "Is it like that all over?" he asked, fingering me lightly and watching in horror as I grimaced at so light a touch. "How did this happen, Duo?" 

I shrugged. It wasn't a lie… not yet. My companion looked up just in time to see Heero lethargically walk past, pausing a brief moment too long behind us, taking in the real damage of what he had done for the first time. I don't think he had really understood how much he had harmed me until he saw me sitting there in the glaring light, accentuating each and every wound he had laid upon my skin. The other boy looked from me to Heero and then back to me again, pieced some more of the equation together and made a simple deduction. "Heero did this to you, didn't he, Duo?"

I was still silent, neither nodding nor shaking my head in reply. Heero was frozen, unable to make a move. I could see… no… I could feel the fear in his eyes. Finally, I opened my mouth and killed the silence. "No," I found myself saying, "No, Heero would never hurt me." 

Heero was frozen in the door. It seemed he had been just walking out, lingering in the doorway to hear what I would say, just waiting for the guilty sentence, but the words that fell upon his ears were far from what he had been expecting. Hell, they were far different from what I had been expecting, and I had been the idiot who had muttered them! His fingers were tightened around the lintel as his reactions to my comment played across his face visibly. Heero knew what I always said about lying. You know, that whole "I run, I hide but I never lie" bit. Well, he knew I never did and that I just had, for him. 

And you know what the funny thing is? I realized right then that he was worth it. That he was worth breaking the very moral that I based my entire character on and that I would lie and cheat and steal for him if it meant keeping him near and keeping him safe. That he really was everything upon which I built my existence and that ruining him would ruin me too.

I realized in that moment that I really, really was in love with him and that it had stopped being a game a long time ago. Yeah, he got on my nerves a lot, was impatient and cold to me more often than not, even had beaten the shit out of me the night before, and still, I couldn't help but think that it was just love, for both of us. You know, sometimes I really think that his strength is the weakness he's trying his damndest not to show. I was his weakness, and would hide it until he got to hell. Too bad for him that it was all chiseled into his face for the world to see.

Would you believe it, all those thoughts flashing through my mind at warp speed just then wore down my defenses completely. And I know I always say that boys don't cry. Some boy I make then, because I started to cry again, worse than the night before. Even though it hurt me both corporally and mentally to, I couldn't hold back those tears. I couldn't stop crying for both of us.

**[Just one more peaceful day!]**

The boy who had started all this glared back at Heero, who was just hanging out silently in the doorway, watching with an impassive face. Ah, he had put up the shields again. Maybe this other kid wasn't as good at reading body language as I was, or maybe it was just because he didn't know Heero at all, but I could tell that he was stopped cold by that icy glare in his eyes. Ha, but that look doesn't phase me anymore. I can tell what's going on inside that head of is even if he's got his best "Omae o korosu" countenance pasted on his handsome face. 

"I'm taking Duo to the infirmary to get these wounds treated proper," the boy said in a voice that could be nothing but menacing. I guess I was just no good at that lying thing, or he could tell that Heero's reaction was not exactly that of an innocent party. He paused briefly before going on. "You… you tell Coach that Duo can't play today because he's been… mysteriously injured." 

Heero nodded curtly and abruptly walked out the door towards the basketball court. I wondered if he even cared about the lying and the fact it had all been for him. My companion helped stupid shaking crying me to my feet and brought me from the gym back to the main building and up towards the nurse's office. On the way he asked me what he should tell the nurse about my injuries. I could tell by his tone he was only trying to humour me; he did know that I had been lying about Heero. I guess I should stick to the truth since that's what I'm good at. Still, what I said before holds true. I'd still lie for him if I had to. Even if it meant making up a huge mother fucking fantasy story, full of bullshit and pussyfooting, as long as it kept Heero hidden and protected, that story would be the best goddamned story you ever heard. Well anyway, I had no idea what to say so I just shook my head mutely as if it was something I'd rather not talk about. It really wasn't in any case. 

**[And it's been a while since I could look at myself straight.  
And it's been a while since I said I'm sorry.]**

He left me there in the nurse's care. She was a nice middle-aged lady, thin with short dark brown hair and a pleasant smile. If Sister Helen had had short brown hair and were a bit older, I bet she would have looked just like this lady. They both seemed like they would have made good mothers. For a second, I wondered if the nurse had any kids of her own. She brought me back into a dark little room adjacent to her office where four beds lined the white walls and let me pick one to lie down on. I chose one near the room's only window and eased myself onto the squishy mattress, staring up at the ceiling while she dashed off to grab the suddenly ringing phone. While I waited for her to come back, I let my eyes rove over the room. All the beds were outfitted with patchwork quilts and pillows, fuzzy blankets folded at the foot of each one. There were a lot of posters on the walls, ones that condoned things like smoking and drugs and ones that explained how to do CPR and other stuff like that. But I easily found my favourite was a poster taped over the bed opposite mine, covered with the lyrics to the song "Imagine". 

When the nurse came back, she brought with her a white med kit. It kind of made me nervous looking at it. Bandages and needles and antiseptic… scary shit. Well anyway, she kept engaging me in conversation while she had me shed my shirt again to take my mind of the little pains she caused as she examined me. And even when she had me sitting on that bed in nothing more than my favourite pair of boxer shorts, the red ones with the bat wings stretched out over the ass, she had instilled this peaceful sense inside of me, and I could have cared less if she had asked me to tell her word for word what sex was like with Heero and what had really happened between us. I would have. In fact, I almost did spill the beans on everything from Heero to Gundam. I kind of wanted some advice on what to do with my crappy life. Yeah, she was that motherly. 

In no time at all, she was ruffling my hair affectionately and telling me to lie down and get some rest. I found my bruises and cuts dressed and my wrist tied to a splint to keep it all straightened out so it healed right. She let me hold the teddy bear sitting on one of the other beds, left a glass of water by my side and even moved the vase of flowers that sat on her desk into the room for me. 

I couldn't tell you how long I slept there. I was too comfortable to know or care. All I do know is that after heaven knows how long, I felt the sensation of long fingers entwining themselves in my loosened hair, stroking the long tresses almost affectionately. I mean, I was only half awake at the time, a dull pain still ringing through my limbs and all, but I felt suddenly at peace when I realized it was Heero who was sitting on the edge of my bed, playing with my hair when he leaned down and whispered into my ear, "They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, did you know?" My breaths hitched slightly as his fingers slipped around my plush cheek and over my lips, wiping away the path of tears that ran down my face. I think I fell asleep again to the sound of his voice, mumbling something like "Gomen, Duo. Sometimes…." He was whispering now, still leaning over my body as if to protect me as he spoke, his lips so close, it was nearly like he was leaving a trail of tiny kisses over my face. "…. Sometimes I'm tired of being so damn strong."

**[And it's been a while since I've seen the way the candles light your face.  
And it's been a while, but I still can remember just the way you taste.]**

When I awoke again, I knew I was no longer in the infirmary. I was curled up in a loose fetal position, leaning into a very sturdy body with a pair of very strong arms wrapped around me. I was faintly aware of the sound of Heero's voice, his hot breath puffing over my ear. I realized that he was singing something that sounded like a lullaby in Japanese. I had no idea that Heero Yuy could sing! His voice was quiet and soothing, even if somewhat nasal. I liked listening to it. I wonder if I'll ever hear him sing again. I doubt I'll ever forget it. Maybe one day when I finally figure out Japanese, I'll find out what he was singing. I wonder if the lyrics were as pretty as they sounded. 

My eyes slowly opened and focused. The first thing I saw was the blurred green of Heero's shirt where I was cuddled like a lost little child would cling to a big brother or something. When my eyes found the dull metallic gray beyond him, the somewhat familiar control panels and thrusters just beyond his arm, I realized that we were sitting in Wing's cockpit, curled up close to each other, protecting each other. 

"Heero?" Strange that the first thing I mumbled was his name, even though I was not entirely sure I was even with him and that I was supposed to be angry with him. It was really hard to stay angry with him, even if it seemed he had no heart. 

**[And everything I can't remember,  
As fucked up as it all may seem to be, I know it's me,]**

"Shh, Duo," the sound of his voice played over my ear again. He'd stopped singing, realizing that I was now awake again. "You don't have to say anything." I made a muffled little noise into his shirt and wrapped my arms around his waist, if anything, out of sheer habit. He went on speaking after a moment of silence. "It's blue, by the way." 

"What?" I was confused. "Blue?" 

"Well, dark blue really. Maybe even more on the violet side," he said. I felt his finger caress my chin, lifting my face up to meet his. "Like the colour of your eyes. That's my favourite colour." 

I smiled weakly at him. He had finally opened up to me. It was the first bit of personal information about himself that he had ever volunteered to me of his own accord. I reached up and touched his cheek, my smile broadening a bit at the peaceful expression that now graced his face. "You look even more amazing when you smile. You should smile more. I bet people would really like that."

"Would you like that?" he asked. When I nodded, his answer was simply beautiful. "Then I will smile more for you." 

Well I had to smile myself at that. With a pleased chuckle, I pressed myself closer to him, decided for sure that I really had fallen for the stupid bastard. What a jerk, making me all weak at the knees for him. It's just like him to do that, you know? 

We made love for the first time after that, right there, in Wing's cockpit. No, it wasn't just sex like it had been before. There's a distinct difference between sex and making love. This time, it actually seemed to mean something to the both of us. Let me just say this: Heero never got on his knees for anyone until that night. I'd never seen him so willing to please me before. He gave himself to me, let me see the poor sad vulnerable little boy he truly was. It was like I was with a totally new person—a quiet softer Heero Yuy who was buried under years of pain and hardship. It was something that had emblazoned itself on both our memories, I'm sure. I wonder if things will change for everyone after this? 

February 14, AC 197

It's been a while since the last time I took the time to write like this, but I haven't had any need to until now. I'm feeling so depressed! We had a year or so of peace and I had about that much time with Heero. It's all over now though. I really don't think I'll ever get the chance to see him again. We had a brief interlude from that peace with a war that was just concluded at the end of last year. So the world's back on track, but my life's gone to hell again. Heero and I made love for the last time snuggled in a nest of our clothes at the back of an old warehouse we were hiding out in on colony X-18999 just before the conclusion of that war with little Mariemeia and her army. After that, we finished the mission, busted Relena out of captivity and then you know what? We went our separate ways! Can you believe that? It might sound sick of me to say this, but I miss the war and all the fighting when I got to be with him. I wondered if he had gotten tired of me and that's why he had me go live with Hilde. He said it was for my own good that I get a job and that Hilde would be a good person to help me get financially set. Told me that without a war, it would be hard to support ourselves and all that bullshit. I mean, Hilde's nice and all; she's one of the coolest, probably my best friend, but she's not Heero. I can't support myself without him and I think I'm going crazy. Like not metaphorically crazy, but really stark-raving mad. Hilde made me go see a shrink for a while, and he suggested I find a way to let out my frustrations and all. Writing all of it down kind of helps a little. I told him that I used to do it all the time, and he said it was a good habit to have, so I decided I'd try it out again. He's right though; it does help a little. For now it will have to do. Actually, he originally wanted to put me in the nut house, but Hilde wouldn't stand for it. It took a lot of arguing, but I got out of it, though it's probably where I belong. 

**[I cannot blame this on my father.  
He did the best he could for me.]**

June 29, AC 197

I tried to call old Wuffers up yesterday at Preventers, but he wasn't around, so I got forwarded to Lady Une, me being an old Gundam pilot and all. When she heard that I wanted a spot on her crew, she was more than happy to oblige and even more happy to offer me a spot on her team of agents who usually got landed on top-secret jobs. Told me that having a thief like me on board could prove effective and all that jazz. Well whatever made her happy, I guess. In any case, I've got a job with her now, and I'm going to move out of Hilde's at the end of this week. Out with the old and in with the new. I even have a new alias: Maxwell Smart. Catchy, yeah? Anyways, Hilde was glad for me even though I couldn't tell her where I was going. Une had placed me on one of her top covert teams, one that usually took missions so confidential that my joining them would mean that I would essentially disappear from the face of the Earth. Duo Maxwell is going to rest for a while, not to be dug up until someone realizes that he's died. That's okay. I don't think anyone would even miss me. Hell, I don't even think I would miss me. I'll go back to being Shinigami, just a face without a name. It's the only thing I seem to be good for anyway. 

**[And it's been a while since I could hold my head up high.  
And it's been a while since I said I'm sorry….]**

{{A/N}} Oh, tears! The song, _It's Been Awhile_, belongs to Stain'd. Oh at BTW, didja catch the reference to the old spy show "Get Smart"? (Well, it's easy to figure out from the title...) Good job if you've been able to catch all my little spy sweet-nothings here and there (*cough*chaptertitles*cough*). 


	9. The Music and the Mirror

****

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

****

~ Part IX ~

The Music and the Mirror

Heero felt like he wanted to just break down and cry right then and there. Reading over Duo's amassed thoughts had brought him back to the reality of that night when he had let his myriad of emotions for the braided pilot snap. All these years he had been jumping between extremes, one moment yearning madly for his lost lover and friend, others trying to forget, to pretend like it had never happened, even though it had been a very important element in bringing them closer together. It was just a detail that he would have loved to forget. Duo's body had still carried marks of that beating even long after he had healed from it. 

"Scars, I guess," he murmured, yanking the headphones out of his ears and throwing them unceremoniously back onto the bed. "Scars that won't ever go away, to remind both of us how much we fought to be together." He let out a small nasal chuckle, "And after all that fighting, I'm the asshole who threw it all away. I'm such a mess." He turned his arms over to examine the self-inflicted disfigurement that garnished his slender arms. Tugging at his collar and staring down his shirt, he could see a few other slash marks he had decorated his chest with in those same fits of rage. There were almost as many wounds that he had wreaked upon himself than those won during battles past. The only beautiful thing he seemed to find on his entire person was the golden cross dangling around his neck, glistening upon his chest, pulsating with a life and rhythm of its own. 

He looked back down at the neat stack of notebook paper at his feet and sifted through it again. Quietly, he gathered the photographs and drawings and set them down on top of the notebook pages, stared at them forlornly for a brief moment and then moved them with the sketchbook to an empty spot beside the vase of lilacs. With a heavy sigh, he sat down on the edge of the bed, slapping his thighs idly as he mulled over what he should do next. The weight of what he had just read was still sinking in. At last he voted to take a walk around the school to clear his mind. Sitting there in his room, smoking his life away was not going to earn him anything.

So soon he found himself wandering aimlessly through the empty halls of the school. It was evening already, the sun hanging somewhat low in the sky just outside. Most everyone could be heard clamoring quietly in the dining hall as he meandered past, not even pausing for a moment to consider joining the rest. _I'm a loner at heart_, he sighed again,_ much as I detest admitting it, but I guess that's the first step: admitting it. Anyway, I'm alone now. My letting Duo go just proves that even more I guess. Hmm, maybe I can get Sora to hit me a couple more times now that I've finally realized what a complete bastard I really am._

A low purring noise pulled him from his inner musings. Looking up from his feet, he found himself staring at a meowing dark chocolate brown cat sitting in the middle of the hallway, its furry tail bouncing back and forth across the floor as if it had a life of its own. Heero pulled his hands out of his pockets and approached the cat, reaching out to pet the thing. The cat stretched up to his fingers, letting the melancholy Japanese boy scratch between its ears. "Huh, never seen a cat around here before," Heero was saying quietly to the animal, a forlornly contented smile tugging at his lips. "That's weird. What are you doing here, neko-chan?" 

The cat let out a low purr in response and darted out of Heero's reach, racing down the hall, pausing briefly as if to beckon Heero to follow before taking off again. Heero stood up, staring after the cat, like he was thinking on whether or not to follow. With a shrug, he made a quick choice to follow the cat for lack of anything else to do. _At least it will take my mind off everything,_ he reasoned to himself as he wandered onwards, just catching sight of the cat as it darted down a flight of stairs that led to the theatre lobby. He walked after the brown streak as slid through the halfway open theatre door. "Oi, neko, where are you going?" he called after the feline, following it down the aisle towards the stage.

He watched the cat scamper off into the darkness of the backstage wings and was about to clamber after it when he noticed someone standing upstage of him, singing a song from some old Broadway musical quietly as she danced across the floor with an old black top hat. The sound of tap shoes clicking against the floor with each step met Heero's ears as he watched, completely mesmerized by the dancer's graceful movements. He had never really seen anyone dance like that before. 

__

"One singular sensation,  
Every little step he takes.  
One thrilling combination,  
Every move he makes!  
One smile and suddenly  
Nobody else will do!  
You know you'll never be lonely with you-know-who!

"One moment in his presence,  
And you can forget the rest,  
For the guy is second best to none!  


"Ooh, sigh! Give him your attention!  
Do I really have to mention?  
He's the One!"  


Soon, she looked up and noticed Heero standing on stage apron. With a wide smile, she bounced over to Heero and said happily, "Oh, good evening to you Sir! What brings you to the theatre?" She dipped low in an exaggerated bow. 

"A cat," Heero's eyes tried to find the cat in the inky dark offstage. Hoshi arched her brows quizzically, waiting for Heero to elaborate on his strange remark. He said nothing more on the matter and went on to ask; "So what are _you_ doing here? I didn't know you could dance so well." 

"Neither did I," she laughed. "You're the first person who's told me I was any good."

"So," Heero heaved out a long sigh, letting his eyes wander around the stage and out over the empty theatre. He had never really been in a theatre before, certainly never stood on stage before. It was a world that was completely unfamiliar to him, even though he knew it was world that Duo had frequented to often. "So why did you start to dance?" 

"Why does anyone start to dance?" she asked with a shrug. "You dance because you love it; because you want to dance. It's a way for me to lose myself. I don't have to think about anything when I dance. Nothing else matters." 

"Oh." Heero crossed his arms and rocked back and forth on his toes, his eyes now roving the stage lights that hung up overhead. A brief pause fell between his words before he spoke again. "How did you start to dance then? It didn't just happen, did it?" 

She laughed, "Do you want the stage version of the story or the real thing?" 

"The truth."

"Oh good," she said, sitting down on the edge of the stage as she started to pull of her shoes. "Well, it really didn't start too long ago. It was, what, a year or two ago when I had been wandering around New York City on a job and I found myself on Broadway. Y'see, I'd always liked theatre and all that stuff, but I'd never actually _been_ down on Broadway. It was then, standing there underneath those marquees and twinkling lights that I caught the bug. I mean, I had never really thought about it before, but that whole atmosphere just made me wonder what it would like to be a—oh I don't know—a Broadway baby, even if it was just for a little while. Every night I was in the city for that job, I tried to go to see a show. And one night, I had gone to see a production of 'A Chorus Line,' and that's what really nailed me. I mean, if it had been bad before, it was after that show that I _knew _I just _had _to dance. At first I would just watch the girls dance and taught myself until I got enough money to enroll in a class. Fell in love with it right away, and I haven't stopped since. You could just add it to my list of hobbies." 

"So did you do it?" he asked, looking up at her. He could have sworn that if she had been in one of Duo's comic books or something, she would have been glittering with pride at her story. 

"Do what?" 

"Become a… a Broadway baby." 

"Aw no," she waved her hand at him as she tugged off her other shoe and set the pair of them down with a gentle metallic _click_. "It's just a hobby, nothing serious. I don't have the time to be an actor. I mean, I wish I did, but you know, I bet a lot of people wish they had time for a lot of things." 

"Do I ever know it," Heero murmured. 

"Of course you do!" she said with a sly grin as she stood up and walked offstage. Soon she returned with a black dance bag which she dropped the shoes into and zipped up before plopping back down beside Heero in her stocking feet. "I bet right now you're wishing you had made more time to read more plays or gone to see a musical or two."

"Why's that?" 

"Well Duo was a theatre junkie, wasn't he?" She was watching Heero intently, waiting for his reaction, unsure of just what it would be. Seeing his face set in a painfully impassive tone, she went on talking to chase away the silence, stroking her chin thoughtfully; "Come to think of it, he still is. He was quite a motley individual, don't you think? Didn't he force a few plays on you now and again?" 

"Forced is a kind of harsh word, ne? He got me to read a few," Heero answered at last. "Ever since I told him that I liked 'Macbeth', he kept coming after me with all sorts of things to read"—He noticed a very strange look cross Hoshi's face—"God Hoshi, what is it?" 

"You… you said it!" she hissed, her voice shaking a little.

"Said what?" Heero was truly confused at Hoshi's odd behaviour. The arching of his one eyebrow surely gave that much away.

"The Scottish play," she whispered. "You said it in here! God, that's bad luck!" 

"The Scot—oh you mean Macbeth?" Heero asked, realizing what Hoshi meant. 

"Argh! You did it again!" She shook him, a comical crazed look in her eye as she jumped off the stage and dragged him after her. Pulling him down the aisle, she opened one of the doors at the back of the theatre and pushed him out into the lobby. "Can't let you in here until you un-jinx the theatre."

"You can't possibly tell me you believe a superstition like that," Heero rolled his eyes. He recalled Duo saying something about many accidents that had happened whenever some theatre troupe was bold enough to try a production of Macbeth. 

"I do, I do," Hoshi nodded. "It's better safe than sorry. Now do it!" 

"What?" 

"Like this," she explained to him, twirling her index finger around in a circle as he obeyed her directions. "Spin three times. Right, now spit, swear—"

"Mother fucker!"

"—Good, now knock and I'll let you back in," she leaned in the door, waiting for him to comply. With another one of her exaggerated Shakespearean bows, she held the door open for him as she said, "Ah, Mister Yuy, welcome to the theatre." 

"Thank you," he said in an equally sarcastic tone as he swept past her melodramatically. He paused and turned around to face her again, giving a little chuckle. 

"Oh Mister Yuy, you're missing your calling to the stage," Hoshi said in an overly exaggerated voice as she walked after him down the aisle. She dashed past him and ran back up to the stage, hauling herself up onto the apron. "Hey, come with me, Yuy. There's something you have to see!" 

"What?" he wondered aloud as he followed her backstage. They passed a few doors, some dressing rooms, others simply lighting closets and storage space for large furniture props and scenery. At the end of the hall, they reached a spiral stair that reached up into the darkness above. "What's this?" 

"Come and see for yourself," she said with a grin as she scampered up the steps. 

He followed her and soon found himself climbing up into a large loft with a low slanted ceiling and a few large skylights that opened up to an amazing view of the smoldering sunset outside. But that was not what made the place so magical. The entire room was filled with costumes and props from shows past, some glittering and showy, others drab and old. Everything anyone could ever have wanted for a play could be found up there in that costume loft. It simply took Heero's breath away. "Sugoi," he breathed, settling down beside Hoshi in the plush down of a large alligator costume. 

"Well, do you like it?" she asked, fingering an old marionette that hung from the ceiling beside her. "I found this place when I was wandering around school one weekend, trying to get acquainted with this old school. I decided I needed a place to hide out. And when I saw this spot, I knew I had found it. There are so many different places to go up here. You know, lots of ducts and crawlspaces and such. I bet you could worm around the attics of the entire school from here!" 

"It's amazing," Heero was still entranced by the wonders around him. "I guess it's no wonder that Duo was such an artist dork." 

"A dork?" Hoshi scoffed indignantly. 

"Well I was the math dork," Heero gave his soft almost happy smile. "That's what he always used to say. He told me that I should read more, or try something new out for once… to 'think outside the box,' as he put it. I guess he just always thought my life was too predictable and that I needed to add dimension to it. Numbers were always well and good, he said, but they always are what they are. He wanted me to try and make something more out of myself." 

"So he told you to read?" she asked. 

Heero took to staring out one of the skylights, the sky now dark and star splattered. "He said it was a good start. He thought that I might find a new depth to life."

"Well," Hoshi leaned back on her elbows, crossing her ankles, "did it work?" 

"I thought it did." Heero smiled again, though Hoshi could still see the sad connotation in his expression. "But then I realized, it wasn't the books that made me give life meaning, it was him. That's when I…." 

Her face darkened somewhat, as if she were debated whether or not to say what she had in mind. It was strange to see one who was usually so fluent and quick with words thinking over the repercussions of whatever she had to say. It seemed, though, that she had at last come to a decision, and that she was ready to reap the consequences of her words. "…Was it when you… hurt him… that one time?"

"Yeah," Heero murmured. His eyes were tracking the flight of a blackbird wheeling around in the air outside as he spoke, making sure to avert Hoshi's eyes and to ignore her reflection in the window's glass. "It was… after he had come to my room because he wanted to talk. I don't know for sure what he intended to say, but I was rude to him and told him that my reading was more important than whatever it was. I guess I was so absorbed in how that book—_'The Catcher in the Rye'_ that is—changed the way I thought about things. How I realized that I had lost my innocence too and that I wanted to protect that of others. I mean, I didn't want to see anyone lose their innocence too early, before they had to anyway. I didn't want anyone to have to be like Duo or me. He knew that's why I protected Relena, probably the most innocent person I've ever met in my entire life. She reminded me too much of a little girl who's life I totally decimated…. I never want to do that again….

"But it was after I got angry at him for trying to be my friend and I had gone back to reading after I'd abused him," Heero went on, his hands fidgeting madly in his lap. "When I started to read again, I found the book just didn't have the same feeling that it had before he had interrupted me. He just got up, salvaged as much of his clothing as he could and walked away, trying hard to look strong for me—he had a nasty habit of pretending like nothing was wrong even when he was on the verge of cracking—and I figured, right after he closed the door, that it was because the book made me think of him that I was so in love with it. That I was in love with him, and I had been too blind to see it." He glanced up to see Hoshi looking at him with an almost sympathetic expression. He turned away abruptly, holding a hand over his face as so to obscure it from her view. "D-Don't look at me; I'm crying." 

"Heero," Hoshi tried to reach out to touch his hand, but he pulled away. They sat there in the odd silence, watching the stars melt over the heavens outside, glinting dully on the innumerable collection of costumes surrounding them, the quiet only tainted by Heero's occasional sucked in breathes and light sniffling. A faint mewling noise cut through the quiet, and Hoshi looked up to see that dark brown cat that had led Heero to the theatre creep out from behind an elaborate black ball gown. "Oh, hello Pocky," Hoshi said quietly, reaching out for the feline as it pawed over to the pair. It leapt into her lap and cuddled against her stomach, craving attention. 

Heero looked up, staring at the cat. He asked, biting down his depression as best he could, "H-How'd you know that's the cat's name?" 

She looked up at him, a mysterious glow in her eye as she stroked the cat's soft furry back. "It's Duo's cat." 

"Duo's cat?" Heero exclaimed, rising up on his knees. "That's _Duo's_ cat? My Duo?" 

Hoshi laughed softly, dumping Pocky into Heero's lap. The cat leapt out of Heero's grasp and padded around him a couple times, as if sizing him up, before deciding at last that he would make a decent bed and crawled back onto Heero's knee. Heero tentatively reached down to scratch the feline between its two triangular ears, making it purr like a low motor. 

"Well yeah," she smiled. "How many Duos do you know?" She laughed again; reaching out to fondle the contented ball of fuzz curled up on Heero's knee. 

"Just one," Heero whispered. "Just one perfectly wonderful loud and crazy Duo Maxwell. And that's all the Duos I'll ever need."

"Why not? Couldn't deal with twins?" Hoshi taunted with a mocking grin. 

Heero smiled at that and simply shook his head, wondering to himself what two Duos would be like. _Damn sexy, that's what_, he said to himself with a sly grin before mentally berating himself for daring to think such a lecherous thought. Then he found himself wondering if perhaps Duo had any brothers or sisters that he never knew, and if he did, whether or not they would be like him. Hell, maybe even he himself had siblings he had never met! It was a sad concept and it made Heero's heart contract tightly for a couple full seconds. 

"Hoshi?" Heero's head suddenly shot up as a thought came to him. She looked at him with wide eyes that entreated him to continue. "Hoshi," he went on, "if this is Duo's cat, then Duo has to be somewhere close by, doesn't he?"

Hoshi gave a bouncy shake of her head that neither assented nor digressed the notion. 

Practically dumping the cat onto the floor, Heero was suddenly on his hands and knees, nose inches away from Hoshi's as he asked her again. "Hoshi, is Duo somewhere nearby? He has to be. Can't you just even hint me as to where he is? Please?" 

"I really 'ought not to say," she complained, trying hard to avert Heero's steady unwavering stare. But a quick glance back into those deep Prussian blue eyes that were drowned and frozen with emotion and sadness was all she needed to succumb to his wish. "Oh alright, just a little bit… for a friend." 

This seemed to satisfy Heero enough for him to crawl back into his former position on his knees. Pocky climbed back onto his leg and resituated himself in a lax feline posture. 

"You know Duo has been working undercover for Preventers? I think I mentioned to you he was on duty right now," she started. Seeing a nod from Heero, she went on. "Well, he's in town here, doing surveillance on an old Ozzie who was big on their research and development team. The Preventers are kind of paranoid about the head honcho OZ boys that survived the war. Afraid they might try to resurface the organization or something, you know?"

"I see," Heero mused, hoping to God that there was not a chance Duo could be hurt. It was not that he did not trust in Duo's abilities—far from it—but he simply had this feeling in his gut that warned him to be wary of something. Old habits die hard and he could not help but have that sinking feeling of worry churning around in his stomach. After another long pause of meditative silence in the basking orange glow of the setting sun, Heero began again, "Hoshi?" 

"Hmm?" She looked back at him from the window. The sun was reflecting in her purplish eyes as she watched the stoic Japanese boy sitting opposite her. 

"D-do you think…." He stammered, unsure of how to get the words out. Once again, silence befell them until Heero worked up his nerve. Staring out at the sun as if to absorb courage from its copper rays, he turned back to Hoshi and asked her his question, spitting the syllables out so quickly, it almost seemed like one long word. "When Duo is finished with this mission, can he come back to me? Is that possible, Hoshi?"

Hoshi smiled and reached out to take Heero's hand in her own. "I'll tell you a story, Heero. About a month ago, Duo had been out for lunch, sipping on a milkshake and working on filling out his resignation forms. He wanted to drop his position with Preventers, you see, because he was getting tired of living a life like a ghost. He felt too much like the dark Shinigami that he used to become during the war when his blood was pounding in his ears with rage. Preventers reminded him too much of fighting and war times. He always said that those were the saddest and happiest times of his entire life. Working with Preventers was like being a soldier without the only thing that helped him bear it all: you. So he was ready to leave it all behind and start a new life. He felt he had wasted years away with Preventers, years which he should have spent looking for you. 

"Anyway, he was close to being finished with the paperwork—all that was needed was his signature at the bottom of the page and Lady Une's stamp of approval—when your old friend Wufei happened by the sidewalk café Duo was at. Wufei does all of Une's recruiting work. Duo introduced me to him once—he seems like an honorable sort. Well, let's just say the second he saw Duo sitting there, he knew he had found exactly the person needed to lead this next assignment. He pulled Duo away from his vanilla shake and his papers, asking him if he would take the job. He briefed him quickly, told him he had a team and everything ready for him. Hell, the poor man was practically on his hands and knees begging when Duo flat out refused. 'I have to start a new life looking for Heero,' Duo said to him, reaching for the resignation papers and flashing them in Wufei's face. 'I can't live like a soldier anymore. It's time I started living like a man.'

"Wufei could only smile sadly at Duo when he heard this. Prying the papers out of Duo's hands, he said, 'That's why it _has_ to be you for this mission, Duo. It has to be _you_. And I promise, if you do this last job for me, I'll let you come back here to sign your name to these forms and I'll personally be the one to release you from service.'"

Hoshi smiled wistfully as she brought her story to a close. Heero was lost in his thoughts, silent for a moment until he felt a stirring inside to continue the interrogation. 

"Needless to say, Duo was more than willing to accept Wufei's offer," Hoshi explained, "but you have to remember, Duo is still employed by Lady Une and is still one of her top undercover agents. So until this mission is completed and his target is on trial and behind bars, he's got to keep himself under wraps. You, as a soldier, must understand this."

"I do," Heero nodded quietly. "I respect that. I hope he knows that when he has finished, I will be here waiting for him. I have nowhere to go without him." 

"I shall tell him," Hoshi smiled warmly at him. "As your official little messenger girl, Duo will know that his prince is waiting for him in the costume loft at the top of the spiral stairs." 

"You make it sound like a storybook," Heero cupped his chin in his hand as he muttered. "My life is far from a storybook. I somehow doubt it will have a storybook ending. You know, I really don't want it to. I never had a need for fluffy idealistic fairytales."

"I think, in a sense, you're wrong, Heero Yuy," Hoshi's grin widened. "You may be the perfect soldier. You may have top grades and super-human skills, but your creativity sucks, sorry to say. You have to dare to imagine that things will work out well. Nothing that ever happened in all history ever happened without someone dreaming it first. Dream your story will end with Duo and it shall. Think of it like a play to which there is no script or set story, no theatre and no audience."

"That's what life is, isn't it?"

"Well yeah," Hoshi tapped her fingers against her lips. "Theatre is essentially life—without all the boring parts." Then she quickly added, "But I don't think you have to worry about that. Your life has more excitement and drama than any play ever could have, and that's a fact!" 

Uh, sorry for the seeming randomness of this chapter, but just you wait! You'll see where I'm going with this, hehe. The song "One" is actually from _A Chorus Line_, a great classic showtune if I ever heard one, hehe. I can just see Hoshi dancing it just like it is in the show! :)  
  
Hey guess what dudes! This Sunday is the 15th of June, when the winners of the Oishii fanfic contest will be announced! Somehow, my last big story, _Little Tin Flower_, managed to get nominated for best overall fic! Didn't know that it was gonna go _that_ far! Even though the nomination is really what counts, cross your fingers dudes! O__o 


	10. Honestly

****

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper 

****

~ Part X ~

Honestly

That night, Heero tossed and turned in the throws of a violent nightmare. He recounted for the infinite time the incident where he murdered an entire colony sector of civilians in a freak accident. That stupid little girl who would not leave him alone haunted his mind once again, even now that there was harmony for the world. He could see her dancing merrily through a cliff-side field of rye stalks with her dog, precariously close to that hazardous ledge. He wanted to catch her, vowing that he would sit in that field of rye until he dropped dead as so she would not skip to her end over that cliff that plummeted into the world of adulthood and lost innocence. Suddenly, the girl's form began to change, and soon, flouncing through the fields in her place was Relena, still wearing the poor girl's broad brimmed hat and sundress. She still represented that innocence to him, an innocence he had lost a long time ago and an innocence that he had stolen from one harmless little girl and her dog and had been manifested in the body of another. 

When Heero's eyes slid halfway open the next day, he thought he was still lost in his dreams. He was not surrounded by the familiar melancholy drab of his attic dormitory with its sad greys and blues strung through the air in heavy-hearted shadows. Replacing that bland setting was a glittering array of bright reds, royal purples, elfin green and shimmering gold. Vision focusing, he realized that he had fallen asleep on the floor of the costume loft where he and Hoshi had been holding their evening conversation the night before. He did not remember falling asleep there, or falling asleep at all for that matter, his mind the drowsy soup of someone who had been up too late drinking his miseries away. Sitting up, leaning his weight backward onto his elbows, he found himself cushioned from the wooden floor by a plump gown made of a very soft silky fabric hued the colour of a dragonfly's wings. A velvet blue Renaissance era cape was draped liberally over his body as if to keep him warm, and he wondered for a moment if it had been Hoshi who had seen to his comfort before disappearing for her own room the night before. His brown school loafers had been set neatly beside the makeshift bed, each of his socks balled up and stuffed into a separate shoe and his slender black necktie lying elegantly folded atop them. He vaguely registered the sound of a low voice singing gently in the darkness. For a few moments, it sounded like the song he used to sing to comfort Duo during the old war days, but soon realized that he was wrong. He contented himself to feign sleep for a few seconds longer and just listen. 

__

"I believe.  
I believe.  
I believe.  
I believe the love you talk about with me.  
Is it true? Do I care?  
Honestly, you can try and wipe the memories aside,  
But it's you that you erase."

"You have a good rest there, Sleeping Beauty?" The voice fell from its song and spoke up in a normal tone. He twisted around to see Hoshi sitting at the top of the spiral staircase, feet resting on the second to top step. Her long brown hair was tied up in a flowing ponytail and facial features were illuminated in the eerie glow of the black light bulb screwed into the low ceiling beside the stairs. Mingled with the soft pinkish coral hue the rising sun painted the room with, the light proved to create a very ethereal vision. "Sorry," she shrugged, in reference to her singing, "Someone had their stereo up really loud last night. At least they were playing a song I like." 

Heero was not very taken with the title he had been addressed with but nevertheless managed to nod quietly as he crawled over to where Hoshi sat, settling down on his knees beside her. "Domo… arigato," he mumbled after a pause, unsure of what else to say. 

"Oh for that?" she gestured towards the gown and the cape with a jerk of her thumb, still lying strewn across the floor, wrinkled and unkempt. "Anytime sweetheart."

Heero frowned slightly once again with the name he had been given, but chose not to make a big deal about it. His mind soon wandered back to Duo, as it tended to more often than not, and the way he used to call him affectionately with the pet name Hee-chan. At first it had been a little annoying since Duo seemed to like the name quite a bit and used it as often as possible, never mind who or what was around them. After a while he came to realize that it was a blushing _embarrassment_ that made him uneasy about the name. It had not been so much the actual name but the crimson shade that his cheeks would take on whenever Duo beckoned him with the pseudonym. And being as self-conscience as he was around Duo, Heero tried to avoid that beat red heat in his skin by ignoring the name. That was, until he came to realize that the name was just one of Duo's many ways of showing his fondness of him. After that he never gave it another thought and answered it as easily as he would just plain Heero. It was only the sound of Hoshi singing again that brought Heero hurtling back towards reality and landing with a bang. 

__

"'Cause there's no place that I could be without you.  
It's too far to discard the life I once knew.  
Honestly, all the weather and the storms I bring,  
Are just a picture of my needs.  
'Cause when I think of you as mine,  
And allow myself with time,  
To lead into the life we want,  
I feel love, honestly.  
I feel love, yes, honestly."

"What time is it?" Heero asked at last, tearing himself from the inner confines of his mind and came plummeting back to reality. His mind was still rebooting itself from its hibernation mode. 

"About one in the afternoon," Hoshi said mildly, glancing at the black digital watch that adorned her left wrist. "You sure like your beauty rest, kid." 

"One it the afternoon!" Heero exclaimed, completely shocked out of his mind. "I've never slept that late in my entire _life_!" He bowed his forehead and caught his face in his hands, shaking slightly. "I must be getting more and more out of it every day. My internal clock can't even wake me up on time anymore." 

"Why do you care? It's a Saturday," Hoshi waved it off. "That's what Saturdays are for. It's weird to wake up any _earlier_ than midday on the weekend. Come on, it's not like you have anything important to do today anyway." 

"Are they not having a seminar today?" Heero asked her dubiously. "I thought everyone was supposed to attend." 

"So that's _this_ weekend," Hoshi murmured, a pensive look crossing her face. It reminded Heero of the way Duo would look when he was concentrating on something really hard. "Huh, I'd totally forgotten. Oh well, it's not like I care. I wasn't planning to go."

"Why?" Heero asked, unable to think of a reason why she should be so adamant in not going. 

"Why not?" she retorted with a shrug. "I just don't feel like going. It's on war and peace or something. All stuff we've heard six thousand times before. Besides, I don't think I can sit and listen to some speaker drone on for an hour and a half on the matter. My attention span is too short." 

Heero chuckled slightly, a vision of the very attention deficit Duo waltzing around his head. "I can't believe they're willing to waste an entire weekend on something like that. You're right; everyone _has_ heard the same things about peace six thousand times before." A dark look crossed his face, painted blue by the black light overhead, a shadow settling over his eyes and obscuring them behind his bangs. "The war is over; why does the world have to keep digging it up and dwelling upon it. I never want to hear about war ever again." 

"True," Hoshi agreed. "So we'll just stake it out here until they're done in there. They don't even take attendance for big student functions like this anyway, so I don't know how they can get off saying that there will be consequences for anyone who breaks the rules."

"It's only breaking the rules if you get caught," Heero said smugly, a smirk pulling at his lips. "Duo always used to say that to justify his stealing. I hate to admit it, but the boy was a total kleptomaniac. He was damn good at it though." 

"True again," Hoshi nodded, folding her arms over her lap and leaning forward. "He always bragged that he could steal the buttons off your coat. I don't know if he was _that_ good—"

"Oh but he was," Heero interrupted. A small laugh escaped him as he leaned his cheek in one palm. "I would know. He stole the buttons off _my_ jacket… while I was wearing the damn thing too!" 

Hoshi laughed out loud, smacking her knee. "Oh smooth Heero, smooth. I bet you were too distracted by his ass to pay attention to what his hands were doing…. Oh _God_, I had no idea anyone could turn that dark a red!"

Heero wound around in the other direction quickly, not wanting Hoshi to see how his one weakness made him feel. He felt Hoshi give him a playful punch on the shoulder, catching him totally off guard and sending him toppling over in a heap on his side, much to his companion's amusement. She picked up her tune again and proceeded to ignore Heero's presence.

"I believe you mean the best that life can bring.  
I believe in it all.  
Honestly, you can try.  
Your heart is just as long as mine.  
Is it ours to let go?"

Picking himself up and dusting away at some imaginary smudge on his sleeve, he crawled back over to the forgotten cape and gown to hang them back up, their state of disarray nagging his obsessive-compulsive nature, all to the sound of Hoshi's continuing whimsical giggles.

Relena Darlian sat nervously on a metal folding chair that was situated on the school's stage beside a podium, watching eagerly as the students began to file into the auditorium for her lecture as she shuffled through her note-cards for what seemed the zillionth time. She had been on a campaign to promote her total pacifism to the Alliance's youth, travelling around from school to school for lectures and seminars across the Earth and high amongst the stars of the colony clusters above. Though she felt it was absolutely essential for the next generation to understand what needed to be done to further and keep the peace that so many had died to attain, there was an ulterior motive to all her moving around. 

After the last skirmish with the Barton Foundation, Heero had disappeared yet again without so much as even a goodbye this time. She was determined to find out where he had hidden himself away and bring him the happiness she always knew he deserved, feeling that what he needed most was a place where he could be catered to and cared for until the day he died. A place where she could always be with him and watch him as they grew old together. But, in typical Heero Yuy fashion, he had disintegrated without so much as a trace. In a world of slinking assassins and soldiers, Heero was king. That boy could cover his tracks like no other and she was sure the only person in the entire universe who was possible better at staying hidden was that little thief who had stolen Heero's heart: Duo Maxwell. 

So she had begun her travels around the world and the colonies in search of a clue as to where Heero might have gone. She spoke at schools, big corporations, small-town businesses, anywhere she could find a way into, she went. And every corner she turned, she was always searching for the only boy in the universe who had told her no, the boy she was still obsessed with, even after she had learned that he had given his love away to another. 

But despite knowing that Heero had fallen fast and hard for someone else did not deter her from her dreaming. She was still convinced that her knight would give her the storybook ending she longed for so desperately if only she could get him alone in a room with her long enough to tell him what he needed to finally be happy after so long and arduous a fight. 

The auditorium was slowly filling up, the dull clamour of the students already there, rising up in the air. She scanned each and every face for sight of a certain head of chocolate hair and exotic oriental blue eyes, but found no one who even closely resembled the object of her obsession. This school was yet another of thousands, the numbers and the names growing far too innumerable for even her to keep track of anymore. Every time she was about to give up hope, she told her self, "Maybe the next one, maybe the next one," and persevered. Anyone would have to admire the former queen's tenacity, even if it was geared in the wrong direction. She was a woman who liked to have her way, and would fight until things were in order the way she liked. That included changing the impassive and stony face of Heero Yuy to one that looked upon her lovingly, and not just as a mysterious protector who leapt out of the shadows whenever she and the world was endangered. 

A quick glance at the dainty gold and leather wristwatch that adorned her hand, she found that she still had a few minutes before the seminar was to begin. Deciding to give her tired legs a stretch, she stood and wandered off into the wings, contenting herself with exploring the backstage area until she was needed. At the end of a short corridor off stage right was a tall iron spiral staircase that wound up into the eaves of the school. Wondering what was up there, she walked down the hall towards the mysterious coil of steps. As she drew nearer, she heard the sound of a low laugh tumbling down from the dark eaves above. Pausing at the bottom of the twisting stair, she looked up and was met with the dull glowing of an illuminated black light that cast its purplish ruddiness over the crest of the staircase. She was able to make out the form of two gangly muscled legs and the narrow vaguely familiar silhouette of a tall person with long hair. In the half-light, she could see the odd luminosity casting streaks of blue across the person's chestnut coloured hair and highlighting the curves of a round face with bright eyes, a pert nose and a wide grin. Whoever it was, was sitting up there, talking—no, singing—to another person that was totally hidden by her vantage point and the darkness that radiated from the little loft. 

__

"'Cause there's no place that I could be without you.  
It's too dark to discard the life I once knew.  
Honestly, a single wrong is not enough,  
To cover up the pain in us.  
'Cause when I think of you as mine,  
And allow myself the time,  
To lead into the life we want,  
I feel love, honestly.

"I'll make a joke so you must laugh.  
I'll break your heart so you must ask,  
'Is this the way to get us back?'  
I don't know, honestly.  
I don't know, yes, honestly."

And then she felt her blood boil and her face screw up as she stomped up the first couple steps, shouting in an irate tone. "Duo Maxwell!" The person sitting at the peak of the steps heard her cry and whipped around immediately in reaction to the name. "Duo Maxwell," she shouted again, "I know that's you up there! Come on, out with you! I want you to tell me where you've been hiding Heero all these years you queer little slut!" 

When she finally reached the top of the stairs, she was met with a very surprising scene. Sitting there was not Duo Maxwell at all, but a tall well-built girl who very much resembled her much-hated rival. Her hair was long and coloured like Duo's and her eyes the same shade of bluish purple, but she held the form of a girl, with curvy hips and a feminine chest. She cocked her head and made a strange face, saying to Relena in a cheerful tone, "Nope, Maxwell's not here right now. Can I take a message?" 

"I… I…. Oh dear, I'm so sorry," Relena was wringing her hands frantically in mortification. "I hope I didn't offend you Miss… Miss…." 

"Hoshi," the girl interjected. "My name is Hoshi." 

"…. Miss Hoshi, then. I… err… thought you were someone…." She trailed off, noticing for the first time, the outline of another body, curled up in the shadows behind the female Duo. Her eyes first fell upon a pair of callused bare feet sticking out into the light, tracing up the strong calves and over the iron thighs shrouded in the drab dark blue uniform pants of the school. Eyes still climbing, now excitedly scrambling up the torso wrapped in brisk white cotton, ascending the long swan-like neck. Her vision curved over the perfect chin and pale rosy lips, across the arch of his nose and finally meeting a pair of frosty blue glass eyes, smoldering with a cold flame behind a thick fringe of shaggy mahogany bangs. She sucked in a hitched breath and let out a sigh. "Heero…." 

He seemed to barely notice her, his eyes flicking quickly over Hoshi's shoulder to regard her before returning to his pensive staring at the black wall ahead of him, not even mouthing a word to her.

Hoshi killed the deathly silence with a clap of her hands and a cheerful word. "Oh Heero, do you know her?" 

"We've met," he growled softly. He did not dislike Relena herself. As with the rest of the world, he admired her as a symbol of peace and felt gravitated towards her to protect her and her dream for a future devoid of fighting. His desire to keep Relena safe from harm was even more so because she resembled an innocent little child, who he slaughtered with his carelessness, stealing forever a life that would never be. She might even be considered a friend if it were not for her bigotry against poor Duo. What bothered him was her unhealthy fixation upon him and her unnatural dislike for Duo. He knew the only real reason she hated him was because Heero preferred his company to hers, slept with him as a lover and treasured him as a best friend. She resented that he had chosen Duo instead of her and hated him because he was the one that Heero loved. 

"Oh more than just _met_," Relena said ambiguously, hoping that she would lead Hoshi down a wrong path of assumption about the past that she and Heero shared. 

"Oh yeah?" Hoshi said, sounding intrigued. "Tell me more." 

"Well we were very close during the old war days," Relena began, only to be cut off by a frustrated Heero. It was things like this that made him want to beat the girl into a bloody pulp. 

"Relena, we were _friends_ during the war," Heero snapped from his spot in the dim gloominess. "You were a leader and the other pilots and myself were your soldiers who shared in your dream. Don't try to paint our friendship up to be more than it is, or else you won't have a friendship to fancy up at all!" 

"Oh, _you're_ Relena Peacecraft! I just _knew_ I recognized that face from somewhere!" Hoshi exclaimed, jumping to her feet, she sidled down a few steps to meet Relena on the same stair and shook her hand excitedly. "It's a great honour to meet you, Ma'am! What are you doing here?"

"I'm giving the seminar here today," she explained, a little surprised by Hoshi's outgoing personality. She eyed her suspiciously, taking in her appearance in greater detail. She was distressed to find many qualities about this girl that were shared by one Duo Maxwell, and was frustrated further to think that this was the kind of person that Heero seemed to be naturally drawn to. Like Duo, she carried that rocker-punk style with the slightest Goth flair. Her eyes were lined with dark makeup and her lips painted a dark violet hue. She wore a few silver rings in each ear, her wrists adorned with a great collection of jangling bracelets and her clothes black and baggy. She was everything in a person that Relena knew she could never hope to be like, even if she tried to pretend for the sake of appearances. And it angered her to think that Heero did not seem to be attracted to the clean-cut upper echelons of society, the type she felt he should be. "Can I ask what you and Heero were doing up here all alone?"

"Escaping the expected convention that society is pressing upon us," Hoshi spewed out eloquently with a wave of her hand as she reassumed her spot at the crown of the stairs, bending forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "We cannot be expected to be consistent with and meld in with the masses and still call ourselves individuals! By rebelling against conformity we assert ourselves in our own unique niche that illustrates us in our own distinctive way!" 

Relena blinked a couple times, completely shocked by this short passionate speech that damned traditionalism. She still seemed to doubt the truth to Hoshi's word and looked to Heero for at least a nod of assent. He did not even notice her eyes upon him, his own gaze still riveted upon the blank sloping wall ahead of him, lost in deep thought about a lover long lost and long missed. Here she had been searching space and Earth alike for Heero and now that she had found him, he would not even glance at her. She was just about to speak again when she noticed Heero slump sideways leaning comfortably on Hoshi's curved back as he continued brooding over his mystery. She could not even hope to fathom what was racing through his mind right then, but that image of him so contented with this girl was starting to drill holes in her head. It only made it worse that Hoshi reminded her so of Duo. Her words were replaced by a very muted glare of discontent. 

"Aw, Heero, you're still so sleepy," Hoshi murmured, reaching over her shoulder to ruffle Heero's mop of chocolate brown hair. "You push yourself way too hard nowadays and yet at the same time, you are wasting away." 

Relena's frown deepened. The only time she had ever been able to touch Heero's hair was the one time when he had fainted dead away after the Mariemaia fiasco, saving him from a brutal fall to the floor. And then he had been unconscious, unable to tell her to go on petting his hair or to get the hell away. But he was perfectly willing to support himself on this girl's back and let her play with his bangs like it was the most natural thing in the world. The only thing that made her blood curdle more was seeing Duo touching and kissing Heero. And thank God she had only walked in on _that_ once! What a jarring shock it had been to turn a corner to find Heero holding Duo against the wall, ravishing his lips passionately. That just crowned all the little hints that had been piling up for months and years, practically slicing her dreams of being with Heero to ribbons. But ever the obstinate one, she never did give up hope that she might one day make Heero her own. 

"Is he alright?" Relena asked, noticing how dreary Heero seemed. Maybe it was just fatigue setting in and he was too out of it to notice what he was doing or that Hoshi was playing with his hair, just as it had been with her. 

"He's been going through a lot," Hoshi explained. "After years of living off barely enough to keep him alive for the next day, it's all finally starting to catch up with him. He's exhausted." 

"What he needs is to get out of here," Relena exclaimed, daring to advance up the stairs a little. "This boarding school life where no one is around to care for him will never do! After I give this seminar, I will bring him home with me to Earth and he can start over and have a new life. I will help him recover what he lost." 

"You would bring Duo to him?" Hoshi queried slyly, watching Relena carefully. She noticed the way her eyes flashed with fire at the mere mention of the American pickpocket. "He is waiting for Duo here. He will be okay for the rest of the school year at least. He has friends who can watch him and take care of him. But most of all, Duo is coming home to him soon, and stealing him away from this place would only put more miles between them. Neither of them should have to travel any more long roads. Both their feet are weary and dusty with the long journey." 

"What does Duo have to do with anything?" Relena snapped, perhaps a little too tartly, for Heero's head snapped up and his eyes glowered with a burning intensity that forced Relena down a step. 

"Well you said that you would recover for Heero what he lost," Hoshi clarified. "And what Heero lost was Duo. So I assumed what you meant was that you'd bring Duo to Heero." 

"Well what I _meant_ was that I would provide and care for Heero until he grew old and died peacefully in his bed," she retorted, running her hands beneath the dark golden brown braids that were twined around her head, speaking for Heero as if he were not even in the same room as them. "He shouldn't have to be at a place like this where he's left to fend for himself. He deserves to be loved."

"You're right, he does," Hoshi said. "Which is why he should stay here to wait for his lover with his friends who care for him!" 

"No! He needs to be with someone who can _really_ take care of him! I can offer him everything he could ever need in life," Relena protested, gripping the iron railing tightly. "And I love him so much, I would dedicate my life to make sure he is happy forever! I'm sure he could learn to love me too!"

"What gives you the idea that he could replace Duo with you?" Hoshi asked. "He's told you 'No!' Do you get that no means no! Or maybe you don't, coming from a world of 'Yes'? He doesn't love you!" 

"I'm sure there are feelings there that he has yet to unearth," Relena said defiantly with a little stomp of her foot. Suddenly, she felt her mouth moving, voicing thoughts that she would have rather liked to keep in the safe confines of her head. "It's just been that gay Maxwell boy poisoning Heero with wrong ideas of what love is!" 

Heero's eyes were sharp like daggers then, and he was practically climbing over Hoshi to get at Relena and tear her heart out. He would be damned if he would allow her to say such things about Duo just because she was the Queen of the World! He did not give a rat's ass whoever the hell she was. No one talked about Duo, claimed to know the truth of his own heart and got away with it. Nobody! 

"Oh, so loving a person unconditionally, no matter if that person is the same sex, poor, or whatever, is not love?" Hoshi arched her eyebrow at Relena, one hand reaching back to settle Heero back down. She could feel him growing tenser with anger with every second. "Sorry, I'm just a little confused here. So if you wouldn't mind clarifying for me what you meant…." 

"Heero must love me! Why, I still even have that teddy he gave me years ago after the first war before he went away!" She was practically crying, throwing a hand over her breast in desperation to have her point made. "Maxwell was a whore out for a pretty body to screw. God, how do you think I felt, knowing that he's been making you do it dirty in every dark corner and shabby school dormitory he could ever get you alone in? He didn't love Heero! Not the way I do!" 

"You're right, you don't love me the way he does. You could never hope to even _begin_ to fathom how Duo loves me," Heero interjected, a hand tightening on Hoshi's shoulder as silently asking for her support. "Duo loves me because I'm me, not because I'm the invincible Heero Yuy or because I'm the one who supposedly saved the world. You don't understand me. You could never hope to understand me. What you don't understand, you cannot possibly hope to posses." 

"Then why did you give me that teddy? Did it mean nothing then?" She sounded offended. 

"It means more than you could even dare to dream," Heero snarled, his fingers digging into Hoshi's shoulder, though she seemed to busy eyeing Relena to pay the throbbing pain any mind. "I was returning that bear to the soul of a poor little girl whose innocence I burned like rubbish during a failed mission. When I first saw you, I could have sworn that I had seen that little girl reborn and all grown up. I wanted to give back to her what the war so heartlessly stole away from her. I had to pay dearly to return that to her. Or do you not remember what I wrote in that note you were so quick at tearing just to show me up?" 

"So I everything we had. All those dreams were just some _guilt trip_?!" Relena exclaimed in a sudden burst of anger and passion. She could not imagine that this was the true face of Heero's so-called feelings for her. 

"Harsh word choice, Miss Relena," Hoshi commented smugly. "I guess you still are the same little girl Heero once knew. He should remember not to try and make symbolic points to you anymore. It doesn't seem to do anything." 

"No one _asked_ you!" she frowned in Hoshi's direction, finding more and more reasons by the second as to why she should dislike the girl. 

"Well I'm telling you my opinion anyway!" Hoshi retorted with that same smug tone. She could hear Heero laughing softly in her ear. "No one ever got their beliefs heard by sitting quiet and waiting for someone to call on them like some damn council meeting! You have to take _action_ if you want to mold your own future! Even the longest journeys begin with one small step, Miss Relena! You should be able to understand at least _that_!" 

"Stop trying to change the subject," she commanded in her official tone. She was about to go on and smash Hoshi's ego to pieces when a voice shouted out from the bottom of the stairs, calling out her name. She peered over the rail to see a red-haired girl with glasses and freckles, calling up to her and waving. "What is it?"

"We've been looking for you, Ma'am!" Sora shouted out, cupping both sides of her mouth with her hands. "They want you to begin the seminar. What have you been doing all this time?" 

Relena sent a longing glance back at Heero, who chose to melt back into the shadows just then, before calling back down. "I'll be there in a moment. I'm sorry…. I just was catching up with an old… an old friend…." She smiled half-heartedly at Heero and Hoshi, her face almost nostalgic as she turned about and slowly descended the winding staircase, back down to earth. 

"Well that certainly was strange and ironic," Hoshi assessed, leaning back onto the wall beside Heero, patting his knee. "Who'd have been thinking that the school would get _her_ of all people as a spokesperson and that she'd come wandering around here just to find _you_?" 

"It's sort of frustrating," Heero mumbled, staring off into space blankly. He was shaken from his inner thoughts most roughly when Sora's voice echoed up the stairs once again. The noise that fell from his lips sounded like that of a man who had been roused from a very tempting and luscious dream. 

"Hey, have either of you two geniuses seen D.B.?" Sora called up to them as Relena started to walk onstage to the sound of loud applause. Her question fell upon two sets of ears, one listening acutely, the other hearing the words like drivel slurred together in some unknown tongue. 

"I have no idea where he is!" Hoshi answered her friend, sliding back over to the top of the stairs and peeking through the iron bars that supported the railing. "I thought he was helping you!" 

"He was supposed to," Sora explained, an annoyed expression apparent on her cute girlish features, "but the bugger's slinked off somewhere and I can't tell where's he's gone for the life of me! I swear, when I find him, I'll wring his neck for ditching me with Miss Snooty Pacifist herself! I was hoping he had gone off with you and Heero." 

The rare melodious sound of Heero's somewhat nasal baritone lilted through the costume attic and toppled down the steps to Sora's surprised ears. The sound of Heero actually laughing brought a smile to her face and her anger towards the lackadaisical D.B. was soon forgotten. 

"Want me to go look for him?" Hoshi asked, getting to her feet and beginning down towards Sora. Heero positioned himself at the top of the stairs, lying flat on his belly, chin pillowed by the interlaced mesh of his fingers as he peered downwards to where his two female friends were striking up an animated conversation about where D.B. might have gone off to. He was not so sure why Sora was making such a big fuss over it. D.B. probably had some perfectly logical explanation for ditching the lecture and Heero could find himself justifying even the most lame of excuses to rationalize not wanting to be there. _Then again_, he found himself thinking,_ when you really like someone, you find yourself worried about them all the time, even when there's nothing to be worried about at all. _He remembered becoming fretful about Duo's whereabouts every second the chestnut haired American was not with him. Even then, he pained himself to think where and what Duo was doing at that very moment…. 

Relena was well into her lecture, half the student body keenly interesting in what she had to say, the other half zoned out and bored to sleep. Duo had managed to find himself a prime spot to watch the whole thing from one of the air ducts that stretched out over the audience, deciding that if someone so important was going to be hanging around, it was probably a good idea to make sure nothing got out of hand. Legs dangling over the side of the metallic platform, he kept a keen eye out on the crowd below him. He had changed into his uniform black and found no problems at all sneaking backstage and up into the eaves over the stage. Knowing that Heero was still camping out in the costume loft, he had to go an alternate route to get up to the catwalks. Scaling the slender ladder off in the wings, he had made his way across the dark upper regions of the stage and wriggled his way easily into one of the narrow shafts. Now lying on his stomach, he kept one watchful eye on Relena, another on the criminal suspect sitting in the fourth row, first seat on the right. Hopefully, he would not try to make a move on Relena. Otherwise, things might get messy for both Duo and his dear Heero. 

__

"There's no place that I could be without you, honestly." The tune he was singing quietly to himself had come into his head sometime during that day, and he was not quite sure where he had heard it. He was thinking it was probably playing on the radio when he had not even been aware and the tune had just gotten stuck in his head. Music tended to do that to him. _"No place I could be without you, no place I could be without you, no place I could be without you honestly…." _

"Oh come on, Relena," Duo moaned at long last. "Hurry it _up_ already! You've been yapping for a good hour already. I want to get a nap in before this day is out!" 

Suddenly, a movement from below caught Duo's attention. His suspected ex-Ozzie was rising from his seat and slowly making his way for the back of the auditorium. "Damn scumbag," Duo muttered under his breath as he started to shimmy down the duct, silent as you please, to tail the unpredictable and dangerous Professor Cawdor. 

**A/N** ~ The song _Honestly_ belongs to Billy Corgan's new band, ZWAN.   
  
Hehe, but more importantly, I'm so excited to be posting today! After staying up to midnight and beating my way through an army of 10 year-olds with a witch's cap and a broomstick, I got my mits on the new Harry Potter book! Bet there's going to be lots of magic and chaos happening in the Harry Potter section and on SugarQuill.net today!   
  
Man, I cannot even begin to tell you how _long_ I have been waiting for this bloody thing to come out! All I gotta say after waiting two years for it is: IT HAD BETTER BE **GOOD**!...Aw, who am I kidding? Of course it will be! I heard she kills off a big character and part of the reason it took so long was because she had so much trouble writing this character's death because he was so beloved! *sniffles* I hope it's not Sirius Black or Lupin... or... Dumbledore *eep!*, though I have nasty feeling it probably is.... :( Ah! I've said too much! Must... get... reading! 


	11. Sparkling Cyanide

****

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

****

~ Part XI ~

Sparkling Cyanide 

"Um, Professor?" D.B. knocked on the classroom door nervously, daring to peer through the bubbly marbled glass window that was fitted into the wooden door. He could not make out for sure whether or not the classroom was empty or not. The obscurity of the glass made it hard to tell for sure what was inside. He knocked again. "Professor Cawdor, are you there?" 

When there was still no answer from inside, D.B. dared to turn the knob and enter the classroom. Standing just on the threshold, he surveyed the quiet science room, the black topped lab tables shinning in the afternoon light streaming in between the half open blinds hanging in the large windows, the neatly organized sink area, beakers and pipettes drying on paper towels nearby. 

"I guess I'll just leave this on his desk," D.B. decided, glancing down at the newspaper article he held in one hand. His mother had found it in their hometown paper and sent it to him in the mail, thinking that her son would enjoy reading the article. D.B. had indeed found it to be quite a good read and had thought the column on the uses of animal organs would be of interest to his professor as well. 

Walking over to the neatly disorganized desk, D.B. laid the clipping on top of a thick manila folder lying in the center of the tabletop. As was natural for any human, his eyes were examining the objects strewn all over the desktop when he noticed something peculiar about the folder he had just set his article atop. Pushing the newspaper aside, he recognized the now uncovered OZ logo printed across the folder's center. Wondering what such a thing could mean and why his teacher would keep anything related to the now dissolved organization around, he flicked the folder open, figuring that a quick peek while no one was looking could not hurt anybody. He was surprised to find a couple pages stapled together, an essay of some kind that had nothing to do with science at all. 

He flipped the thesis over to reveal another report, this one seeming to be a documentation of someone. There were a few photographs paper-clipped to the piece of paper portraying a good-looking young boy of about fifteen or sixteen with long beautiful chestnut brown hair that fell in wispy bangs over his large violet eyes and down his chest in a thick braid. Lifting the top photo up, he found another, presumably of the same boy, though in this picture he looked a bit older. He remembered that face, having seen in so many of the photographs Heero had wallpapered his room with. 

"Duo Maxwell," he read the name at the top of the page and skimmed over the general information printed beneath. He knit his brows as he wondered aloud, "Now what does Heero's old friend have to do with my science teacher? I didn't even think a Duo Maxwell attended this school. I'm sure I would recognize a head of hair like that." 

Turning his attentions to the actual data sheet, he noticed a few amendments that had been made to the facts there, though gaps in the information there still remained. For instance, the age fifteen had been crossed out with a double line, the number eighteen pencilled in above it, but on the line beside 'Date of Birth:' still kept the typewritten face 'Unknown'. Beneath the heading 'Currently:' a line of typewritten information had been scribbled out. In its place had been written: 'Preventers; stealth operative.' He squinted his eyes and tried to read beneath the jagged line that had been used to camouflage the old information. '(02) Pilot of Gundam Deathscythe (XXXG-01D)/Deathscythe Hell (XXXG-01D2)' 

"No way!" he exclaimed when he finally managed to see what it said. He read it again, just to make sure he was not imagining it, before pinching himself, smacking his cheek and then forcing himself through a few reality check questions. "Heero's war friend was a Gundam pilot? I'm amazed. No wonder he's so screwed up in the head." 

Things were starting to get very interesting, the jumbled puzzle pieces in D.B.'s head beginning to fall into place. He turned Duo's page over to rest on top of the thesis and went on to the next set of pages. What he saw next nearly sent him falling to the floor in a dead faint. There, on a data sheet identical to that of Deathscythe's pilot, was a full-blown report on Heero Yuy. Photographs of a sour-looking fifteen year old Heero as well as of an equally bitter eighteen year old Heero were paper-clipped to the page. More background information than D.B. could have ever hoped to evoke from his stoic friend had been filled onto the page. His heart felt wrenched into a tight knot when he came across the 'Currently:' part of the form. Scribbled out were the words '(01) Pilot of Wing Gundam (XXXG-01W)/Wing Zero (XXXG-01W0)' and replaced with 'Enrolled senior year at Caelum Academy.' A note had been scrawled hastily in the margin beside that line in another pen. It read, 'Mentally unstable; manic depressed; suicidal.' 

"Ah, now the great realization! I think I'm beginning to understand," D.B. smacked his forehead, leafing the page over. When his gaze fell upon the next sheet, his pale blue eyes rounded, pupils dilating immensely. He had to catch his hitching breath and bite his lip to steady himself as he took in the contact prints of a very provocative roll of film. The yellowish-hued photographs were a series of snapshots taken from a camera that had obviously been stealthily mounted in the ceiling corner of some dingy hotel room. And even though D.B. was pretty sure he was into just girls, the pictures of Heero and his apparent braided lover in the various throws of ecstasy was enough to make his blood run hot and his cheeks flush deep red. The look on Heero's face, that contented passion filled gaze, was more than enough to illustrate to D.B. how complete this Duo could make Heero feel. He could see it in the way they were wrapped around each other, almost felt it like the iron grip Heero kept on the metal bars of the tiny bed's headboard. His was heart yammering in his chest as he examined the way they kissed and touched each other, frozen together eternally in each other's arms upon the glossy page. 

Underneath the contact sheet were three more files on the other Gundam pilots and a few snapshots of the blond one and the other brunette with the sad green eyes kissing. He recalled seeing the other boys in some of Heero's photographs as well, and did not doubt that they were bound as brothers to the melancholy Japanese, but still could not help but feel that there was something more to Duo than just a deep love. And despite all that, D.B. barely skimmed through them, quick to turn back to the contact sheet and the pages containing Heero and his boyfriend's personal stats. He had a nagging feeling as if he were intruding upon Heero's privacy. But there was nothing that D.B. could do to tear himself away from the folder's contents. 

Suddenly, the sound of the old coppery doorknob turning made D.B. jump nervously back a foot, flinging the folder closed in a nervous haste. His professor stood in the doorframe, eyeing D.B. suspiciously. "Good afternoon," he said mildly, after a jittery silence. "What can I do for you?" 

"Oh," D.B. let out a quiet sigh of relief that Cawdor had not seen him touching the OZ folder. "I had just stopped by to leave something on your desk. It's a newspaper article my mom sent me." 

"I see," answered Cawdor, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. He walked around the desk and stood a little in front of D.B., bending over the tabletop to examine the newspaper clip. "Hmm," he hummed after scanning the article, "Very interesting. I'll have to give that a better look through later on." He straightened and turned around, leaning on the wooden chair tucked under the desk, his eyes still watching D.B. warily as he spoke. "So what are you here for? The article is a nice excuse, but why dally here? Were you waiting for me?" 

"J-Just kind of wanted to talk, I guess," D.B. shrugged, noticing how one of Cawdor's hands had slid back onto the desk and settled atop the OZ folder. 

"I see," Cawdor mused, turning around again and pulling out the desk chair. He gestured to the seat, "Well sit down, lad, and we'll talk." 

D.B. was more than aware of Cawdor's eyes upon him as he took the offered chair and pulled up to the large teacher's desk. Cawdor strode over to the sink in the back of the lab with large steps, reaching up to one of the cabinets and pulling down a bottle of soda. "Sorry it's a little warm but, would you like a drink?" 

"Uh, sure," D.B. stammered uncertainly, his eyes flitting down to the OZ folder once again. It was taunting him, and for a moment, his stomach tightened at the thought of that little brush Cawdor had given the folder earlier, almost as if to entice him. Then D.B. was frightened that Cawdor really _had_ caught him snooping. D.B.'s head snapped up the watch the back of his teacher as he readied the drink for him, just to keep his eyes as far from that OZ folder as possible. 

Cawdor pulled a cup from the cabinet where he had retrieved the soda and went about pouring the fizzy liquid into the glass. "So what is it, boy?" he asked, stirring the drink around with his finger before carrying it over to his student, handing it to him over the desktop. "Want to talk about science…. Or perhaps you'd rather talk more about your… friends…?" 

"My friends?" D.B. sucked in a breath, his mind jumping right back to Heero. 

"Yes, of course," Cawdor answered, taking a seat at one of the lab tables. "High school's a tough time. Kids do weird and stupid things. I won't believe that for a second that you're life is heaven. What's going on? Any problems?" 

"True," D.B. answered quietly, fondling the cup in his slightly shaking hands. "I don't know…." He sucked in a breath, unsure if the professor was aware of his nosing around and was trying to trap him or if he was just genuinely concerned. He could hear Hoshi's voice echoing in the back of his head, saying something about how she mistrusted Professor Cawdor. He settled on trying to be ambiguous with his words. "…Sometimes, I worry about a few of my friends…." 

"Ah, yes, Heero. I see you've become rather close to him lately." His face was completely unreadable as he stared intently at D.B. A rather frightening smirk crossed the professor's face; "He's a very interesting person. What a mystery that boy is! I've watched him closely for a long time now. I wonder though, do you know anything about the _real_ him?" 

"What do you mean by 'real'?" D.B. inquired. "Are you saying the Heero I know is a lie?" 

"Not at all, my boy," he answered. "Heero has evolved over the years. His experiences have shaped him into the disturbed youth you know today. 

"Disturbed!?" D.B. was distraught and offended. "Heero is not in the least _disturbed_, Sir! He's just very confused. I feel… I feel kind of bad for him."

"Oh so your _friendship_ is what is the lie," Cawdor mused, stroking his bearded chin as he casually twisted and perverted D.B.'s words. "It's pity that keeps you by him. You feel _bad_ that the rest of the school has enough sense to keep away from him."

"But Sir," D.B. protested, "I think that's half the reason as to why he is so depressed. He may seem cold and distant, but I think he values friendship highly. I think he loves the feeling of being wanted and cared for. That's why I think he loved Duo, this boy he knew back during the war. He loved Duo because Duo loved him, you know? Duo loved him for who he was, made him feel whole. So no, Sir, I do not pity Heero Yuy. Rather, I am _jealous_ that he could have someone in his life that loved him so completely, so passionately and so genuinely. Even if he doesn't totally understand it himself." 

"Duo?" Cawdor let his hands drop to his side, catching that brief mention of the great pretender. "Duo Maxwell?"

D.B. had no choice but to assent to Cawdor's musing. "Yes, Sir, that's him." 

"Pilot 02," he murmured darkly as he walked around the desk and stood behind D.B. He reached over his shoulder and flipped open the folder, whipping pages over until he found Duo's file. "This one was a pain in my side for so long. As was Heero Yuy!" 

"Why do you have files on Heero?" D.B. blurted out, unable to contain it any longer, especially now that Cawdor had opened the folder and was looking over it. 

"He was a Gundam pilot, didn't you know?" Cawdor commented blandly, as if it were the most obvious piece of information in the world. "So was his ratty boyfriend, Duo Maxwell. God, together, those two made more trouble than they were worth for OZ." 

"They saved the world from OZ," fired back D.B., setting down his glass with a slight bang. "They suffered for all of us! They are nothing less than heroes! All the Gundam pilots were!" 

"They are outlaws and terrorists who should be locked away so they won't cause any more trouble," Cawdor grumbled. Then he added with a shudder and a grimace, "Not to mention that four out of the five of those nuisances were queer." 

"What's wrong with that?" D.B. was a little annoyed. He may have admired Cawdor, but when it came down to it, he cared for his friends more. And no matter who it was, if someone was insulting those he held dear, D.B. was not about to sit around and take any kind of crap. "So long as it makes you happy and it's not hurting anybody, then why should anyone care whether or not you're in love with a boy or a girl or whatever?" 

"Because it's not natural. Then again, those boys are not natural. I should hate to think of them as anything other than pond scum," he snarled cruelly, flipping past Heero's folder to the contact sheets and tugging out a few photographs of the other two lovers, laying them nearby. Cawdor stood up straight again, leaving the folder open for D.B., "Look at that disgusting display. It's repulsive how slutty your pilot 02 was especially. Look what he did to your precious friend Heero." He pointed to the contact sheet, gesturing to the sequence of photos near the top that portrayed the two of them stumbling into the room, lips all over one another as they tottered towards the bed. "Hell, he's even made the overly-cautious perfect Wing Zero pilot forget to check the place over for bugging equipment. Good thing he didn't. All the more blackmail for us." 

"Who do you mean?" D.B. had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, like he had been sucker punched and thrown out on a street curb to pick himself up. 

"OZ, of course." D.B. did not even have to turn around to know that there was a malicious smirk cut into Cawdor's rough face. "What do you think all this information is for? We watched those simpering little pilots like _hawks_ during the war—it was _my_ department—and it's good that we did. We had enough research on the brats to keep full surveillance on them from the second the first war ended to this very day."

"OZ is gone, Sir," D.B. stated firmly. "Why would you care what these guys are doing now? Don't you think they've been through enough hell? Everyone has! Can't you just forget them? None of them have hurt a single person in years! No one even _talks_ about the Gundams much anymore!" 

"OZ is not gone, boy!" Cawdor exclaimed, loud enough to make D.B. jump. "You think we dissolved the second we lost Commander Trieze? The end of one leader means only the succession of another. Lad, OZ has been in full operation all these years, gathering data, watching, waiting…."

"Waiting for what?" asked D.B. nervously, almost afraid for the answer. Things were fitting together all too well. 

"For the perfect time to remerge OZ with the new Alliance's government!" Cawdor walked around the desk, slamming his hands on the tabletop fiercely as he stared D.B. straight in the eye. "OZ never died, my boy. And could you imagine my _shock_ when I saw Heero Yuy walk out of the admissions office last year? I thought that it was too good to be true. I should have realized that he would be skipping around from school to school, just the way he used to. Why, I used to do the _exact_ same thing! Who would ever expect an old professor to be doing reconnaissance for the world's greatest organization! Just the same, who would expect a brooding fifteen-year old to be the mass destructive pilot of the notorious Wing Zero! I've seen Yuy in many of the school's I've hidden out at, and his face always haunted my dreams. I wanted to make sure I found him again and made him pay for destroying OZ at its prime!" He calmed slightly and added thoughtfully, "I must say though, I'm surprised he's stayed in one place so long anyway." 

"From what he tells me, he's looking for Duo," D.B. stated resolutely, knowing that masking Duo's name would not keep Cawdor from guessing who he meant. He was suddenly beginning to see why Hoshi and Sora did not take to this man very well. Why had they seen what he had not?

"Of course he is," Cawdor got that haughty look on his face again. "And I'm sure he's figured out by now that the sneaky little thief is with Preventers, hiding out _here_, in this very school, scouting out _me_, no less! But it doesn't matter. They don't have anything to pin on me and even if they found something, the school will back me. I'm totally safe here." 

"Duo is _here_?" cried D.B., a surge of excitement rattling his heart. He knew that news such as that would make Heero so happy. And he wanted so much for Heero to be happy…. 

"Yes, watching Heero from dark corners and shadowy hideaways," Cawdor said ominously. "I don't know exactly where he's set up shop, if it's even on campus at all, but he's been hanging out here for quite some time. The second I saw him, I knew from that tatty long braid of his, he was slinking around in the gloomy hallways of the school, watching everything that moved around here. Don't worry about it though. He won't be getting back to Preventers with _any_thing about me." 

"Appearances sure can be deceiving," D.B. muttered, reaching for his discarded drink. He knocked it back in one shot, ignoring the completely devilish grin on Cawdor's face. 

The sound of someone jiggling the locked doorknob stole Cawdor's attention. Before he could react, three gunshots resonated on the other side of the door, splintering the lock in the door to pieces. Without warning, the door flew open, and all at once, two things happened. One, D.B.'s glass fell from his lax grip in an explosion of splintering shards upon the floor as he gagged and covered his mouth with both hands, trying to force the bile back down his throat. Two, Duo Maxwell stormed into the room, out of breath, like he had been running all the way from the theatre to the classroom, before making a wild leap at Cawdor in an effort to grab him and pin him to the floor. 

"What the hell are you doing young man!?" Cawdor barked at the braided Deathscythe pilot as he tried to wrestle his arms away, pretending like he had no idea he knew Duo was. "Unhand me! This is _assault_!" 

"And that is _poisoning_," Duo snapped, jerking his head in D.B.'s direction as he pressed the muzzle of his gun against Cawdor's temple. The boy was convulsing now, his eyes glazed over and bloodshot, his mouth caked in the stomach fluid that was now streaked across the front of his red shirt. "Did you really think that you could get away with killing someone, _Professor_?" 

"Do you think you could prove it, _02_?" was the hasty retort, hearing the slight click of the trigger being slightly drawn back. "You have no evidence or record that I was ever here. The only other person who knows D.B. was here is him! Everyone is supposed to be at the lecture. No one knows I'm here except for you. And who are you? A ghost? No one knows _you're_ here either!" 

"Not a ghost, I'm _Shinigami_," Duo snarled back, twisting Cawdor's arms in a painful position behind his back. "Don't you _dare_ forget it, pal. I'll be the one who takes your life away." 

"If you get out of here _alive_," Cawdor threatened, trying to jab Duo in the stomach with his elbow. For such a slim person, Duo was holding his own quite well. "Ha, not like anyone would even _miss_ you. You're just a shadow. No one knows; no one _cares_ that you exist! I could kill you and no one would be any wiser! Preventers would get over it. They have plenty of agents. One little casualty won't bring them to a grinding halt. I bet you'd give your soul to change the course your life took, you murderer!" 

"Even if I still have a soul to give, I wouldn't change a single choice I've made." Duo hissed. He seemed to have hit Duo where it hurt. The most devious enemies were the ones who attacked neither the body nor the mind, but the heart. " And Heero _would_ miss me," Duo breathed hoarsely, ripping Cawdor's arms back harder, jamming the gun painfully against his head. "He's no fool. He'd figure it out soon enough and murder you in cold blood. You kill me, and I'll keep a place warm for you in _hell_!"

"I'd love to see him try," Cawdor returned coolly, before delivering a monstrous kick at Duo's shins, catching the longhaired assassin completely off-guard and causing him to release his grip on his captive's arms. The gun flew from his grip and slid with a clatter across the floor. Cawdor came back at Duo and dealt him a fierce elbow in the eye, dizzying and blinding Duo for a brief moment. That moment, however, was all Cawdor needed to capture Duo in a strong headlock, crushing down on his windpipe as his arms squeezed tighter around the former Deathscythe pilot's slender neck. "But to tell the truth, that boy is in such a mental disaster, I doubt he could really pose a threat anymore."

"O-Oh that's where you're w-wrong," Duo choked out, hands grabbing wildly at his captor's iron arms. "He's even m-more treacherous when he's c-crazed. Mad, bad, a-and dangerous to k-know." 

"If I'm lucky, he'll kill himself before the month is out," Cawdor growled unkindly. "I _hate_ that boy. I hate him almost as much as I hate you, Duo Maxwell." He crushed down harder, trying to strangle the Preventer agent to death. 

"Hey, one q-question," Duo stammered, squinting his eyes shut tight. 

"Make it good, you little shit," Cawdor swore at him. 

"Why'd ya drug D-D.B.?" 

"Kid knew too much. Didn't mean to _kill_ him, per se, but an overdose always runs that risk. You should know that you little pickpocket," Cawdor answered smugly. "It was bad enough he had been spending time with Yuy, but walking in here found him poking around my files on you brats, which is an invasion of privacy, I might add. God knows what he's found out and he's become a liability. I can't have him leaking information about me or you stupid Gundam punks to all his little friends. What an uproar that would be, don't you agree, Maxwell?" 

Duo could feel the life fleeing from him as it became harder and harder to breathe, not even with enough air inside his lungs to spit out a witty comeback. His sight was blurry and it looked to him like his skin was glowing, almost as if his soul was diffusing into the air around him. His eyes were darting wildly around the forlorn classroom, looking for some kind of weapon or some means of escape. Then he found it, glittering on the floor in a spread of glittering shards across the floor. Summoning all his strength, Duo ran forward, dragging Cawdor along with him, who still held his arms tightly around Duo's neck. Maneuvering himself down low, he managed to send Cawdor careening into the chalkboard at the front of the room with enough force to crack the black slate and escape with only a long bruise down his arm. While the professor took a few minutes to get orientated with his surroundings again, stumbling dizzily about for a bit, Duo was scrambling on the ground, a large piece of glass pressed in his palm. Taking his chance, he raised his hand up and smashed the deadly slice of glass into Cawdor's head. It managed only to slash his flesh apart into a gruesome looking wound, but it bought Duo enough time to snatch his gun and make a quick escape out the window, scaling the drainpipe just outside to the safety of the roofs above. 

Chang Wufei slammed the door of his dark blue Preventers' jeep with an irritated grunt. His assistant and the forensics officer who had come along with him jumped nervously after him, afraid of his dark mood. Arms locked tensely at his sides, his fists balled up tight, he made his way up the front stoop of the school, throwing open the front door with the same force he had just exerted on his poor car. Standing in the front lobby, his two companions just behind him, the disgruntled Chinese man scoured the room, looking for the main office or a hall that would lead him in that direction. 

"Um, Sir?" his assistant piped up quietly from behind. Wufei whirled around on her, his face red and his cheeks puffed with irate fury. She crawled back inside herself and murmured something about the location of the office in question, pointing demurely to her left. 

He flew back around in a complete circle, his black boots squealing on the floor and leaving black skid marks in their wake. He stalked in that direction, waving a curt signal to his associates to follow as he grumbled something under his breath that sounded very much like, 'Goddamned braided baka….' 

Wufei had received a call from one of Une's people at four in the morning, summoning him into headquarters for an emergency. Apparently the mission Wufei had entreated Duo Maxwell to take charge of had gone horribly wrong. A student's dead and dismembered body had been found stowed away in a back dumpster behind the school by one of the school's janitors. Word had been from Duo that he knew the murderer was their ex-Ozzie, but he had nothing but his story as proof of that fact. And since no one outside of Preventers was even supposed to know that Duo was doing surveillance work at the school, there was no easy way to go about bringing about justice. So that left Wufei little other choice than to gather together a small team and head out to the location to handle the cleanup work. 

As they made their way down the hall, pushing through the ocean of very tense students streaming through the halls on their way to their Monday morning classes, Wufei brushed by a familiar face. "_You_," he hissed dangerously, grabbing the student by the arm and dragging her off into an empty classroom around the corner. His assistant and the forensics officer tried to follow, but he waved them off, telling them to continue on to the office to ask permission to do their work. 

"Look, Wufei, before you say anything, let me just try to—"

He cut her off with strong words and a threatening fist. "Look, let me just get this out in the open. We are officially _screwed_, okay? You got that? _Screwed_! Do you know how big a _mess_ we're all in? We are up to our _asses_ in _shit_ because of this little slipup. Everyone back at headquarters is working double time to, one, get this all under control and, two, cover it up from the media. We are _dead_ in the water!" 

Hoshi looked indignant, giving a little snort as she crossed her arms and tried to avert Wufei's unwavering angry stare. She let out a heavy sigh. "Alright, so we messed up. Big deal. We can _fix_ it, okay?" 

"Easier said than _done_," Wufei snapped moodily. 

"Hey, it's under control here, 'Fei-'Fei, so buzz off," Hoshi shot back, making sure to enunciate each syllable of the pet name.

"A civilian is _dead_," Wufei snapped at his agent, more than a little pissed off. "I don't call that 'under control.'" 

"I…." Hoshi stopped, admitting defeat. She knew that they had messed up big time and there was no real excuse for it. They had not been fast enough to dig up enough evidence against Cawdor to arrest him before he did something like this. 

"The mission got messed up, end of story," Wufei held up his hand, a large exasperated sigh escaping his lips. "Now let's try and fix this. What do you suggest we do? My team and I will try to make it happen. The students are probably already in a state of shock and fear. We don't want to alarm them any more. I heard rumours buzzing through the halls left and right on my way here." 

"Good _call_, Wuffers," Hoshi said sarcastically with a roll of her eyes. She and Wufei may have argued more often than not, but she considered him a great friend and admired him more than she would ever say to him aloud. 

They sat in stony silence, staring at each other scrupulously. Wufei's arms were crossed over his chest, eyes forward and daunting as he scanned Hoshi over, waiting for her to say something. But when no words came, Wufei could feel himself starting to lose patience. At long last, the usually talkative Preventer agent's silence was beginning to bother him immensely, and he ended up taking out his frustration in the complete wrong way. It was not that he was angry at Hoshi _herself_ in particular, but at the whole situation in general. It tended to make his mood swings very traumatic. "And _you_," he started, "could make the call of using your time her _effectively_, for a change. It's when you start _screwing_ around that things like this happen. You've lost sight of your mission and now look; there's hell to pay."

"What the fuck are you talking about, Wuffy?" Hoshi sounded downright pissed and bewildered by his sudden outburst. 

"Don't you use that sarcastic tone with _me_. It doesn't work anymore," he snapped at her, as if she was his child and he was scolding her for some juvenile crime. "You know exactly what I mean."

"I do?"

"Damn straight," he bit back. "Look at you, sauntering around here like you're back in high school, ready to ask someone out for the godforsaken _prom_. You're not here to be in_ school_. The war and your time with Preventers has taught you everything you will ever need to know about _anything_."

"Not everything," Hoshi sucked in a breath as she glowered at her superior. "But yeah, what're you trying to get at? Go on. For once, I'm listening." 

"We have to upgrade a mere scouting mission into a _murder case_," Wufei said, delivering his words like punches into her pride. "There is no time for you to be…."

"Yeah?" Hoshi seemed almost hurt, like she knew what he was going to say. "Go ahead and spit it out. Or have you lost you're nerve?" 

"This…. This is no time to be flirting with Yuy!" he finally roared, his hands curling in fists over his eyes. "He should be the least of your worries!" 

"Now where the _hell_ do you come off, storming in here and telling _me_ how to do _my_ job, huh?" Hoshi blew up in his face, letting all her annoyance at Wufei, the Preventers, her life, everything, just shower over him like burning ash and embers. "Last time I checked, _Chang Wufei_, you were back at headquarters, all cozy behind your desk, filing _paperwork_. Oh yeah, some friend you are. I thought the Gundam pilots were supposed to be close, like a family. Yeah, some family, Wufei. Some fucking _great_ family that turned out to be. You knew exactly where he was and when. You had the freedom to visit him _any_ time you wanted and yet, you just left him alone. If anyone had even _known_, had even _begun_ to fathom the torture Heero has been putting himself through all these years, you'd be ashamed to ever look him in the eye again, knowing that you did _nothing_ to console him. But no-o-o-o. The great Heero Yuy doesn't need anyone. He can take care of himself. Always had, always will, right? Bullshit! He's alone, dammit, and it's _killing_ him!" 

Wufei flinched physically with every verbal lash she threw at him, knowing in his heart of hearts, she was right. He tried to argue that he had kept tabs on Heero's whereabouts through Preventers, but that did nothing to calm the raging Hoshi. She was on a roll, and she was not about to stop. 

"Yeah well _fuck_ all that!" she snarled. "Fuck Preventers and all that crap! When Heero spent a week in the hospital after he tried to _kill_ himself for the, what was it, _sixth_ time since the war ended, where were you? Hell, you probably didn't even notice that he had been racking up a suicide attempt count. You probably didn't even notice how damn depressed he was until he had fucking bloody slashes all the way up from his wrists to his _elbows_! When they moved him from recovery to the fucking psyche ward, where were _you_ to tell him that it would all be okay, and that his friends were there? No one was there for him, Wufei. No one except for one person and you know _damn_ well who that was, even if Heero was too drugged up to know it." 

"Hey, look I tried to help out as much as I could. Tried to _redeem_ myself," Wufei argued. "I'm the one who _arranged_ all those meetings. I'm the one who got this whole mission together just so that—"

"You can stand there and make excuses all day," she said coldly, "but that won't change the past. You can stand there and yell at me and say I screwed up, but when it comes down to it, all that we can change is the future. The past is gone. All you can do is use it to mold what tomorrow will bring." 

"But I…."

Hoshi fell silent, staring down at her canvas shoes for a moment before raising her gaze to meet Wufei's eyes. She looked very nostalgic, like she might have flooded the room with her tears in a moment's notice. "Have you…. Have you seen him lately, Wufei?"

He shook his head in the negative. 

"You should see him, Wufei," she whispered into the air so quietly, it almost was not spoken at all. "You should see what three years of living in dark shadows and beating his head into walls has done to him. He's grown thin and pallid. He hardly eats; he's irritable and gloomy; he doesn't sleep, and when he does, he has nightmares. And his eyes… Oh Wufei, you should see his eyes. They seem always sleepy and empty, with dark circles underneath. He has this sad look to him. He's not the hard professional bad ass he used to be. He… he cries himself to sleep, cries when he's alone…. Nowadays, he's always crying…." 

"I had no idea…." Wufei shook his head, aghast. Yes, he had known that Heero had been sent to the hospital for a suicide attempt, but that had been so near to the end of the war, he had blamed it on the empty useless feeling that had consumed every soldier involved. He had figured that someone like Heero, someone that only knew how to be a soldier, a soldier and nothing more, would snap. He had almost been expecting it. He never expected that it could be that Heero Yuy, the human, not the soldier, had wounded himself with Love's arrow. 

"This is more than just a murder case, Wufei," Hoshi went on, her voice calming a bit and regaining a more steady tone. "The boy who died was my friend. He was Heero's friend. This is tearing him apart more than you could ever hope to understand. He feels as though he's been touched with a curse that kills and destroys everything he gets close to. He's cracking, Wufei. He tries to be hard and unfeeling, but he's failing. Day by day, you can see it. And you know what? One of these days, he's just not going to get up. He's just going to stop functioning. But that's not the worst of it. The worst is that I don't even think he would care. So do you see now why I have to just do this _my_ way, Wufei? I can't have you in here making a big professional deal out of it. I have to do it the way I've always dealt with things."

Wufei smiled somewhat. "I guess that is why I wanted you working on this mission in the first place." 

"…And don't lie, Wufei. It doesn't become you," Hoshi finished her rant softly, her voice low and somewhat ghostly. "You know damn well why you were so avid about this mission in the first place, Chang Wufei. You know damn well that more than half of it was an excuse to send…." She trailed off, looking beyond Wufei to the person who had just walked into the classroom. 

Wufei turned to look over his shoulder at whatever had caught Hoshi's attention. He was shocked to find Heero standing in the doorway, mouth falling slack a bit with shock, eyes widened with suspicion. As a former soldier, Wufei could see the rotors clanging around behind Heero's glassy oriental eyes, summing up and weighing out the situation. But it was in this observation, that Wufei noticed the damp sheen to those miserable sapphire eyes, and it was then that he understood. He understood what Hoshi meant when she said that Heero was a broken soul. 

"Hoshi?" he murmured, stumbling a bit as he stepped into the room, closing the door behind him softly. He leaned on the door, staring past Wufei at his other friend. "You're with Preventers too? Is everyone here… undercover?"

"No," Hoshi said in a much kinder tone than she had used on Wufei, brushing past him to walk over to where Heero stood. "No, it was just me."

"Oh," he let out in a gentle breath. He paused, thinking quietly to himself, before speaking his thoughts out loud again. He was speaking solely to Hoshi, as if Wufei did not even exist. "So that's how you could tell me so much about what Duo has been doing with Preventers all this time. I see now." 

Wufei arched a brow as if he were surprised that Heero knew of Duo's presence in the school, as he glowered at Hoshi's back, a little annoyed at her for hinting at the whereabouts of the mission's most crucial player. He wondered to himself just how much information Hoshi has filled Heero in on. Suddenly, he burst out his musings, unable to keep them in his troubled mind any longer. "That was a mistake! Who knows what could have been heard! What if this murder is related to some information leak!"

"This murder had _nothing_ do with an information leak, you fool!" Hoshi exclaimed, pounding her fist into her hand. "This murder was about getting back at Wing Zero's pilot!"

Wufei arched a slender ebony eyebrow curiously. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean that D.B. was a friend of Heero's!" Hoshi explained, pointing a finger at the taciturn pilot. "He was trying to indirectly mess him up. You know that all OZ members hate the Gundam pilots, but most of all, they hate the Wing Zero and Heero. You know it's true, Wufei." 

"Can you… please stop yelling at each other?" a soft voice requested. Wufei and Hoshi looked up to see Heero staring at them, his eyes silently entreating them. "Don't talk about D.B. that way, in the past tense. D.B. was this, and D.B. was that. He would hate that. I hate that. We can't change anything that's already happened, so stop acting like you can." 

"I-I'm sorry, Yuy," Wufei stammered, taken completely aback by Heero's tone. He had never felt such a melancholy around Heero before. The Heero he remembered was strong and proud, not this quiet lost little boy. It was almost like he had grown up too fast and was now reverting back to his youthful self. Wufei began to wonder what kind of life Heero had led to make him so sad. He hated seeing a friend and honoured comrade fall apart this way. 

"It's okay," he said quietly. "I just wish there was something I could do to help. I… I don't want to feel so helpless anymore." 

"You are not helpless, Heero!" Hoshi exclaimed stepping between the Japanese boy and his fellow ex-pilot. "You are still just as strong as you were years ago. Don't forget that part of yourself, _ever_! If you do, I can bet that Duo will kill you! Don't you ever change from the Heero Yuy he once loved!" 

"You should just kill me now then," Heero muttered. "I've changed so much I don't think Duo would be able to recognize me anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. Something's been raped and taken from me." 

"You're just flying on an ill wind, Yuy," Wufei said quietly from his spot behind Hoshi. Heero looked past her to see his Chinese friend leaning on one of the desks, arms crossed over his chest as he watched the light peeking between the blinds of the window dance across the floor in narrow slits. He looked up to meet Heero's muted gaze. "A warm zephyr will blow beneath your wings in time once again and carry you beyond the clouds." 

"Wufei…." 

"Don't doubt that Duo will know who you are," Wufei whispered, his voice so faint and still, it seemed he had not spoken at all or as if it was the voice of a complete other entity. "Duo would never forget… who you are. And you would do best not to forget that, Heero Yuy." 

Eh, sorry for the slight sappy bit there at the end, but I wasn't sure how else to wrap it up.   
  
Mmm, randomly, can I say that the new Harry Potter book sure did not fail to amaze me even more than the past four! They just keep getting better and better.... Jeezus, it was _impossible_ for me to put it down! I was reading it every second I had the chance, at the dinner table, in the bathtub (*blush*), jay-walking across Conneticuit Avenue... you name it! It's just so... I mean... like... _wow_.... It's been so long since I'd read a Harry Potter book fresh, I'd almost forgotten that sense of enchantment that JK Rowling manages to evoke upon you when you read it. And even though there are some books I personally like better, I can't help but feel that there is definately something magical about Harry Potter. They're just so creative and always keep you guessing, something there for everyone, kids to adults!   
  
I think I'll just end this by saying, Harry Potter, Miss Rowling, my crooked pointy witch's cap off to you! You taught the world how to love reading again. And that, in my opinion, is the greatest magic of all. 


	12. If a Body Catch a Body

****

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

****

~ Part XII ~

If A Body Catch a Body

Heero lay curled up in the middle of a basketball court just outside the school's gymnasium. The moon, a large silver token pinned to the inky blue sky, shimmered overhead, its light entrancing him as he tried to retreat inside himself. He had not been able to sleep that night, too busy thinking about his encounter with Wufei earlier that day and had taken to wandering aimlessly around the school. Though everyone was supposed to be in their dorms by ten o'clock every weekday, Heero had never complied to the rule and could often be found meandering across the school's campus when sleep failed to visit him and he was too dazed to concentrate on a book. Somehow he had drifted outside to that basketball court, unable to walk any further. He had collapsed upon the cold asphalt ground wearily, staring up at the wild sky above as he tried to sing himself to sleep, the way he used to for Duo when they were up late at night, tracing the cracks of their ceiling with tired eyes. Though it was hard to bring himself to sing the same song Duo had loved to hear those times, but the sound of his own voice seemed oddly comforting. Perhaps it was the thought that it had comforted Duo once. 

__

"Sayonara higashi no sora he,  
Tabidatsu tori yo.  
Sekai wa itsumo omae wo  
Matteita hazu…." 

He sorely wished that things could have been different. That he could have had the sense to know that straying from Duo would be the biggest mistake of his life. He wondered if things would have been perfect for him now instead of this misery and loneliness. "I feel like a prisoner in a kaleidoscope," he whispered to himself, watching the heavens swirl above him, "like I keep falling and falling through a world that confused and full of illusions and lies, never knowing anything else but those dizzying colours. There's no reality, only blind colour. I'm lost in the illusion." 

The sky still stretched endlessly above him. He had told Duo once that he reminded him of the sea. In turn, Duo had likened Heero to the sky, a vast world of countless depths and emotions, always too elusive and mysterious to be understood by man. Heero had not seen beyond the sky back then. The sky had once merely been his escape, a place far from the Earth where he could wander and be free. Wing gave him flight, and flight let him be free. 

His fingers gently smoothed his tears into his skin as he tried to continue his quiet song, voice warbling over the words that reminded him too much of his own life. His hate had melted into sorrow, and now there was nothing left but an empty shell of a soldier, too choked with sadness and longing to recognize what he still had. 

"Flying away….  
Kaze ni dakarete  
Todeyukitai.  
Flying away….  
Kimi no tame nara  
Jiyuu ni nareru.  
Flying…." 

Closing his eyes, he tried to imagine Duo's face. He was vivid and lively, even in his memories, his hair highlighted with the pastel indigo light of the moon, eyes still twinkling and bright, just as Heero had always remembered. He wished he could loose his fingers in that luxurious mane of shining chestnut, caress that pale round cheek with his thumb like he would when he was feeling sad or alone. He wanted to be kissed and loved again, in the beautiful unique way that only Duo knew. No one else had ever made Heero feel as safe and warm about himself as Duo had. Duo had loved Heero for who he was, and never asked anything more of Heero than to be with him always. He never wanted to see Heero change, never tried to force his opinions upon him or mold him into the person he thought Heero ought to have been. For Duo, Heero had always been just plain old Heero, nothing less, nothing more, and that was all that either of them had ever needed. 

"Even in the largest crowd, I'm still alone," he sighed forlornly, thinking back to one of the many books Duo had forced upon him. "But you," he breathed softly, his fingers sliding down his graceful neck and across his narrow shoulders, "you were always alive. You were so ordinary; the dangerous beautiful sort of ordinary that you can't turn away from. You knew the world and the world knew you. You had _lived_ there. And I…. Well, I've been living in a nightmare all my life, and somehow, I found you in a peaceful dream, only to plunge back into that dismal hallucination the moment I left you. It was not real; simply a stolen season."

"I want you again," he panted against the ground, rolling somewhat on his stomach, his arm shielding him from the asphalt court. Eyes gently sliding closed, he could feel his wandering hand exploring himself longingly, pretending for a moment that it was the touch of his missing lover. His reverie became more vibrant as his hand began to move faster, breath coming in short spurts, turning completely onto his stomach. At long last, he slowly drew his hand from his burning flesh, letting it trace up his thigh before dragging it back over his tussled shirt. He let it fall limply to the ground a few inches before him, the sight of it blurring slightly as he tried to focus on the soiled hand now lying splayed out before him. "When can I return to that dream? I want to be able to dream again. I've forgotten how without you, Duo."

He slowly forced himself to his feet, still gazing longingly at his hand as he paced aimlessly in circles. He paused beneath one of the basketball hoops, raising his eyes to stare up through the netted rim at the sky once again. "How could you say that I am like the sky? I am not beautiful enough to be the sky. Heh, heaven…. Heaven _is_ all I have and yet I don't believe in it." He paused and amended, "Or is it hell?" He sighed and shook his head again, completely unsure what he should think or feel anymore. How could Duo complain that everyone he came near was cursed? Having Duo in his life had been the most alive Heero had felt in all his life. Heero decided that _he_ was the cursed one; just look at what had happend to poor D.B.

"Duo," he whispered as he reached upwards with one hand as if he were trying to to touch the stars. "Oh and it feels… it feels like heaven is so far away. And it feels like... the world is so cold... now that you're gone. I can't deal; it's so unfair!" He hung his head dejectedly as he tried to find that serene place of nirvana inside of him that was nowhere to be found. "The first time I came to Earth, I fell from the stars, fell from heaven. I'm more like a fallen angel… a devil from heaven. A devil from heaven who found his missing half in an angel from hell." 

Only the stars gently swirling across the dark sky answered him, glittering down ambiguous secret answers that he could never hope to discern. Only the stars heard and saw his anguish; only the stars understood. "And Duo," he sighed, his voice even sadder than usual. "Duo understood. He knew the way I'm wired better than I know it myself. He probably was the only one who ever did." 

His words paused again, eyes still tracing the round hoop overhead. "Because you were coming from the same background. Behind your own mask, you were the same as me. You only had to look at yourself to know my true face." He dropped his gaze hack down to his hand, the coat of creamy white fluid drying upon his callused palm. "You were a part of me and I you." 

Looking past the caged cell of the basketball court, he noticed something odd. The basketball court led right up to the gymnasium's side doors; Heero noticed that there seemed the hall lights were on, like someone was inside. "That's odd," he murmured, kissing his fingertips gently as he started to walk over. Light spilled out onto the court as he pulled the door open and slipped inside. Blinded for a second by the fierce lights, his eyes roved the hall for a light switch and quickly flicked it off with his clean hand, plunging the hall into darkness. "Someone must have just forgotten to turn them off at the end of the day," he figured, glancing back down at his fingers and wrinkling his nose. "Might as well wash this mess off while I'm here." 

He trudged down the empty hall, past trophy cases and walls hung with banners declaring school victories of years past. His night vision was excellent and it did not take long for his eyes to readjust to the blackened hall. He stopped by a water fountain a bit further down the hall and ran his hand under the cool fount, cleaning it, watching his essence eddy down the silver drain in a spiraling flourish.

The sound of a fan whirring about in the far off distance fell upon his ears, mingled with the quiet hum of the water fountain's cooling system. The mellow humdrum was interrupted by the sudden slamming of a door around the corner caught his attention. Heero snapped up, hastily drying his hand on the thigh of his jeans. He could feel himself switching into soldier mode, the old cogs beginning to turn again and restart old systems long shut down. 

He slithered down the hall and found himself facing the doors to the boys' locker rooms at its end. He noted that there was a stream of light pouring out from beneath the door, melting over his shoes and the floor upon which he stood. Pressing his ear against the door, he listened for any traces of the person inside. Sure enough, he heard it: the faint tap, tap, tapping of someone walking about. From the sound of the footfalls, it seemed that the person was making his way towards the back of the locker room, to where the showers were located. Judging from the pace and the noise he was making, it seemed that the person was in no rush to get out of there, but still was making sure to be as hushed and secreted as possible, like a ghost returning to an old haunt. There was almost a certain air of routine to the footsteps as they shuffled about. The footsteps became muffled, and Heero decided that he must of taken off whatever footwear he had on about then. After that, the sounds ceased, and he lost track of the person's whereabouts inside. "So the hall lights _weren't_ left on by mistake. Someone is here." 

He turned the handle quietly, unsure where the person was now. His mind was screaming at him that it was a trap of some kind; that the person was lurking in some dark corner, ready to spring. Quickly darting inside, he found himself standing in the fully illuminated locker room, the benches and rows of lockers quiet and innocent as ever. Pressing himself up against the wall, he slid around, making sure to strife as so he could avoid any surprise attacks. But all his cautions proved to be in vain; there seemed to be nothing to protect himself from. The room was empty and devoid of life. "That leaves only the showers," he murmured to himself, toeing off his shoes to silent his footsteps. He set them gently beside a nearby bench, next to a pair of black lace-up boots. He glance up briefly, noting the dark green unzipped Preventers duffel bag, sprouting black and red clothes sitting atop it. "Preventers?" he whispered through pursed lips, his intrigue soaring. "Who is it that could possibly be here? It couldn't be…." 

His thoughts were cut short by the hiss of a shower being turned on in the adjourning room. His senses went keen once again and his guard was up. He was about to sneak into the shower room, silently thanking Duo for rubbing off some of his stealthy agility, when a beautiful male voice filled his ears, drowning out the pelting sound of the water. 

__

"Make up your mind.  
Decide to walk with me,   
Around the lake tonight;  
Around the lake tonight,  
By my side. 

"I'm not gonna lie;  
I'll not be a gentleman.  
Behind the boathouse,  
I'll show you my dark secret."

Heero cracked the door slightly, peering into the seemingly empty shower room. The only hint that anyone was there was the flickering lights above and the sound of the running shower above the singing. The room was set up so that the door opened up unto a small dressing area, scattered with a few benches here and there. The small alcove walked into a large communal shower with white tiled floors and multiple showerheads surrounding a central bench. From Heero's vantage-point, he could not see anyone inside the showers. He tentatively stepped forward, his toes curling slightly as he set foot in a cold puddle of water on the floor. He bit his lip as to silence his hiss of surprise at the shock, recoiling his sodden sock-clad toes from the icy smear of water. 

Standing just outside the showers, he plucked up his courage and prepared to confront the singer just around the corner. Readying himself, he peered around the wall to survey the intruder, and then his breath fell away. He whipped back around the corner and pressed himself back up against the wall, catching his missing breath, suddenly feeling ridiculously dizzy as he tried to recap the brief glimpse he had caught of Duo, standing just around the corner in the cascade of water. 

"I'm not gonna lie.  
I want you for mine.  
My blushing bride,  
My lover, be my lover,   
Yeah…."

The sound of wet footsteps slapping across the tile floor echoed mutely through his ears. Beneath his clutching fingers, he could feel his heart thudding dully against his chest. The world had just crashed down around him. All that existed was the fair devil swaying beneath the shower's downpour. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, depending on what angle one viewed the situation from), his head was so muddled, that he did not hear as those squelching footfalls drew nearer to where he stood until a spindly hand, decorated with pearls of water droplets, reached around the corner and fell gingerly upon his chest, soaking his thin cotton shirt. Then the fingers clamped around a fistful of fabric and dragged Heero by the shirt into the showers. 

__

"Don't be afraid.  
I didn't mean to scare you,  
So help me Jesus!"

Suddenly Heero was facing a soaking Duo who was holding him steadily by the shirt with one hand, the other hand raised up above his head as if he were meaning to strike. A look of realization and relief surged through Duo's expression, his fist falling down to his side and soon Heero found himself wet and plastered against the moist lips of his lover. He felt like he was on a drug high, unable to really comprehend what was going on around him, he was so intoxicated. His mouth opened against Duo's inviting lips, kissing fervently, lusting after him like a starved man craves food. Barely aware of his feet as Duo guided him back over towards his still running shower, Heero's hands crept up the slender form of the naked and glistening demon, growling his name against his wet lips. 

Pulling his mouth away, Duo fell against the wall behind him, panting furiously as he eyed Heero sensuously. With a slight curling of his index finger, he beckoned Heero closer, and unable to turn away, Heero stumbled through the shower's spray to collapse against Duo's body, hungry lips melding against Duo's once more. He was sure this was all some kind of erotic dream and he was sure to wake from it soon. But the all too real sound of Duo's lush voice singing in his ear as he kissed along his gently curved jaw and the feel of that burning flesh, drenched with a luster of chill water beneath his fingertips. His words lingered on Heero's flesh almost like Duo's touch and his sensual breath. 

"I can promise you,  
You'll stay as beautiful…  
With dark hair…  
And soft skin… forever….  
Forever….

"Make up your mind.  
Make up your mind,  
And I'll promise you,  
I will treat you well,  
My sweet angel,  
So help me Jesus!"

"Duo," Heero panted against Duo's shoulder, the low thunder of Duo's voice rumbling through his chest. Heero could feel it gently vibrating against his ear as he rested there. Duo gently kissed the top of Heero's head and pulled out of his arms, moving back underneath the shower's spray. Heero stepped back a little, running his fingers through his waterlogged mess of brown hair as he admired the sight of Duo running his hands over himself with a bar of soap and a washcloth. He noticed for the first time a cross with ornate tips flanked by a devil's wing and an angel's wing, tattooed to Duo's shoulder blade. "Is that new? I he asked, retracing his backward steps, "I like it." He came up behind Duo again and wrapped his arms around his wait, leaning his head on his back, content to just listen to the sound of Duo's voice purring inside his chest as he sang. 

"Give it up to me.  
Give it up to me.  
Do you wanna be my angel?  
So help me!"

Duo's hands fell atop Heero's, gently prying them off his hips. With all the grace of a cat, Duo turned himself around and replaced Heero's fingers, looking him deep in the eye as he did so. His lips were painted in an almost wistful fashion. _Sadly content_ were the words that Heero's mind supplied for that expression. He wondered what it was that was making his love seem that way. 

"Be my angel.  
Be my angel.  
Do you wanna die?

"I promise you,  
I will treat you well,  
My sweet angel,  
So help me Jesus!

"Jesus,  
Jesus,  
Jesus." 

"Duo," Heero said again, reaching up to let his fingers sweep across Duo's cheek and under his chin. "Duo, what are you doing here?" 

A strained, but truly jovial smile crossed Duo's face as he answered with a laugh. "Oh exactly what it looks like. Taking a shower!" 

"Now? Here?" Heero wondered aloud, furrowing his brow. "Duo, are you insane?" 

"I've been called _worse_ things Hee-chan… and by _you_ no less!" His voice was still merry, and it seemed that he was growing more accustomed to the odd situation. Either that or he was fixing his jester mask better over his features. Heero sorely hoped it was the first explanation. Hypocritical as it might have sounded coming from him, the crown ruler of restrained emotions, he hated having such fences between them, which he admitted were as much his fault as Duo's. "But what am I supposed to do? Someone as good-looking as _moi_ can't go around smelling like a mucky old sewer. And I can't take a shower in one of the dormitories. Even the communal bathrooms would be cutting it a little close. Someone might notice, you know? So this was the best I've been able to do. Heh, they don't call me Shinigami for nothing!"

"I still think you're a little crazy, kitten," Heero murmured, cuddling against Duo's shoulder again. 

"Well considering the things I've done and the things I've seen, I'd have to be, I think," Duo answered thoughtfully, that same wit and charm that Heero loved so much filling his retort. "You're a little crazy too, Hee-chan." 

"Do I ever know it," Heero whispered against Duo's sodden shoulder, more to himself than to Duo. "I think I've all out lost it." 

"Not that you ever had 'it' to begin with," came the playful remark. 

"Not that you did either," Heero rejoined with a grin, looking back up into his lover's eyes. That glisten in those dark violet eyes was all the reassurance he needed that Duo was truly standing in front of him with his arms around him. Apart from the tattoo, not much else had changed about Duo. He had grown a couple inches, and stood a bit taller than Heero, though not quite as tall as Hoshi. His body was still lanky and wiry, though Heero could feel the muscles under that pale flesh had grown harder and tougher with age. Draped over his shoulder was the cascade of unbound auburn hair that now fell past his waist and almost to the middle of his thigh. Though his face still looked like that of a naughty cherub, there was a new sort of maturity to it that was only faintly reminiscent of the fifteen-year-old soldier he had once been. 

Then he began to notice them, those old scars. He knew every bruise and slash that had ever been laid upon his lover's flesh, whether they were violent enough to leave marks or not. He tried to avoid looking at the ones he knew were the result of his inability to appreciate Duo so many years ago. He wished his tears could heal those scars. Heaven knew that Duo's body would have been perfected tenfold if that were true. Forcing his eyes up Duo's torso, he noticed a series of marks that his memory did not recall. "Where did you get those?" he asked suspiciously, laying a tender hand upon the bruises and scrapes that ran all the way around the base of his neck and across his shoulders. 

"Oh these?" Duo tried to sound nonchalant as he batted Heero's hand away. He quickly pulled away and half-turned his back. He did not want Heero to know that he had been so close to getting killed with that last little run-in with his quarry. "Not much. Just a little clumsy, you know? I was always a klutz." 

"Look in my eyes and tell me that," Heero said seriously, knowing that Duo could be _very_ graceful when he put his mind to it. A good thief could not afford to be bumbling. And Duo was definitely a good thief. 

Duo turned around a little, his face a kind of schmere between sheepish and shamed. "It was an accident really."

"What kind of accident?" Heero narrowed his eyes, his efficient soldier half starting to take command. He was asking the questions and he wanted straight answers. "Bruises like that don't come from falling down a couple stairs, Duo." 

"Well this one came from when I fell off the roof," Duo started, pointing to a long dark mark that ran up his arm and over the curve of his shoulder. Heero's jaw practically hit the floor and his eyes were wide with worry. Duo threw in a chuckle, wagging his hands in front of him as if to wave Heero's worry away. "Guess I wanted to see if the laws of gravity applied to the God of Death."

Heero cut him off, that overprotective instinct kicking in and chasing his initial fear and shock away. "You fell off the _roof_, Duo? How could you do something so careless?"

"Says you who tried to blow himself up in his own Gundam!" Duo snapped. He regained his former demeanor and went on. "I slipped. I wasn't used to walking up there yet." He saw Heero start to open his mouth, cutting him off with quick words before he even had a chance to begin. "Don't worry about it. I've gotten good at playing pussycat." 

"You always were pretty good at that in the first place," Heero whispered slyly as he flashed him a devilish smirk before he went on with his questions. "And those?" he asked, pointed to the collar of bruises. 

"Uh, mission fluke," Duo shrugged evasively. "Hey, what doesn't kill you only leaves an opening for payback, you know?" 

"I want the whole story, koi," Heero stated flatly, crossing his arms. Duo had to swallow a laugh at the sight of the drenched stone-faced youth giving him a look that equated pretty much with that of a three-year-old who refused to go to bed at a certain hour unless he could be given extra dessert. 

"Can't a guy be careless once in a while, Mister Perfect Soldier?" Duo exclaimed, suddenly getting defensive. He made a big production of turning off the shower and sinking down to the floor in a huff. "Oh, right, I forgot. Mister Perfect Soldier doesn't make mistakes. He knows just what's best for everyone… everyone but _himself_!" 

Heero was taken completely aback. He bit his lip and sunk down to Duo's level, squeezing his knees close to his chest as he spoke. "That's not true. I made a lot of mistakes." His voice was strained and almost nonexistent. "And I have come to realize that I know nothing." 

Duo's eyes were wide with amazement. He had never heard Heero admit he had done something wrong with such openness before. It touched him warmly, to say the least. "You… You never acted like you made mistakes." 

"But I have," Heero breathed, falling on all fours and crawling closer to Duo, laying his hands on each of his shoulders as he stared him straight in the eye. "Even the most efficient machine can make mistakes." 

"Stop talking like you're not human. You are far more human than you ever realized," Duo whispered, wrapping his arms around his love once again. "I know you better than that, angel." 

"Then stop trying to _elude_ me, Duo," Heero said sternly. "I thought your mission was supposed to be a simple in-and-out job. How did it get so… complicated… Duo…?" Heero shook his head and looked away, unable to look Duo in the eye. He was afraid that Duo would see him crying. "I… I don't want you to be hurt anymore. You don't need that. Just give it up and come home." 

"I would never give up! …And neither would you!" Duo grabbed Heero roughly by the shoulders and gave him a shake. "Don't act like you're not hurting on the inside either, Heero Yuy! I'm not as stupid as people like to think. I know you're trying to cover up how empty you feel inside. I… I do it too." Heero raised his eyes slightly, midnight blue irises darting back to survey Duo's face. "It was an accident, Heero," Duo was saying softly. "Nothing I could have said or done would have saved D.B.'s life. Nothing you could have done would have saved him either." 

"You… You know his name?" Heero whispered. 

"I know a lot of things," Duo smiled warmly, enfolding Heero in his armsH. "You'd assume that after a few weeks of spying on you guys for a recon mission would reap a few facts here and there. Do you know that I was chosen specifically for this mission for the soul fact that you were at this school?" 

"Aa. Hoshi told me," answered Heero. "She's been… a blessing in disguise. I think I would have been long dead if she hadn't shown up."

"Mm, Hoshi," Duo's face fell slightly at the mention of the name. "She's quite the character. Almost too good to be real sometimes, you know? You've grown pretty close to her over the past couple weeks, ne? And to think you were ready to strangle her the first time you met."

"I was ready to strangle _you_ the first time we met and now look at us," said Heero, his forehead falling against Duo's shoulder. A pair of silver tears plopped upon Duo's creamy flesh, sending shivers though his body. 

"Us, huh?" That saddened look crossed Duo's face again, a bit more prominent than it had been before. He lifted Heero's chin, the crystal tears rising in the Japanese boy's eyes ripping away at his heart. "It's been so long since it was just 'us,' Hee-chan. Do you think we could get 'us' back?" 

"I would bet my soul on it," Heero said doggedly. "Or I'll go to hell." 

"Mm, so would I," Duo replied, his saddened features becoming softer and more contented. "That is, if my soul is still mine to bet." He laughed raucously at this. "Ah, you gotta have some sympathy for the Devil." 

"Duo," Heero looked up to meet Duo's eyes again and asked him the one question that had been plaguing his soul for years, "when are you coming home?" 

"When I'm ready to have you again," was the slightly ambiguous reply. Even Heero could denote the despondent tone in his voice as he spoke. "When you're ready to have me." 

"Duo I…" 

"Angel," Duo exhaled softly into Heero's hair, watching as his breath toyed with the shaggy brown spikes of hair. Eyes sweeping quickly down Heero's thin frame, he noticed the outline of his old golden cross, molded beneath Heero's saturated shirt. 

"I don't know how to make amends for anything I might have done to hurt you in the past," Heero sobbed, no longer caring to hide behind his cracked and charred porcelain mask. Duo was no longer holding the iron-willed perfect soldier in his arms. In his place was a lost and lonely little boy who had been abandoned on the streets without a name a long time ago. "I mean every word I say. When you walk away, you don't hear me crying out for you. I really wish I could prove I love you, but does that mean I have to walk on water for you Duo?" 

"Maybe one day we'll understand that some things are that simple," Duo said wistfully, stroking Heero's hair gingerly. "Nothing's like before." 

Heero simply buried himself in Duo's arms, unwilling to let himself see the very real possibility that they might have drifted apart. "Can you keep holding me?" Heero asked softly, burying his nose into Duo's shoulder. The moisture on his skin accentuated that gingery scent of his, causing Heero to practically swoon. "Hold me just like this." 

"Yes," Duo purred, stroking Heero's hair tenderly, watching as tiny flecks of water jumped off his mahogany brown mess of hair every time his hands ran through the unruly mop. "I'll hold you for as long as you need me to, angel."

"Will you kiss me?" Heero asked, pulling away from Duo's body, entreating him with his beautiful eyes, those deep murky blue orbs shining with the radiance of a thousand skies. "I don't want it seem like I'm happy only in dreams." 

Duo said nothing and simple leaned forward, delicately placing his lips upon Heero's. He could feel Heero's lips, moist with water and tears, gently fall apart with the sweet caress of his tongue, deepening the kiss. 

Heero's hands frantically fell upon Duo's cheeks, desperately pulling him closer. He had not even begun to fathom before this how much he truly missed Duo Maxwell. Before they had gone their separate ways, Heero had not really understood what it would be like to live without Duo because he had never tried. He did not realize how much he had relied on Duo for everything from support to the little ordinary things that only Duo knew how to make seem more special than the world itself. Duo was the only one who had been able to make Heero feel loved. And Heero loved Duo for loving him. 

Soon Heero began to reacquaint himself with the body he had not been able to touch and love in almost three years. He missed the feel of Duo's skin beneath his fingers, the taste of him upon his lips, the sound of his voice, even the snide commentary and inane jokes. He had almost forgotten what it was like to lose his shimmering mane of thick chestnut hair. 

"Nn, angel, please, stop," Duo moaned into Heero's mouth, batting the Japanese boy's explorative hands away as they fell upon the insides of his naked thighs. 

"Duo?" Heero ventured, trying to replace his callused hands upon Duo's legs, only to have them batted away once more. 

"Hee-chan, please, no," Duo murmured, dragging himself away from Heero's mouth. 

"What's wrong, kitten?" Heero asked, somewhat confused by Duo's hesitancy. He tried to kiss Duo again, only to find his lips caressing the cool air. He frowned slightly; "You never used to have problems with me touching you before." 

"I know," Duo breathed, his a deep hue of rose red dusting his entire body as he tried to cover himself up somewhat. "But I know… I know if I let you touch me like that, I won't be able to stop. I could never control myself around you, Hee-chan. You know that." 

"You say it like it's a bad thing," Heero said with a wicked grin, leaning in yet again to kiss Duo. Nuzzling Duo's cheek, he purred, "If it makes you feel better, I can't control myself around you either, so we're even." 

"Heero, this isn't the place; this isn't the time," Duo protested, though his body's reactions only seemed to egg Heero on further. He threw in a last ditch effort, his voice riddled with desperation. "I thought you promised you wouldn't throw me on my back the second you saw me again." 

This drew Heero back into a sitting position. He blinked his exotic oriental eyes at Duo a few times and asked, "Where did you hear that?" 

"I have my sources," Duo rejoined promptly, his quick wit earning him a rare and beautiful smile. "It's a trade secret. If I told you, I'd have to kill you." 

"Hoshi, ne?" Heero ventured, thinking back to a conversation the two of them had had once in a time that seemed long ago and far away. "I forgot that you two are both working on this mission together. She's your mole, isn't she?" 

"In a sense, I guess you could say that," Duo answered, relaxing a little bit now that the conversation had meandered away from sex. He let out another heavy sigh at the thought of Hoshi and opened his mouth, to finally let Heero know what had been bothering him lately. "She's pretty close to you, isn't she? Do you really feel like you know her?" 

"Almost as well as I know you, I think," Heero said thoughtfully. "She's the one who keeps me going nowadays. I seriously think I would be long dead if it weren't for her." 

"I see," Duo breathed dejectedly, hanging his head so that his long hair fell around his face and obscured his pretty elfish features. "It's almost like you've fallen out of love with me and in love with her, you know Heero? I guess I should have expected it after all these years. God what a complete idiot I've been, fooling myself into thinking that you'd always wait for me." 

"Are you _mad_, Duo?" Heero asked, genuinely shocked. "I've not been with anyone other than you. You were my first. I intend for you to be my last." 

"Could even a man like you control his emotions? You're not in love with me anymore." Duo's face became immensely pained, turning away from Heero as if he could not even bear to look him in the eye. 

"Is this the way to get 'us' back?" Heero asked curiously, obviously hurt by Duo's accusation. He stood up and took a few paces back, falling down upon the bench in the center of the shower. "Don't say something like that Duo. Don't hurt me like that. I won't have anything left to live for if you hurt me." 

Duo also stumbled to his feet, a little more clumsy than Heero had expected. He seemed dazed and distracted to his keen eye and he wondered what was plaguing the longhaired American boy. He said nothing as he wobbled towards the main locker room, grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist and another to dry his hair as he went, leaving Heero alone and very confused. It took three seconds of pure silence and solitude for the entire incident to completely sink into Heero's head. A moment later, he was on his feet, ambulating quickly in the direction Duo had gone. Bursting through the door, he found a half-dressed Duo hunched over his bag, rooting through it for his missing shirt. Finding it, he pulled it out and turned around to fit it over his head, noticing Heero for the first time, standing there and glowering darkly at him. 

"Hee-chan?" Duo yanked the red shirt downwards, ruffling his hair as the collar passed over his head. He drew his long tresses from underneath the shirt and flicked them down his back, sitting down to set about braiding the silky mane. 

"Duo," Heero acknowledged softly, advancing a few steps. He stopped beside one row of lockers and leaned against it, simply watching Duo as he did his braid. Another heavy silence passed over Heero as he watched the hellish angel work at his damp hair. He finally spoke up, "What am I supposed to do, Duo?" 

"Take your own damn advice for once," Duo answered blandly, his concentration fixated solely on his current task at hand. "It couldn't kill you to do that once in a while, you know." 

"Oh yeah?" Heero's voice was laced with intrigue as he crossed one ankle over the other, doing likewise with his arms. "And which advice is that?" 

"The one about following your heart and all that, so you won't have any regrets," Duo clarified. "You're doing it again, you know."

"Doing _what_?" For the first time that night, Heero sounded a bit agitated. 

"Ignoring your heart." 

"You _are_ my heart, Duo," Heero snapped, his tone not at all matching his words, making the statement sound very insincere, though that sentiment was merely skin deep. Heero meant every word he said. "I was a fool to ignore _you_. I'll admit it; I was the one who tore us apart, making you stay with Hilde because I was too stupid to come to terms with what I felt back then, _alright_? Does it make you happy to hear me confess that I was wrong? Does it?" 

Duo was quiet for once, his eyes absorbed with his agile fingers snapping a rubber band around the tail of his braid. Quietly, he said at last, "I'm sorry, Heero. Don't be angry with me. I just… I just don't want to see you like this anymore. I've not been very good for you in the past couple years. I just want to make sure you're making the right choices for yourself." 

"For once, I think I am," Heero said resolutely, his eyes never leaving Duo's form. "Duo, you remember how they always used to call me perfect because I was everything in a soldier that could be perfect? They said because I was a brilliant hacker, technician, guerilla fighter and mecha pilot, I was perfect. They said because I wasn't afraid to die, I was perfect. But you know what, that's not what made me perfect." Duo looked up to meet Heero's eyes. He was still leaning on the lockers, the faintly sputtering lights overhead flashing dim starbursts of whites and yellow in those dark Prussian crystal eyes. The perplexed look on Duo's face was all Heero needed to continue, leaning his head against the lockers as he closed his eyes and spoke. "You make me perfect, Duo. I am perfect in ways that _they _could never hope to understand. I am perfect because of _you_."

"Oh Hee-chan," he let out underneath a heavy breath. His hands fell lax at his sides, his simple wooden hairbrush dropping from his loose fingers and falling to the floor with a hollow clatter. 

His eyes had fallen closed and did not see as Heero approached the bench upon which he sat. Kneeling down between his legs, Heero reached up and quietly cupped Duo's chin in his rough-skinned fingers, slowly running the pad of his thumb around the gentle curve of his cheek. His fingers lingered on that soft skin beneath his eye as a warm tear plopped down upon them. Hand still tracing the side of his face, leisurely making its way down Duo's slender neck and across the gentle slope of his shoulder, Heero pressed his own cheek against Duo's abdomen, nuzzling against the slightly damp cotton of his shirt in an effort to comfort his destitute court jester. "You know, they were wrong about me. I am afraid to die. I always was. For someone who was supposed to be so brave, I'm a terrible coward." 

"We were all liars and knaves back then," Duo murmured, barely moving his lips as he spoke. His eyes were still drowsy and mostly closed, only narrow drunken slits of violet peering out from beneath those heavy lids. "We were liars and knaves that grew into shadows and pretenders." 

"You always taught how to smile when I was down," Heero told him quietly, his fingers rubbing small massaging circles upon Duo's shoulder. "Memories of everything that blew through our lives still haunt my dreams, Duo. But you were always there with a smile to chase the shadows away with your stupid jokes and flamboyant laughter. Even if…." 

"…Even if it all was a ruse," Duo finished for him, a sleepy note twanging in his words. "Even if I was just the great pretender hiding behind a pretty mask covered with curly-cues and fickle glittering gems. Even if I was really screaming on the inside to be heard." 

"I heard you. I heard you screaming because you were the only one screaming louder than me," Heero affirmed, his other arm tightening around Duo's waist. He could feel Duo's slender hands fall upon his back, holding him close. Duo's fingers had always been comforting to Heero. Whilst Heero had always found his abrasive brutal hands ugly and always stained with a smear of blood that never seemed to wash away, Duo's hands had been beautiful and soft with long spindly fingers and elfish wrists. He had always loved to watch Duo doing things with his hands. It was the way he turned the pages of a book or the way his finger pressed down on the shutter of his camera or how his fingers felt when they ran over his body in the gentle touches of their intimate love. But most of all, watching Duo draw was the most enchanting thing he could ever hope to see. He loved watching the way Duo's soulful figures would take shape beneath those amazing fingers, and it seemed nothing short of magic—or the charms of the Devil. They were sooty and caked with oil or some other kind of mess more often then not, but Heero had never seen the gloomy spreads of crimson blood dripping between those magical fingers. Duo had been places and seen hell, but he had not dug his fingers into flesh and ripped life to shreds as ruthlessly as Heero had. Death only killed when necessary or when his gory past flared red in his eyes, but never did Death kill without remorse or hurt. Duo's hands were perfect and real. 

"Hee-chan, what's wrong?" Duo asked, noticing Heero's blank stare. He knew that look; whenever Heero was lost in thought, he would just glaze over, like his soul had departed from his body and was flying away. He waved a hand in front of Heero's distant eyes. "This is Death calling Heero. Death to Heero." 

"Nani?" Heero startled from his otherworld with a slight jump. Seeing Duo's expectant expression, he scrambled for the quickest excuse he could find. "Have you got a cigarette, Duo?" 

"What? Didn't know you smoked so much. Hah, remember when you used to piss and moan about it because you thought it was a dirty habit?" Duo said, looking a little surprised. He shrugged and said with a somewhat proud smile, "I gave it up about a month ago. I don't really need them anymore. I had just been feeding an addiction that kept me company when I was sad." 

"Oh," Heero said with a slight downcast look, as if he were trying to avert Duo's eyes. He knew that his obsession with the nicotine was of a very similar nature. 

"You know, the two of us are made of angel's dust. We seem so real and earthly, but the sunlight shines right through us," Duo reflected suddenly, a faint smile tickling his lips as he leaned back on his hands a bit. "I always thought anyone perfect had to be lying. You're a big fake!" A wild laugh erupted from Duo's throat, filling the empty place with the echo of his pleasurable baritone. 

"Everyone thought I was so under-control and sane. Everyone who didn't know me like you just saw a perfectly controlled teen with no emotion," Heero said, pulling away somewhat so he could look upon Duo's face. He was pleased to find that Duo's melancholy air had been replaced with a more jovial grin. It was that sort of expression that kept Heero going through his more desperate times. "I was so sane, it was driving me crazy. No one knew me quite like you. You knew how fucked up I was… still am…. Everyone here doesn't understand. They brush me off and pretend not to notice how I'm bleeding from the inside out. They see a reclusive maniac who should be left alone. They don't see _me_." 

"You are not that fucked…." Duo trailed off, rolling his eyes and amended with his mouth drawn into a sarcastic line. "So I lied, you are." 

"Thanks, _Duo_," Heero said with one of his rare smiles, giving Duo a playful punch in the gut. He scooted back and leaned on the lockers again, looking up at Duo, who was leaning back on his hands, nervously tapping his bare feet upon the tile floor. His mind was racing with what he should say to the braided imp while he had him in his grasp, before he slipped away again like a wisp of cloud. "Duo," he submitted tentatively, "Duo, when you look at me, what do you see? Do you see me?" 

Duo looked up from his feet and eyed Heero as if he were summing him up in his head. Heero's eyes were still focused on Duo's feet, which, he was realizing for the first time, were just as narrow and beautiful as his hands. His ankles were that same elfish shape that his wrists were and his toes were long and somewhat bony like his fingers. He also noted that, unlike Duo's hands, which were merely crisscrossed with the cuts and scars that came with being a soldier and a mechanic, his feet were coarse and somewhat worn, like he had been running for a long, long time. His gaze traveled up Duo's legs, his black jeans hugging them so tightly, it seemed like a second skin. Duo's legs were very strong and muscular, despite how narrow they were. They were riddled with the supple vigor of a dancer, Heero observed, with shapely muscular calves and hard well-formed thighs. Heero wrinkled his nose at the thought of his own knobby knees and bowlegged racer's legs, deciding that they were nowhere near as beautiful as Duo's. 

"I see a confused lost little boy hiding in the darkness of his own shadow. He's a shattered boy whose will has been taken away before he even knew what it meant to choose," Duo said, jarring Heero rudely from his thoughts in regards to his question. Heero had almost forgotten that he had even asked it, his mind had been so absorbed with his surveillance of Duo's figure. "I see a soldier who has broken down over the years and reverted back to the abandoned orphan he once was. He is a soldier who has been subdued and taught the hard rules of life by constant pain and disgrace, who never felt he shined once in his life and is self-destructing because of it. I see a man who only wants to be loved, who tried hard to please everyone around him; a man who never asked much of anything from anyone save that he be loved. You are a man who is beautiful on the inside, and because of that, you are beautiful on the outside too."

"Am I loved, Duo?" he implored, tucking his knees against his chest and wrapping his arms around his shins. "Do you love me?" 

"I don't know how I got this far," Duo shrugged, pulling a black sock over one of those fascinating dancer's feet. Heero's eyes fell to the pair of black boots, their twin silver buckles reflecting glaring luminosity. They looked so new and cared for, quite out of place next to his ratty old yellow sneakers, the very same decrepit pair he had owned for years; his foot had not grown much since the war and he was not frivolous enough to indulge in another pair. "But there's no way I could turn back now. I could never turn back now. If someone asked me if I regretted the path I chose I would say that I would not take back a single thing I've said or done for the world. Because, Hee-chan, everything I've done has led me to you." 

Not totally contented with the answer, but decided it was enough to satisfy him for now, he gave Duo a nod and simply watched as he continued to pull on his socks and boots. Heero peeled his sopping wet white socks, cramming them into his back pocket as he reached forward for his sneakers and went about mechanically jamming his pretty feet into them. So forgone with this task was he that he had not noticed that Duo had finished with his own shoes and meandered to the door. The sound of him opening it pulled Heero away from his shoes for a seconds though and he looked up in time to see Duo leaning in the doorframe, Preventers' bag slung over one shoulder as he said, "And yes, angel, I love you." 

****

{{A/N}} Toadies—_Possum Kingdom_… Yeah, I don't get the title either, but hey, it's a good song. The other song is one of Heero's image songs (my favourite!) _Flying Away_.   
  
You dorks are so lucky that my parents decided to take off for the holiday weekend with the orders "Get yourself invited somewhere for the weekend". Yeah, so I'm going to stay with my best buddy Susi, but that means I won't be able to get onto my computer. So, since I'm just _so_ nice, I posted two days early as a little Independance Day gift for you guys. I guess you could say it's my way of saying "Thank you so much for the reviews! You make me feel like I'm worth something--unlike my idiotic school...." *grumbles*  
  
Oh, and since you all are probably really lazy, just like moi, here's a quick translation of Heero's song so you don't have to go hunting:   
  
'_Sayonara, bird flying towards the eastern sky,   
Because the world has always been waiting for you   
  
Flying away   
Embracing the wind, I want to fly away   
Flying away   
For your sake I can be free   
Flying…_'   
  
Definately another cute song if you think about it in L.W. terms, which means 1x2-O-Vision! I don't know about _you_, but I think Midorikawa Hikaru has a very sexy voice. I can just imagine Heero thinking about Duo and feeling like he's got wings or something.... GOD I'm a sap! (Shh, don't tell anyone!)   
Oh, and random note just because it makes me feel better. Can I just say that in another one of Heero's image songs, _'Cry for the Dream'_, he mentions that he's not and has no use for typical heroes and sugary relationships sicken him. Wonder who he's talking about there? *coughcoughRelenacough* Okay, I'm done. Have fun with the sparkly fireworks kiddies!

Um, I'm sorry to all those who reviewed this past weekend and yelled at me for not giving Hikaru Utada credit for ripping some of her lyrics. *cowers* I'm really, really sorry for that! I've been pretty good about noting references like that in chapters past but I was in a huge rush and literally walking out the door when I first posted this. I barely had time to put that note about the 4th. In any case, I'm sorry about that and know that I didn't mean to shaft Miss Utada in any way, shape or form. You're allowed to hit me. -.-; 


	13. The Man Who Sold the World

****

Coming Through the Rye  
By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

**~ Part XIII ~  
The Man Who Sold the World**

Wednesday's Literature class was turned into a free-writing period by the teacher, feeling that writing was one of the best ways to get to know her students, a way for her to separate the mindless drones who memorized and reproduced for tests from the truly intellectual. She had originally intended for them to write something on _'The Catcher in the Rye'_ but later decided to make the guidelines looser, and instructed the class to write about innocence, be it an essay or poem or whatever. After the recent death of D.B., she knew that even the most sheltered of children had lost at least a small shred of innocence from the whole ordeal. And so soon after the war, she did not like having to see this poor generation suffer anymore. If anything, she hoped that their hearts could be stirred by such dark times. 

Settling down behind her desk, she watched as her students began to file into the room for the morning class. She was watching for one student in particular, growing quite excited to read whatever he would produce during the next hour and a half. Behind a group of giggling preps came the student in question, dragging his feet lethargically, obviously thrust in deep thought. She watched the small boy silently move to the back of the classroom, taking the seat by the window that he had occupied the entire year. It almost seemed like every other student in the school was afraid of taking that lonely desk by the window and it had become an almost sacred spot for him. He was staring blankly out the window, his chin balanced upon his dainty yet rough knuckles as he mused over his pondering. The teacher found herself sorely fascinated by the mysterious Heero Yuy, and wondered what could possibly be running through his head. For a moment, she wondered if he was staring out at the landscape outside the window or the image of his face reflected in the smooth glass panes. 

A few moments later, another student of equal intrigue waltzed into the room with her usual flourish. Her uniform tights were ripped with slashes that ran from thigh to shin and her skirt was held up with a few large safety pins, so technically she was not out of uniform, but still disarrayed enough to bother some of the administration. But ever the believer in self-expression, the teacher brushed it off and watched as Hoshi slid into the chair next to Heero. She found that whole relationship very interesting. There was something about the way that they starred at each other when they were sure the other was not looking that enthralled the teacher, eliciting her most curious spirits. She would always glance at him sadly, like she understood something the rest of the world was missing about the peculiar Japanese boy and he would stare like she was a ghost from his cloudy past. The teacher wondered whether or not some of that past would come out on paper. 

The morning bell tolled loudly and she stood up at the front of the room to call the class to order. Albeit a low grouse of muttering running underneath the general silence, the room came to attention and she explained her expectations for the period. With a nod of her head, she set them to work and returned to her desk. The sound of binders and papers rustling filled the room. Pens clicked and pencils fell dully onto the desktops as they hustled to begin their work, inspiration seeming to stem from nothing as they set to scribbling down ideas. 

The teacher's eyes roved the room and settled upon Heero again a good half-hour into the period. A frown crossed her features at the sight of him, still staring forlornly out the window. He had not even bothered to pull out a piece of paper and a pen, and she wondered if he had even heard her directions at all. _Maybe he's just gathering himself_, she thought determinedly. _There must be a lot of… something… in there for him to sort out…._

About fifteen minutes later, Heero finally stirred, his fingers falling away from his chin and his head turning from the window. He slowly bent down and rooted through his bag, removing a simple green spiral notebook and a blue ballpoint pen. She watched him flip past a few pages that seemed to be full of lettering and words to a blank crisp page. He put the pen into his mouth and yanked it out of its cap, the writing utensil falling to the page and flying over the paper as fast as the boy could wield it. His teeth were clamped upon the pen cap as he wrote, his concentration evident with the focus he poured upon the words coming to life beneath his pen. As suddenly as he had begun, he was finished, dropping the pen and flexing his sore digits from writer's cramp. Then he leaned back and folded his arms behind his head, seeming to drop off into a deep sleep. 

As the period began to dwindle away, the teacher rose and began to survey her student's work. She walked down the center aisle, reading over shoulders, giving comments and suggestions to some and sizing up the talents of her class. When she reached the back of the room, she had to fight to keep herself from squealing like an excited schoolgirl. She walked over to Hoshi and picked up the page she had been bent over for most the class. Her eyes scanned the page, reading what seemed to be a journal entry of some kind. It spoke of her feelings on her most erratic life and, she noted with interest, her opinions on the stone-faced boy beside her. She wished that the strange girl had written more, for she wanted nothing more than to delve into the psyche of the beautiful oriental boy with the piercing blue eyes. It seemed like Hoshi understood more about Heero than she could ever hope to, like she had known him all her life. 

"Is this all true, Hoshi?" she asked the girl, who was sitting in a most unladylike manner, her knees hanging apart, ankles somewhat crossed beneath the table. She was supporting most her weight upon her palm, crooked elbow resting on the desktop as she stared up at the teacher. "Or are you trying to weave your feelings on innocence into a fictional narrative?" 

"What, you don't think that someone could have a life like that?" she asked sardonically. The teacher noticed that Heero was watching the exchange, his body still in that lax sluggish position. She could have sworn he was dead to the world, but it seemed he had only been feigning sleep all that time. But upon looking into that one open deep cobalt eye of his, she could see there was more swimming there than what was skin-deep. "I'm gonna cram that thing in my journal when I get back to my room." 

"Well it just seems a little farfetched, that's all," the teacher amended, seeing that there was a deep sincerity in Hoshi's eyes. "I mean," she said, gesturing to the page, "an orphan, then a mechanic during the war and now a student. You even mention Preventers here and there…." 

"Yeah, yeah," Hoshi waved it off, as if she was trying to stop the teacher before she said something she did not want anyone else to hear, "I know what it says. I wrote it after all. And if you don't mind, it's sort of _personal_, so if you could not announce it to the class, that'd be great."

"I'm sorry dear. Fine work though," the teacher apologized, quickly replacing the paper on the desk. Hoshi grabbed it, folded it into quarters and quickly tucked it into her breast pocket. She gave Heero a quick stare, her eyes stuck on his outstretched hand that had been reaching for her essay. He dropped it into his lap and quickly turned his gaze back out the window. 

The teacher crept up behind him, not daring to actually pick up his work and contented herself to read over his shoulder. The top of the page had the same phrase repeated over and over a couple times, like he had been using it to kind of get into the mood before spinning out the poem scrawled beneath in a hastened print. _"Could you believe in heaven, if heaven was all you had?" _ That statement alone seemed to hold a certain power, but when she read the actual poem, the teacher lost her breath. She had no idea that this silent boy was so eloquent. 

"That is beautiful, Heero," was all the teacher could muster after reading the poem twice over. He did not turn to look at her and continued to stare out the window. A quick glance at him proved her theory that he was actually staring at his reflection and not the vast countryside beyond the glass. "What inspired this?" 

"My crappy life and the one bright light I ever found in it," he answered monotonously, not even turning around to meet her eyes. 

"Would you read it for the class?" she asked hopefully, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

"No," was his grouchy one-worded answer. He shrugged her off irately, silently telling her that he did not like to be touched. After a pause he clarified himself, "They would not understand." 

"Please, Heero," the teacher implored desperately. "I've never seen a student with such prose before. I watched you write that. It took you less than five minutes to do such a deep and meaningful piece. There are kids in this class who have worked all period on total junk. I want them to hear and appreciate real talent. I think it would be good for not only them, but you as well." 

"I am not a writer," Heero stated resolutely. 

"I think you are very wrong about that," the teacher argued back. "It is not an everyday gift that a person can put such emotion into words. You obviously have a lot of… pain… Heero. I'll not even try to understand it. I don't think I ever will. But grace us with your story. Sometimes it helps to share your sadness." 

"They will still never understand." 

"It's alright, Heero," a new voice stated. The teacher and Heero turned to see Hoshi sitting with her chair turned to face them. Her one arm was splayed across her lap, the other bent up to support her chin, her hand covering half her face, bright eye twinkling from between her fingers. "They don't have to understand." 

Heero looked from Hoshi to the teacher and then back down at his poem. He opened his mouth as if he were going to protest one more time and then gave it up, silently standing up with the page and following the teacher as she led him to the head of the classroom. He stood somewhat off to the side, staring down at the paper in his hand and wondering what had possessed him to write it in the first place as the teacher gathered the class's attention. "Before you go today, I want you to hear this one poem that Heero wrote today." She turned and beckoned Heero with her hand. He walked to her side, refusing to look out over the class as she went on about his work. At last she finished and gave Heero a pat on the back before returning to her desk. Nervously, he cleared his throat, closing his eyes tightly for a moment, seeing Duo dancing around his memories and giving him courage before he was able to begin. 

__

We passed upon the stairs.  
We spoke of 'was' and 'when.'  
Although I wasn't there,  
He said I was his friend,  
Which came as a surprise.  
I spoke into his eyes,  
"I thought you died alone  
A long, long time ago."

"Oh no. Not me.  
We never lost control.  
You're face to face  
With the man who sold the world."

I laughed and shook his hand  
And made my way back home.  
I searched for farm and land.  
For years and years I roamed.  
I gazed at gazely stars,  
At all the millions here.  
I must have died alone  
A long, long time ago.

Who knows? Not me.  
I never lost control.  
You're face to face  
With the man who sold the world.

There was dead silence when he was finished. His Prussian eyes flicked up over the top of the page to survey the dumbfounded class. A few of them were blatantly staring at him with slack jaws and wide eyes and some others were whispering amongst themselves. Hoshi was sitting in the back row with a very solemn meditative look on her features, as if she rolling the words around in her head over and over, trying to interpret them.

The silence was cracked with the ignorant wisecrack of some jock on the football team. "Faggot!" he shouted to the class and they all erupted into laughter. 

The teacher tried in vain to reprimand them and shot an apologetic glance at Heero. She had not thought much of the boy mentioned in the poem, but after hearing the way Heero read about him, she knew he was someone special. Apparently, so had the rest of the class, and now Heero was suffering because he had shared his deepest emotions. _He'll never want to speak his heart to anyone ever again_, she mentally berated herself. _Why should he be mocked for writing his heart?_

But he was too hurt to notice her efforts. He did not even notice the brooding Hoshi gathering storm clouds and thunderbolts in the back of the room. All he knew was that mocking laughter, condoning everything that he and Duo had shared and disregarding the only thing that had ever made him happy. Two large tears splotched the page rattling in his tight grip, making the ink run a little and smearing some of the words. Another pair of lonely tears rolled down his cheeks and fell upon the white leaf. With a hitched breath, he crumpled the paper and hurled it to the floor, unable to look upon those words anymore. And unwilling to break down in front of the room of his scornful peers, he flew from the room, slamming the door behind him and running to find escape from that hell. 

The teacher did not even try to stop him. She could not even begin to feel the suffering Heero was experiencing. A pang of guilt throbbed in her chest for making him read his poem. But how was she to know that the class would react like that? She slowly rose from her desk and picked up the wrinkly paper and tried her best to smooth it out. She could feel the wetness of his tears soaking the page. She had not even been aware that he had been crying. That hurt even more. 

She walked to the back of the room, staring at the page forlornly. The class seemed to notice her despondent focus upon the page, the more compassionate ones hushing down a bit and leaving only the truly thoughtless and boorish ones to their ill-spirited mirth. Without a word, she laid the sheet of paper before Hoshi, knowing she was probably the only person in the entire school that Heero would allow near him anymore. She looked up at her instructor with a pair of large eyes that warbled with the dampness of oncoming tears. Heero's pain had also been her pain. 

And Heero had been right. They did not understand. 

****

{A/N} Heero's poem is actually a song by David Bowie, if you didn't catch it. Nirvana does a _very_ excellent cover of that song, I might add. Ah, Kurt, we love you! *waves flags* He's got such a wonderfully complex mind. You know, listening closer to his music, you sometimes wonder how nobody noticed how sad he was until it was too late. I guess no one really understood the way his mind worked. I sympathize with being misunderstood by the world though, 'cause I find I'm wired in a very similar way. I guess the pressure of fame really got to him. He never expected for Nirvana to go so far and change music the way they did. Aw, but I'll be damned if I give that slut Courtney Love any money, no matter _how_ badly I want to read his journals! Okay, promise I'm finished with dear old Kurt... says the kid who baked a cake for his birthday on Febuary 20 last year (then it friggin' _snowed_ so I had no one to share it with!)  
  
Sorry this chapter is so short, but it didn't seem to flow right if I kept going. I sort of like the way this one ends. Since I'm just so nice, I might give you another chapter later this week that's loads longer. Sorry dudes! Have fun and _please_ review!  
  
Oh, and just for those of you who were annoyed that I forgot to give Hikaru Utada credit for the couple of lyrics I stole from her in the last chapter, it would make me feel so much better to know that you peeped back to that chapter to read the note I tacked on there. Sorry about all that again; I feel really bad! I guess that's just what happens when you're the ruler of the ADHD kids, hehe. ^__^


	14. On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Coming Through the Rye  
By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

lt;  
  
**~ Part XIV ~**   
On Her Majesty's Secret Service

"Weisse?" Cawdor read, his finger skimming down the attendance list. A muffled sound of acknowledgement came from the back of the room. Cawdor's eyes flew up for a second to glance at the class before returning to the end of the attendance list. He read the final name. "And Yuy?" 

There was no answer save a few mild sniggers that rose up from the room. News of that morning's incident in the Literature class had spread like wildfire through the school, and now there was barely a student who did not know about the new piece of deadly gossip. Sora and Hoshi had tried fruitlessly to stop the cruel whisperings, but found their efforts to be futile. 

As for Heero, he had disappeared right after the class and on one knew where he was to be found. A herd of malicious cheerleaders and their dull boyfriends had banded together around lunchtime to go and crash his dorm to taunt him but found the loft dormitory suspiciously empty. And as Heero's room was already in a rather dilapidated state, there was nothing to trash or disorder. They had slumped back down to the cafeteria, hoping to perhaps run into him on the way so they could gang up on their new target, but even that had proved unsuccessful. 

Hoshi knew that Heero had probably found a place to hide that no one would even begin to look, or worse yet, had already taken off for some other unnamed location, as he was keen to do when he had outgrown a place. The fact that a lot of his things were still in his dorm meant nothing; Heero could live out of a backpack if he had to and could disappear almost as well as Shinigami. Though she was severely worried that Heero might have done something drastic, she knew it was best to give him his space so he could think. She had learned the hard way that he did not like to be crowded and constantly bothered when he wanted to hide away. Even if she had known where he was, she would have still waited to go seek him out. Not that it mattered; she had a pretty good idea as to where he had gone. 

"Yuy?" Cawdor asked again, glaring suspiciously at the class, his beady eyes finally locking upon Heero's empty desk. He let out an exasperated sigh. "Does anyone know what happened to Yuy?" 

Someone tried to disguise a heartless guffaw as a sneeze as he said aloud, for the approval and pleasure of his fickle friends. "He's probably out screwing some poor _boy_ in the back ally." 

"And then," someone added, "I bet he'll slit his throat and throw him in the trash heap where they found old D.B.!" 

The class roared with praise for the ill joke. Only Sora and Hoshi sat silent in the back of the room, glowering at everyone else distastefully. They were so ready to just get up and leave, ever so ready. Two stabs at two friends was cutting it close. 

"So I take it Yuy will not be in class today," Cawdor finished, a disgusting smirk culturing itself on his face as if he knew exactly what was going on. The tittering rose to a crescendo and then fell in volume again at this. Cawdor's smirk became more evident as the laughter pervaded through the room. "Very well," he said, smacking his roll book closed with a fancy drum roll. "We begin class." 

He strolled to the back of the room where he had set out a display of different animal organs across the sink counter. The class squirmed around in their seats to keep their eyes locked upon him, knowing Cawdor's anal tendency to flip out on a student for 'not paying attention' if he was not watching exactly what Cawdor wanted, be it him or a book, the blackboard or whatever. Sora and Hoshi managed to half turn their heads, very bored and disgusted looks blatantly stretched over their faces. 

"As promised, we will begin our major lab work for this term today. I've got various animal organs ready for dissection back here, class. I want a complete formal lab report on this by the end of this week. I may give extra credit for drawings, research or photographs," Cawdor explained, gesturing to the grisly spread behind him. "You and your lab partner will come up to choose a tray as I call you." He was about to point to a nearby pair when he thought of something else and turned back to the class. "Oh, and who is Yuy's partner again?"

"It _was_ D.B.," Hoshi grumbled, "but then _something_ happened to him." 

"D.B.?" Cawdor shrugged, as if the boy's death meant nothing to him. Obviously that was so as he had been the reason for his demise. "Oh well. Neither are accounted for, so we have no problem." He pointed to a random table and barked at the pair of students sitting there, "You two, up here to get your lab!" 

When Cawdor got around to Sora and Hoshi, Sora popped up and grabbed a random tray, not even bothering to look down at the macabre sight resting upon it and brought it back to their lab table while Hoshi walked over to the other side of the room to retrieve them aprons and goggles for the lab. Hoshi was pulling on a pair of pastel green latex gloves as Sora set down the tray. She also outfitted herself in gloves, goggles and the rubbery black apron, looking to Hoshi to begin. This kind of work was not up Sora's ally at all; quite frankly it made her feel rather queasy to even look at the stomach lying in a chemical drenched mess upon the sterile tray. If she had not needed the credit for this class, she certainly would have passed it over. She preferred that Hoshi, who seemed to revel in this kind of project, take the helm of this endeavor. 

"Hmm, lessee here…. Looks like there's some undigested food still in here," Hoshi was saying as she took up a deadly looking pair of scissors. She prodded at the stomach with her free hand, rubbing it with the pad of her thumb. She glanced briefly up at Sora, who was trying her hardest not to gag. "So how do you wanna go at it? Should we snip her right open or do some more of this boring external examination?" 

"Whatever makes you happy," Sora managed with a weak smile before her face turned a sickly shade of green and she was forced to throw her hands over her mouth again. 

"Great!" Hoshi exclaimed, tracing a line down the digestive organ with her finger before taking the scissors to the stomach's flesh. She sliced a neat opening that opened in two flaps of brownish tissue, the remains of the animal's last meal spilling out onto the tray in a mess of stomach fluid and half digested grub. 

"That's just plain gross," Sora commented, tentatively poking at the orange-ish glop. "What do you suppose it is?" 

"Food? I dunno," Hoshi answered, wrinkling her nose a bit. "I didn't think pigs ate like this. Looks almost like… like a _cheeseburger_ or something. Heh, the only pig _I_ ever met that ate cheeseburgers was D.B." She froze, turning the large chunks of food caught in the bile with a pair of tweezers. "Sora…." 

"What?" She was trying her hardest not to look down. 

"Sora, this _is_ a cheeseburger," Hoshi hissed, curling her lip. She looked downright livid as she went digging through the disgusting mess of bile. "And here's a bunch of fries…. Hey Sora!" 

Sora flipped around to face Hoshi, spilling out in one quick breath, "What's up?" 

"Where did you and D.B. go to lunch that day the Princess of Pink came to speak?" she asked, a very disturbing theory formulating in her head. But unnerving as it was, it was just the kind of thing she needed to turn Cawdor over to Preventers. Had D.B. not been so close to her, she would have jumped for joy that this was the break she had been waiting around for. 

"Some fast food joint just in town," Sora shrugged, not quite making the connection. "Why does it…" She trailed off, suddenly realizing what Hoshi was getting at. "They found D.B. totally cut and hacked up, didn't they?" 

"Yeah," Hoshi murmured as she uncovered more traces of cheeseburger. "Just the parts that a certain someone didn't need." 

"You aren't suggesting that Professor—" she realized the volume her voice was and hushed herself, whispering the rest of her sentence across the lab table to her partner "—that Professor Cawdor killed D.B., are you?" She glanced down at the stomach and bit her lip nervously. The colour was draining from her face at an inhuman rate. "Oh God, oh God, it's D.B.!" 

"That's exactly what I'm suggesting and you damn well know it," Hoshi snarled, her voice sounding strangely harsh and deep, much like a growling tiger. "If you knew half the crimes that cranky old man has committed during the war alone, you'd retch even more than the sight of this grimy old stomach is apt to make you. This is my big break! No more half-assed rumours and theories to work off of. We have real hard evidence of his crimes now. Preventers can finally put the bastard where he's been begging to go for years! God, I wonder how many other body parts belong to D.B." She snapped up, staring at the rest of the class with narrow suspicious eyes, watching the rest of them go about their dissections as if nothing was wrong and totally ignoring the shocked look on Sora's face.

"Y-You're a Preventers agent, ain't'cha?" she stammered, her jaw totally slack. 

"Hush, hush, keep it down, will you?" she said, waving a hand back at Sora. She turned around, a dark fire dancing in her eyes such that Sora had never seen before. The bouncy cheerful Hoshi she had grown so familiar to had been replaced with a hard-hearted alias she had never met before. "Yes, I'm with Preventers. I've been undercover here since I transferred into this damn ritzy school watching _that_ son-of-a-bitch," she snarled, jamming a finger in Cawdor's direction. "And that son-of-a-bitch thought he could elude _me_. Ha, _me_! Well he's got another thing coming. Slipped up, didn't he…."

"Mmm, how's it going _ladies_?" a very frightening voice spoke up from behind, emphasizing that last word heavily as if to mock. Both Sora and Hoshi visibly jumped at the interruption and whipped around to see Cawdor standing there with that damn smug look on his face. It was not the same sort of smirk that often crossed Heero's face when he was morbidly amused by something (it did not even begin to look as sexy as that), but a rather frightening display of cruelty and anger. 

"Oh just _fine_," Sora lied, an obviously fake smile plastered on her face as she spoke. 

"And you Miss Hoshi?" he asked, his nasty grin focusing on the brown haired girl. 

"Never better," she said through clenched teeth, though to what she was referring she left ambiguous. She was a bit more excited at the prospect of closing out this heinous mission than the dissection of her former friend's bowels. 

"That's good to hear," he said, his phony good nature extra evident to the two girls. "And I'm sure that I'm hearing lots of discussion about our digestive system, yes?" 

"Oh yes, loads," Hoshi replied snidely. "You know, it's interesting what _weird_ things animals consume these days…." 

Cawdor's eyes narrowed somewhat as he looked down at their tray. His eyes zoomed back to meet Hoshi's deathly glare. He seemed to be weighing up different thoughts and words in his mind by the look on his face. After a very tense silence, he spoke, his words sending Hoshi reeling into a nightmare world of impossibility. "Oh yes, and I'm sure _Preventers_ would be more than ecstatic to have a full blown report on it, don't you think, my dear pretty agent? How many of you are hiding in rat holes, girl?" 

The sun was setting on yet another mundane day in the life of Heero Yuy. He was cuddled up in his favourite hideout, the costume loft tucked away in the eaves of the school, watching it sink behind the horizon through the dusty dormitory windows that lined the whimsical attic. Even Heero himself was having trouble believing that he, he who had killed countless soldiers without a shred of remorse, had run scared from a bunch of homophobic teenagers. But in any case, there he was, hiding with nothing else to comfort him but the gauzy sun and his beaten copy of _'The Catcher in the Rye.'_

Ever so often, his eyes would dance from the windows to the top of the stairs, almost as if he were expecting someone to come up and haunt him about the disastrous poetry reading of that morning. _What the fuck was I thinking when I wrote that? _was all he could bring himself to think about. Not even the distraction of his book could tear him from that same fiendish thought. He tried to lose himself in the book, but found all his thoughts returning to either Duo or D.B., and that did nothing to console his throbbing heart.

{The thing was, I couldn't think of a room or a house or anything to describe the way Stradlater said he had to have. I'm not too crazy about describing rooms and houses anyway. So what I did, I wrote about my brother Allie's baseball mitt. It was a very descriptive subject. It really was. My brother Allie had this left-handed fielder's mitt. He was left-handed. The thing that was descriptive about it, though, was that he had poems written all over the fingers and the pocket and everywhere. In green ink. He wrote them on it so that when he'd have something to read when he was in the field and no one was up at bat. He's dead now. He got leukemia and died when we were up in Maine, on July 18, 1946. You'd have liked him. He was two years younger than I was, but he was about fifty times as intelligent. He was terrifically intelligent. His teachers were always writing to my mother, telling her what a pleasure it was to have a boy like Allie in their class. And they just weren't shooting the crap. They really meant it. But he wasn't just the most intelligent member of the family. He was also the nicest, in lots of ways. He never got mad at anybody. People with red hair are supposed to get mad very easily, but Allie never did, and he had very red hair….}

Reading that passage made Heero ridiculously nostalgic. Whether it was because of the book or no, he had known Duo to keep a very similar artifact with him. The only difference was that the mitt Duo had was a right-handed first baseman's glove. Otherwise, the general concept remained the same, right down to the damn green ink. Heero remembered the day when Duo had produced the baseball mitt from nowhere along with a book of poetry and had weaseled him into spending the day together, choosing poems to put on the mitt. After pouring through the Romantics (Duo's favourite generation of poets), he had given Heero a sharpie and ordered him to get copying. Heero laughed inwardly as he remembered his reaction to Duo's pleading. Initially, he had refused and told him to do it himself, but when Duo had insisted that his own handwriting paled in comparison to Heero's neat script and had flashed him that longing 'Look-at-me-I'm-pathetic-and-oh-so-adorable' face (rivaled only by Quatre), Heero found himself unable to object. It was not every day that Duo Maxwell offered such a genuine compliment, even if it was just a whinny little maneuver to get his way. Heero had never understood how Duo had been able to do that so easily to him. 

A creaking floorboard sent Heero's soldier mind into action. He snapped the book shut over his thumb and paused, listening intently. There was no sound for a few seconds until another creak resonated throughout the entire auditorium. He shook his head fretfully, telling himself that he was just being overly paranoid, as usual. "Dammit Yuy," he slated himself unkindly, "you're just freaking out over stupid things, as usual. It's probably just that cat. Huh, and what's a cat going to do to you? It doesn't care if you're gay or straight or a psychotic soldier with no feelings. It's just a cat…." He shuddered. Duo had loved all animals, but he seemed to have a special fondness cats. Heero remembered him saying something about having a lot of cats hanging around the old Maxwell Church. 

"Always used to feed 'em sardines and tuna fish," he heard Duo's voice reverberating in his head. _"The stupid things got really attached to me 'cause I was the only one who always had food for 'em. Sister Helen nearly blew a gasket when she walked into my room one night to fine me buried in feline fuzz. The damn things were obsessed with me, I swear!" _Heero chuckled at the memory. Duo's stories had always been so amusing to him. But his joy was short lived. It was too soon that he realized that the story was only a memory. There was no Duo to tell him silly stories about his childhood when it had still been happy. At least Duo had one bright chapter to his life….

{God, he was a nice kid, though. He used to laugh so hard at something he thought of at the dinner table that he just about fell off his chair. I was only thirteen, and they were going to have me psychoanalyzed and all, because I broke all the windows in the garage. I really don't blame them. I really don't. I slept in the garage the night he died, and I broke all the goddam windows with my fist, just for the hell of it. I even tried to break all the windows on the station wagon we had that summer, but my hand was already broken and everything by that time, and I couldn't do it. It was a very stupid thing to do, I'll admit, but I hardly didn't even know I was doing it, and you didn't know Allie. My hand still hurts once in a while, when it rains and all, and I can't make a real fist anymore—not a tight one, I mean—but outside of that I don't care much. I mean, I'm not going to be a goddam surgeon or a violinist or anything anyway.}

Another sound jarred him from his book yet again, but this disturbance was a far different sort than the creaking he had heard moments before. He could hear music wafting up the spiraling stairs from the stage below. Startled at the unexpected song, he dropped the book, not even noticing as it bounced off from sight behind a devil costume complete with translucent purple bat wings. Judging from the acoustics and the distance, he assumed whoever was there was onstage and had been digging around in the orchestra pit for any spare instruments. The voice that accompanied the soft guitar strumming sounded like a patchwork of so many different names and faces, and he was having trouble placing where he had heard it before. In one sense, the singer sounded quite girlish, hitting some rather impressive notes here and there, though the ragged throaty quality seemed distinctly masculine. 

"When you're down and in trouble,  
And you need a helping hand,  
And nothing, oh nothing's going right.  
Just close your eyes and think of me,  
And soon I will I be there,  
To brighten up even your darkest night."

Realizing he had lost his book, Heero became torn. He was infinitely curious as to who was down there, but the fact that his book seemed to have evaporated into nothingness was rather pressing as well. Deciding that the book would still be wherever it had decided to wander off to when he got back, he voted to spy on the singer downstairs, but just as he was preparing to climb down those iron spiral stairs, a faint mewing caught his attention. Slowly, he turned around to see Pocky, that silly cat that was supposed to be Duo's, sitting in the middle of the attic, staring at him with large green eyes. 

"Where did you come from, neko-chan?" Heero wondered aloud. He was pretty sure he had not seen the cat come up the stairs, and the thing seemed to like purring for attention every time he saw it. That notion gave him the impression that it was not the type of creature to just hide out behind the skirts of one of those fancy dresses. 

The cat simply stretched out in typical lazy-cat-fashion in response, walking around in a few tight circles before settling down on its fuzzy tummy as if it were going to take a nap. Heero turned around and stepped back into the loft, staring at the cat like he had never seen one before in his entire life. 

"You are a strange creature, neko," Heero mused, stooping down so he could ruffle the animal's fur. "You really are Duo's cat, just slinking in and out of shadows without anyone noticing." 

The cat purred contently as Heero rubbed its back tenderly and scratched between its tapered ears. But it seemed to grow tired of Heero's attentions after a while and managed to wriggle its way from beneath his fingers soon, scampering off to the spot where Heero had been sitting moments before, disappearing as soundlessly as it had appeared behind the devil costume.

"You just call out my name,  
And you know wherever I am,  
I'll come running,  
To see you again.

"Winter, spring, summer and fall,  
All you got to do is call,  
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah,  
Yes, I'll be there.  
You've got a friend."

"Neko?" Heero called after the cat, scooting over in the direction it had gone. Straining his acute ears, he could hear the faint sound of the cat's soft meowing underscoring the singer on stage below. Putting his want to meet that person aside, Heero began prodding through all the costumes hanging on the wall, determined to find where that darn cat had vanished to. 

"Damn, who'd have thought it?" he gasped with surprise as he pulled a final costume aside. Laying the sequined dragonfly leotard he had just removed from the wall atop the small pile of costumes that had cultivated itself beside him, he found himself staring at a small passageway that opened upon a narrow catwalk that spanned across the stage. The cat was sitting innocently about midway as if it had crossed the thin passageway everyday of its life. Feeling most Duo-like with all that brimming curiosity, Heero found himself sliding through the slender doorway and onto the catwalk, following the cat as it scurried past mounted floodlights. Despite his hurry to follow the cat, Heero could not help but to pause about where Pocky had been lingering moments before. Peering over the edge, he could see down to the stage below, his eagle-eye vantage-point giving him a prime spot for spying. The floodlights had been brought up partially, illuminating the stage in a soft pinkish yellow bath of light. Just below, he could see the guitarist still singing and playing as if there was not a single thing in the world that could have stopped him or her from continuing that song. It was driving Heero to yet another point of insanity how enchantingly familiar it all was.

"When the sky high above you,  
Should grow dark and full of clouds,  
And that old cold north wind should get to blowing,  
Just keep your poor head together now,  
And call my name out loud,  
Baby, soon I'll be knocking on your door."

Forcing himself to turn away from the mystery below, he shuffled down the catwalk after Pocky, slipping through another doorway that led to an attic identical to the costume loft on the other side, save that this space was not a place used for storing the magic of the theatre. In fact, it seemed to be a place for storing very little, save an inch of dust, some old boards, a discarded screwdriver and a… laptop… that sat next to a stack of folders and notebooks. The two dormitory windows were even dirtier to the pair mirrored in the costume loft and the eaves above were crossed with drab support beams that looked gray and drab with age. 

Drawn like a moth to the flame, Heero made his way to the quietly whirring laptop that was sitting in the middle of the floor, its screen illuminating the whole attic space in an eerie bluish silver light. On first glance, Heero could tell that it was a very new model, perhaps even more advanced than his own precious computer. His eyes traced all the wiring that ran from the computer hither thither; the power cable was patched into the electrical circuits that were routed through the ceiling. The net connection seemed to have been done in a similar fashion, jacked right into the phone lines that ran along with the electrical wires. _Only a very innovative hacker or even a good… mechanic… would have been able to pull this off,_ Heero said to himself as he started to explore the computer's files. Though many were surprisingly well guarded with passwords and access codes, Heero was able to hack his way through most of those barriers, granting himself admission to nearly anything on the laptop's hard drive. _Most interesting_, his mental voice went on. _A Preventers' log…. Video footage too? God, this is quite the setup!_

Pocky mewed in agreement. Heero looked up over the top of the laptop to see the cat spread out over a ratty cushion that had been done up to be as comfortable as possible for the cat. A pile of discarded root beer cans lay off to the side. "Yes," Heero commented aloud to Pocky, a tiny smile playing coyly with his lips, "It looks like I found Shinigami's haven. Now just where the Devil himself is, now that's the real question." 

He furrowed his brow, idly leafing through the dossiers beside the computer. Among all those disorganized papers and files, were Duo's resignation forms for Preventers. Seeing them seemed to add a new dimension to the prospect of being reunited for good with his lover. He found a few loose identification cards scattered between the pages here and there, including one for one Maxwell Smart, the photo portraying a very exaggerated looking Duo flashing the camera two peace signs. 

He glanced up from the pile, feeling like something was not right. _There's a pillow for the cat,_ he mused, going over everything he was seeing, trying to figure out just what it was that was missing. _And a little temporary workstation for a very disorganized and stealthy agent, there's a bunch of old soda cans and…._

That was it. 

"Nothing else," he said aloud, another puzzle presenting itself to him. "There's nothing else." 

"You just call out my name,  
And you know wherever I am,  
I'll come running,  
To see you again.

"Winter, spring, summer and fall,  
Baby, all you got to do is call on me now,  
And I'll be there, yes, I'll be there.  
Well, ain't it good to know you've got a friend?

"So if he's only got his computer and equipment here," Heero was speaking as quickly as he could, pieces starting to fall into creepy places where he had never bother to position them before. "He's got to have been _hiding_ somewhere else. There's no way that even _Duo_ could be living off root beer in _here_ for almost a _month_…."

He scanned the attic again, noticing something new on this second sweep of the room. In the very corner, obscured by the funky shadows that played across the ill-lit room, was a dark shaft that dropped off into darkness. Making his way over to the corner, Heero peered down, his eyes travelling down the steel ladder that fell down to the wings below, almost too rusty to be safe. He gave it a rattle to determine how sturdy it was, and deciding that he was light-footed enough to make it down in one piece, fit one foot on the top rung and slid through the hole. "And Duo, the human cat, could probably shimmy up here on a pole if he had to," Heero was saying to himself as he climbed downwards, jumping off the ladder about six rungs from the floor and landing with a subtle thud. "I'm sure this crappy old ladder presented no challenge to him. And I'm sure that no one even knew that it was here. He'd be able to slink around like a bloody spectre." 

"People can be so cold.  
They'll hurt you,  
Yeah, and desert you.  
They'll take your soul if you let them.  
Don't you let them!"

After standing in there in the sickly light for a few minutes, arms crossed over his chest and head bowed in thought, he looked up and turned his gaze slightly so he could observe the stage from the wings. He could just see the silhouette of the musician sitting on a wooden stool, illuminated by the stage floodlights. They were not on very bright, only enough to douse the stage in a dim orange glow and set the singer in a jumble of very exotic shadows. He shook his head, realizing just whom it was sitting on that wobbly old stool, fingers flying over the keys as she played. She looked a little tired and disheveled, her hair falling loose of that giant butterfly clip she often wore. The closer he got, the more he could tell she had been crying.

Heero stepped out of his darkened hiding spot and walked towards Hoshi. She was standing with her back downstage, totally oblivious as Heero crossed behind her from the stage left wings and crept behind her. With a devious smirk upon his lips that was wildly reminiscent of Duo's expression when he was about to pull one of his dirty pranks, Heero slide up so close behind her that he was able to practically breathe down her neck, beneath her collar. Even still, she seemed so absorbed in her music that she did not notice. She did not notice, that is, until Heero's arms fell around her shoulders, his chin falling upon the top of her head, seeking comfort in the one friend he had left. __

"You just call out my name,  
And you know wherever I am,  
I'll come running (just as fast as I can),  
To see you again.

"Winter, spring, summer and fall,  
Baby, all you got to do is call,  
And I'll be there, yes, I'll be there.  
You've got a friend…." 

Her fingers abruptly stopped dancing across the strings, hands sliding from the acoustic guitar's body and falling limp at her sides at the sudden interruption. "I figured you were hiding around here somewhere, Heero," she said softly, staring down at the folds of her light blue skirt falling in pleats over her lap. "I figured I'd let you come out of hiding on your own though… once you knew there was someone here to talk to." 

"You knew that I liked another boy right from the start and you never cared," Heero said, pulling his arms from around Hoshi. He stepped around the stool, sinking down to the floor and resting against it. He could not see Hoshi's face anymore, his eyes only meeting her legs and hips when he peered around his shoulder. "Neither did Sora or D.B. or anyone. Why should it matter so much now?"

"Because those damn preps don't understand what it's like to really be in love," Hoshi sighed. He could hear her absently stroking the strings. "Most of them lived in big houses, safe and sound, during the OZ days. The war for them was as real as television could make it for them. They haven't seen what you and I have seen, nor have they felt what you and I have felt. Even my life pales in comparison to the burdens you've carried, Heero." 

"I guess I've just never stuck around a place long enough to know what people like them are like," Heero commented. He let out a wistful sigh. "Sometimes I wish I could be like them. They have seen things I have never seen and felt things that I have never felt and probably never will. They're all so… so normal…."

"They're just afraid of what you are, Heero. They are afraid of what they don't understand, just the way people used to be afraid of the Gundams and Relena and her ideals." Hoshi cried as she set the guitar down and spun around on the stool, flinging herself from her perch. She marched around to where Heero sat and crouched down low. He found himself met with the sight of her knees and timidly looked up to find himself staring into a hauntingly familiar glare. "Don't you dare be afraid of being different, Heero Yuy," she said adamantly, her voice dropping an octave or two as she spoke. It made her almost sound boyish. "You were always different, and that's what makes you… _you_! Are you ashamed of the person you are?" 

"I'm afraid of the person I am," Heero admitted, pulling his knees to his chest and nuzzling them tiredly. His eyelids slid closed as he let out another heavy breath. "I'm afraid of not being loved." 

"But Heero," Hoshi spoke, reaching down to unwrap his arms from around his shins, laying his hands upon her knees. Pinning both hands there beneath one palm, she reached forward with the other and gently raised Heero's chin so she could look into those swirling cobalt-rimmed pupils, "you _are_ loved." 

He rearranged his position on the floor, hands still fastened beneath Hoshi's surprisingly iron-like grip as he tucked his legs beneath him and rose up on his knees. He managed to sneak his hands out from beneath Hoshi's fingers, bringing them to rest atop each her thighs as he spoke. "Do you love me, Hoshi?"

"Yes," she whispered, bringing a hand to rest atop his head, ruffling his dark brown locks almost affectionately. 

"The way Duo loved me?" 

"Yes." Her voice was fragile and delicate, murmured so softly that it seemed not even heaven could hear her words. "Exactly like that." 

His lips parted into an angelic and beautiful smile, the most genuine and serene expression she had ever seen to grace his countenance. He leaned forward, cuddling against her abdomen as his hands began to slide up her legs, threatening to creep beneath the somewhat tattered hem of her uniform skirt. Feeling his fingers rising higher along her thighs, she tensed suddenly and almost frantically batted his hands away. 

"Not yet," she whispered, lifting his chin with her slender fingers again. Heero could not help but notice her hands, somewhat large and yet still fragile and slender with those spidery fingers and elfish wrists. Her otherwise pretty fingernails were rimmed slightly with what seemed to be oil or charcoal or some other black smudgy substance and though her hands held a somewhat delicate form, he could still see the deterioration they had endured over the years, hewed into her skin with scars and scratches. He closed his eyes as he let those fingers dance along his jaw, his mind ferrying him away to a time when Duo would stroke his hair and speak kind words to him. He could almost hear his voice laced in hers when she opened her mouth in this blissful dreamy state. "I'm not quite ready for you to do that, kid. Maybe later." 

"Sumimasen," Heero apologized, pulling his hands away and dropping back to the floor. He looked back up at her to see her see her sitting in that friendly posture of hers, ankles wide apart and knees pressed together, elbows now resting atop them as she watched him watching her. "It's just… I'm sort of used to having a relationship like… well… that's the way Duo and I had always been… even before I said…."

Her brows raised slightly as she waited for him to go on.

"Before I said," his voice almost vanished, his eyes glassing over and becoming unfocused as he continued, "Ai shiteru." 

"Mmm," was the only reaction elicited from Hoshi. To his eyes, she looked thoughtful, as if she were trying to decide what to say or do next. "Love is a stranger, you know. You should never think of the chances you take when you fall in love, or that stranger is gone."

"I think I've learned that now," Heero whispered. "I think I've learned that in the hardest way possible. I just thought about it too hard, worried too much, and now look at me. I've ruined more than just one life."

"Heero," Another odd pause filled the air. She tottered around with what she would do to take his mind away from his troubles, when at last, she decided, cradling his head softly as she stroked his soft dark brown hair as she spoke. "A bunch of kids are having a party in the girls' common room. I was going to go but I wanted to make sure you were okay first."

"I'm fine," he answered shortly, untangling himself from Hoshi's arms. He fell backwards and looked at her almost sadly. "You go. I'm fine by myself." 

She looked at him strangely, noticing the hurt expression in his eyes, an expression that seemed to become more and more permanent with every day. "No," she told him, shaking her head. "You're not okay alone, Heero. I want to make sure you're _really_ okay. Now are you?"

He winced physically at this, averting his eyes from Hoshi's determined stare. 

"Heero…." 

He chanced a quick look back at her and knew immediately that there was no way he was going to get out of her interrogation. His stare hardened at he could feel his defense system automatically booting up. His mouth tightened into a dark frown and he whirled around, lashing out with bitter words. He was barely able to restrain himself from taking out his frustrations on her physically and doing something he would seriously regret later. "Alright, _fine_, I'm _not_ okay! Does that make you _happy_? I'm _not_ okay and quite frankly I'm ready to die. I hate the world, the people in it, _every_thing and it's just things like this that go on to prove that point!" He was seeing patches of black, white and red, as he spoke, not even really sure of what he was saying anymore. "They condemn the one thing in the world that ever…." His voice trailed off, threatening to melt into a gentle sob. 

"Heero," she consoled him, reaching out to put a comforting hand on his shoulder. She could feel his body quivering slightly beneath her hand and it was in that moment she realized just what a frail innocent child Heero still was. She launched herself forward and enfolded him in a tight hug, unable to let him bear his suffering alone anymore. "This is what happens when you're forced to grow up too fast. There is nothing… _harder…_ than having to be an adult before you can be a child." 

"I became an adult when I was nine years old," Heero whispered into Hoshi's shirtsleeve, damp from his tears. "Even though I was already adept with a gun, that was the first time I had ever actually shot someone. It was a perfect mark. I nailed the guy squarely in the back of the head. Since then, I never stopped killing. I never stopped taking life away…."

She could think of nothing to say to him and simply continued to hold him as he let it all out. She knew that Heero's soul was nothing more than a fragmented mess of a broken childhood and shattered dreams, but somehow there still was this lonely innocence that nurturing itself inside his heart. There was only one person she knew of who could touch that heart, and there was no way he could come out right then. 

"It will end soon," Heero whispered harshly against Hoshi's arm, closing his eyes tightly so he would not have to see the world around him. "I'll only have to take one more life and then it will be over. My existence began with murder; it will end the same way."

She wrenched him from her shoulder and held him out about arms distance, her hands gripping his elbows with a surprising steely power Heero had no idea she had. "If you even _think_ of committing suicide, Heero Yuy, Shinigami will damn you to the last circle of hell for the rest of eternity with the pigs and the piddling heathens. Not even _Trieze_ would be reduced to the ninth circle. Is that what you want? The worst of the worst damnation?" She shook him vehemently, trying to make sure that she had made her point to the dazed Heero. "Do you understand me Heero Yuy? No mercy!" 

He said nothing and hung his head, refusing to look at her eyes. He knew she meant every word she said. But he wondered if Shinigami would really forsake him, considering just who the God of Death's earthly identity was. 

"Am I making myself clear, Heero?" she asked again, her voice softer and less angry than before. Her grip had also relaxed and her fingers were now merely circling his arms, not applying that wicked pressure anymore. 

"Crystal," he responded mechanically. He still refused to meet her eyes. 

She grabbed his chin and forced his head around, her eyes boring through him like twin lasers. Yet again, she asked him; "Do you understand me, Heero?" 

He nodded angrily, the faintest hues of annoyance beginning to shine through in his countenance. "Yes," he hissed, his voice filled with malevolence as his brows crinkled heatedly over his haunting blue eyes. "What do I have to do to get you to accept that I mean what I say?" 

At this, a terribly wicked and sadistic smile crossed Hoshi's face. It made Heero pale to see that very trademark Maxwell-grin upon Hoshi's face. Her voice was just bordering a trickster-like maniacal laugh as well. "I think you could use that party about now, Heero." 

Hoshi ushered him all the way from the theatre to the girls' dorms in record time, fawning and joking all the way. Heero was busy beating himself up mentally, reminding himself constantly to make sure he checked how he was going to phrase things before he actually said them. He always ended up getting trapped like this whenever he was not paying attention to his words. Down the hall to the chapel and then left down another corridor that took him away from the safety of his own dormitory. As they neared the three short steps at the end of the hall that led up into the girls' common room, the pounding music pouring out of the speakers of someone's boom box filled their ears. The guitar riffs and steady drumming seemed to rev Hoshi's energy up at least ten notches while the sound of the approaching party seemed to send Heero further into the doldrums. 

[This is a public service announcement;  
This is only a test,  
Emergency evacuation protest.  
May impare your ability to operate machinery!  
Can't quite tell just what it means to me.  
Keep out of reach of children;  
Don't talk to strangers.   
Get your philisophy from a bumper sticker.] 

At the bottom of the steps, he came to a dead halt, his grounded feet dragging Hoshi to a standstill as well. He whipped around at last and spoke his mind, his voice almost fearful as he voiced his qualms with the whole situation. "I don't think this is such a brilliant idea, Hoshi. I was trying to keep away from everyone else here for a _reason_, you know." 

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she shrugged, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him up towards the room again. His feet remained steady though, and she found herself stumbling backwards into him. She looked up with big pleading eyes. "Aw, come on, Heero. Don't be a wimp. It'll be fun."

"Maybe for _you_," he snapped, his temper getting the better of him as he wrested his arms from her hold. "But I don't know if you realized this or not, but they don't _hate_ you. You're one of those people who can drink up attention like a sponge. _Me_, on the other hand, is a complete other story. I don't take well to social gatherings in the first place and I don't think that the fact that everyone likes to pick on the school _faggot_ is going to help me much _either_."

"Oh Jesus, is that what you're all worked up on?" she asked, shifting her weight from one foot to the other before finding her center of balance and resting evenly on each foot. "Look, Heero," she said grabbing his hand again and pulling him up one step, "though it might not seem this way, you should know that not _everyone_ in this school is an ignorant bigot. There is a good bunch of people who could care less, Sora and myself included. It's just that fast popular crowd who doesn't take well to people who are different than them. Unfortunately, those are the sort that run the school around here and kind of set the social rules."

"How can you guarantee that none of _those_ sort will show up?" he asked suspiciously. He had this nagging feeling like something was going to happen very soon, though whether he should be excited or afraid was a mystery to him. "If they gang up on me, _I_ can't guarantee that everyone will end up in one piece. You've only had a small taste of what happens when I snap." 

[Warning: Live without warning.  
Warning: Live without warning.]

She let out a deep melodious laugh. "Ha, do you think I would waste my time with a party that _they_ would go to? Believe me, they'll think themselves too cool for something like this. All you'll get here is a bunch of hippies and beatniks." 

"You are sure?" he tried to confirm. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave her one of his classic death stares. He almost did not even have to say the companion phrase; it was already insinuated with the glare. 

"Would I lie to you, kid?" she replied with another one of her laughs. She bounced around him almost like she were made of rubber or some other kind of elastic material and started to shove Heero forward. "Now enough of your whining. Let's go."

They ascended the stairs and turned into the common room. It was a fair sized place with a large hearth and many sofas. The walls were a soft yellow colour and hung with a vast array of antique swords and guns. A large shield bearing the school's crest hung over the fireplace. Most of the couches and chairs had been pushed from their usual places around the fireplace and shoved up against the wall to clear room for a makeshift dance floor. A boom box surrounded by endless towers of CDs and pizza boxes sat plugged in on a small coffee table beside the hearth as it played some rock song Heero had never heard before. Hoshi apparently had, for she was singing it excitedly, bouncing her head in time with the beat as they wandered deeper into the room.

[Better homes and safety sealed communities?  
Did you remember to pay the utility?  
Caution: Police Line: You better not cross!  
Is it the cop or am I  
The one that's really dangerous?  
Sanitation, expiration date,  
Question everything!  
Or shut up and be a victim of authority.]

Hoshi seemed to have spotted someone she knew and skipped off to dance with her on the floor, though her eyes never seemed to leave Heero. Much to Heero's relief, no one seemed to turn a second eye when the entered the room and he was able to quietly sneak off to one of the empty couches along the walls to wait for Hoshi. He could see her on the dance floor, moving with the pounding beat. She looked much different dancing this way than she had when she was moving with careful grace across the stage. Her mash pit dancing looked almost exactly the way Duo's used to. He could almost feel that ripple of jealously he would feel whenever he would watch Duo dancing in the fray of some wild party, bouncing in time with the rest of the people crowded together on a tight dance floor. He had always hated to see others get so close to what he had deemed his. He managed to bum a smoke out of a guy who was just happening by with a pack and a lighter to pass the time. He took three of the nicotine filled rolls, shoved two in his back pocket and lit up the third, bringing it to his lips as he set up for the long haul. 

[Warning: Live without warning.  
Warning: Live without warning.}

After a while, Hoshi grew bored of being in the thick of things and pushed her way of the crowd to where Heero was sitting. She practically waltzed over to his sofa and pirouetted down beside him, slouching down low in the soft cushions. He sent her a sideways glance and then went back to his cigarette. 

"Don't do that," she said, talking down to him like a disgruntled parent as she snatched the cigarette from between Heero's fingers with lightning speed. Heero almost had not seen her hands move and was caught completely by surprise. "It's bad for you," she amended, going to extinguish the thing on an empty plate that was discarded by her feet. 

"I can fuck myself up if I so choose," Heero snapped back, making a grab for his one lifeline. Much to his furthered amazement, he was unable to meet Hoshi's flying hands. She was quicker than he could have ever guessed. It was almost like she could read his moves… that or she just had the skills of a gifted thief. "Give that back." 

She jerked the cigarette away and dangled it up high over her head, finding it amusing how Heero was desperately reaching up for it like it without it, his heart would cease to pulse. It was funny to her that giving it _back_ to him would be the reason his heart would stop, not withholding it. That got her laughing and Heero stopped reaching to stare at her strangely. 

"What?" he asked, his voice laced with bitterness. 

[Better homes and safety sealed communities?  
Did you remember to pay the utility?  
Caution: Police Line: You better not cross!  
Is it the cop or am I  
The one that's really dangerous?  
Sanitation, expiration date,  
Question everything!  
Or shut up and be a victim of authority.]

"Forget it," she shrugged, bringing her arm down and bending over to snuff the cigarette out as she had originally intended. As she stooped over, Heero could have sworn he had seen the faint lines of a tattoo traced on her back shoulder beneath her flimsy cotton blouse. Ignoring it, Heero sneered at her and started digging around in his pocket for one of the other two cigarettes. But when he finally pulled it out, he found Hoshi's hands much too quick for him once again. In a blur of soft peach, her hand whipped across his and pilfered the cigarette right from his fingers. "I used to smoke myself. It took nearly clogging up my lungs to get me to quit it for good. Now I just don't see the point to it anymore." 

"I guess," Heero answered despondently. "It's just… well… Duo used to smoke a lot when we were together. It was almost like a ritual to him. He would always smoke at least half a pack right after a mission. I think the fighting really depressed him. It took me a damn long time to figure out that it was almost like an escape for him. I got into the habit myself for the same reason. It's killing me slowly."

"I thought we decided you're not going to die," Hoshi said, her voice suddenly serious. Whenever she got that tone in her voice, it almost seemed like he was no longer talking to Hoshi, like it was a complete other person. The odd thing was that he was not afraid of this stranger in the least. "Now fork over any nicotine you still might have packed away on your person or else I'll have to search you myself. I don't think you'd take to well to that now, would you?"

[Warning: Live without warning.  
Warning: Live without warning.  
This was a public service announcement:  
This was only a test.]

He said nothing, rolled his eyes, and begrudgingly handed over his last cigarette, vowing to himself that he would suffocate himself in a cloud of smoke when he got back up to his dorm room, away from all these people and their loud music. He moodily sulked on the armrest, staring out at the rest of the kids mingling and having a good time. He never really knew how to have fun like that, no matter how hard he tried. Even for Duo, he had always had trouble making the best of a crowd. 

"What's wrong, Heero?" she asked, noticing his disgruntled behaviour. She leaned over, resting on arm on her knee as she tried to get a look at his face. "Are you still upset about today?" 

"It's not really that…." Heero responded slowly, eyes still roving over the party around him. 

"Then what is it?" 

"Hoshi," he started off, pausing for a moment as he tried to figure out just how he was going to phrase his question. He could not understand how anyone could have thought him eloquent; he found his thought jumbled and awkward more often than not. "Hoshi, is what Duo and I shared wrong?" 

"No," was the hushed reply. He was suddenly jerked around before he even realized what had happened and found himself being held in Hoshi's tight grip once more. She wrapped her arms around his waist, dragged him close and rested her head on his shoulder, her breaths coming hot and gentle upon his slender neck. He closed his eyes, slipping back into that dream reality where he was being held and whispered to by Duo. "That was nothing other than beautiful."

"Beautiful…." Heero suddenly felt like he was falling, falling from heaven past hell into a whole new dimension he had never touched before. It was almost like being reborn in a new life where everything had its definition and value, not just a smear of confusion and blind colour. He did not feel clouded and alone and it almost seemed like he could fly. Somehow, heaven no longer seemed so far away.

"Beautiful, just like you are beautiful, Hee-chan," she responded, her breath harsh and deep, almost like a dream from long ago. Her voice became too low for him to hear as she murmured to herself, still cradling Heero's head gingerly. "Beautiful like the sky."

"The… sky…." Heero closed his eyes and allowed himself to forget where he was. "Duo always used to say I was like the sky. He would hold me and call me by that same…." He trailed off, his eyes suddenly snapping open. He disentangled himself from Hoshi's embrace and scooted across the sofa so he could get a good look at the person sitting opposite him. A realization had just dawned upon him, and he could do nothing but smack himself for not seeing it before. "…By that same… name…." 

Hoshi seemed to have realized what her blunder was and suddenly threw her hands up over her mouth as if to force any other words down her throat that threatened to betray any more. She glanced quickly around the room and then back at Heero, whose eyes were narrow and radiating a mysterious dark calm, the expression on his face totally unreadable. Without warning, she jumped to her feet and started to elbow her way through the crowd towards the door. 

Heero was barely able to react and, by the time the fact that Hoshi had bolted had sunk in, he had already missed her. He too, shoved his way through the party and fell out into the empty white hallway in a huff. His eyes darted down both ways, looking for something, anything that would tell him which way she had gone. He had to find her. He had to know for sure. 

Finally deciding on a direction to go, he started off in a mild jog, his pace slowly gaining speed as he hastened down the hall, only to run smack into Sora. 

"Whoah, where's the fire?" she yelped, jumping at least a foot in the air with surprise. Taking a step back and giving him space, her heart still flipping in her chest, she said with a couple deep breaths, "Dude, Heero, watch where you're going! What's got you running off in such a fit?" 

"Hoshi," was all he could manage, pausing to catch his wind again. 

"What about her?" Sora raised a curious eyebrow, eyeing him suspiciously. "I thought she said she was going to drag you off to that party."

"Did you see her just now?" he said, cutting off anything else she had to say and completely ignoring her last couple sentences. 

"No," she answered with a shrug. "Why?" 

"I really need to talk to her," he said ambiguously. 

Sora figured that there was no way she would be able to get him to say any more and just spoke the first helpful thoughts that popped into her head. "Have you checked her dormitory? She might have gone up there…."

"Where?" Heero found himself reverting back to the curt efficient one worded answers he used to revel in as a soldier. 

"Come on," she said, waving her hand and turning around in the direction she had been coming from. She led him down the rest of the hall, past a few closed dormitory doors and to a narrow stairwell that climbed up to the other floors. Gripping the white-painted iron handrail, she turned around and said to Heero, who was right on her heels, "She's up on the third floor. I'll show you." 

He followed her up the staircase to the indicated floor and walked after her down the golden wooded floor to a room way at the end of the hall. Sora raised her hand and rapped the number 36 painted on the white door. When she got no response, she lowered her hand and tried to jiggle the doorknob around a bit. She turned around and shrugged apologetically. 

Heero walked over to the door and tried the handle himself and found the same results as Sora. He pressed his ear against the door and listened intently. He could hear the crackling sound of music playing on what seemed to be a record player just inside. He looked over at Sora quizzically and just got another shrug in response. He listened again. 

[Fly me to the moon,  
And let me play amongst the stars.  
Let me feel what spring is like,  
On Jupiter and Mars.  
In other words,  
Hold my hand.  
In other words,  
Baby, kiss me….]

He pulled away from the door and gave it an irritated kick. Though Heero did possess the strength to break down the door if he so chose to, he figured that probably would not be the most strategic method available. "The crazy demon might just be ignoring us," he said thoughtfully, crossing his arms over his chest and furrowing his brow. 

"What'd you do to her this time?" Sora asked, trying to sound angry, though the glint in her eyes betrayed her true intent. 

Heero opened his mouth to speak and found no words to even begin to explain what had just happened. He settled on just shaking his head and turning his gaze back at the stubborn white door. Sora stared at him, a somewhat perplexed look drawn upon her face. Then she started to pat her pockets, as if looking for something. 

"What are you doing?" Heero asked, a confused look crossing his face. 

"I know I just have it here somewhere," she said more to herself than anyone, her hands still exploring her pockets doggedly. "A_ha_!" she exclaimed at last, drawing out a small black pouch with the letters D.M. traced on the pouch in tiny silver lines. She flicked it open and drew out a pair of slender lock-picking tools and stooped at the door to set to work. "You know," she was saying, sliding the a curved rod of iron into the lock, digging in with the other slim tool to lift the cogs into alignment as Heero looked on, "it's sort of funny that I'm using the kit that Hoshi gave me to break into _her_ dormitory." 

"Hoshi gave you that?" Heero said, a subtle brooding expression crossing his eyes. His mind was mechanically shifting puzzle pieces here and there, and with each new combination, things began to make more and more sense. His thoughts were disrupted as Sora pulled the lock back and swung the door open. 

Heero stepped past her into the room and found himself alone. The record player that D.B. and Hoshi had used that one time at breakfast sat on the floor beside the bed, wired up to a set of speakers and adapter, quietly playing the scratchy record that was spinning lazily on the turntable. Beside the record player was a stack of old records and a small transistor radio.

[Fill my heart with song,   
And let me sing forever more.   
You are all I long for,   
All I worship and adore.   
In other words,   
Please be true….   
In other words,   
I love you!]

It was a single dorm room, which meant that it was smaller than Heero's and did not have its own bathroom. The place was littered with piles of folders and papers, organized in a disorganized fashion. The bed was made haphazardly, with lumps beneath the comforter and lopsided pillows. He stepped further into the room and sat down on the messy bed, looking down at the wooded nightstand beside the bed. There was a stack of photographs lying on top of a small journal bound with dark green leather. Heero reached out to examine them.

"She's kind of an oddball, but we love her," Sora remarked as she walked into the room as well. She let her eyes rove around the place. "A very _eclectic _oddball, I might add. God, she knows how to make herself at home." 

Heero was far from paying attention though. He was too immersed in the stack of black and white pictures, obviously the product of the school's photography course. He was not sure if he should have been shocked or expecting the fact that many of them were of him. He was going to take a peek into the journal as well, but decided that even he would be pushing it too far to pry into something so personal. The journal pages in the sketchbook had been left for someone to find, but this was something that had been left locked away and secret. He placed it back on the table with the pictures and stood up. "I guess this isn't the spot." 

"Guess so," Sora shrugged as she followed him out of the room, closing the door behind her. "So are you going to keep looking for her?"

"I don't know," Heero shrugged, staring off down the hall. 

"I'll tell you what," Sora said, putting a hand on Heero's shoulder, "I'll hang out in her dorm just in case she comes back and you can head off to bed. You look beat, dude." 

Heero smiled at her, his face radiating a quiet sort of thanks. "That would be fine," he said, giving her one of his curt nods as if to acknowledge her 'mission.' He took a couple steps before doubling back and saying softly, "You are a good friend, Sora." Then he shoved his hands in his pockets and hurried down the hall, leaving a very perplexed Sora standing in his wake. He had decided right then that he would never take anyone's companionship for granted ever again.

He found his way from the girls' dorms, past the common room where the party was still hanging strong, and back to the chapel. He was going to head right past it towards the boys' dormitories when something stopped him. He looked up and peered through the glass doors of the chapel at the placid statue of the Virgin that stood beside the small altar. Memories flooded his head at the sight of that statue. Shaking his head, and thinking to himself about how much had changed in just over a month he plugged on towards his dorm. 

He climbed the lonely stairs up to the eaves where the familiarity of his own room. With a heavy sigh, he inserted the little iron key into the lock and gave it a twist, the sound of the bolt being drawn back echoing inside the door. He fumbled with the key as he shoved it back into his pocket with one hand, the other pushing the door open. He took a step in, toeing off his shoes the moment he walked over the threshold and closed the door after him. He whipped his key back out to secure the door behind him and then returned the little metal implement to its hiding spot in his pocket. As he looked down to pull off his socks, his eyes did a double take. There, lying haphazardly in the middle of the floor, was a pair of discarded girls' knee socks and two black shoes with big clunky heels. His eyes meandered across the floor, falling next upon a white cotton sailor's blouse and the dark blue scarf that went with it, followed by the much more interesting sight of a black corset and a padded bra. 

And looking up, he was met with a sight that confirmed all his speculations since the party. At the end of the trail of clothes, standing just beyond the open door of his bathroom with large surprised violet eyes, a facecloth dripping in hand and wearing nothing more than a light blue uniform skirt, was the elusive kitten he had been chasing all evening. 

"Duo…." 

{A/N} Predictable, wasn't it? Well, I make it up for ending it right there, hehe. Am I evil or what? Yes, evil… In any case, review, keep up for the next chapter and _please_ don't stop reading! That first song is by James Taylor, _You've Got A Friend_, which I think is just so cute for Heero and Duo in general (makes me melt every time!). One of the other songs is by Greenday. It's a pretty good one called _Warning_. I used to have my favourite Greenday song _Hitchin' A Ride_ there but I think that this one has more appropriate lyrics. It was hard to replace.... :( The other is by Frank Sinatra. Everyone knows _Fly Me to the Moon_. And _do_ review. Please make me feel loved!


	15. You Only Live Twice

**

Coming Through the Rye  


**

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

~ Part XV ~

You Only Live Twice

"Duo," he breathed again, advancing a few more paces. His eyes narrowed slightly as he caught his breath, suddenly at the doorway, leaning his weight on either side of it as he glowered at the lanky American boy. "You _devil_," he whispered. "You made me fall in love with you again." 

Duo shrunk back a bit, somewhat intimidated by Heero's sudden come on. He plastered that classic Maxwell grin on his face and went back to gently wiping the dark makeup off his face, his large purple eyes, still rimmed with black kohl, staring at the other boy, wide and unblinking. 

"You… _devil_," Heero murmured again, his voice softer than before. His fingers reached across the misty gap of space that separated them and fell gingerly upon Duo's moist cheek, still damp from the facecloth. "I really… really hate you, you perfect little… devil…." 

"You know I always said I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints," Duo responded tartly as he nervously combed his fingers through his loose mane of hair. "The sinners are much more fun."

Heero snorted. 

Duo grinned wider, if that was at all possible, and smeared the washcloth over his eyes, wiping the makeup from his eyelids. "Nice setup you got here, Hee-chan," he said cheerfully as he dropped the blue facecloth into the sink and turned on the hot water tap. "I haven't been able to pamper myself like this in at least a few weeks." 

"You have a very sadistic sense of humour, Duo Maxwell," Heero said sternly, his softness suddenly gone. Though Duo was a few inches taller than the slim Japanese boy, it was Heero who seemed to be radiating the biggest presence right then, making the longhaired American seem a little small. "Leading me on all this time and laughing at me as I beat myself up for you. You knew all I wanted was to see you again, even if it was just for a little while. I bled for you! I poured my heart out to you!"

"…Again," Duo added with that mischievous smirk still evident on his face as he turned off the water. He turned his attention from the sink and focused totally on Heero. "You really are cute when you're flustered and desperate." 

Heero's face rouged a deep shade of pinkish red as he bit his lip, trying hard not to overreact. Duo bobbed his head cheerfully from side to side, long cascading hair falling loosely around his shoulders as he kept time with a song that was playing solely for him between his ears. His expression slid over that thin line that separated his impish grin from his truly genuinely happy smile. All that caused was a darker shade of red to dust Heero's cheeks and a decrease in the annoyance that was singing through his veins. 

"How do you do that?" Heero gasped quietly, staring at Duo the same way he had the first time they had met. "When you smile at me, I feel like I'm flying." 

"That is because," Duo said as he advanced a few steps, skirt swishing around his well-formed thighs as he wrapped his arms around Heero's neck, "you are." 

Heero's eyes slid closed once more, just reveling in the touch of Duo's flesh against him. Though Duo had been touching and hugging him all this time without Heero being a single bit warier, just _knowing_ that it was Duo's arms around him seemed to make all his pain go away as if it had never existed. He truly felt like he had angel's wings and that he could fly to the moon and back if only Duo would stay near him forever. 

Gently, he pulled away from Duo's shoulder, delicately lifting that elfin chin so he could look into the deep pools of Duo's brilliant indigo eyes. Heero knew he could drown in those murky depths that seemed to radiate this strange sort of shining dark aura, stemming with mystery. But that was what Duo Maxwell was: a mystery. He softly tilted Duo's lips towards his and met that plush mouth with the most smoldering and unhurried kiss he had ever gifted the braided American with. He could almost feel Duo turning into marmalade goo in his hands as they kissed, this one gesture easily being the most passionate they had ever shared with one another. 

"I cannot speak, I've lost my voice," Heero whispered against Duo's mouth as he drew away, his breath clouding over Duo's lips in hot puffs. "I'm speechless and redundant because… because my love is not enough. I'm lost for words." 

"That's okay," Duo whispered back, placing both hands carefully on both of Heero's cheeks and guiding his mouth to his own. "Sometimes… you don't always need words. Sometimes your silent way is best." 

"And sometimes the sound of your incessant prattle is what reminds me that I'm alive," Heero retorted snidely, a cheeky grin crossing his features. Only Duo could make him feel so game for a battle of words and wits. Only Duo made him want to be human. Only _for_ Duo could he be human. 

Duo's eyes misted over with some unnamed emotion. Thoughts of Heero's attempted suicides, the times he had gone to visit his depressed and mangled lover in secret and the immense lonely cloud that passed over both of them zoomed through his mind. He never really had understood how much Heero had needed him to survive. All those times long past, he had never truly comprehended what he meant to Heero and why the taciturn Japanese boy clung to him so dearly. 

"Duo?" Heero kissed the bridge of the American boy's nose softly, trying to draw him out of his daze. "Duo, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Hee-chan," Duo smiled suddenly, snapping back into reality with the touch of Heero's lips to his skin. "I was just… I was just thinking, that's all."

Heero arched an eyebrow skeptically, looking Duo over carefully. Duo had a very tactful way of averting whatever it was he was really thinking and never hesitated to draw those shields up whenever he was feeling particularly lost or confused. "You should sit down," he said, offering him the unused neat bed beneath the window. Duo complied somewhat by plopping down upon the other bed, mussing its sheets and blankets even more than usual with the disturbance. Heero shrugged and stepped towards Duo, falling to his knees before the braided boy and resting his folded arms on Duo's lap. "Now tell me, koi," Heero started off resolutely, "What's bothering you?" 

"Hee-chan?" Duo began, organizing his loose thoughts somewhat. He reached forward and grabbed Heero's hands, pressing them together between his palms as he spoke, "How do I make you feel? I want you to tell _me_, Duo Maxwell, not Hoshi. Why do you…Why do you love me? Why me?" 

"Because," Heero returned, his voice mellifluous and tender as he pulled his hands from Duo's and used them to take Duo's wrists gently. "Because I love your spirit. I can't tell you how long it took me to realize that it was your charm and wit that kept me within the tiniest strains of sanity back then… still…. I liked being with you. There was no choice. You made me feel like I was whole again." 

His grip fell lax from Duo's wrists, freeing his hands again. Heero bent down, laying his head to rest on Duo's knee as the longhaired boy reached ahead with his curious fingers and gently stroked the soft mess of dark brown hair that hung shaggily over Heero's head, humming softly. He was in such a place of exquisite peace, that he found himself dropping backwards, landing softly on his back in the piles of sloppy blankets and pillows. He could feel Heero blindly nuzzling against his stomach, inadvertently toying with the waist of his skirt as he tried to find a comfortable spot to snuggle. 

_"I saw a film today--oh boy.  
The English army had just won the war.  
The crowd of people turned away,  
But I just had to look,  
Having read the book...."_

"Come here, angel," Duo purred, taking a pause from his nostalgic song, giving the back of Heero's shirt a little tug, the sensations Heero was sending through his body with just his simple cuddling. _"I'd love to tu-urn yo-ou... on...."_ he finished the verse softly as Heero settled down a little, his eyes never once leaving the Japanese boy's small well-muscled form. 

Duo pulled his Japanese lover off the floor and dragged him on top of his body, wrapping his arms tightly around him once more. Heero let himself simply melt into one being with Duo, the climbing heat of their bodies slowly enveloping them like a warm shroud. 

"I'm… I'm tired of acting, Hee-chan," Duo murmured to the air above them, the breath his words created when he spoke stirring Heero's hair slightly as it rushed past. "I don't want to pretend anymore. I'm tired of being someone I'm not, living a lie. I don't want to be Maxwell Smart or Hoshi or the cynical joker or anything. I don't want to become anyone new. I just want to be Duo Maxwell. Just… your Duo… and nothing more." 

"You are my Duo," Heero answered quietly, his voice muffled against Duo's bare chest. "You don't have to change to try and please me. You never let me down before." 

Duo let out another purr and pulled Heero closer, if that were physically possible. "You'll take me just the way I am?"

"Just the way you are," Heero answered, lifting himself off Duo somewhat so that he could look him in the eye. "I said I love you and that's forever. I love you just the way you are with your long brown hair, violet eyes and a smile as wide as the sky. I love your stupid jokes and your dirty teasing, your carefree outgoing personality and your loving childlike presence. I love _you_, Duo Maxwell."

"Even if I'm lying half naked on your bed in a skirt and girls' panties?" Duo asked suspiciously, a devilish smirk beginning to take form upon his lips. He let out a sensuous groaning sort of sound as he stretched his arms up over his head and clutching the pillow that lay just above his head, drawing one knee up lazily. 

"Even if you are," Heero said, propping himself up on Duo's chest, staring down at him with a very malicious look on his face. Even he had been able to detect the blatant invite laced into Duo's words. He glanced down at Duo, trying to catch that demonic glint in his eyes before sweeping his gaze across Duo's chest and abdomen, finally settling on the waistband of that blue cotton skirt stretching over Duo's thighs in loose folds. "May I?" he asked, sliding his fingers up Duo's legs, playing just beneath the hem of the skirt. 

Duo let out a playful sounding laugh. "Ain't stopping you this time, now am I?" 

"Hn, no, you're not," Heero muttered, leaning down to bind their lips in another one of those mind bending kisses that threatened to tip both their realities ridiculously out of time. His fingers grew bolder, climbing higher up Duo's thighs until they rested beneath the waistband of the skirt, the touch of soft lace under his fingers. Pulling his lips away and giving Duo's undergarments a little peek, he asked, "Duo, were the girls' drawers _really_ necessary?" 

"Hey, hey, hey," Duo said quickly in his own defense, "You never know when someone might go rooting through your shit. Plus boxers kind of stick out too much underneath these damn flimsy skirts. I mean, I still wore those stupid little cotton shorts that girls seem to like so much underneath just so I wouldn't get any peepers. Just really didn't want to take any chances, you know? There's a reason I'm Une's best. If I'm taking on an alias, I have to _become_ that person. And most girls wear underwear like this, so there you go. Besides, by the look on your face, I'd say you find my sexy black panties a turn-on, Heero Yuy." 

"Shut _up_," Heero growled, trying to sound upset, though his scheming smirk betrayed him yet again. It was sometimes annoying how quickly Duo could pick things up. He drew himself upwards, now straddling Duo just above his knees as he pulled hands out from under the skirt and carelessly flicked the garment up so it fell over Duo's stomach, revealing all. Indeed, Duo was clad in a sultry pair of lacy black panties beneath the skirt, though with the way his body was stirring, it did not look like he would be clad in them very much longer. That mere sight seemed to sap Heero of all sense, his breath hitching and husky as his muscled shoulders heaved with anticipation as to what the night might hold. "Delicious," he let out in a heavy sighing breath. 

"Wanna eat me all up?" Duo taunted, licking his lips, his own hunger radiating off his body like a heavy aura. "I might taste really good… mmfff!!" 

Heero hardly let him finish, the rest of his sentence garbled and lost as Heero swept down and attacked his mouth with another hot kiss. Their tongues warred with one another, lips nipping and sucking as each tried to wrestle the other down with the flaming kiss. When he finally pulled, up, gasping for air, he hardly had a moment to breathe, for Duo had grabbed him by his shirt lapels and dragged him back down for more. 

"This is pissing me off," Duo said with a tug at Heero's oxford, his fingers vainly trying to find the little buttons that held the shirt around Heero's torso. He let out a low whine, "Ditch it, Hee-chan_._" 

Heero rolled his eyes and sat up again, his fingers quickly darting down the line of buttons that ran along his chest. He shrugged the shirt off his firm shoulders, letting the loose white garment carelessly flutter to the ground. Duo's old cross glinted in the dull moonlight against Heero's hard chest. "Better?" he asked. 

"Loads," Duo answered with that silly grin of his, reaching up to pull Heero back down to his mouth again. They never seemed to tire of kissing and groping one another, their hands roaming over bodies like they had never touched each other before in their entire lives. Their breaths became heavier and more laboured, their flesh becoming slick with sweat as they pressed closer to one another. 

"Why did you wait so long?" Heero whispered against the corner of Duo's mouth, slowing their kissing for a moment. "All these years…." 

"I figured you'd be pretty pissed at me if I just randomly showed up on your doorstep asking for you to take care of me again. I always was kind of a freeloader," Duo answered somewhat timidly. "I mean, you can be damn scary sometimes, and when you said 'Duo, stay with Hilde and get a job; you're better off that way,' I figured you pretty much meant it. I wasn't sure how you'd react, you know?"

"I guess I don't blame you," Heero replied after a brief pause, his voice sullen, almost sad. "I would be pretty scared of me too. It's my best defense. You were the only one to see behind that gimmick, you know. You were the only one who knew just how scared I really was inside. You should have known that I would not be angry to see you again."

"That's because I was scared too," Duo answered softly. "It's easy to see in others what you try to hide yourself." 

"You know, I really didn't understand that it would be scarier to face life alone," Heero admitted softly, burying his eyes in Duo's neck so he would not have to let his longhaired lover see him cry, though the dampness on Duo's shoulder gave his tears away. "Look what it did to me. I fucked myself in the ass." 

"If it comforts you," Duo began with a sort of shaky note in his voice, "know that I never _really_ left your side. I followed your every step. Even when you were in the hospital and they were sure you'd lost too much blood to live, I was there. I visited you almost every day while they had you all drugged up on sedatives and such. They thought you were crazy. They didn't really understand." 

"But you did," Heero whispered, raising his head again so he could see Duo. He did not like being in the dark anymore. "You were the only one who ever did understand." 

"Mm," Duo purred quietly, stroking Heero's cheek affectionately as he stared off at the blank wall ahead of him, its somewhat chipped and peeling paint and drab crème colour. Glancing down, he could see Heero starting to nod off a little bit. It made Duo feel so good to know that Heero was finding comfort at last. "This is nice… Hee-chan… being able to just lay here and talk with you again. That's all I need to be happy."

He felt Heero's lips moving against his flesh again, and looked down with large confused eyes at his words. "Duo, do we have to stay here? Can we just…" Heero was almost trembling in his arms, his grip around Duo's waist tightening quite a bit, threatening to cut off Duo's air. "…Can't we just run away somewhere? We could disappear together and no one would be able to find us. We can forget everything, Preventers, the war, everything, and start over, just the two of us." 

"Oh Heero," Duo whispered, his arms falling around Heero's neck and folding him close. "Does it hurt that much to live this life?" 

"Hai, Duo," Heero responded, still sobbing quietly in Duo's lap. His voice dropped to a subtle note so hushed that it was hardly spoken at all. "Hai…. I… I just want to vanish…." 

"You drift through the years like nothing matters. That was always your way," Duo murmured, stroking the top of Heero's head again. "But you know, you only live twice. One life for yourself and one for your dreams." 

"I've been living in a dream for almost three years," Heero answered forlornly. "You were always my… dream…." 

"You know what, Hee-chan?" Duo said, lifting Heero's eyes to meet his, "This dream… _My_ dream… is for you. So don't cry, okay? You don't have to be sad anymore." 

Heero said nothing and answered with nothing more than a very contented smile. He leaned forward and placed a delicate flowering kiss upon Duo's lips, lingering there as so he could drink that gingery taste like an intoxicating drug. "It just… hurts… Duo," Heero managed to whisper slowly against the corner of Duo's mouth. "It hurts so much." 

Duo rolled Heero over and fought his way onto Heero's stomach, now laying with the beautiful Japanese boy beneath him and breathing softly. "Where does it hurt, angel?" he whispered against the feathering breaths rising from Heero's slightly parting lips. "Show me." 

"Everywhere," Heero moaned quietly, barely moving his mouth to speak. "I'm bound with a great pain." 

Duo propped himself up on one elbow, supporting himself over Heero's prone body. Gently, he lifted one of Heero's wrists and brought it to his lips, gently kissing one of the many scars that were carved into the skin there. "Does it hurt here?" he whispered quietly against the wrist, feeling the sensation of Heero's blood pounding through the veins just below that porcelain flesh. He kissed another scar softly, waiting for Heero's response." 

"Aa." His voice was deep and husky, still sounding of that irresistible deep treble that had managed to entice Duo so many years ago. 

Duo's probing lips continued on a trail down Heero's arm, gently kissing each violent slash that lined Heero's arm. Reaching the place where the scars ended, Duo moved to the other arm, starting at the hollow of his elbow and kissed each scar that ran down to Heero's other wrist. Finishing, he swept his lips gently across Heero's shoulder, falling upon the scars decorating his chest. "And here?" he asked, looking up at Heero with inquiring eyes. 

"Aa." Heero's eyes were closed, allowing himself to simply feel Duo's lips upon his heated skin. It had been so long since he had allowed himself to feel. 

With a slow nod, Duo bent down, swiping his tongue across Heero's torso, giving each wild slash his loving attentions. He could feel Heero trembling like mad beneath him, and whether it was because of the sensations he was procuring from his lover or if it was simply all the emotions surging through his body, Duo was unable to tell. "Where else, angel?" he asked, at long last finished with his divine ministrations. 

"Here," he said softly, laying a hand atop his heart. Duo gently lifted Heero's fingers with his spidery hand and fell upon his chest with a hot tongue and wet lips, the reassuring thundering of Heero's heart pressing him to please Heero further. 

When he was through, he simply had to look at Heero with those beautiful inquiring eyes of his for another direction. Heero laid his fingers upon his lips, his eyes drooping closed with contentedness as Duo leaned forward to kiss him passionately. He felt Heero's arms rise and wrap themselves tightly around his torso, pulling him closer. Duo could feel Heero's wide callused palm and slim fingers pressed against his back, the other rising up his thigh and re-exploring that hallowed territory beneath his skirt. 

"You are a starved man feeding a ridiculous addiction," Duo breathed huskily as Heero's fingers started to toy with the lacy band of his lingerie. He smirked evilly, throwing himself on his back and tossing Heero back atop him, sending more sheets into disarray across the tiny bed. "I have to admire that." 

Heero smirked darkly and kissed Duo yet again, never tired of that gingery taste. His soft lips slipped round Duo's jaw and slowly nipped their way down his slender neck. Tracing Duo's collarbone and falling pleasurably across his chest with more kisses, Heero slowly inched his way down the slinky form beneath him, quietly worshiping the spicy youth in his own unique way. Reaching the waistband of the sky blue skirt, Heero's mouth jumped over the fabric expanse, returning to Duo upon his knees, slowly inching his way up those languid thighs. Nuzzling the skirt upwards over Duo's flat stomach which was steadily rising and falling with every excited breath, Heero delved his lips between those soft thighs, kissing and exploring as he had the rest of Duo's beautiful body. 

Duo shuddered, letting out an extremely delighted moan of pleasure as Heero's lips crossed a sensitive spot beneath his hip. His fingers were lost in the thick mess of slightly damp mahogany hair that fell shaggily over Heero's head as he pressed those starved lips closer to him. 

"Fair exchange for the shirt," Heero whispered against Duo's heated flesh with a tug on the skirt. "Kinky as this is, it has to go." He sat up again, sitting comfortably upon Duo's legs as he fumbled with the large white buttons that held it around Duo's waist. 

"Just get rid of it all. It's all grossly uncomfortable anyway. God, I can't even begin to tell you how painful it was to wear that damn corset tied tight enough to make me look all curvy and girlish," Duo purred with a long stretch, much like a sleepy cat. Flopping out comfortably with splayed limbs all across the little twin bed, he spoke up to Heero from beneath hooded eyelids and thick lashes, his dark purple eyes radiating that mysterious seduction that was so genuinely Duo. "Right now, the only thing I want to feel is you." 

That was it for Heero. He could not think of a date yet on which his hands had ever moved faster. He dove back to Duo's hips with his pale rosy lips, his teeth gripping the lacy hem of the panties to guide them down Duo's legs with a little aid from his talented fingers. He tossed the somewhat moist lingerie off to the side, barely even noticing where it landed as he went back at Duo with those beautiful hands of his, fumbling with the skirt once more. 

"Useless, angel. Just useless," Duo taunted, reaching down to give Heero a little aid. He was as anxious to free himself of the woman's girdle as much as Heero was. Though he was not constrained by much clothing at all, he was beginning to melt like he was robed for winter whilst standing on a beach. "For all you're talent, baby, you sure are a klutz." 

Heero paused for a moment, one button halfway through its slit as he shot Duo that smug look of intrigue, one dark brown eyebrow raised quizzically. Duo's brutal honesty had never failed to amuse him. "You know," he commented, returning to the button after that brief hiatus, "only you could get away with a remark like that, kitten." 

"Damn straight I know it," Duo evilly smiled back at the top of Heero's head, which was currently bent over his waist in deep concentration. "The hell do you think I said it for?"

"You said it because you know I'd let you get away with it, that's why," Heero snorted with a snide grin as he finally figured out how to disrobe Duo of the skirt at last, sitting upright again and whipping it off his hips in one fluid motion. His eyes fell upon Duo's now bare and very vulnerable body, his expression glassing over somewhat as he lost himself in a dreamlike trance. Duo's skin seemed to be of honeyed milk, bathed in the silvery wisps of moonlight that spied on their tryst through the window on the other side of the room. "God, only you would get away with it." 

Duo turned his head gently, raising a slender hand upon the pillow to cradle his cheek as he felt Heero's eyes slowly dancing across his slender body. He tried to make himself as pleasing a display for his lover as he could, knowing full well what kind of effect his body tended to have on the usually stoic Japanese boy. His eyes flicked up at Heero, who still staring at him as if he were glimpsing a god with hazy eyes and slightly parted lips. 

"You don't… realize how sinful you are," Heero gasped, catching his breath. He had not even been aware that his breathing had gone crazy in those few silent moments. His fingers reached forward, gently stroking beneath Duo's pert little chin. His thumb crept up around his plush cheek, softly sponging up the damp tears that had slid down Duo's face. Heero bent low over Duo's body, bringing his lips close to Duo's ear as he whispered in that low smoldering sensual tone of his, "Do you, kitten?" 

"You never knew beauty in your youth because you never bothered to look at yourself in the mirror…" Duo managed to respond quickly, that tart note still ringing softly in his tempered bedroom voice. "You are so beautiful …Angel…." 

"We shan't lay here arguing over who is more attractive, now shall we?" Heero asked in a playful tone as he laid a soft feathery kiss on Duo's partially closed eyelid. "Else we'll be up all night, ne?"

"We're both rather stubborn bastards, aren't we?" Duo agreed, his voice still soft and creamy as he whispered into his palm, Heero's lips caressing his exposed cheek. "Always have to get it the way we like or we'll be dragged kicking and screaming all the way to the alternative." 

"Funny how we're so alike in those sort of respects," Heero answered in that still muted tone of his, nuzzling Duo's neck affectionately now. 

"Yeah, and it's funny how you're making me horny as a rabbit with all your coddling, angel!" Duo groaned suddenly, his voice rising a couple decibels as his hips bucked upwards slightly. "Dammit!" he cried, repositioning himself so he lay flat on his back as he jerked Heero away from his neck and held him firmly by the cheeks with his palms. "Kiss me you loser!" 

And hell, did they kiss. Duo yanked Heero forward and re-adhered his mouth to the other boy's, gently prying his lips open with his own. Heero found himself letting out an animal-like groan as Duo pulled away for a second just to take a quick breath; he was quickly returned satisfaction as Duo regained his air and made another delve at the wet cavern of his angel's mouth. 

"Are you gonna fuck me, babe?" Duo groaned, his mind already churning out all the dirty things they could do to each other. "Oh God, Heero, just _fuck_ me!" 

"Don't ever say that again!" Suddenly, Heero pinned Duo to the bed by each wrist and stared hard at him. His eyes were warm, but were somehow still frozen over with that stoic seriousness that was so classic to him. He leaned down and laid a gentle kiss on Duo's lips, soft and comforting in its simplicity. "I could never 'just fuck you'. I could only make love to you, and you know it." 

Duo stared up at his lover with wide amazed eyes, tiny clouts of water beginning to dampen his eyelashes. Hearing Heero actually admit something like that did wonders to his heart and he never knew that he could feel so wanted and loved by the one man he used to think could never learn what it meant to love. He reached up to let the beautiful Japanese boy know it with another delicate kiss. "Missed kissing you whenever I wanted to," Duo whispered against Heero's mouth as they took another pause. He sealed the comment with another quick nip at Heero's lips before settling back into the pillows as so he could gaze up at Heero's intense midnight blue eyes. "Missed being held and loved by you every day."

Heero said nothing and offered instead of words another affectionate cuddle beneath Duo's jaw. He never had been one to think up sweet-nothings anyway, knowing that Duo understood his hesitancy to speak his emotions out loud. At least Duo could accept that. Duo could accept most everything about him and did not allow it to bother him in the least.

"Missed…. Missed feeling loved… everyday," Duo whispered into Heero's ear softly. He could feel his lover's lips stretch into his quiet smile against his skin. "Missed… _you_… Hee-chan…." 

Heero let out a soft whimper of agreement, muffled by Duo's shoulder. He went back to his slow worship of Duo's body, now able to do so more fully without any naughty girls' clothes to hinder his probing lips. "Let me pleasure you, Duo," Heero whispered as his lips played across the hard plane of Duo's quivering stomach. "I want you to know I still love you." 

Duo squinted his eyes shut tight, curling his tongue so he could lick the roof of his mouth. He had heard Heero admit such things to 'Hoshi' many a time over the past couple of weeks, but there was something altogether more enchanting about hearing it like this. Heero was speaking to _him_, not one of his numerous aliases. He was sick of being other people's eyes and ears. He loved the thought that Heero spoke such words to _him_, and no one else. 

He could feel the sweet caress of Heero's lips and warm tongue playing between his thighs, teasing him in a way that he had almost forgotten how to enjoy. He almost did not realize it as his body began to slip into a crash course of wild abandon with Heero in the pilot's seat as he subconsciously let parted his shapely legs for his magnificent lover. It had been so long since anyone had bothered to adore him so gently that Duo had almost forgotten that such joy existed. Heero had always had this mysterious ability to elicit some very pleasurable reactions out of Duo with his amazingly intoxicating ministrations. Though Heero had been fast to learn ways to make their bedroom exchanges feel good, Duo chalked his gentleness up to Heero's want to illustrate to him that he no longer was just a toy.

"_Angel_!" Duo cried out as Heero suddenly devoured most of his length in that gorgeous hot mouth of his. Duo's voice sank into a series of low moans and harsh gulps of air, punctuated here and there with some variation of Heero's name, fingers still raking frantically Heero's thick mess of hair as he guided him closer and closer to his rocketing pleasure. 

Heero could tell Duo was close to melting into a gooey heap beneath his surprisingly curious lips and fingers and promptly ceased his kisses and touches, sitting back up on his haunches between Duo's spread legs, elbows resting on his knees and hands falling slackly 'twixt them. He licked the slightly salty tasting beginnings of Duo's passion spicing his lips with his quick darting tongue as he let that ridiculously sexy smoky gaze wander over Duo's lax body for what seemed to be the zillionth time that night. There was no way in hell Heero could ever have enough of his sultry little kitten. 

And he knew that Duo knew that. 

He fell on his hands and knees once more, positioning himself above Duo's body and slowly lowering himself atop him. Their skin burned and they seemed to meld into one being at even such a mere touch. Whatever ideas were running through Duo's head at the time, as he slid his arms around Heero's body and rubbed him closer, was far from what Heero had in mind. So one could imagine the surprise that crossed Duo's face when Heero maneuvered his lips to Duo's ear and whispered, "I want you to make love to me Duo." He paused for a second to let that sink in and to nibble on Duo's pierced earlobe, tasting the metallic bite of the rings that adorned the cartilage. He found his way back to a submissive position beneath Duo with a rustle of sheets and pillows. He pulled Duo downwards so he could continue to murmur into his elfin ear. "Make love to me, Duo… the way you used to…. Onegai…." 

Duo could not believe it. He had always figured that their reunion would be a bout of wild sex on the floor. He had never expected it to be like this. Then again, he had never predicted that Heero would be in such a state of guilt and mental disarray that he would be so willing to make sure that he never exploited the most important gift he had ever received again. Duo realized then that it was Heero way of showing him that he was willing to work for Duo's happiness, without words. And to Duo, that was all he ever needed. 

{A/N} My internet was being evil, so I'm sorry it took so long to post this! Or maybe it just _feels_ like it's been so long because I've been so damn busy lately! Argh! It never ends! Hehe, guess who's getting thier driver's permit soon! That's right--ME! Clear the roads!   
  
Anyway, the little blurb Duo sings is inevitably from *sigh* a Beatles song called _'A Day in the Life'_. It's a kind of sad random song, but I like it, hehe. Then again, I'm just a loser. There's a Green Day reference in there somewhere if you're keen enough to pick it out. You guys _have_ picked up on the theme for most of these chapter titles, yeah? Bonus points for you if you have. If not, go read Ian Fleming; that might solve you problems. And if that doesn't work? Check out a few movies…. 

Oh and I'm so sorry to anyone who wanted a lemon! Honestly, no matter how "good" I plan it out in my head, I have trouble actually typing the words and all it ends up being is a bunch of suggestive sap. Goddammit, I promise in my next story you'll get something real juicy, deserving of my kinky mind and our kinky lovers, hehe. I mean, _really_, my friggin' _dad_ told my my mind was in the gutter. My _dad_, the man who doesn't believe in cencorship, pays me to draw him the women of Witchblade in bikinis for his office and buys his 13-year old son Playboy and Penthouse magazines. That _says_ something!


	16. Towards Zero

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

~ Part XVI ~

Towards Zero

Sora drowsily rose the next morning, somewhat befuddled and unsure of where she was. Rolling the tense muscles in her back, she looked around and blinked a few times, trying to adjust her vision to the light. She had fallen asleep at the desk sometime during the night, waiting in Hoshi's dormitory, keeping watch out for the disappearing girl for Heero. It seemed she had not even come to visit the room, though Sora was panicked a bit that perhaps she has slid in silently when she had been dozing. She knew her friend had a tendency to slink around as well as a thief. 

She stood, stretched and put her hands on her hips as she buried herself in thought; _Now where could she have run off to?_ She ran her hand through her coppery red hair and readjusted her hair scrunchie. Fixing her glasses straight, she tried to ponder where Hoshi could have gone. _Did she… just leave then?_ she asked herself fearfully. _Did she think that Professor Cawdor knew too much about her?_

Sora gave the room another quick look, deciding that nothing had been disturbed enough to suggest a midnight visit from Hoshi and made a quick exit from the room, all the while wondering where she should go from there. "Ah, Heero might have figured something out by now," she said aloud to herself as she started down the stairs. "I'll go talk to him later."

She was starting to get frustrated when she found that neither Heero nor Hoshi were present at breakfast that morning. She brooded over her meal, ate ridiculously fast and bolted from the cafeteria with her head in the clouds. She was not quite sure why she was so upset at the no-show, but she decided that it was time she got a few things straight with Heero. She just had to hear it all straight forward, and none of his pussyfooting around his guilt. 

Shouldering her bag, she wandered through the slowly filling halls as the morning began to get into full gear. Students were starting out on their mundane treks through another day in the life, ready to either be intellectually stimulated or bored to hell and back. Wandering into her morning history class, she found the room empty, save the old monk who taught the class and Heero, who was sitting quietly in his usual spot and reading his usual, _'The Catcher in the Rye.'_ Sora was not quite sure she understood the whole infatuation with that book in particular, but she was pretty sure it had some sort of important meaning to Heero that he was just not willing to divulge out loud.

Though he seemed to be reading it with some interest, he looked as if his thoughts were not with the text, but strangely, not far gone beyond the windowpanes as was typical. It seemed he was more at home with himself. She could not quite put her finger on it, but something had happened since she had last seen him to change him somewhat. He did not seem to be swelling amidst his usual tornado of rain clouds and thunder. 

"Oh, _there_ you are Heero!" she said as cheerfully as she could muster for a Tuesday morning as she walked up the aisle between the desks towards Heero. Sliding into the row before him and spinning around to face him, she went on, "Did you ever find Hoshi?" 

"Yes," was his simple answer. Heero never had been one to ramble, so the response was not totally unexpected. But still, there was something in his tone that noted a change…. Something almost… _happier_ somehow. 

"Did you find out what you wanted from her?" she prodded. 

"Yes." 

"What did she say?"

Heero blushed, his cheeks becoming a very noticeable shade of deep pink as he swallowed a large gulp and steeled his face as so he would not betray any more. "I'd rather not say," he replied evasively, his voice still curt, business as usual. He tugged at the slender black bow tie that slithered around his stiff uniform collar. "It's something between just the pair of us." 

"Oh really," Sora said suggestively, waggling her eyebrows as if to insinuate that she was picking up on Heero's nervous vibes. "Was it a good encounter then? You have that 'I got some last night' sort of look on your face." 

A look of indignant horror suddenly replaced Heero's flushed expression. He tugged harder at his necktie and coughed. "It's nothing like what you think!" 

"Nothing like what I think, eh?" Sora returned idly, leaning on his desk with her chin cradled in her palm, drumming her fingers on her temple. "Then how come it's written all over your face."

"I beg your pardon, but _what_ is written all over my face?" Heero scoffed, laying his book down beneath a pair of beautiful slender hands. "How do you know what I'm thinking?"

"I like to credit myself with being _some_ denomination of a friend to you!" Sora retorted with feigned hurt. "You would hope that I would be able to at least tell when you've got something cranking between those cute little Japanese ears of yours. And don't think that whole book ruse fools me. I can tell when you're really reading, _thank you_, Mister Yuy." 

"Then tell me," he demanded quietly. 

"Huh?" Sora squeaked. 

"What am I thinking?" he clarified, his voice dangerously silky. If Sora had known Heero's tactical maneuvers well, she would have been able to peg this as one of his best ways for prying information out of panicky or scatterbrained queries. All he would have had to add was that smoldering stare of his, and she would have been sold, hook, line and sinker. 

"About Hoshi," Sora shrugged. Had she been looking closer, she would have noticed the slight twitching of Heero's brow at the mention of the name. 

"Close enough, I suppose," he muttered in defeat to his book as he picked it up again and sunk into his chair, poignantly staring blankly at the words littering the pages. 

"So what happened? Ya kiss her?" Sora kept drilling the questions, determined to sap Heero of all his juicy gossip. No one else had come to class just yet, so she was not worried about embarrassing him in front of anyone. The monk sitting behind the desk near the head of the classroom was too busy scrawling some unknown document to pay either one of them any mind. "Or maybe she kissed you?" 

She was greeted with silence as Heero slouched lower and raised his book higher as so to shield his shimmering blue eyes from her. Truth be told, he was afraid she might see the dreamy-eyed sheen that glazed the melted blue rounds of his eyes. 

"No worries," Sora said when she was met with nothing other than the spine of a white paperback edition of J.D. Salinger's American classic novel. A devious smirk crossed Sora's face with the sound of the classroom door opening. "I'll just ask her myself."

Heero's dark cobalt eyes darted up from hiding behind his book to see Duo standing beside Sora's desk, decked out in the disguise that had fooled an entire school for nearly a month. Hell, it had even managed to work its dark magic on the world's greatest assassin. Even though he knew Duo's secret, he had to admit that complete with makeup, the girly hairstyles and the added curves provided by that corset, of the longhaired villain's, even Heero had trouble telling that 'Hoshi' was actually a boy.

"Ask me what?" Duo asked, his voice slipping into that deep falsetto he had been using all the while. 

"About last night," Sora said, turning her attentions to the newcomer. She noted out of the corner of her eye that Heero was watching them very peculiarly. She ignored it and just kept yapping. "How far did you and dear sweet Mister Yuy go?" 

"Think James Bond seduction," Duo said as his mouth twisted into a sadistic teasing grin, raising his hands over his face and sliding them apart with much flourish. Heero just rolled his eyes. How he had missed that typical Maxwell bounce, he could never guess. But Sora was immersed. She was giving the chestnut haired devil all her attention and did not even suspect that all was not what it seemed. Duo exclaimed with another flash of his hands, "Think shaken, not stirred and wild spy-filled action all night long!" 

"Wow," Sora breathed, totally sucked into the fantasy. She gave Heero a coy look as she said over in his general direction with a sly lilt in her voice, "Never thought you'd have it in you, you charmer you." 

Heero let out a heavy sigh and sent a dark look Duo's way. It had not been a lie. If anything, it had been the god's honest truth. The night _had_ been a rather alluring rendezvous between the two of them. They spent it like it had been their last night on Earth. "Keep off," he snapped, trying hard to end the conversation before he slipped and said something he regretted. Duo may have allowed his presence to be known to Heero, but that did not mean that the rest of the world had to know it. 

By this point, the classroom was mostly filled and the first bell to begin class was pleasantly tolling across the campus. Duo shuffled to the spot beside Heero and took a seat in the same place he had been sitting since their first day. He shot a huge trademark Maxwell grin in Heero's direction and was rewarded with that secret smile that Heero saved only for him.

"Mrrmm, raise your hand when I call your name," the old teacher grumbled as he stood at his desk and started blandly rattling of the attendance list. When he was through, class ensued as it had every day that year with droning lectures and half bored students wondering what it would be like to either have an interesting teacher or just plain ditch school for a more thrilling time at the movies with a jumbo popcorn and an uber-gulp soda. 

About a third of the way through the period, Duo raised his hand and asked; "Hey, can I be excused to the little girls' room? Feminine issue over here." He reveled in the tittering that rose from the other students at his comment. Only Heero pursed his lips and rolled his eyes yet again, obviously seeing an irony in the statement that the rest of the world did not. 

"Make it speedy, little lady," answered the monk, granting permission in his feeble voice before returning to his lecture on the first World War and forgetting her existence the second he resumed the lesson. 

Duo shoved away from his desk and sauntered down the aisle, giving his hips a little added sway for a certain Japanese ex-pilot's viewing pleasure. He ambled over to the door, flung it wide with much gusto, spun on his heel and gave the room a large wave goodbye before evaporating into the hall with the sound of the door closing on its loud hinges. Heero did not fail to notice the wink that had been sent specifically in his direction before going off. 

Heero let out a heavy sigh and collapsed his head upon the table. _That Duo couldn't change if you paid him_, he thought, meaning the comment in the best possible way. He loved that Duo was still the same punk rocking loudmouth he had always known. He would not change that for all the money in the world. 

Back to his usual, he settled down low in the chair with his book stuck between the pages of his history text. He stopped paying attention to his classes a long time ago, around the time he realized that they were just cramming information down his throat that he had known since he was a kid. He figured that it was about time that he started teaching himself the things that really mattered, instead of focusing on the somewhat needless material that could be memorized by any fool. 

{"All right. Listen to me a minute now…. I may not word this as memorably as I'd like to, but I'll write you a letter about it in a day or two. Then you can get it all straight. But listen now, anyway." He started concentrating again. Then he said, "This fall I think you're riding for—it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave up before they even got started. You follow me?"}

He looked up from the text and turned his head slightly, staring at Duo's empty spot. He smiled at the sight of his disorganized binder that contained a mishmash of papers, doodles and handouts from every class he was taking. It was then that he noticed a torn piece of notebook paper that stuck out from the rest. It had been slid beneath the binder, protruding just enough to be noticed by an observant person who might have been sitting adjacent to the spot. Glancing up at the blind and bland teacher who was still droning on and on like there was no tomorrow, he furtively slid the paper over to his half of the desk. On it, printed in a loopy script that was nothing like Duo's usual hand, was a simple message that was certainly of typical Duo style. The lettering had obviously been laboriously practiced to help Duo melt more into the character he was supposed to be playing.

Heero glanced up at the clock and noted that Duo had been gone for at least ten minutes, quite a bit of time for someone who was only taking a quick jaunt down the bathroom at the end of the hall. Remembering the note, he suddenly realized what Duo had been hinting at. Making up his mind, he shot his hand up in the air, holding it perfectly still until he was noticed by the teacher, a full two minutes later.

"I need to be excused for a moment," Heero growled, hoping to intimidate the poor old monk into letting him get out of class with one of his patented death glares to meet with Duo. 

"Why do you—" The monk was barely even allowed to finish his statement before Heero cut him off rudely. 

"Never mind _why_, old man," he snapped, already preparing to walk for the door. 

"At least wait until Hoshi…." 

Heero shot the frail withered teacher a stare that had paled many an enemy soldier, which resulted in nearly giving the poor old man a heart attack. Needless to say, it was not long before he was strolling out the door, leaving a very befuddled class behind. 

"What was that all about?" someone wondered aloud, staring at the door and then back at Heero's now deserted desk by the window. 

"He is _so_ weird," came another comment. Next thing anyone knew, the whole room had risen in a low clamour, Heero's strange oddities the main points of discussion. 

Sora huffed angrily. If there was anything that bothered her, it was when ignorant people made nasty comments about that which they did not truly understand themselves. Slowly, the other students became bored with gossiping about Heero and slowly settled back into their drowned classroom stupor. Sora clenched her jaw and returned her attentions to the teacher as best she could. 

Minutes ticked by, and still, neither Heero nor Hoshi had returned. No one else in the room seemed to have noticed their absence, but it struck Sora as odd. _Those dirty sneaks_, she mused sarcastically to herself. _I bet they went and locked themselves up in a bathroom stall so they could mooch in as much lip locking as they could before the bell. God knows Hoshi's flipped Heero's personality around, but this is just ridiculous. _

She raised her hand and waited patiently to be called on, her eyes never leaving the ticking second hand of the clock hanging over the blackboard. "Can I run to the bathroom?" she blurted out when she was called on at last. The teacher, remembering Hoshi and Heero and also realizing that they had yet to return, shook his head 'no.' Sora rolled her eyes and sighed. "Please?" 

"Is it an emergency, Miss Sora?" the wizened teacher moaned, putting a hand on each hip. He was tired of having his kindness exploited by the students. In all his long teaching carrier, this had to be the first time he had ever refused a kid permission to leave the class. "Can you wait for the bell?"

"Yes," she spilled quickly, racking her brains for a liable excuse to present. "Uh, feminine issue!" 

Before the monk could make the connection that he had just heard the exact same excuse fifteen minutes ago, the redhead was on her feet and hustling to the door. Everyone in the room was staring at her like she had the plague. Opening the door, she paused and spat out in one quick breath, "SorrytoinconvenienceyouSir!" Then she was gone. 

She scuttled hastily down the hall towards the bathrooms at its end. Class still had a good twenty minutes to go before the bell, which gave her a good chunk of time in which to look for her missing friends. She felt like they were hiding something from her, and they were not about to let her into the loop unless she did something about it.

Reaching her destination where the hall ended and tapered off in three directions, the bathrooms on either side of her and a darkened conference room before her. She hung a right towards the girls' lavatories and peeked in to see if Hoshi was there. She found the place empty even after a hasty search through all the stalls and such. "That is so strange," Sora said aloud to herself with a huff. She pushed her oval shaped glasses further up her nose and looked around one last time. "She has to be around here somewhere. I would have seen her on the way back." But another glance around the room proved it to be devoid of life once again. 

She returned to the hallway, staring across at the mirror image of the boys' bathroom door across the way. "Call me crazy," she murmured, clearing the distance between the two bathrooms. She sucked in a huge breath and looked around nervously, just to make sure no one was looking her way, and turned the knob. Quickly she darted around the door and found herself standing in a room that looked almost the same as the girls' lavatories on the other side of the hall. Sunlight filtered through the window and fell in hazy squares of golden yellow upon the white tiled floor. The sound a faucet dripping water into one of the porcelain sinks in the background ruled her ears. But still, there was no Hoshi—or Heero for that matter. She let out another puff of annoyed disappointment. If she had any doubts that Heero and Hoshi were up to something, they were all gone now. The added fact that Hoshi was a Preventers agent only added fuel to the flame. 

Wandering out of the bathroom, she returned to her spot in the middle of the hall's juncture, gazing back down the hall in the direction of her history classroom. Suddenly, a loud _thump_ jarred her from her meditative gawking. She whirled around in surprise, looking for the source of the noise. She did not have to search long, for the second she turned, she found what she was looking for. Through the blurry somewhat fogged glass window in the conference room door, she could just make out the darkened outline of someone being pressed against the door. Hesitantly, she took a few steps forward, hand extended as so to grasp the handle. As she approached, she could hear low hushed voices slipping out from beneath the door amid heavy breaths and sighing. Her hand now resting gingerly upon the doorknob, she could recognize one of the voices as Heero's low slightly accented voice, murmuring something indistinguishable to the other person with him, perhaps in Japanese. As for that other person—Sora had assumed it was Hoshi—but upon closer listening, though close, there was something about that other voice that certainly was _not_ Hoshi. She gulped silently, prayed for luck, and pulled the door open. 

Two bodies came tumbling out, no longer able to lean upon the door the second Sora ripped it from behind them. The one on top was undoubtedly a very rumpled Heero, whose lips at present, were glued to the person beneath him. A quick glance confirmed the other as Hoshi, but as Heero pulled himself up, glaring angrily around for the one who had interrupted them, Sora realized that she was mistaken. Yes, the figure lying there on the floor in the wrinkly cerulean uniform skirt had Hoshi's beautiful long brown hair and her wide indigo eyes. There was the same narrow build to the person and the same grin as wide as the sky, the same ear piercings and pert elfish nose, but nonetheless, there was something totally different about the likeness between the two. The person was still lying on the cold wooden floor, creamy yellow blouse rolling off the slim sinewy arms to reveal a flat chest and stomach rising and falling heavily with each breath. _That_ was when she realized it. 

The boy beamed cheekily at her, displaying a white toothed grin that oozed with an impish mischief. Pushing himself up onto his elbows, he winked at her and said in a deep baritone voice that carried only the faintest hints of her friend, Hoshi, "Hiya Sora. Skipping out on class too?" 

Sora did not know whether she should be amused or upset by this startling revelation that 'Hoshi' was actually some crazy boy with long coppery brown hair. A boy with coppery brown hair, violet eyes and the initials D… M… just as it was imprinted on the lock picking kit he had giver her so long ago on the day they had first met. 

"Duo Maxwell," she breathed, chancing a quick look in Heero's direction. He was leaning in the conference room's doorframe, but by the look in his eyes, she could tell that he had long forgotten her presence. Rather, he was staring at Duo as he picked himself up off the floor with a misted look in his eyes that radiated this strange sort of sultry ambiance, pale rose lips parted in an expression of lust and love. 

"The one and only," he said, stretching his arms out akimbo, the blouse falling lazily at his slightly bent elbows. She could see how lean he was, and though quite muscular, he still had a very slim frame and somewhat feminine features. But for some reason, that just made him all the more attractive. She watched as he took a quick peek over his shoulder to see if anyone had sneaked up on them and then quickly grabbed Sora by the arm and dragged her into the conference room, Heero falling after him as if he were magnetized to Duo's mere presence. He closed the door behind him and shrugged aimlessly. 

The moment they were safe from prying eyes behind that closed door, she whirled around to face Heero, seething a little bit. "You knew it, didn't you! You knew who it was the _entire_ time and you didn't tell me!"

The sweltering heat dancing in Heero's eyes died down to mere embers as the corners of his mouth dropped into a frown. "I did not," he stated firmly, crossing his arms as if to emphasize his point. He stared dangerously at Sora before adding on another bit. "Besides, even if I did, what would it matter to you anyway?" 

"That you'd let him get away with _lying_ to the rest of us!" Sora fumed, her temper getting the better of her. Her face had become so red, her freckles seemed to blend in with the rest of her skin as she pointed an accusing finger in Duo's direction. Heero glowered darkly at her that anyone would dare make such comments about his koi, whether they were legit or not. 

"Hey, _excuse_ me a second. I'd like to speak on my behalf if you don't mind," Duo piped up, sidling between Heero and Sora before something dastardly happened and half the school was alerted to their presence. He held three fingers up in Sora's face, folding one down with each point he made. "One, I don't lie. Two, I _didn't_ lie. And three; don't misdirect your anger. If you're mad at me, then get mad at _me_, not Hee-chan. He didn't do _any_thing to you." 

Sora glanced at Heero, who was smirking triumphantly as he straightened his rumpled clothes out, and then back at Duo, who had a look on his face that was somewhere between sly and smug. She got a little flustered, bit her lip and apologized. 

Duo's malicious grin bounced into a more compassionate smile as he pulled up a chair and sat down in it backwards, arms resting on its back. "I'm an _actor_, Sora… an actor and a thief. I can become anyone you want me to. You're talking to the best spy to ever grace Preventers' records. And I didn't lie. Nothing I've ever told you has been a lie. I just might have skipped over a few details here and there. I just let you believe… what you wanted to believe. That's my job." His smile faded away, his lips parting somewhat as his face took on a somewhat pained expression. "I'm… I'm the one who should be sorry." 

Heero was suddenly standing behind Duo, gently ruffling his wayward chestnut bangs, as he looked down at his lover, the expression on his face totally unreadable. Sora could never understand how he was able to make it seem like there was nothing more to him than flesh and blood. "Don't be… sorry Duo," he breathed in a small voice as he bent down to bury his nose in Duo's thick cinnamon brown hair, taking in that warm gingery scent that seemed to linger there always. "Never be sorry for what you do if you chose to do it with your heart. No regrets, remember?" 

"Yeah, yeah, I remember that you goofball," Duo laughed, his eyes closing shut as he covered his face with his folded arms. He gave his head a little wiggle, knocking Heero up a little bit as he wrestled his way around in the chair so he could face the slim Japanese boy. "But next time, angel," he said, reaching up and grabbing Heero by his necktie and dragging him down to eye level, "make sure you take your own goddamn advice. Practice what you preach, you know? Got it?" 

"Aa," Heero murmured with a coy smile as he leaned forward to give Duo a little kiss. Sora was about to melt into a puddle of goo and slop, the cuteness in the room was so intense. "Next time I'm about to do something stupid, hit me. Hard." 

"What if that doesn't work?" Duo asked with that sly tone again. The more Sora listened to him talk, the more she could see where Hoshi lived in Duo's persona… and the less she missed her. She could see what Heero was so attracted to in Duo and why someone like the chestnut haired maniac could bring such emotions about in the more stoic of the two. 

"I trust you to figure it out," Heero whispered so softly, Sora barely caught it. 

She only looked away for a second and the moment she returned her gaze, they were kissing again. It was like they could not get enough of each other. She supposed she could understand that. They had been apart for almost three years. She felt a deep sinking pit in her stomach as she watched. Being reunited as they had must have been like filling up a deep empty void inside with the warm starlight of a soul mate. She blinked away a tear, realizing that the void within herself would never be completely filled ever again. Part of her had died when D.B. was murdered. Even if she found someone else who might help to soothe that wound, she would never be completely healed. She had lost her one special person just for her. He had been stolen away. And she wanted revenge. 

"Duo," she spoke suddenly, prematurely ending the spit-swapping going on right in front of her eyes. Duo turned his large round eyes to her, not about to leave the contact he was sharing with Heero at that exact moment. "Duo, what can Preventers do to whip ass?" 

That certainly shocked the braided thief into a stunned silence for once. He nibbled his lips for a second, drawing reluctantly away from Heero as he sunk down into a pensive position in the chair. "And by 'ass', you mean Cawdor's ass, right?" he asked with another quick look in her direction, waited for her nod and then returned to his brooding lip chewing. "For killing D.B., am I right?" he added on for good measure. Sora gave him another feeble but determined nod. 

Heero just looked on with a blank expression decorating his beautifully chiseled features. 

Duo's idle hands started groping around the floor for his discarded corset and such, trying to think up the best course of action to take. "We could always just blow—no, wait, scratch that. Too much attention—so maybe we could get him when he—no, no, too obvious… he'd expect that…." His vocalizations became low mutterings to the floor as he fixed the corset around his body and started to tightly bind himself into the constricting wire bodice. 

"You're thinking too hard, koi," Heero said with a little sigh. He was leaning on a nearby table, one ankle neatly crossed over the other as he watched Duo intently. Though Heero might have had a little better idea of what they 'ought to do, he was not going to offer his opinion until he was sure Duo had given up all hope. It was still Duo's mission, after all. Duo looked up at Heero questioningly, the perplexed look on his face obviously daring Heero to continue. Heero's face hardened and he slipped into soldier mode without even realizing he had done so. "Mission orders?"

"Surveillance and, if necessary, detainment of Professor Cawdor," Duo rattled off by rote the objectives he had committed to memory what seemed like ages ago, not even looking up from the laces of his corset as he spoke. He had never realized how he had the tendency to slip into that same soldier mode himself. 

"Specifications?"

"Infiltrate and enroll as a student. Alias required." Soldier Duo was silent for a second before the real Duo added onto the statement, "I figured pretending I was a girl was my best bet getting in here without anyone noticed. A guy with hair as sexy as mine is pretty damn hard to forget and you never know what these OZ fools remember about their enemies." He looked quickly up at Heero with big sad eyes, shining dully in the golden sunlight that streamed in between the wood slats of the blinds hanging in the room's one window. "Besides… you were here…." 

"Acceptable tactics." Heero gave Duo a quick nod and kept drilling the questions. The frightened little child Heero had retreated to the most inner confines of the perfect soldier's soul and Sora no longer recognized the boy standing in front of her. This boy, despite his extreme likeness to the softened, melancholy and almost meek Heero she had come to know as one of her closest friends, had wicked shards of black ice for eyes and a jaw set with iron. His voice was hard and callused, like death could mean less to him. "Do you need him dead or alive?"

"Never specified."

"Make sure he's _dead_, dammit!" Sora suddenly interjected, fists balled tightly in front of her. 

Heero held up a hand, silencing Sora with his dismissive gesture just as the end-of-class bell tolled across the campus. She clapped her mouth shut, realizing she was no longer dealing with two ordinary boys anymore; rather, she was dealing with expert assassins. 

Heero gave the closed door of their little conference room a quick glance as the sounds of exhausted students began to fill the hall outside. Mechanically, he reached behind him and grabbed his uniform waistcoat, which he had discarded soon after Duo had dragged him off to the private confines of the little room. Meanwhile, Duo was just tightening the knot of his blue scarf, the finishing touch of his girls' disguise. Heero walked brusquely to the door, back facing the other two as he peered hard through the bleary glass at the undistinguished blurs of students milling through the halls. He straightened his jacket and turned around again, leaning hard against the door as he asked his final question. "What do you have with you?"

Sora arched a very confused eyebrow at the question, unable to discern what Heero was inquiring about. Apparently Duo got it though, for his answer came swiftly, and by no means did his words fall lightly on Sora's ears. "I packed light for this one. I've got three firearms—two standard issue handguns with rapid fire and a custom Falcon with scope and silencer—a hunting knife, cyanide, remote detonators and the usual song and dance." 

"Always toting around the pyromaniac toys, aren't you?" Heero chided with a fond grin, the perfect soldier and the boy trading places again. "You always did like the big explosions, didn't you?" 

"Fuck yeah. What can I do? I have a taste for destruction," Duo laughed as he stood up and twirled around the chair back into its usual spot underneath the table. He rubbed an eye as he went on with a laugh; "Ha, remember the time they had you locked up at that OZ facility and I came along and busted your ass out of there? _That_ had been a fun romp in the park."

"Yeah, considering the fact I didn't trust a hair on your head at the time and was still moping about screwing up that first mission," Heero added to the story, completely willing to reminisce a bit about the incident that brought them closer to one another for the first time. "I really wanted to die then."

"Seems the Devil obviously likes you well enough," Duo smirked as he approached Heero and tugged his cheek affectionately. Heero tried hard to look annoyed by the gesture, but the twinkling in his lazy eyes and the slightly upturned shape of his mouth gave away that he was not. "You didn't OD on drugs; you didn't bleed to death; you weren't caught when you woke up, nor were you caught in my little explosion; the fifty-story fall without a parachute didn't kill you either—only you could get off with just a broken leg after that. I'd say you fared pretty well back then." 

"Yeah, I always was a pretty lucky son of a bitch," Heero said softly, remembering each incident with a strange sort of lingering attachment. "I always did seem to have trouble dying. Hell, I can't even kill _myself_. Doesn't matter what I try!" He laughed heartily at that, soon to be joined by Duo. Sora stood apart from the merry couple, not quite sure she understood what was so funny. They were A), lost in a memory that did not include her, B), getting very morbid and C), _laughing_ about it all to boot. She was beginning to wonder what kind of deranged sick people they actually were. 

"You said it," Duo agreed with his largest grin. "Because if you had died that time you pulled that self-detonation move or some other careless stunt, I'd have murdered you! Hell, not even knives and cigarettes have an effect on the great Heero Yuy!" 

More laughter filled the room. Sora was actually starting to panic a little bit. She had not heard all these details about their pasts and really only knew the basics from what she had managed to piece together herself. She had never found it her place to pry, and now listening to this, she was kind of glad she had tried hard to keep out of it. After reading Duo's journal entries, she had been quite a bit unnerved. "Are you two completely off your rockers?" she wondered aloud. That put a stopper in their inane laughter. Two sets of eyes bored right through her, a little confused at her apprehension. 

"Uh, you'd kind of have to be to do what we did… still do," Duo said with a shrug. "Who the hell in their right mind would pilot a mobile suit or play assassin on his off hours?" 

"Who in their right mind would _rebel_ against just about every organization Earth and the colonies had to rebel against?" Heero added as he peered over his shoulder out the window again. He could see the crowds were beginning to thin out just a bit. The next bell would be ringing any second. "Only a mechanical doll soldier, a thief who calls himself Death, a sad clown with no name, an Arab desert prince and a justice obsessed martial artist, that's who." 

Duo chortled with a very smug look on his face. Sora missed the joke. "You guys are… crazy…." 

"Damn straight we're crazy." 

Heero glanced over his shoulder yet again. "Okay, that's it, enough of this waiting around," Heero heaved, banging against the door in an annoyed fashion. "I don't give a crap if anyone sees we'd been hiding out here all together anymore. We need to get this show on the road. Let's take a little spin around town to see if there are any other ways of getting around to this mission of yours. I've got a nasty feeling that trying anything on campus will draw way too much unwanted attention to both of us." 

"Great plan, Hee-chan!" Duo squawked cheerfully, donning his very impressive female falsetto as he redid his hair up in a swept up fashion. Sora could barely recognize him anymore. Even a trained eye like Heero's would have trouble placing the name 'Duo Maxwell' with 'Hoshi.' Duo grabbed Heero's wrist as he wrenched the door open. "We'll take a spin on my bike." 

"No!" Sora exclaimed suddenly, remembering a certain encounter with Cawdor on her way back from town the night before. He had frightened her into making some adjustments on Duo's bike that she seriously regretted. But Heero and Duo were far from listening. In fact, they were already heading down the hall, chatting in hushed voices together as they went. Hell, Heero even had his arm draped around Duo's waist, his pretty fingers squeezing gently at Duo's tight ass. 

"Don't worry about it, kid!" Duo called back down the hall with an idle wave of his outside hand, not even bothering to turn around to look at Sora. Had he, he might have seen the fear and worry streaked across her face. "We got it covered. Don't forget, we're professionals!" 

**A/N**Can you believe it? Nothing to say here! Uh, hope you're still interested in this. Four more parts to go! Yeah! Please review! Nyeah! :p 


	17. Death Comes as the End

**

Coming Through the Rye   


**By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper 

**~ Part XVII ~  
Death Comes As The End **

"You are aware it's only an hour to lunch," Heero said matter-of-factly to Duo as they strolled right out the front doors of the school about a half hour later, after they had each made quick detours to their rooms to change into casual clothes. Duo had not hesitated to ditch the female disguise for this excursion and had even manipulated his thick brown hair into his trademark braid. They meandered towards the parking lot nearby where Duo had left his glistening red racing bike, Duo blissfully ignoring Heero's comments with a bouncy step and silly grin as he played absently with the tail of his braid. Heero sighed and added, "As in, there's still about four hours left in the school day."

"So?" Duo turned around, walking backwards so he could face Heero so he could speak easier to him. "Don't really care, if you catch my meaning," Duo said with a laugh, shoving a hand into each of pocket of his tight leather pants. "I mean, it's not like we're planning to stay here very long, are we? Most of the stuff they try and teach us here we've known already."

"We?" Heero repeated. He thought about it for a second, jamming his hands into the large front pouch of his baggy white sweatshirt. "Do you mean you want me to come with you after the mission?" 

Duo blinked at him, his feet coming to a halt. "Well yeah," he said with a shrug. He started tracing patterns with his toe on the sidewalk beneath his feet. "That is, if you want to." 

Heero closed the space between them, drawing his hands from his sweatshirt and laying them upon each of Duo's shoulders. "Duo," he began, bringing a finger beneath his chin so he could lift Duo's eyes to meet his. "Of course I want to. Do you think I'm stupid enough to stay here in this stuffy constricting school with a bunch of rich snobs and jocks who wouldn't know what war was if it slapped them in the face? Why would I do that when I could escape with you, Duo? Why?" 

Duo's apprehensive frown turned about into a relieved smile. "I don't know," he grinned, turning himself so he could wrap an arm around Heero's waist and walk beside him. "But sometimes, not even I can figure out why you do the things you do." 

"Well I should say you're the one who understands the things I do best," Heero reprimanded as he twined his arm around Duo's waist as well, continuing their walk towards Duo's motorcycle pressed together hip-to-hip. "And I would never let you just wander off into the sunset without me. I should hate to think what would have happened if you had never slipped up and I had never realized you were here."

"I was going to pop out eventually," Duo assured him with a tender squeeze. He put a mock pout on his face as he said in a feigned whinny voice, "You don't have enough faith in me, Hee-chan." 

"I have plenty of faith in you Duo," Heero smirked as they crossed the parking lot and neared Duo's shining red motorcycle. Duo pulled himself from the mesh of their arms and went about pulling out a pair of helmets from a compartment beneath the leather black seat. Duo handed him a dark blue helmet that seemed to gleam as if it were new, though the dents and scratches on it suggested otherwise. Heero glanced down at it with an arched brow, recognizing it as the helmet Duo used to keep for him. "You still tote around both helmets, Duo?"

"Eh, I couldn't physically bring myself to just put your old helmet aside," Duo admitted as he fitted his own black helmet over his head, banging it down with his fist. "I don't know. I always loved our crazy daredevil joyrides together on that old green bike we used to have. I was so upset when it died." He whispered nostalgically before laughing wildly as he gestured to his crimson red motorcycle, "But this sure makes up for it, don't you think?" 

"Very nice, Duo," Heero smiled back, stroking the sleek red metal vehicle. "You've done well for yourself. I'm glad."

"To a point," Duo corrected with a wave of one hand, the other digging around in his leather jacket pocket for his key. Finding it, he let both hands fall to his sides as he stared at Heero, eyes wide and shoulders slightly heaving. "I didn't do so well without you. Yeah, so I managed to afford myself a new motorcycle on my Preventers' salary, and sure, life's been pretty much easy street. But… it's not quite the breeze it seems it should be, Heero. Life was… still is… very hard when I have to face it alone." He hung his head sadly, his braid seeming to droop with his troubled air. And even though Heero could not clearly see Duo's eyes with the helmet on, he could tell that he was whimpering a little. "I hate being alone. Ever since I was a little kid, I could never deal with being by myself. And even working with Preventers with all those other people, I've still been by myself…. I mean, even my teammates weren't quite…. Well, none of them were… _you_… Heero. I just wanted _you._"

The former Wing Zero pilot closed his eyes and gathered his strength, opening his mouth barely enough to speak. "You know," Heero said quietly, reaching across the bike to clasp Duo's slender hand, his thin fingers clad in fingerless black leather gloves. "I hate being alone too. And I…." Heero hung his head as well, staring down at his sneakers. "I've always been alone."

"Hee-chan…." 

Heero met Duo's eyes again, his dark Prussian eyes dancing with sadness. "When I met you, I realized I didn't have to be alone anymore. I wanted to be with you. You… you were the only person who truly understood the loneliness I felt. I wanted to cling to you and…." Heero bit his lip at then gently licked the tender area where his teeth had sunk into his flesh. He looked up desperately towards Duo, his eyes imploring for forgiveness. "…And I think I let that feeling of being wanted mushroom totally out of control! So if you could find it in your heart to forgive me for my past transgressions against you, I would feel like the world has been lifted off my shoulders!" 

Duo had never seen Heero quite like this. Of course he knew that Heero had been having a treasure trove of problems over the past three years, but he had never seen Heero practically fall to his knees and beg forgiveness for anything he had done, even if he did regret it. Duo's confused expression became softer as he squeezed Heero's now limp hand. "Heero," he whispered to his lover, watching as Heero slowly raised his eyes. "Heero I will always forgive you. And I don't care that we took the long painful road to what we have because I don't regret a minute of it. A straight line might be the quickest way to a destination, but by no means is it the most interesting. All our troubles were forgotten the moment you said you loved me."

The corners of Heero's mouth rose into a gentle smile. Duo always had been the one who understood him best. "I do love you, Duo Maxwell," he affirmed softly. "I won't ever have to be alone again."

"Do you know why that is?" Duo asked in a muted gentle tone. It was a rhetorical question that Duo answered for Heero himself. "It's because _I_ love you, Heero. You won't have to be alone because I love you too much to ever leave you." Duo stroked Heero's knuckles with his thumb as he lifted his hand a little to linger in the air before his lips before ghosting a soft kiss upon Heero's fingertips. "And… I hate seeing you cry. Tears don't become a man like you." 

"If you don't want me to cry, then I won't," Heero stated firmly. Duo gave him a friendly nod in return, letting their fingers fall apart. The braided boy then mounted his motorcycle and eased it off the kickstand. With a jerk of his head, he motioned for Heero to clamber on behind him before inserting the little silver key into the ignition and revving up the bike. 

They shot off from the school's property and into the town. As they made their ways down random streets, past little shops and townhouses, Duo called back over his shoulder at Heero, "So what are we looking for again?" 

"Anything, really," Heero answered, his sweatshirt billowing out around him in a white puff as the wind whipped past them. "I was thinking we could find a nice secluded place that we could lure Cawdor to. It would make our lives so much easier if we got him off campus. As long as he's at that school, he's safe." He paused a minute before adding, "And I think he knows that."

"He's not as dumb as he's leading on," Duo mused, eyes focused intently on the road ahead of him. "He knows more about the Gundams and our former lives than we ever thought possible. I'm not kidding when I say he's got folders stuffed with files on all of us, right down to the last most personal detail. He's been singling you out since the day you transferred into that school, Heero." 

"I figured as much," Heero muttered to himself as his eyes followed the streaking scenery as they zoomed by. His arms tightened around Duo's waist, as if he were trying to cling to him for support. A sudden question popped into his head and he quickly asked, "Duo, he doesn't know that _you're_ there, do you?"

"Well, he knows I'm there," Duo answered, feeling Heero's arms wrap even tighter around his hips at the admission. He quickly added on for reassurance, "But he doesn't know that I'm 'Hoshi.' Hopefully, that disguise will hold out long enough to serve our purposes." 

"That doesn't leave you totally safe though," Heero answered gravely. Duo's pause before he gave back a response somewhat unnerved the former perfect soldier somewhat and he tried hard to tell himself that he was just being overly paranoid, as usual. 

"Yeah," Duo agreed, his voice a dark growl. "He seems to have figured out that 'Hoshi' is a Preventers agent, which is true. He just doesn't realize that she's actually me."

"I suppose that's the best we can do for now," Heero said. "What's done is done. No use trying to cover up tracks that are already in the open." 

"Yeah," Duo sighed and returned to concentrating on the road. 

They scoured through the small urban sprawl, finding a few suitable places for their plans, but not really finding one that screamed perfection. It was not until they were speeding along a road that traced the outskirts of the city that they passed a large empty warehouse. "Double back around, Duo," Heero called as his eyes quickly scanned the place on their first drive by. "Let's stop and have a look at that place." 

Duo complied with Heero's request and drove a little further down the road, spinning the motorbike in a perfect U-turn a few meters away. "Uh, Duo," Heero called tentatively as they sped by again from the other direction, "You're supposed to stop. I want to go inside that old building." 

"Dammit Heero! I _can't_ stop!" Duo shouted back, his voice far more irate and frustrated that Heero had expected it to be. "There's something fucked up going on with my bike! The brakes are shot!" 

"Shit," Heero muttered in his usual sterile monotone. He noticed with dismay that they actually seemed to be gaining speed as Duo guided the bike smoothly around the curving road as it meandered further from the city and out towards the ocean-side cliffs just outside of town. "What the hell are we supposed to do now?" 

"We've got to jump for it. Let's run it off one of the cliffs," Duo decided, already starting to veer off the road, despite Heero's small whimper of protest. The Japanese boy had learned over the years that recklessness really did not pay much in the long run, despite his dependency on it. Unfortunately, Duo happened to be one of the most reckless people he knew, himself following at a close second. "We can hop off at the last moment," Duo was saying, jarring Heero from his thoughts as they ran speedily through the dying brownish underbrush that fluffed across the cliff-sides.

"What a waste," Heero said regretfully, a tricky smile materializing on his face despite the desperate circumstances they were currently in. "It sure was a nice bike." 

"You pick the weirdest times to exercise your sarcasm, Hee-chan," Duo commented back with his own smirking tone. He turned the bike towards the cliff's edge and sucked in a heavy breath. "Okay lover, this is it. We jump now or we die."

"Fine then," Heero responded. He swiftly calculated the distance between their current position and the edge of the cliff. "We have seven and a half seconds before we have to jump if you keep at this speed," he reported a few moments later, staring determinedly at the shimmering blue sea that sparkled out beyond the beaches at the cliff's base. "When I say 'Go', we jump, got it?" 

"Yessir!" Duo responded automatically, bending down over the handlebars of the bike as he prepared himself for the hazardous leap. One small error and they could both be destroyed in either the explosion of the bike hitting the rocky beach below or severely wounded by a very dangerous fall. "If we make it out of this alive, I will first make passionate love to you all night long and _second_, find the bastard who ruined my beautiful motorcycle!"

Heero barely had time to grin, because just then, the alarm on his internal clock rang wildly through his head as he shouted, "Okay, _go_!" He pulled his arms from around Duo and vaulted off the bike, landing with a tumble in the itchy brush weed. Rolling a few feet away from the danger, he pulled himself up onto his elbows to look for Duo, hoping that he had made it out as well he had. After a frantic sweep over the area, his Prussian eyes flew back to the still speeding motorbike as it hurried towards the cliff side. The front wheel was just flying off the edge and much to his horror, Duo was barely off the bike. Heero could do nothing more than lie where he was and watch in horror as the bike flew off the cliff and hovered in the air for a moment as if in slow motion. The world seem to come to a careening halt and all sound froze, Duo's slightly curved form lingering in the air just above the bike right after letting go just a moment too late. Then gravity kicked in and both bike and boy went plummeting down towards the earth. 

"Duo-o-o-o!" Heero screamed, ripping the helmet off his head and tossing it aside as the world suddenly began to spin around again. Amid the sounds produced by the sudden rush of a wild motor and tires desperate to cling to something other than just air, Heero found himself yelling Duo's name desperately as he clambered to his feet and stumbled along the squelched tire treads that ran crazily over the cliff. 

Reaching the edge, he steeled his nerves and peered over, afraid for the worst. Just as his eyes peeked downwards, the bike hit bottom, exploding upon the beach's jagged rocks with a monstrous explosion of gas and oil. A surge of wind and smoke flew up into his face, forcing Heero to shield his eyes behind his sleeve. When the grit and mess subsided from the air around him, Heero slowly lowered his arm and looked down towards the wreckage below. He was just in time to see Duo's black helmet fall down into the smoldering ruin of a bike. "Duo?" Heero called, hoping that Duo had not met a similar fate as his helmet. Frightening images of a mangled bloody Duo ravaged his mind and he had to mentally grasp his forehead and shake the dastardly thoughts away before he could get a proper grip on himself once more. "Duo-o-o-o!" he called out again. 

"Heero!" a meek and desperate voice whispered on the sea breeze. 

Heero snapped to attention at the sound of his lover's voice. "Duo?" he called out, not quite sure where he 'ought to be looking. "Duo, are you okay? Where are you?" 

"Um, well, in theory I'm okay," the voice answered. Heero determined it was coming from somewhere below him and his eyes went back to desperately roving the beach. "But if you don't get me out of here soon, I'll be far from okay."

"What do you mean?" Heero demanded. 

"Like dead." 

"Where are you?" Heero said again, his voice much more firm than before. Now that all the emotional trouble was out of the way, it was time to do things by the efficient soldier approach. "Tell me now so I can help you."

"Down here," Duo called, his voice a little stronger than before. Heero looked over the cliff and, not seeing Duo down on the beach, let his eyes climb up the crumbly rock wall. He soon found Duo, hanging by just a bare thread from a thick root that was protruding out from between two large rocks in the cliff's face, braid fluttering out behind him in the breeze like a streamer. The somewhat scraggly tree the root was attached to was threatening to deracinate itself from its spot just above the pair of rocks with Duo's added weight tugging at its base. "This stupid weed won't hold me much longer, Hee-chan!" 

"Maybe if you cut down on your daily pastry intake, you wouldn't have this problem," Heero shouted down wryly as he desperately searched around for a rope or something he could use to haul Duo up. 

"Hey!" Duo snapped. "There is _always_ room for cake!" 

"Maybe in your stomach Duo, _your_ stomach," Heero responded automatically, his mind bitching and moaning at him that he had not been resourceful enough to already find some other means of dragging Duo up from his perilous spot. He stood up and gave the greater area a broad sweep with his acute vision. 

"Leave my stomach alone! It does just fine without any help from _you_!" he heard Duo shout back. Heero rolled his eyes, though he was not sure if out of amusement or despair. Duo always managed to keep cheerful no matter how sick things got, and the fact that Duo was acting _extremely_ good-natured despite his life-threatening situation greatly disturbed Heero. The livelier Duo seemed, the worse things tended to be. His jester's mask was almost perfect. 

Heero returned to the cliff's edge and looked over once again, mentally slapping himself for already wasting so much time. In even the few short seconds it had taken him to look around him, Duo's tree had loosened quite a bit. And though Duo seemed quite aware of this, he refused to let that wide grin slip. Heero knew he was only acting happy for his benefit. Had Duo been alone, Shinigami might have come out to play. 

Glancing to his right, he noticed a tiny shrubbery. With a quick fleeting look back down at Duo, Heero inched over to the plant and gave it a tug, noting its whiplash like quality when he pulled at its branches. He sighed and stole another glimpse down at Duo. _Looks like my best bet_, he mused dejectedly to himself. _Great, the life of the most valuable person I know rests in the branches of one crappy little bush._

"Heero!" Duo shouted up at him again, his voice a little more edgy than it had been before. Obviously Duo was starting to realize that the time for play was gone, and he might be a large Duo pancake if something was not done soon. "I sure hope you're thinking of a really great plan up there, because I'm kind of shot for ideas and falling. Fast." 

"Shut _up_ Duo! I _know_!" Heero growled angrily, his frustration becoming more evident with each passing second. He grabbed the whippy trunk of the bush, prayed for luck and jumped. He fell down a couple feet, yellow sneakers dangling in the air as he hung there with one hand wrapped in an iron fist around the strained bent over bush. He was still a foot or so above Duo's location. 

"Uh, Hee-chan," Duo called up to his koi, staring up at the rubbery white soles of Heero's shoes. Heero peered down his shoulder at him, his eyes riddled with that computerized soldier glare as he evaluated what to do. "We still have a problem here. If anything, it's worse than it was before." 

"Duo, shut _up_!" Heero snapped, spinning a little, reminding Duo far too much of a lynched corpse. He let out a heavy calming breath and took control of the situation again. "I think I know what I'm doing. Do you think you can grab onto me and climb up?"

"I don't know. M-Maybe," Duo stammered as he gave the rocky beach and the still burning wreckage beneath his dangling feet another glance. He looked back up at Heero, who was still hanging on steadily, his hand extended towards him with fingers spread wide. "I sure hope you can hold me." 

"I can," Heero reassured him, reaching his hand down a bit further. "You got to just trust me this once, Duo." 

"Oh, you hit me where it hurts, Hee-chan," Duo smiled for the first time in a long while since he had gotten himself into this mess. "Okay, okay," he said, huffing supportive breath in and out. "I'm gonna jump now, Hee-chan. Get ready; I weigh a ton." He squeezed his eyes shut tight and swung a bit on his tree root, unintentionally loosening it a little more. Then, when he felt he had enough propulsion, he let go and flung himself upwards, making a desperate grab at Heero's ankles. When Duo finally reopened his large violet eyes, he found himself a little higher up and gripping Heero's legs for all he was worth. With a relieved sigh, he said, "Hwoo, Heero, look, I'm still alive." He squeezed Heero's ankles tighter and looked up at his rescuer with a tart smile. "Goddamn, Heero, you have really sexy legs." 

"If you'd hurry and climb up," Heero said, his voice smug as a tiny smirk teased his pouty lips, "I could get up there, wrap my legs around you and kiss you hard." 

"A very tempting proposition, Hee-chan," Duo called back. "Very tempting indeed. I'll have to take you up on it real soon." 

"Yes, do," Heero answered. "Quit stalling. I really don't think I can hold onto this twig much longer." As if to accentuate his statement, the branch he was hanging onto snapped a little bit with a crackling noise. He bit his lip hard and looked back to Duo, who was still holding tightly to his ankles. "Please Duo." 

"But what if you can't get up too?" Duo fretted. 

Heero sent one of his frightening I'm-Not-Changing-My-Mind stares to silence Duo. Despite his angry expression, Heero added some soft words to comfort Duo's worries. "Look, kitten," he said warmly, forgetting where and when he was for a minute and the strange and precarious situation they both dangled in. "If you get up to the top of the cliff, at least one of us will be okay. I really don't want you to waste any time worrying about whether or not I'll be fine. You just have to trust that I'll find a way to survive. You said yourself that I've always had trouble dying." 

"You better not break that promise, Hee-chan," Duo stated firmly, "because if you _do_ end up dead after all this, I'll kill you!" 

"Good. Glad that you got that out of your system," Heero muttered, trying hard to readjust his grip without slipping. Suddenly, he felt a strange liberation upon his left leg and a shuddering gasp. Peering back down his shoulder, he cursed all the scientific laws of gravity as he watched one of his ratty yellow sneakers plummet towards the beach, followed not far behind by one of his cotton white socks. Staring hard at his now bare foot, he realized what had initiated this premature disrobing, noting dismally that one of Duo's hands had slipped, leaving him hanging from only Heero's other ankle. He nibbled his lip as he tended to when he was nervous and snarled in a most mechanical and frustrated tone, "Enough of your pussyfooting, Duo! You have to climb up _now_! What happened to the brave Duo Maxwell I used to know; the Duo Maxwell that used to not be afraid of _anything_?" 

"Heero, if you're not planning to get out of this, than neither am I," Duo answered resolutely, staring forlornly after Heero's sneaker as it hit bottom. "I don't want to be alive if you're not. I don't think I could deal with it." 

"Duo, that's stupid and you know it!" Heero snapped. Duo could feel the perfect soldier tensing all the way down to his pretty oriental feet and he figured if he did not start moving soon, he might have to worry more about a rogue Heero than a hazardous fall. "Get moving… _NOW_!!!' 

Duo swallowed his pride and complied, slowly starting to shimmy his way up Heero's dangling body. Soon his arms were around his hips, then his shoulders, and soon, Duo was staring Heero straight in the eye. But with every inch, the stress on Heero's branch intensified, slowly straining the poor little shrub to a point that was just short of breaking. 

"Heero," Duo breathed softly as he gazed into his lover's deep blue eyes. He was rewarded with one of Heero's secret smiles that bathed Duo in all the warmth and glory the world could offer, and with that look, realized that everything would end up all right… that he had nothing to fear. 

Just as he was placing a tiny kiss on Heero's soft pink lips, there was an ear-splitting _crack_ that seemed to rip through the serenity around them. A pair of birds, a crow and a small whitish-grey seagull that had been roosting somewhere on the cliff, took off in a panic at the sound, shooting off together for the seaward horizon. Both Heero and Duo snapped upwards to watch in horror as the little shrub finally gave all it could give, its short bent trunk shattering to splinters as it ruptured at its center from too much stress and weight. 

As they both began to plummet downwards, sure to experience the same fate as their wayward motorcycle, they crushed their lips together, as if in a desperate farewell kiss, like they might never gaze into each other's eyes ever again. 

This sucks, I'm sleep and yet, I can't go to bed. Eeh, I feel really sick.... I ate _way_ too much at dinner. The sad thing is, I was really hungry too, but now I regret such a big meal. Cut me back a few dollars for Otakon too... Oh yeah! Speaking of Otakon! Who's all going!? If you're gonna be there, keep an eye out for me to say hello! I'll be wearing a Princess Zelda dress. Yeah Zelda!  
  
As for the story... well... just keep reading and reviewing... I dunno.... :) 


	18. Fighting Mad

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Coming Through the Rye  
By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

****

~ Part XVIII ~   
Fighting Mad

Duo groggily awoke to find himself lying on his stomach, dimly aware of the grip he had around Heero's head, pushing him close to his body. His eyes were bleary and stars shot like comets across his vision before he could get himself to see properly. He turned his head to the right and found himself staring at the base of the rocky cliff, the mess of his once beautiful motorcycle now cool and black amid the large flat rocks. Dismally he reminded himself of that crazy fall, noting that he seemed to have made it off with minimal injury. Turning his head the other way, he could see the lazy sapphire ocean lapping lethargically over the sandy beach. Pulling himself up onto his elbows, he looked down to see Heero lying beneath him in the sand, flat on his back. His eyelids were closed over those smoldering eyes of his, his thin rosy pink lips slightly parted in a gentle oval. His dark brown hair was speckled with sand and grit from the beach, one high cheekbone smeared with dirt and sea grime. Quickly, Duo pulled himself off of Heero's limp body and settled in the sand beside him, staring at Heero like his very gaze might wake the boy up. 

"Hee-chan?" Duo's voice ventured softly, shaking one shoulder gently. Heero's head lolled blandly about in the sand with the disturbance, but there was no other movement from the boy. "Hee-chan?" Duo said again, his voice becoming a little more worried when there was still no response from him. "Heero?" Duo's voice was panicky now as both hands fell to the Japanese boy's shoulders, shaking his body frantically. "_Heero!_" 

The sound of the ocean flooded through Duo's head, rushing like a wild tsunami through his barely focused mind. His pupils seemed to dilate a little as he stared blankly at Heero's still body. His arms were lying unnaturally bent over the little sand dunes of the beach, his jean-clad legs splayed strangely from his fall. "You _jerk_!" Duo cried, giving Heero's unresponsive body a shove. "How could you do that? Why did you break my fall when you knew you'd probably end up really beat up, you idiot?" He gave Heero another push, rolling him over on his side. At the sight of the sticky mess of blood that spattered and stained the back of Heero's white sweatshirt from the palm sized bed of rocks that lay sparsely beneath where they had landed, Duo had to cover his mouth to save himself from gagging. Not that it mattered, because he was soon bent over, a cascade of thick vomit and bile dribbling over his lips and dripping down onto his legs. Looking up with a slight turn of his head, one hand a few inches from his mouth and the other clutching his stomach, he could see the outline of Heero, who was now lying on his side, wounded back facing Duo. "Oh God, Heero," Duo whimpered, fighting to swallow back what little was left in his stomach. "Look what you did to yourself, you stupid liar. You promised you wouldn't _die_!" Frustrated, Duo through a fistful of sand at Heero's body, as if it would make a difference. 

He romped over towards Heero again on his hands and knees, yanking Heero onto his back again. "Breathe, dammit!" Duo shouted angrily as he gave Heero a few hard smacks upon his high feminine cheekbones. All he won from that were a few pretty red marks upon Heero's skin. "I said _breathe_!" he screamed, falling over Heero's form, supporting himself over his body so his nose was just millimeters from Heero's. Slowly, Duo reached over with one hand and pried Heero's lips open gently. Swinging himself to the side of Heero's body, he leant over and adhered his lips to his Japanese' lover, trying with all his might to give him back his breath. After a few moments of that, he pulled his mouth away somewhat reluctantly and dragged his ear to Heero's chest, listening for a heartbeat. He could hear it pumping faintly beneath Heero's breast. Duo rose up again and placed both hands upon Heero's sternum, applying pressure to his chest in an effort to get his koi breathing again. "You… liar…." Duo was saying between compressions. "Liar, liar, liar... liar…." 

A mild cough frazzled through the air. Duo stared over at Heero to realize that his body was quivering with a serious of coughing and sputtering. "N-Not a liar, kitten," came a dizzied voice, small and weak. "See, I-I'm not d-dead. Takes more than a-a stupid little fall o-over a c-cliff to kill _me_." Another round of coughing ensued. Duo was over at Heero's side like a bat out of hell, peering over his shoulder to survey his lover's condition. 

"Heero, you're puking _blood_!" Duo freaked, reaching over Heero's body to clap a hand over Heero's mouth. He ran his palm over Heero's cool lips, feeling the hot sticky substance adhere itself to his skin. Pulling his hand up, Duo grimaced at the sight of the scarlet fluid painted over his flesh. "Sit up, baby," Duo ordered, trying hard not to look at his hand as he quickly wiped it in the sand and went back to trying to help Heero up. A red handprint still managed to find its way onto Heero's white sleeve as Duo hauled his lover up into a sitting position. Duo sucked his lower lip a little before saying, "Heero, you gotta take off that sweatshirt. I want to make sure you aren't bleeding to death under there." 

Heero struggled to pull his arms out of the thick cotton sleeves and ended up needing Duo's help to pull the garment over his head. Tossing it carelessly aside, Duo tilted Heero forward a bit so the pretty Japanese boy was almost kissing his knees and yanked up Heero's green tank-top, wet and sticky with blood, to give his back a quick look over. Much to Duo's unending relief, Heero was not as bad off as he had seemed, and it appeared that he had only suffered a series of deep flesh wounds from landing on the rocks. As for his bloody coughing, Duo still had yet to decide what had caused that. He was leaning towards the notion that it had just been the force of the impact that had taken quite the wind out of Heero's lungs, perfect soldier or not. 

"Do I pass your inspection?" Heero moaned into his lap, his back starting to sting a pull a little from a combination of sitting in the somewhat awkward position plus the stretching of a few of the larger wounds. "Can I sit up now?" 

"God, you're fussy today," Duo chided in a mocking tone as let Heero's shirt drop back into its usual loose folds over his muscled torso. He reached back for Heero's sweatshirt and decided with one quick look that the damn thing had certainly seen better days. The back of it was totally soaked in blood, sporting several large rips and tears, the hems frayed and the hood barely hanging on by a thread. With another quick look at Heero, Duo started to rip the garment into strips, which he then used to use as temporary bandages for Heero's injuries. Throughout the whole process, Heero remained mute and unresponsive as he just let Duo do what he needed to. "There, good as new!" Duo chirruped brightly as he tightened the last of his makeshift bandages around Heero's torso. "At least, good enough to get you back to school." 

"Duo, are you insane?" Heero gasped, regretting it immediately as he fell to clutching his sides in pain, hacking up a few sputters of blood. He managed to groan through uneven breaths, "We can't go back there. Not with me looking like this and you looking like… well… _you_…! How could we even begin to explain?" 

"Heero, if anyone's insane around here, it's you," Duo corrected as he wrapped an arm around Heero's waist, bending a bit so he could snake Heero's near arm around his neck to help him to his feet. "If you would rather lie here and bleed to death, that's fine as far as _you're_ concerned, but as for me, well, that just won't do. And _I_ want to bring you back to the school so that the nurse can fix you up proper." 

"And then she'll start probing me with questions," Heero complained as he struggled to his feet, leaning much of his weight upon Duo. "She'll want to know what I did to myself to cover me with so many wounds. And _then_, I bet while she's checking me over, she'll just _have_ to know where I got the roadmap of old scars all over the _rest_ of me and I'm not sure that, 'Oh yeah, I was a Gundam pilot and tried to kill myself on a multitude of suicide missions,' would really fly to well with her. Nor do I think 'So as for these _new_ wounds, well, I got them throwing myself over a cliff after my lover and his motorcycle' would come off so well either—"

"Whoa, whoa, okay Hee-chan," Duo laughed as he started down the seashore towards the more people-friendly area of the beach where the boardwalk met the edge of town where the cliffs rolled off into more gentle slopes. "I get the picture. Just don't talk so much; I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore than you already are." 

"First I don't talk enough, now I talk too much," Heero grumbled with a sly smirk as he eyed Duo out of the corner of his eye. "There's just no pleasing you, is there?" 

"I might be pleased if all that strain causes you to faint and I have to perform CPR on you again," Duo retorted with a devilish grin. "Believe me, love, there are _plenty_ of ways I can think of for you to please me."

"What a sadistic thing to say!" Heero said, trying to fluctuate his usual deep sexy monotone to sound shocked. The extra exertion simply ended in another bout of coughing. He grabbed his stomach with one hand, the other frantically groping around his mouth in an effort to shovel the bile back down his esophagus, but to no avail. He ended up throwing up blood and stomach fluid onto Duo's sleeve. 

"Heero," Duo said in a warning voice, as if he was really starting to get worried that Heero's decision to stay away from the school nurse was not a wise one. 

"Please, Duo," he coughed, looking up at Duo with hazy eyes that seemed to water slightly with the pain that coursed through his body. He grabbed Duo firmly by the arms and brought him to a halt, the boardwalk just in fair view behind him, salty ocean waves lapping over their course mutilated feet. "I really don't think it would be smart to go back to the school in this state. Take me to the hospital, or some underground clinic or _something_. At least it will buy you time to disguise yourself again and to come up with a good alibi. I don't want you to jeopardize your mission because of me." 

"Right, right," Duo sighed a little dejectedly. "The mission—I got it. It's always the mission first, never mind who you have to step on to get to the end." He sighed again. "Sad but true." 

"No Duo," Heero answered quickly, his voice that firm soldier's tone and yet, still resonating of that soft quality with which he spoke only to Duo. "This time, it's not only the mission—it's _you_. If you screw up, who knows what might happen to you." He suddenly grabbed him in a fierce hug, flinging his arms violently around the taller boy's neck and dragging him down into his embrace. "I… I don't want you to get hurt on my account." 

"So you're saying that it's one thing if I do something stupid on my own, just so long as it's not your fault," Duo whispered into the thick mess of Heero's dark chocolate hair. 

"Baka," Heero murmured into Duo's shoulder. "You know what I mean." 

"Of course, Hee-chan," answered Duo. "Of course."

"Mister Smart?" the nurse called out into the tiny waiting room as she walked back to her usual post behind the desk. It was a sterile sparse looking place with generic flowered wallpaper and bland maroon chairs lining the walls. Sitting near the room's only window was a lanky young man with long chestnut brown hair that was twisted into a braid. At present, he sat slouched in his chair, arms draped over the backs of the two seats beside him, as he preoccupied himself with idly knocking the hard toes of his beat up leather boots against each other. As she called the name again, he finally looked up and met her eyes. 

"Yes?" he asked hopefully. He had dragged his very injured friend into the little clinic quite a few hours ago and had not moved from his chair for a single moment since he had arrived. The secretary nurse had tried to offer him drinks and even a light early dinner on quite a few occasions, but he refused her every time. The only thing he had asked was for the brief use of the phone and permission to sit and wait for word on his friend. 

"Your friend, Mister Smart," she began, staring down a neon pink clipboard stuffed with papers. 

"What about him?" the boy exclaimed suddenly, bouncing to his feet like a rubber ball. "He's… he's going to be okay, isn't he?" He started to fret somewhat, chewing absently on his thumbnail as his large purple eyes darted about the room. "I knew we should have gone right back, but no-o-o, we just have to do _every_thing the hard way. I swear, when I get my hands on—"

"Mister Smart, please, calm down," the nurse chided, waving her gaudy clipboard in the fair youth's direction. He let out a short breath and collapsed back into his chair, staring expectantly at her. She cleared her throat and began again. "As I was saying, your friend is truly a medical miracle, Mister Smart—"

"Please, call me Maxwell," the boy interjected with a small gesture from his hand. 

"Right, Mist—err, Maxwell," she corrected herself, staring a bit strangely at the boy. He was grinning wildly at her, and she could not help but think like there was something that did not quite fit with him, almost like there was some great big obvious secret that she was missing. "You brought him in here with a few broken and bruised ribs, multiple contusions, sores and wounds covering his dorsal side and a somewhat damaged breathing pattern… however…." 

In the moments she took to trail off, the strange teen cut in. "Let me guess," he started, flipping his long hair almost vainly over his shoulder. His voice slipped into a high-pitched whine as if he were trying to imitate some snot nosed doctor. "His recovering is remarkable and he should be in perfect condition within a few days. We've never seen anything of the like and I can't believe yadda, yadda, yadda that he's going to be as good as new in such a short period of time." Maxwell rolled his eyes a let out yet another sigh. "Yeah, uh huh, heard it before, been there, done that. I almost wish he _was_ on his deathbed, just so I could laugh at him and say 'I told you so.'" 

"Erm, yes," she cleared her throat again. Maxwell—Duo Maxwell—could not help but roll his eyes at her, despite the fact she was only trying to do her job. "Which leads me to my next question. Do you know where all the other scars on—"she glanced quickly down at her clipboard—"Mister Lowe's body came from?"

"War," Duo answered simply with a little shrug. He gave himself a mental pat on the back at the mention of the alias he had chosen to enroll Heero into the clinic with. _Aw Duo, you sure are one clever little devil_, the demonic chorus in his head applauded him. 

"Uh huh," the nurse murmured, scribbling away at her clipboard. The sound of a pen scratching on paper filled the silence before she spoke again. "And the scars on his wrists? They seem self inflicted."

Duo glared at her, his eyes seeming to snap from that carefree glow into a more darkened glower in less than a second. "Forgive a guy for being depressed _because_ of that stupid retarded war," he growled at her. 

"Sorry," she meeped, trying to hide behind her clipboard. "Rules and regulations you know."

"Yeah, I know," he snapped perhaps a little to harshly. "Get on with it." 

She was back to her clipboard, taking her time to make sure she phrased her questions in such a manner as so she would not have to suffer that darkened wrath of the strange Maxwell boy in front of her. "Um, you left the blanks about family blank on his forms," she said, her voice just short of a mumble. 

"Hasn't got any."

"Friends?" she added hopefully.

Duo held up five fingers and waggled them at her. "Could count 'em on my one hand." 

"And why did you bring him in here again?"

"Motorcycle accident," Duo answered, leaning foreword to rest his elbows on his knees, his voice menacing as if he had been challenged. "Any more questions, _Miss_?" 

"No," she managed quietly before slinking back off to her desk, leaving Duo to stare moodily at the wall. After about fifteen minutes, the front door of the clinic swung open, and a red-haired girl with freckles and oval shaped glasses swept into the room. Both Duo and the nurse behind the desk looked up. She was wearing the school uniform of the local boarding academy, her backpack hanging loosely over one shoulder as she entered the room. The nurse greeted her immediately, as if it were programmed into her somehow. "Hello and welcome to…." She trailed off, watching as the girl swept right by the desk to her strange visitor in black. The nurse narrowed her eyes somewhat. Though she had seen the girl around town a few times, she knew she had _never_, in all her years of living in that place, seen the longhaired boy named Maxwell Smart before. He was most definitely a stranger… as was his mysterious friend who lie somewhere between conscience and stupor just down the hall. 

"Hey," the redhead was saying as she plopped down next to the stranger, dropping her bag down by her feet in a huff. "I was beginning to get really worried when you guys didn't come back. And then you called and I just had to hurry and… Oh God, Du—"

"Shh," Duo hissed, smashing his hand quickly over her lips. He dropped his voice into a low whisper as he muttered into her ear. "They don't know I'm Duo Maxwell, nor do they know Heero as Heero Yuy. Kind of stick to the game plan here and go with the flow. While we're here, I'm Maxwell Smart and he's Odin Lowe, okay?" 

Sora just nodded her head vigorously until Duo removed his hand. She stared down at her brown loafers for a moment, mulling over confused thoughts, trying to decide if this was the time and the place to speak her mind to Duo about what had happened to his motorcycle. 

"What's on your mind, kid?" Duo piped up suddenly, jarring her from her thoughts. 

"O-Oh, uh, it's nothing, n-nothing at all," she stuttered in response, waving her hands in front of her face as if to brush it off like it was nothing. Duo had totally caught her off guard. 

"You're a dirty liar," Duo accused with a sly stare. Sora had to gather her slack jaw, completely amazed that Duo had called her bluff so easily and regained her composure with dignity. "Now tell me what's bugging you. You never were one to wander off into deep thought unless there was something big. You know how I hate dirty liars, Sora…." 

"I got to learn to be more careful around you," she said, poking him playfully in the ribs. She pulled her hands back to herself and let out a small exasperated sigh. "Hwoo, but I guess I should tell you. I mean, I was really just debating whether or not this was a good place to talk about it and all."

"You got my undivided attention sweetheart," Duo crowed, leaning his chin in one hand, a wooly smile crossing his face. "Spill your guts." 

"See, it's like this," she started off, not daring to look him in the eye. She hung her head despondently, her thick shoulder length coppery red hair falling over her face and obscuring her eyes as she fidgeted nervously with her hands in her lap. "Well, that night the girls were having that party, they sent me off at about eleven to pick up a few more pizzas, right?" 

"Yeah…." Duo said, not quite sure how he 'ought to react to this opening statement. He could tell she was leading up to something, thought just what it was seemed to be eluding him at that particular moment. He figured she would get to it eventually, shrugged, and entreated her to go on. 

"Right, so I'm on my way to the parking lot to where I have my car and I run into an unexpected fellow," she went on, twiddling her thumbs now as she looked up and stared at the ceiling for a moment, still not meeting Duo's eyes. Duo was starting to formulate some rather disturbing theories in his head and hoped to God or Shinigami or whatever might have been listening at the time that what Sora was heading for had absolutely _nothing_ to do with the sorts of images that were plaguing his head right then. "And this guy—I couldn't see him right then—yells out to me by name and all, so naturally I stopped and I turned about…."

"Uh huh," Duo prompted, growing more and more intrigued and worried by the moment. 

"And who should walk out of nowhere but Professor Cawdor," she announced in a very low tone, her eyes darting towards the desk where the nurse sat, obliviously working at a crossword puzzle. "Now, I never liked the guy, but when you said that you thought he was the one who did D.B. in, well, I kind of started to have my doubts… about both of you I mean. Don't take that the wrong way and all, but it just seemed sort of farfetched at the time."

"Don't blame you, but anyway, continue." 

"He comes up to me and starts shooting the crap," she said, pounding the heels of her palms into her thighs. "He's saying things like, 'Oh yeah, you're such a good student,' and 'It's amazing what kids are doing with technology these days.' Now I'm standing there, staring at him like he's got the bloody plague, 'cause I had no idea where this all was coming from, and here it is, almost the middle of the night, and one of my creepiest old teachers is bullshitting at me in the damn parking lot."

"Creepy, yeah, definitely the word." 

"Damn straight," she agreed. "I mean, he had started walking and I had sort of been following him, not really paying attention to where we were going until he pointed out your motorbike, sitting there all innocently and looking like the spectacular beauty it always does. Then the creep points to it and says, 'I need you to a little job for me.' I was so confused by that point, all I could do was stand there and stare at him even weirder than before." Sora sighed and started beating her forehead with her hands as she remembered the heinous night. "I think that got him a little miffed. He asked me again if I would help him. So, just to humour him, I asked what he needed. That calmed him down sort of and he starting bullshitting me again. 'Cept this bullshit wasn't the flattering kind from before—rather it was the sort of insane bullshit that you can only stare at like it's gonna jump out and eat ya." 

"This is starting to sound seriously fucked," Duo murmured, knitting his brows worriedly as he laced his fingers together beneath his chin. 

"That ain't the half of it," Sora agreed with a nod of her head before she started up her tale again. "You know what he was asking me, don't you?"

"I think I can guess, but tell me anyway." 

Sora hung her head and sniffled a little bit, like she was going to start crying. Duo could do nothing but offer her a red handkerchief from his ass pocket and pat her warmly on the back. "It's my fault you two got all banged up and mangled. He threatened me into fussing with the breaks on your motorcycle. Said if I didn't do it, he'd find a way to make me sorry. And all that stuff you were saying about him and D.B. just came back to plague me and I was scared what he might do!" She chewed her lip and blew her nose on Duo's hankie. "I figured that if I just did what he wanted I could at least try and keep you and Hee—err, _Odin_ off the bike so you wouldn't get hurt. And I couldn't even do _that_. It's all my fault!"

"Oh, Sora, no," Duo soothed, giving her a loose hug of consolation. He lifted her chin and took the hankie out of her balled fists, using it to gently wipe away the trails of tears that streaked her freckled cheeks. "It's my fault that he got hurt so bad. The bastard just had to go and play hero as usual." Duo scoffed in the direction of the patient's quarters. "Serves him right for having to risk his neck for mine." 

Sora smiled a crooked grin as she sniffled a little bit again, like his words had succeeded in cheering her up, as was his obvious intent. "That's so cute. It must be nice to have someone like him." 

"No kidding," Duo said with a soft smile as he turned to his secret little world inside his head, reserved for just he and Heero. His face darkened a bit, looking almost black and white in the dully lit room. "But hot _damn_, I'm pissed!" he grumbled, pounding his fist into the arm of his chair. "It's one thing that the bastard is a wanted man, but when he threatens _my_ friends into tampering with _my_ motorcycle, that's where I draw the mother_ fucking_ line! God, he's going down in flames…." Duo sulked and stared out at the blank wall in front in him with a look of nasty hatred. 

"Uh, you know, you might be the one going down in flames if you don't get back to school quick," Sora suddenly added, her face panicked. Duo flipped around like a cracked whip, staring at her with dogged eyes. She shrugged and started to explain quickly. "I heard the dean talking to someone on my way out that they were looking for you. You've missed so many classes, and no one knows where you are. I was starting to get worried until you called, but I had to wait 'til classes were through before I could come."

"So?"

"_So_ the administration is on the warpath," Sora explained. "I don't know if you're familiar with how the school works, but they don't take to hooky real well there. They're probably going to want to suspend you—even _expel_ you—if you don't show up soon. Won't that hurt your mission?"

"Yeah, it just might," Duo grumbled, his bad mood setting back in tenfold. "This sucks." 

"What are you going to do?" Sora asked. "You can't just stay here." 

"I'm going to have to make a quick phone call, that's what," Duo said, holding his hand out expectantly. Sora rolled her eyes and started rummaging around her backpack until she came across her little green cell phone. "Thanks," Duo said as she handed it to him. She watched as his fingers flew over the little neon lit touch pad, dialing the numbers with a sense of unaided familiarity. He grinned that cheeky smile at her as he put the phone to his ear and said, "Don't worry—I'll pick up the long distance bill later." 

"_Long distance_?" Sora gaped. Her parents were going to kill her. 

"Oh yeah, and keep this between just us, okay?" Duo added with a quick wink before he put the phone up to his ear. Sora could only stare at him. "Huh? Yeah, put me through to Une," Duo was saying into the phone, pressing the little device close to his ear so he could hear well. He plugged his other ear with the forefinger of his opposite hand, the expression on his face dictating that he was clearly getting bad reception on the junky little phone. "Dammit, I don't _care_ if she's in a meeting. This is damn important! …Yeah… yeah…. This _is_ Maxwell you wench! …_ What_? Oh for the love of … Okay, okay, I'm sorry, just put me through…. Thanks…." 

In the pause that followed, Duo covered the mouthpiece of the little phone as he whispered over to Sora, "My God, it's so hard to find good help anymore. You wouldn't _believe_ this secretary—huh?" He was suddenly back to the phone with renewed adamancy. Sora just looked on, totally confused. Who could it be that he had to talk to so badly? 

"Hey boss!" he chirped into the phone, drumming his fingers on his thigh in an almost nervous fashion as he spoke. "No, no, things are okay…. Yeah, I know it's taken me a while to check in, but shit's gone awry…. Huh? Oh yeah, _that's_ all under control…. No, no, see I need a favour…." Duo sighed into the receiver and went on to explain the situation. "…Hey, I know I promised I'd try hard to stay out of trouble!" he exclaimed, sounding defensive. "But this isn't my fault! …Oh come _on_…. What happened you ask? Well, we kind of had this little _accident_ when we were out on my bike—_hey_, I'm a perfectly responsible driver—that was low! …It wasn't my fault, I _swear_! …Uh huh…. Well, I'll just leave it that you-know-who is in recovery…. Yeah, that's who. … What? Oh, he'll be fine. You know how he is…. But look, look, this really doesn't have to do with that exactly. My pal here says—don't _worry_, she's clean! God you're paranoid—anyways, she tells me that the school is out for blood because we ditched in the middle of the day and then well, you know the rest. …Hey, we were going to go back, _honest_, but it's kind of hard to drag your stubborn bloody and bruised lover into a _school_ and just write it off, saying he tripped and fell on his face or something. That's what he said anyway. …Right, I know that was always the plan if I fucked up, but I need you to…. Yeah, you have to cover for him too… Yes, I know your policy on people who aren't part of the agency but…. Hey don't brush me off like that! I _would_ do it on my own but I'm not going to have time to get into his records so do you—hey, hey, you _owe_ me one, Une! …That's right, Lady, you do, if you'll remember back to a certain Christmas party last year…. Ha, I told you…. Now that that's out of the way, you got to make sure we can stay in that school until… Hey, _you_ might think that he doesn't need to be there, but _I_ need him there, so if they kick his ass out for playing hooky when it was _my_ idea to begin with, I swear to God, I'll come back home and set fire to your office…. You _know_ I'd do it so don't pussyfoot around it…. Yeah… yeah… Good, good… Yeah, do that and change it so that they get wired to you guys and make up some obscure relation for him. As for me, you can come up with some excuse like I've called you already and explained it or something…. I don't know! Be _creative_ and _remember_, you're supposed to be my _grandmother_ when they get through to you… Yeah, cool…. It's cool…. Okay… Talk to you later… Bye…." At long last, Duo took the phone from his ear and turned it off, handing it back to Sora, casual as you please. He huffed, "Well _that_ was a process." 

"Sure seemed so," Sora murmured, dropping the phone into her backpack. "So what was that all about?" 

"Negotiating with the head honcho about how we're going to clear this little fiasco up," Duo explained vaguely. He tugged Sora close so he could whisper to her as so not to blow his cover totally. "My boss, Lady Une, and I had thought up this tactic for missions like this where we'd put her extension into my records so if I ever did get my ass busted for the usual mayhem, the school would just get put through to her so she could just explain it off. But, see, we need to cook something up for Heero too, 'cause I can bet that everything in his records is one hundred per cent forged. That isn't going to do so well, so I had to call in a favour, if you know what I mean." 

"I guess I follow you," Sora answered, finding that she was slowly swimming further and further over her head with each passing moment. 

"You _do_ know that Heero is an expert con-artist," Duo explained in an even lower whisper. Though Sora let out a little gasp of surprise, she found that she really was not shocked to learn this at all. Heero had always been a little shady. "He can fake his way _any_where. He's got a whole stock of counterfeit ID's, registration papers, and all the like. You name it; he can sneak in. And then the added fact that he's the best hacker I've ever met, well, let's just say that he can cover his tracks so seamlessly well, you'd never even know he had come and gone." Duo looked at her with a very straightforward gaze. "I mean, it's the same kind of deal with Preventers, but everything Heero does is on his own. You should know that's how he got into your school without paying a dime… and how he was planning to leave." 

Sora could say nothing to this. It was not that she was shocked to silence in awe of Heero's abilities—even though they were certainly something to be desired—but that he could just float around so easily, without a care in the world, like some lost breeze that had no direction or meaning. By the time she had turned herself to look at Duo again, he had settled back in his chair, leaning back as if he intended to fall asleep. 

"…But I have to say, I'm proud that he could find it in himself to stay in one place so long…." He cracked open one large eye a little so he could look at her for a moment. "It's almost like he knew there was something worth waiting for here…." 

"{Finally I sat down on this bench, where it wasn't so goddamn dark. Boy, I was still shivering like a bastard, and the back of my hair, even though I had my hunting hat on, was sort of full of little hunks of ice. That worried me. I thought probably I'd get pneumonia and die. I starting picturing millions of jerks coming to my funeral and all. My grandfather from Detroit, that keeps calling out the numbers of the streets when you ride on a goddamn bus with him, and my aunts—I have about fifty aunts—and all my lousy cousins. What a mob'd be there. They all came when Allie died, the whole goddamns stupid bunch of them. I have this one stupid aunt with halitosis that kept saying how_ peaceful _he looked lying there. I wasn't there. I was still in the hospital. I had to go to the hospital and all after I hurt my hand….}" 

Heero could hear the sound of a familiar deep baritone reading to him in the back of his head. He knew he had been hearing that voice ever since he had taken in his first breath, like a soul mate that had always been nestled deep within him. Vaguely, Heero registered where he was, a black empty place that lingered somewhere between reality and hell. There was nothing around him, no light, no value, shade or colour of any kind. Just this unending… blackness…. It was like being lost inside his own head. He took comfort in the fact that in his head, he could do no wrong. He remembered the times he had tried to take his own life before, and every time when the darkness took him after the endless splurge of red, he would find himself here, completely alone with his dreams. And there was still that familiar voice, reading to him, as if trying to call him back to the purgatory that was his waking life. 

"{…Anyway, I kept worrying that I was getting pneumonia, with all those hunks of ice in my hair, and that I was going to die. I felt sorry as hell for my mother and father. Especially my mother, because she still isn't over my brother Allie yet. I kept picturing her not knowing what to do with all my suits and athletic equipment and all. The only good thing, I knew she wouldn't let old Phoebe come to my goddamn funeral because she was only a little kid. That was the only good part. Then I thought about the whole bunch of them sticking me in a goddamn cemetery and all, with my name on this tombstone and all. Surrounded by dead guys. Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I _do_ die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddamn cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.}"

A riveting pain convulsed through Heero's body, shaking his system and jarring his body. The simple _mention_ of death, even in his sub-conscience, was enough to send shock waves throughout his entire being. He shuddered, wondering if anyone would even _care_ enough to want to put flowers on his grave when he died. 

__

Even if I was dead, I think I would still want…

"…Flowers," a soft voice whimpered to the little room, drowning out the humdrum sound of the IV's steady drip and the soft beeping of the nearby machine that kept track of the patient's vital stats. 

Duo's attention snapped up from _'The Catcher in the Rye'_ to the narrow hospital bed that sat before him. Folding the book, he laid it at the foot of the little wrought iron bed, rolling his stool over to the top of the bed and leaning onto its squishy mattress, causing the prone body of Heero Yuy to sink a little with the addition of his weight. "Flowers, Hee-chan?" Duo whispered, reaching out to slip his fingers beneath Heero's thick spiky brown bangs. "And here I was thinking you were only into computers." 

A mellow cough escaped Heero's lips, followed by a crinkle of his gently sloped nose as his eyes squinted closed tightly as they fought to adjust to the light. "Would you… remember to leave me flowers when I die?" Another cough ensued behind this whispered phrase. And then, Heero opened his eyes for the first time in almost twenty-four hours, the barely lit room reflecting subtly beneath his thick elfin eyelashes in those spectacular blue eyes. 

"To show that I still care?" Duo asked, his fingers falling from Heero's forehead as he looked warmly at his wakened lover. It was these moments that Duo loved more than anything. In the moments it took for Heero to wake up, there was always this short period of a few minutes where he was just plain old Heero, not a soldier, not a doll and just a boy. Duo loved the innocent little boy Heero more than anyone else in the world. 

"You'd still care, ne?" Heero asked, turning his head on the plump pillow so he could face Duo. His eyes traced along Duo's neck, across his shoulder and dipped down his arm to where his hand was tangled with his own. He could see where the IV tube was plunged into his flesh, allowing the life-giving liquid passage into his veins. This sight was almost too hauntingly familiar. He remembered waking up in a similar fashion many a time in his past, lying in a hospital bed and wired to countless machines. But those times, he would always wake up alone and disappointed that he had not succeeded in ending his life, no matter how often the comforting sound of Duo's voice rang through his unconscious brain. 

"You… you lost a lot of blood, Hee-chan," Duo explained when he noticed the way Heero was staring at his arm. "They said that they were amazed you managed to make it here with your eyes open. And I know you have a thing about drugs and all, but they had to sedate you for a bit so they could get on with their poking and prodding."

"And?" Heero's eyes rose to meet those of his lover, that jolting connection between the two of them frazzling with electricity when their gazes fell upon one another. 

"…And…" Duo shrugged, his mouth hanging open as if he were trying to will words to come forth. "…You're going to be okay. It's nothing you haven't seen before. Just the… the usual fare." 

A smile toyed with Heero's lips at that statement and he let his head sink deeper into the pillow, eyes now watching the ceiling with a dazed sort of intensity, feeling a wave of comfort wash over him for the first time in a while. "The usual…." He sighed, the usual sexy pout returning to grace his features. "…Duo, what about us is… is _'usual'_? I think we're pretty screwed up out of the ordinary bastards to tell the truth." 

Duo blinked at Heero for a moment before he broke into a hearty laughter. "Damn straight, we're fucked," he chuckled, slapping his knee. When he finally got over his amusement, he laid his elbows back on the bed and dropped his head back into the nest his folded arms created. "But you know what, Hee-chan?" he murmured softly, gazing at Heero with that unadulterated pure love of his. "I'm _glad_ you're not normal. I have no need for normal." 

Heero smirked at the ceiling, reveling in Duo's commentary. Inane as it might have sounded, there was always a certain truth to just about everything Duo had to say. "Hey Duo…."

"Yup?" 

"How long have I been here?" he asked, eyes narrowing a bit and then widening to their usual size. The light skimmed over the glassy blue domes of his eyes, casting them in an eerie sort of dark glow. 

"Oh," Duo looked over at the black rimmed clock ticking merrily away opposite him, just above the large rectangular window that dominated the wall space, dim light from the streets dancing through the gauzy white curtains. "I'd say almost a day. They're all having kittens over at the school about this." 

"Yeah?" Heero turned his head towards Duo again, his brows arched with interest. Duo could not help but notice how innocent and beautiful Heero looked just lying there, wrapped in the clinic's wooly pastel green sheets and blankets. "What are we in trouble for now?"

"This and that," Duo shrugged nonchalantly, propping his chin up in his hands. "The usual school bullcrap. They want to eat us alive for ditching school like we did. Doesn't help that you're here. But don't worry—I got Une to save our asses. I had to play with your school records to make it fly—I hope you don't mind."

"Now what did I tell you," Heero chided playfully, giving Duo's arms a weak bat. Despite regaining his consciousness, he was still a little bit groggy and not quite up to snuff. "But oh no, it's fine. We can leave in the middle of the day. No one will miss us. Who's laughing now, kitten?" 

"Well at least I'm lucky we didn't wage anything on it," Duo retorted snidely, flicking Heero's shoulder affectionately. He put a hand proudly over his heart as he announced, "I can safely say I got over my betting problem and have not gambled since April 12, AC 197." 

"Thanks for the report, koi. I'm glad to hear that," Heero smiled, pleased with Duo antics. He could tell that he was just trying to keep the somber mood light. It was something Duo had always been good at, and it was something that he was always infinitely grateful to Duo for. "Now can you tell me how you managed to stay here when it is _clearly_ not visiting hours? Did you threaten anyone?" 

"No!" Duo waved his hands in front of him defensively. "I was a really good boy, I swear. Sora was hanging around for visiting hours too, but when that was all over and she had gone, they just couldn't get me to leave. Remember, I'm a stubborn bastard. You know I'd give anything just to see you. I wanted to be here when you finally opened your eyes, just to see sleepy look in your expression as you wake up."

Heero shook his head and collapsed back into the pillows of his bed, returning his gaze to the ceiling. "When do I get out of here?" he asked, already growing restless. 

"Soon as the nurse gets back in here and finds out you're up," Duo said, twisting around on his stool to get a look at the door, as if he expected her to walk in any second. "She'll just have to check you out to make sure you're really okay, unhook you from all this creepy hospital crap, and then we go!" 

"Well, that sure is a relief," Heero sighed, stretching his achy limbs out. "I hate being out of commission." 

"Stop talking about yourself like you're a machine, Heero Yuy!" Duo suddenly exclaimed, annoyed with Heero's word choice. "I thought we've been over this before!" He suddenly descended upon Heero with a fierce hug, wrapping his arms lovingly around Heero's neck and burying his nose into Heero's messy brown hair, nuzzling his scalp tenderly. "You're so much more than just a lump of wires and metal. You are a human being, Heero. Don't let anyone get you to think otherwise. And if you don't like the way you are—well too bad, because _I_ love you the way you are, and I wouldn't change you for anything in the universe. I love you, Heero Yuy. Beyond friendship, beyond life and death." Duo cuddled Heero's body closer, feeling the warmth of his lover's soft skin as he did so. "So don't you ever forget that…." 

"Duo," Heero whispered, reaching up to weave his fingers between the plaits of Duo's braid. There was a brief pause before he tacked on. "You are such a _sap_." 

"You're fault for falling for the sap," Duo sneered with a giggle as he pulled away, playfully sticking his tongue out at Heero. Then he stood up, kicking the stool away. He walked down to the foot of the bed, standing so he was directly facing Heero. Leaning down on the footboard, and reaching over to grab Heero's book, he said, tossing it up at his lover, "Now I'm going to go find that nurse so I can sign all her stupid release forms and we can get out of here. I'm already tired of waiting. Don't you go anywhere."

Heero smiled and replied sardonically. "I'll just be right here waiting." 

Sorry I'm a little late posting here, but I have a little side story about el moi that is a _very_ legit excuse! First off, I away at Otakon chasing the most wonderful gorgeous Duo I have ever seen in my entire life (I am not even kidding, this cos-player looked _perfect_! Hey! Beautiful Duo! If you're reading this, e-mail me PLEEEEZ!!! Heh, and I sit here and complain about how Relena stalks Heero...) _Any_way, the point of the story is that at the con, the wonder TM Revolution made his American debut (if you're a fan of either Kenshin or Gundam Seed... which you SHOULD be... you know who he is) and after a million run-in chance encounters with various TMR related people (i.e. roadies, the band's drummer... that sort of thing) and a lot of "bad/almost luck", my friends and I got to meet TMR himself and get photos and autographs and all! It was AMAZING! *turns to stare at autograph scrawled on life-size Athrun Zala poster* It was too cool! He even has a drawing of Kira that I did for him! He told me he liked it very much! He's got a CD released over here too called _Coordiate_, which is very good! Aw man, it was the highlight of my life. I can die happy now! Wait, I can die _happier_ if I hear from that Duo again! Oooh! Zelda is your groupie! Love ya! (I even got blown a kiss!) 


	19. Live and Let Die

****

Coming Through the Rye  
By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

****

~ Part XIX ~  
Live and Let Die

It was about an hour's worth of paperwork, a quick costume change, two vanilla milkshakes and a walk across town riddled with red lights later that Heero and Duo made it back to school. It really did not matter much to either of them; they were in no rush to get there. As they walked back up the long driveway towards the front doors of the school, Duo let out a heavy sigh, like he was returning to prison after only tasting freedom. 

"You act like this is a pain in the ass," Heero commented, sucking on the red straw of his milkshake, slurping up the last of the frozen treat. "You really don't want to be back here, do you?"

"No I don't," Duo admitted with another halfhearted sigh as he straightened his skirt and bent down to pull up his drooping knee socks. "And it _is_ a pain in the ass. I got what I wanted from this mission and now I want out. I could care less about stupid OZ or whatever. I'm done with that kind of thing." 

It was Heero's turn to sigh. He had always known that Duo had never been keen on missions of any kind, even way back during the war. At least then he had his reasons for fighting, but now that he had his revenge, there just seemed to be no point to it all except as a means to keep his mind from darker places. And that had been when Duo's depression over their separation had been at its worst. Now that that was all out of the way, he could see why Duo was so willing to just say 'Fuck it.' 

Nevertheless, on the other hand, a mission was a mission, and whether he wanted to complete it or not, Heero never let one go unfinished. One of Heero's pet peeves was leaving unfinished business, no matter how big or small it was. It was one of those few things that grated on his nerves. And whether Duo wanted to finish the mission or not, _Heero_ wanted to see it through, and they were not about to leave that school until he was satisfied they had done so. 

"Well," Heero said, chucking his empty Styrofoam cup into a nearby wastebasket on his way up the front steps. He turned to face Duo, who was just a few paces behind him. "_I'm_ not done with it. You know how I feel about unfinished business." 

"Yeah, I guess I do," Duo sighed, kicking the step with the toe of his boot, hands jammed in pockets and staring at the ground. "But it's not like this is a war. We don't have to fight if we don't want to. No one is relying on us to save the world anymore." 

Heero walked back down the two steps that separated him from his koi. He reached out and laid a hand on each of Duo's shoulders, forcing Duo to look up and meet his eyes. "But we do have to fight, Duo. People like us, we always have to fight. Look at what happened to D.B. Is that not something worth fighting for? Is that not something worth dying for? Would you lie to Sora and tell her that you just said 'Screw this, I'm happy now so to hell with everyone else.' You're not that selfish Duo."

"But I was _always_ 'To hell with everyone else,'" Duo protested, though the look in his eyes betrayed that he realized that Heero was right. 

"If that were true, then why fight at all in the first place?" Heero asked him. He pulled Duo close and enfolded him in a tender hug. Placing a tiny kiss beneath Duo's jaw, he whispered, "Don't run away from it Duo. Just finish this last one. Just one more, and then we can go wherever you want to." 

Duo could feel the blossoms of heat flowering beneath Heero's lips as he laid more kisses upon his slender neck. He let out a little laugh as he said, "Well I guess I couldn't just let him walk off with ruining my bike and causing some serious injury to not only my precious Heero, but to Preventers' budgets as well." 

Heero laughed against Duo's neck and cuddled him close. "That's the Duo I like to hear." 

Suddenly, a not-so-discreet cough interrupted their embrace. The two boys whipped around to see the dean standing in the doorway, flanked by the school guidance counselor and the head master. She was tapping a ruler in a very annoyed fashion against her thigh, hidden beneath a dark blue business skirt that was just a few sizes too tight. "Mister Yuy, Miss Hoshi," she started off, her voice dangerous and stern, a ton reserved for stingy angry adults who had been trapped in the school system for way too long. "Nice of you to return to school. Come with me. We've been waiting to have a little discussion with the pair of you." 

Heero glared violent bloodcurdling death and Duo shot the trio his classic rebel look. It was not until the dean and the guidance counselor stepped down and grabbed each of them by the arm, dragging the pair behind them into the belly of the monstrous hell known as school. 

"You do know why you're in trouble, don't you?" the dean said over her shoulder, looking down upon the male student she was currently tugging down the hall towards her office. Her prisoner just snorted and stared darkly at her like he wanted to kill her slowly. She would never admit it out loud, but it was that stare that frightened her into looking the other way. She turned to his female cohort, who was currently being forced along by the guidance counselor. "You know what you two did, don't you Miss Hoshi?"

"Damn straight," Duo sneered, his tongue peeping out from between his plush lips. "And I'd do it again if I could! School's the biggest waste of time." Heero could not help but commend Duo on his amazing acting abilities. He really had that dean going on a leash. 

"However, it's something that every child needs to go through," the dean reprimanded harshly, realizing that this was going to be a very long day. She could not help but notice the low scoff of the boy connected to her arm, muttering something about how not _every_ child was lucky enough to suffer something as mild as school. The tone in his voice almost sounded like he was bitter about something that had happened to him in his past. 

"A necessary evil," Duo snarled at the dean as they were led into her office at the end of the hall. "Please. You just really have no idea, do you?"

"Just sit down, both of you," the dean said, ushering the headmaster and the guidance counselor out into the hall and closing the door on them. She gave Heero a little jerk in the direction of the pair of chairs that sat in front of her large desk and walked over to sit behind it. "Look," she sighed, collapsing into the chair, "I understand that neither of you are really pleased with this place, but you have to understand that taking off in the middle of the day is just not acceptable." 

"It's not like I'm planning on graduating anyway," Duo shrugged at her. When she stared at him agape, she looked over at Heero, who only nodded his head in silent agreement. 

"Not graduating?" the dean seemed absolutely appalled, particularly towards Heero. "But Mister Yuy, you are easily one of the brightest students here, not to mention that I hear your writing is absolutely outstanding. You could get into any school you wanted to! And Miss Hoshi, you're artistic skills are beyond compare, even if you have a snide mouth and impulsive tendencies. I could see great things for the pair of you!"

Heero leaned forward in his chair, elbows resting on each knee as he said in a perfectly frank voice; "I've seen and done enough great things for one lifetime." 

"What do you mean by that?" the dean wondered, clearly confused. Heero refused to say any more and leaned back in his seat, crossing one leg over the other and folding his arms over his chest, eyes closed in quiet defiance. "I guess I'll never know."

"Guess not," Duo retorted with a snort. 

"Well are you going to at least stay for the rest of the year?" she asked, seeming to be at a complete loss. 

"Depends." 

"Maybe." 

Deciding that it was time to switch tactics, the dean jumped to another topic of discussion. "Well, as for these past two days, we have to decide what we're going to do about all this," she said, folding her hands atop the desk as she looked at the two students opposite her. She could not help but notice that they seemed totally lost in their own thoughts, Heero off in his own private world whilst Hoshi stared aimlessly out the large bay window of the office. "Since this is the first time either of you have really done anything serious, I think we can let you off with just a week's worth of detention."

"Sure."

"Whatever." 

"I called your grandmother, Hoshi, and told her of the situation. She seemed to be very cool with everything for an old woman" the dean went on, riffling through a stack of papers that was just to her right. "And I spoke to your… cousin… Chang… something, Mister Yuy…. Your last living relation, yes?" 

Heero smirked in Duo's direction a small laugh escaping his lips. "Yes, ma'am," he answered, sending a dark glare that shone with some strange kind of glimmer in her direction. "My elder… cousin…." 

"I don't see what's _funny_ about that, Miss Hoshi!" the dean snapped at Duo, who was reveling in his own cloud of amusement at the notion of Wufei being Heero's cousin. Duo waved it off and sniggered. "You're well on your way to getting _more_ than just a week's detention, Miss!" 

"Fine with me," Duo snapped. "The only thing I'm sorry for here is that I got caught!" 

Heero smacked his forehead. Leave it to Duo to not have any tact whatsoever. He grabbed Duo by the sleeve and dragged him close, whispering harshly into his ear. "If you keep a filter between your mouth and your brain, koi," he tempted with that seductive Yuy charm that he only used for one person, "I'll make sure that you have a _very_ good night's sleep, if you catch my meaning, love." 

Duo let out a low purr, reaching over to gently massage Heero's thigh. "I think I'd like that." 

"Save your flirting for another time," the dean sighed. Though she was trying to act the part of a responsible adult, she was pleased to see that Heero seemed to have grown attached to someone. For all his brilliance, she had always noticed how depressed Heero had always seemed to be for the past year and half or so. "Go ahead and get on to class. I don't want to see any more trouble from either of you two, alright?" 

"Hai." 

"Yup." 

She had never seen two kids move as fast as those two did to get out of her office. She could only trust that they made it to their classes without taking a detour to some broom closet on the way to have a little necking session. 

"Look at that," a tall preppy looking cheerleader with brown hair tied up in a bright yellow ribbon said to one of her lemming friends who was sitting just next to her in anatomy class. The professor had just announced an in-class assignment that was to be finished and turned in at the end of class, therefore leaving the duller of the students to waste their time with idle gossip. 

"Look at what?" Her blonde friend wondered, smacking a fat wad of mint chewing gum between her glossy lips. 

"_That_," the brunette hissed, jerking a thumb underneath the desk at Heero, who had just walked into the class late, his punk-looking partner in crime, Hoshi, glued to his arm as they wandered towards the back of the room where their seats were. "It's not fair. He's too good looking to be with that demon worshiping little Goth princess. If he could just get enough taste to choose a girlfriend with like, some _real_ class, he could be very popular."

"_She's_ the good looking one," the boy sitting behind them threw into their conversation. The two girls looked over their shoulders at him disdainfully, wondering how some plebeian boy dared to try and infiltrate their elite little circle. "I think I was ready to die when I found out they were together."

The blonde twisted in her seat, just in time to see Heero slide into his chair, dropping his bag with a dull _thump_ on the wooden floor. He was dressed neatly in the typical school uniform, fine dress pants, slim black necktie and lightweight waistcoat and looking devastating as always, especially in comparison to the ratty mishmash of an appearance carried by the longhaired Hoshi. "Since when were they like, an item?" she whispered back to her friend in an accusing tone, smacking her gum again. "Did you leave me out of something?" 

"I heard from someone that they saw 'em kissing underneath the stairs up to the guys' dorms," the boy behind the two preps informed them, leaning over his desk so he could whisper into both their ears. "I didn't believe it—I heard a rumour that the crazy son of a bitch was gay—but when I was watching 'em in history class a few days ago, I couldn't help but notice the way Yuy had his one hand up her skirt the whole period. I _never_ thought I'd live to see the day he'd be so…." 

The two cheerleaders had turned completely around in their chairs by this point, and were listening to the gossip with a renewed ferocity. The social lives of others—especially those who they thought to be under their 'station' in the school class system—was what ruled their conversation. "What else did you hear?" the blonde probed her new information source. "Anything _really_ juicy?" 

The boy looked thoughtful for a moment, tapping his index finger against his chin as he racked his brains for something impressive. "Oh!" he exclaimed almost a bit too loudly with a snap of his fingers. He leaned closer and whispered. "D'ya know that they're sacking up together?" 

"No joke?" the brunette gawked. "How did you hear that?" 

"My best friend's other friend has a dorm up on that attic floor and he says he's seen Hoshi sneaking into Heero's dorm around curfew." The boy gave a little shrug. "I don't know much more than that. It's not like he's sat there with a glass at the door pressed to his ear, but I think those two are pretty involved. If I didn't know better, I'd say they've been going at it for a _really_ long time." 

"Whoa," the brown haired cheerleader breathed, stealing another glance in Heero's direction. Sure enough, there he was, leaning over towards Hoshi and whispering something secret into her ear that was making her cheeks red and her lips curve upwards. And, not to mention the hand that was casually sneaking up her thigh and toying with the hem of her skirt. She had never known him to be such a romancer and she secretly fumed that it was not _her_ sitting in that chair beside him. 

"You know what else I heard?" the boy went on. The girls snapped their attention back his way, ready for more gossip. It was like oxygen to them. "I heard," he dipped his voice really quiet, to make sure that no one else would hear above the low buzz of the mild chitchat rising through the air around them, "that Yuy keeps a gun under his pillow, and that he really was a soldier during the war." 

"A gun?" the blond smacked her gum yet _again_. "Like, a loaded gun with bullets… for killing?" 

"Yeah," the brunette affirmed with a nod of her head. "I heard that too. My friend's cousin's best friend is been good friends with that redhead girl—Sara or something like that—who hangs out with them all the time. _She_ said that she heard from her cousin's friend, the redhead, that he keeps a loaded gun and all kinds of other crazy illegal things like heroin and pot. I also heard that he's a wanted hacker or something online and that he cheated his way into school here… that he's really poor and homeless and he's just using the school as a place to live." 

"Poor?" the blonde cocked her head, as if the word had no meaning to her. "How could he be poor and pay to get in here?"

"You _clod_," the boy rolled his eyes at her stupidity. "If he's a hacker, he doesn't _need_ money to get in. He can just fake an account or something." He too stole another glance in Heero's direction. "He sure is a strange guy. I wouldn't be too surprised to find out if all those things were true." 

"Me too." 

"Yeah…" 

"You know what?" the boy added, beckoning the girls to lean closer with his index finger. "You know how they've been missing since about noon yesterday?" When he saw the two girls nod their head vigorously in agreement (the story had been prime gossip the day before), he kept on with his story. "Well, I was in the office last night because I had to turn some forms in, and I heard the dean on the phone last night. She was talking to some relation of Hoshi's about what had happened. Apparently, they were in a big motorcycle accident and Yuy got landed in the hospital."

"So _that's_ where they were?" the brunette asked, her hands flying up to her lips in horror. She glanced back over to the object of her lust. "Poor dear. I hope he's like, okay." 

"The dean was saying that he was really beat up, but somehow Hoshi made it out not too bad off," the boy explained, happy that his prying ears and information was getting him audience with such pretty girls. "That guy just doesn't want to die. You know how he's tried to kill himself a bunch of times?"

"Yeah," the blonde nodded, pulling her gum out of her mouth in a most sickening display. "That was so freaky. He's really messed up, you know?" 

"You know what else I heard?" the brunette suddenly piped up, waving her hands in excitement. "_I_ heard that he's the one who did that kid in a week or so ago. Now _that's_ messed up." 

"Maybe he shot him with that gun!" the blonde interjected. "We should turn him in for fraud and murder." 

"_You_ can do that," the boy commented with a low whistle, "but as for me, I don't want to mix myself up with guys like him. What if he found out and then he came after _us_? I mean, think about it, he transferred in mysteriously in the middle of the term two years ago, kept to himself for most of that time, is friggin' _suicidal_ and not to mention, an ex-soldier. I really wouldn't take the chance, but maybe it's just because I _like_ being alive, thank you very much." 

"You're just chicken," the blond accused, popping her gum rudely with the statement. 

"Oh yeah, well let's see how chicken I am when I tell you that I heard he wasn't even a soldier for OZ," the boy argued back. "Someone told me he was collaborating with the rebel colonies." 

"Excuse me!" a new voice interjected. The huddled trio looked up to see the very frightening picture of their mad professor staring down at them with a dark expression painted upon his face. His arms were crossed and his lips were pulled in a tight angry frown. "Do you mind my interrupting your private conversation?" he asked cruelly. "Because I couldn't help but notice that you happened to be carrying on your little meeting in the middle of _my_ class. But I'm sorry if I'm cutting you off. Perhaps whatever you were discussing, you would be kind enough to share with the rest of us, or maybe we aren't dignified enough to hold a seat in your private circle." 

The three gossiping kids slunk back into their chairs, moodily flipped open their science textbooks and went about the assignment, the professor's little speech frightening them out of any more illicit conversations. Every now and then, one would peep over his or her shoulder to steal a glance at Heero and his girlfriend, who were still practically making out in their seats a few rows back. And then memories of those wild rumours would reenter their heads and they would snap back to attention, pretending like they had never looked in the first place. The blonde got a particular scare when she was caught staring by none other than Heero himself, who proceeded to glower angrily at her, arm possessively wrapped around Hoshi's waist until the prep turned away and left them alone. 

"They were talking about us, you know," Duo whispered to Heero as he followed Heero's gaze towards the cheerleader sitting near the front of the classroom, just across the aisle. He could feel Heero's one arm tightening around his waist as he hugged him closer. Duo went on, "It's weird how all of the sudden, you're like front page news around here." 

"Well someone getting near suspended around here is like the highlight of the century to these snot nosed assholes," Heero murmured back, placing what seemed to be the millionth kiss of the period upon Duo's neck. "Forget them, koi," he went on. "We've got bigger fish to fry." 

"Amen to that," Duo replied, cuddling closer to Heero. 

He was so absorbed with his lover, he missed the clunky sound of footsteps walking through the middle of the classroom that came to a stop right beside their desk. A hand suddenly slammed down onto the tabletop, startling Duo from Heero's embrace. He whipped around to find himself staring up at a very ill amused Professor Cawdor. "I don't know if you realize this, Mister Yuy," he snarled at Heero, totally ignoring the dastardly stare Duo was sending up at his teacher, "but this is a _classroom_. And while I'm glad you seem to have gotten over your past obsession with _boys_, I'd really appreciate it if you'd save your necking for _another_ period." 

Heero sneered and rolled his eyes. "Sorry Professor," he stated in that dangerous monotone of his. "Seems I forgot my place." 

"Yes, it would seem so." Cawdor mused, crossing his arms as he straightened up to his full height. "You always did have a knack for stepping out of line, be it the exercise of that oh-so _glib _mouth of yours or just plain disobedience. What were they thinking when they trained you boy? You're the most haphazard excuse for a soldier I have ever seen. I would love to see my best worst student pick up the pace and climb back to the _esteemed_ position he once held in my opinion. Get your hands off of her and get to work!" 

Duo was about to open his mouth to say something snide about Heero teaching him about reproductive anatomy, but decided it would be in his best interests to keep his mouth shut. Heero was meanwhile silently fuming over the very personal jabs Cawdor had made at his character, deciding that digging up old and classified information would be the perfect way of going about doing so. As Cawdor walked triumphantly towards the back of the room on his scrupulous inspection of his students, Heero muttered under his breath to no one in particular, "If that bastard tried anything, I don't want to be liable for what happens next." 

"Nor I," Duo hissed back sarcastically. "I'm not paying for _any_ damage you cause, Heero Yuy." 

"That's too bad; I could use the money." 

More than a little pissed that his distraction for the next half-hour had been so rudely stolen away, Duo settled for sulking moodily in his chair, slouching low with crossed arms and an overly exaggerated pout. He settled for watching Heero from the corner of his eye as he bent over a spiral notebook and a thick anatomy textbook, scribbling away at the assignment. It was not until Heero leaned over from his work and hissed into Duo's ear that he looked just a little immature (adding that it was not very attractive at all, even _with_ the skirt), Duo reluctantly went about doing a half-ass job on the homework like everyone else. School was still the biggest waste of time to him.

Suddenly, there was a whimpered cry from the row directly behind them. Both Heero and Duo simultaneously dropped their pens and whipped around to see what the commotion was. If either had been attached to some kind of device to measure their respective anger/shock levels at the sight they beheld, the readings would have been right through the roof. Cawdor was standing beside the seat their dear friend Sora occupied, her marble composition notebook in one hand, a purple grading pen in the other as he went over her work, announcing each and every mistake aloud the rest of the room as he slathered marks all over the page. Both Heero and Duo knew Sora to be a very thorough individual, and by the anal things that Cawdor was choosing to make a commotion about, they could both tell plainly that he was just picking a random target to exercise his cruelty on. By this time, everyone in the room had dropped whatever they had been working on and was now focused on their professor and his example.

"Some people should just _not_ be allowed in a school," Duo whispered to Heero. A tight frown creased his darkly painted lips as he added, "I don't think I can sit and watch this. Can't I just arrest him and get this whole hell over with? I'm tired of running and hiding." 

"No!" Heero snapped, grabbing Duo by the wrist and holding him fast. He could practically feel the itch in Duo's arm to reach for the small pistol tucked somewhere into all that unnecessary feminine lingerie Duo insisted on wearing underneath his guise. Using a good deal of his strength, his one hand still gripping Duo's firmly, he used the other to grab one leg of Duo's chair firmly, dragging him near. "Are you stupid, insane, or both? Have you forgotten _every_thing anyone has ever taught you about stealth? I thought that was _key_ to your mission here!" 

"Well, it sure would be nice if that could hold out," Duo whispered back harshly, his eyes locked firmly on the disgusting display before him. "But I don't think I can sit here and watch this anymore." 

"Duo," Heero tried to level, sounding very collected and reasonable. "He's not doing anything illegal right now. You have to catch him in the act or do it behind closed doors with more than enough evidence! That's why we couldn't do anything about D.B. because there was no proof! A big production in the middle of a science classroom will not do!" 

"We'll see about that Mister-I-Know-So-Much!" Duo growled dangerously. Heero could see Shinigami creeping into the pilot's seat behind Duo's eyes as the chestnut haired boy's skin grew colder and paler than usual, a wild sort of fire beginning to kindle itself in his heated stare. "I should have just killed him when I had the chance back when he did old D.B. in. that was a huge ass mistake on my part just letting him get away and running off like a coward. So, yeah sure, I got proof that he's a total scumbag on top of his past felonies, but that doesn't do anything for _now_. Oh _God_, Heero, when am I going to start dwelling in _reality_?" 

"How about now?" Heero commented coolly, his grip not lessening on Duo one bit. If he was lucky, he would be able to slip that pistol out of Duo's possession before things got ugly and dangerous. A rampaging Shinigami could prove hazardous for both friend and foe. "Look, Duo, whatever you end up doing, you can't just rush into it. Think hard. What would a sudden 'Freeze! I'm with Preventers!' do for anyone right here, right now?" Heero made his point with the addition of a series of fluid motions with his free hand. 

"A damn lot," Duo grumbled, though in his heart he knew that Heero knew what he was talking about. "A whole damn lot. It would get him off Sora's case at least." He added halfheartedly. "I don't like seeing her get whipped around for no reason." 

"Oh, and I _do_," Heero retorted sardonically, rolling his eyes. He grabbed Duo fiercely by each shoulder, whipping him around to face his totally, not caring whether or not anyone noticed his stirring. Duo winced at the pain Heero's fingers inflicted as his dull fingertips dug madly into his skin. "Duo, get a _grip_. If he starts hit—"

He was cut off by another strangled cry from Sora. He snapped to attention just in time to see Cawdor raise the notebook threateningly over Sora's head, as if he meant to strike her. The man had a crazed look in his eyes like he had totally lost all grip on what shreds of sanity he had left. Perhaps the murder of D.B. had been eating away at him for these past weeks? Sora had her arms flung up over her head as if to protect herself, though the look in her one visible eye seemed as though she doubted anything her hands could do would save her from pain. 

Heero's face became darkened at this sight. Hands still melted firmly upon Duo's arms like hot liquid steel, he snapped his head around to face the disgusting display and shouted at the offending ex-OZ officer. "What the hell is this? You're assaulting yet _another_ student!" 

"Keep out of this, 01!" Cawdor snapped, a vein popping on his forehead as his eyes burned with an almost insanity as he turned his attentions from Sora to the defiant Japanese youth. "You were always too damn nosy!" 

The class let out a collective gasp at the name with which Heero had just been addressed. The code numbers associated with the Gundams and their pilots were no secret to the general public. Whispers of 'So that's why he's so fucked' and 'Oh my dear God' et cetera, et cetera, filled the room in a dull clamour. 

Slowly, Heero released his grip on Duo and turned his chair around to face Cawdor, the legs screeching angrily across the wooden floor as he did so. Slowly, he rose to his feet, his head bowed, long shaggy bangs obscuring the expression in his eyes. Slowly, he raised his gaze to meet Cawdor's, his blue Prussian eyes shining with that wild anger that had been lost since the war had ended. The perfect soldier had returned. 

Cawdor visibly paled and shrank back a few steps. He had never been faced with the perfect soldier before. Oh sure, he had run into Heero in places past, spied on him endlessly, knew every detail one could want to know about the boy, from battle tactics to personal traits and habits, but never once, had he ever stood face to face with the untamed and slightly crazed soldier of legend. And now for the first time in many years, he was slightly unnerved. However, he chose to mask his fear and started to laugh nervously. "Very cute, 01," he began, lacing it with those strange unbecoming chuckles. The tension in the room just burst through the windows through the ceiling. "You think that you can just crawl out of hiding and teach me a lesson, hmm?" 

A very disturbing smirk found its way to Heero's lips. Even Duo paled somewhat at the sight of it. A few of the students near the door had starting to rise from their seats and slink discreetly towards the door. They were beginning to get seriously frightened by this new psychotic side of Heero Yuy, class reject, faggot and lone wolf. 

"Oh I don't think," Heero was saying, that smirk growing more and more evident with each passing moment. "I know. I always just…" he trailed off a little, leaving a dramatic pause lingering in the air as his smirk reached its peak, finally lifting his head a bit higher so that the sun could glint in the deep blue of his eyes. "…Know…." 

"And what does Mister Yuy propose to _do_ about it?" Cawdor taunted mockingly, deciding that the boy was all talk and no show, despite the damage that he _knew_ he had caused during the war against OZ. Years of training were suddenly working against him; everything he knew was wrong, and he did not even realize it. "You don't have your precious Wing Zero _Gundam_, do you? You have no weapons. You are a waste now. There is nothing you can do to me." 

Heero spread his arms akimbo, closing his hands into tights fists before slowly opening them again, flexing his fingers and stretching them apart. "Karate…. Empty fist…." He grinned sadistically. "I don't need weapons, Professor." 

"Then show me what you're made of, puppet!" he jeered, one hand jammed in his lab coat pocket, the other out forward and curling in a beckoning motion. "Come at me!" 

Duo winced a little, able to see what neither Cawdor nor Heero could not. There was nothing he could do though. By the time he had noticed the faint glimmer of the sharp scissors in Cawdor's pocketed hand, Heero had already launched himself forward at the man. The best he could do (because everything seemed to happening all at once, a zillion miles per second), was leap from his chair, knocking it over in the process, and try in vain to make a grab at Heero's collar in an effort to hold him back. 

It was too late. Heero slammed into Cawdor, and inevitably, the malicious point of the scissors Cawdor had whipped from seemingly nowhere. Heero seemed to freeze on the razor point, raised fist poised unmoving in the air, just inches away from Cawdor's face. Had Cawdor been a second slower, and the former Wing pilot would have smashed his face in. Cawdor drew the now bloody pair of scissors from Heero's side, wiping the hot crimson liquid upon his pristine white lab coat, a frightful glare lighting his eyes as he tossed the sheers aside. 

"Holy _shit_, Hee-chan!" Duo cried, totally forgetting where he was as a biting fear enveloped him. His poor lover never seemed to get a break. Every time Heero seemed to have found salvation, something happened to drag him back down, like he was always destined to climb to the crest of the mountain and tumble back down before he could breath in the fresh air. Duo's distraught was so fast and sudden, he had forgotten to disguise his voice, and the remaining students lingering in the classroom were giving him a _very_ odd stare.

Hands shaky, he fumbled for his collar, fishing around beneath his shirt for that pistol he had been saving for just such an occasion. Another collective gasp of fear overtook the remaining students in the room (save Sora, who had grown used to this sort of thing by now) as Duo drew the sleek silver handgun from under his shirt and panic ensued, though everyone seemed far too frightened to actually evacuate the room. It was his trusty Falcon, conveniently loaded with eight rounds and ready for action. He held it forward in his right hand, which was resting firmly atop his left wrist for support, not even bothering to peer through the gun's scope as he took aim at his new worst enemy. "No one," he growled dangerously in Shinigami's voice, "No one low blows my Hee-chan like that and gets away with it." 

Cawdor was glaring at Duo with a look that mixed anger and understanding, now that it had finally dawned upon him just whom the mysterious transfer really was. "02, heh, typical. I should have known," he breathed threateningly, ignoring the bloody mess that was Heero Yuy at his feet. "Very, very clever."

That trademark grin shadowed across Duo's face. No, this was not the typical happy-go-lucky Maxwell grin that Duo liked to save for his friends; rather, this was the sadistic evil _Shinigami_ grin Duo liked to save for his enemies. Anyone who knew Duo well would have turned tail and run by that point, _especially_ since he happened to be holding a loaded gun at that particular moment. Duo happened to be a very good shot—one of the best in all of Preventers. He held the top score in both the shooting range _and_ the cafeteria arcade. Yes, Duo Maxwell never missed a shot. 

"Duo Maxwell here, undercover Preventer and spy, assassin, thief and crack shot," he said, that brutal yet carefree grin still plastered upon his face as he stepped out of his row and into the aisle that separated the two halves of the classroom. "I run, I hide, but I never lie."

"What are you going to do now, 02?" Cawdor asked, his voice condescending. "Go ahead and shoot me, why don't you? Go ahead. I dare you." 

"I'll dare just fine, thanks," Duo growled, jamming the gun foreword a little bit as if to emphasize his point. "You've seen this bad boy before, haven't you?" he said, referring to the gun with a quick flicker of his eyes. "Yeah, that's right, you remember, that day you gave D.B. the old heave-ho. Too bad I didn't plug you right then and there. But you know, sometimes things just"—Duo gave the gun a little wave—"pass you by." 

"Talk talking sense, boy!" Cawdor snapped, balling his fist and taking a defiant few steps forward. "The only thing that's going to pass you by is your _life_, because when it makes the papers that a _Preventers_ agent had the common good courtesy to blow away an innocent old science professor, we'll see who's rotting away behind bars with nothing to do but watch the days go by." 

"Oh innocent my ass," Duo growled, taking a few steps forward himself. He suddenly barked out a command in a deafening yell. "Don't you come a step closer you fucker! I'll only shoot you faster if you do!" 

"Hey, level with me here, 02," Cawdor threw his hands up, as if in defeat, though his little advancing footsteps never really ceased. From his vantage point on the floor, Heero did not fail to notice this, though his current condition did not leave much room for him to do much. After a quick evaluation, he realized that though not in hurt in any vital areas, he had still been stabbed deeply enough to procure a very nasty and profusely bleeding wound in his side, just over his hipbone and narrowly missing his liver. All he could do was let out a small whimper of warning, which seemed to go unnoticed. 

"I don't think you're in any position to be making demands!" Duo screamed, his voice the harsh deep tone of a soldier who had lost everything that grounded him in sanity. Duo was fueling himself off pure emotion now, and nothing was going to get in his way. He fired a warning shot, letting the bullet zoom right past Cawdor's cheek, just nicking the skin. Duo's voice had now become that unwavering scary tone once more. It was almost too calm to be sane. "Make another move, and I'll aim about three inches to the right so I can make sure to bury one of these suckers right between your beady little eyes you bastard." 

When the shot rang out, the class was suddenly in motion. Every student (minus Sora, of course, who had fallen to Heero's side and was now examining his wound) jumped to his or her feet and made a wild stampede for the door. They were all too cowardly to stay. They were all afraid of death, not even realizing that each of them had looked Death straight in the face the second Duo Maxwell had made himself known to them. 

"Do it, do it! Take a step!" Duo was chanting, still holding the gun out. His eyes were on fire. There was nothing left of the familiar Duo everyone knew and loved. Shinigami had taken complete control. "Do it and I'll kill you!" 

Cawdor, who had been taking baby steps all this time, put a pause to his shuffling and waiting, trying to formulate a plan. He came to the conclusion that he would have to somehow get that gun from his adversary's grip if he wanted to give himself the upper hand. With a crazed and armed Gundam pilot on his hands, he did not want to take any risks, and he silently cursed himself for laying a finger on Heero Yuy, knowing full well that it had been _his_ injury that had angered the Deathscythe pilot so. 

After a slight pause, he decided that quicker was probably better and without a second to perhaps go back on that decision, he launched himself at Duo, surprisingly nimble for a man of his age. Duo was totally taken aback and fired two more shots, missing one shot completely in his haste and rage and managing to graze his enemy's shoulder with the other. Duo's eyes seemed to widen to balloons of deep indigo as Cawdor was suddenly looming high above him, preparing to crunch down on Duo's much smaller body with all his weight. Duo sucked in a breath of uncertainty, the gun finally dropping slack at his side as he lost all sense of reality.

And then, just like magic, everything stopped. Duo refocused his blurred vision to see Cawdor, still looming before him, poised to strike, but no longer coming at him. It took the former Deathscythe pilot a few moments to notice Heero, pressed against the back of his would-be attacker, one hand gripping the man forcefully by the collar, the other wrapped around a familiar pair of silver stainless-steel scissors that was at present buried deep into the professor's back. With a heavy breath, Heero let slip two words before he fell to the floor in a dead faint, the sound of police sirens ringing through the suddenly still and quiet air.

"Ninmu kanryou." 

****

{A/N} Um, yeah, definitely not pleased with that, but it will have to suffice, because I'm too lazy to think of anything much better when yet another brilliant idea seems to have bombarded my mind! Yay! This should not be anything new people. Thanks for reading and wait for the end next week. If you're really into this though, I have a small prequel that I might post later. My friend and I have to finish slamming together our entry for that TokyoPop contest first! ^__^  
  
PS: Everyone go check out Gundam Seed! I know it'll be hard to find fansubs now that Bandai has liscenced it, but if you can get your mitts on it, it's _well_ worth your while. Definately my second favourite anime right after... gee... I wonder.... :)


	20. With Every Light

****

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

****

~ Part XX ~

Thrilling Cities

Sora banged impatiently on Heero's door early one morning, sunlight dumping through the window in glorious beams like she had never seen before in that particular corner of the world. It had been quite an arduous week since the whole incident with Cawdor. Not long after the incident, the cops had shown up to take control of the situation until a few representatives could show up from Preventers and haul Cawdor off. Heero had not managed to _kill_ Cawdor with his attack—he had not been strong enough with his new wound in addition to those from the motorcycle besides only managed to tear at him with a pair of _scissors_. In any case, Duo had managed to slink off right after that, avoiding as many people as possible. No one had seen him since. No one was quite sure if Heero knew what had happened to the braided Shinigami, and though Sora was pretty sure that he knew more than he was letting on, she was beginning to feel like things were going to go back to the same boring way they always were. At this rate, there seemed like there was nothing she could do but go with it, and while part of her welcomed it, part of her was sad and longing for the adventure Duo Maxwell seemed to drag along in a suitcase where ever he went. 

"Heero Yuy, are you awake?" she shouted impatiently as she rapped the door again. There was no answer from within. "Oh dammit Heero, this is stupid!" she gave the door a much more satisfying pound, not even realizing that it had slid open with the force of her fist as she was so absorbed in admonishing Heero for oversleeping. "Both you and I know that you _never_ miss a single hour of a single"—she suddenly realized she was standing in front of an open door. "Heero?" she asked tentatively as she took a small step into the familiar dormitory. What she found shocked, frightened and excited her. 

The place was dead, completely empty, like it had never been the two-year home of a boy named Heero Yuy. She walked to the center of the room and slowly did a three-sixty turn about the room, taking everything in. Both beds were neatly made, the sheets pulled tightly over the plump mattresses, sitting contentedly in the wooden twin frames. There was no longer the masculine clutter of clothes and just plain 'stuff' littering the floor. The desk was empty of that ever-present laptop, the stacks of books Heero had kept lining the floor beside said desk gone. Through the barely open bathroom door, she could just see that the sink was no longer home to that blue toothbrush of Heero's, or his generic store brand toothpaste. Her eyes finally settled on the bed pushed up against the far wall that Heero had once claimed as his own. The bedside table housed only the lamp that had always lived there, the box proclaiming '_Could you believe in heaven, if heaven was all you had?_' that had been filled with memories of Duo no longer there. And the familiar book that always seemed to sit there was no longer there either. With an almost heavy heart, she turned to look at the wall over the bed, knowing just what she would find. No longer was the wall covered with the myriad of photographs that had captured the heart of Heero Yuy on paper. No longer did the sad and joyous mementos of a harder time adorn that bland white wall. All that was left was a scattering of thumbtacks and minute holes, and a piece of loose-leaf paper pinned unceremoniously to the wall with a small red pushpin. She leaned over the bed, afraid to disturb the perfect military standard-made bed beneath her, took the note off the wall and set to reading it, right there in the middle of the room.

__

Sora,

I know you are probably not going to be happy with this, but this is what has to happen. Duo and I are leaving, if you haven't already guessed by the state of things around here. You knew he was only going to stay for a limited period of time anyway, and I suppose you figured that I would probably end up going with him when he was ready to go. We're like the wind, you know. We've wiped our files—this school will never remember either of us. It's nothing new, really. I don't think there's a place we've been able to stay for very long before. But you know, I think that I'm going to try and go to college and Duo's got plans to open a dance studio or perhaps even do some acting. We have futures that just—(here the ink was run a little bit with what seemed to be a splotch or two of genuine Yuy-tears, which to Sora were a rare and beautiful gift)—_just aren't here. If there's anything either of us regrets about leaving, it's leaving a friend like you. But knowing you, you're going to worry about it—don't. We know how to take care of ourselves and we've decided that it's time for both of us to live. We'll never be that far apart. We're all under the same sky, the same sun. With every light—you're never alone._

~ Heero Yuy

Sora was biting her lip, trying hard to be strong like Heero had requested of her. She was so preoccupied with doing so that she almost missed the postscript that had been scrawled in another hand. Unlike Heero's very neat, somewhat slanted lettering, these words were written with characters that seemed to bear to resemblance to each other, every line full of personality and oddity. 

PS ~ If you ever need a pal, look us up. We're heading out for the Big Apple, good old NYC. Heero owes me a show or two and they're doing a revival of an old sexy show called 'Chicago.' Maybe you can pop over and we'll get the other boys to all go see it with us?

She laughed a little at that, and in that moment, she realized that she did not need to believe in heaven. She had so much more than just heaven to believe in already. 

"See ya in another life, Lady," Duo said, looking up at the expressionless face of the Virgin statue in the chapel. He kissed the palm of his free hand (the other was supporting a certain feline) and laid it on her feet, giving the statue another quick nod before turning on his heel and meeting Heero out in the hall. His lover was leaning against the opposite wall, totally absorbed in the same-old-same-old. 

"Finished there?" Heero asked nonchalantly, as he looked up at the braided ex-pilot. He was standing there clad in his usual black leather, the brown ball of fuzz known as Pocky, cuddled up in one arm. "You sure take a long time in a chapel for someone who doesn't believe in God." 

"Well you sure spend a lot of time with that," Duo said, pointing to the book, "for someone who doesn't like to read." 

Rolling his eyes at the totally absurd comment, he went back to the book, following Duo down the hall, looking up from his book only enough to make sure he did not walk into anything. It was an early Saturday morning and most everyone was either still asleep or busy at breakfast. No one would see them leave. No one would miss them. No one would care. 

They were out on the front steps of the school, slowly making their way down to the driveway that would eventually wander off the campus and out towards their new lives together. Heero was still totally lost in _'The Catcher in the Rye.'_ He was on the last chapter, and upon completing the book, he would officially have read it one more time than Duo. 

"Hey, Heero, look," he vaguely registered Duo saying into his ear. It was not until the chestnut haired boy had taken to tugging on his sleeve that he looked up. Following the trail of Duo's pointing finger, he followed it up to an open window on the second floor of the school. He could see Sora leaning out of the window, waving like mad after them a wild goodbye. For a moment, he thought he could see the morning sun setting a faint sparkle to the tears in her eyes as she watched them slowly turn and walk down the drive. 

Duo was pulling him down the driveway again, away from the school. He sent one last look over at Sora and gave her a little smile and a curt nod of farewell before his eyes fell quickly to the book once again, reading the last sentence of the book with renewed strength. 

__

{Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.}

__

Taking over, we're taking over.

Throw the weight up off your shoulders now,

That we can show our love. 

It's almost over, it's almost over.

No more war and no more soldiers,

To stand against His love.

Away with all the troubles that you've made.

Away with waiting for another day.

Away….

Look Ma, the sun is shining on me,

Impatient, in love and aching to be.

Could you believe in Heaven,

If Heaven was all you had?

We're taking over, we're taking over.

Throw away your four-leafed clovers,

And stand beside this love.

Away with everything you've grown to hate.

Away with everything that holds you safe.

Away….

And every light I've found,

Is every light that's shining down on me.

I'm never alone.

Look Ma, the sun is shining down on me,

Taking my time to do as I please.

Could you believe in Heaven,

If Heaven was all you had?

The sun is beaming, radiating,

All the love we are creating.

We are creating….

And every light I've found,

Is every light that's shining down on me.

I'm never alone.

****

OWARI 

{A/N} The song is by the Smashing Pumpkins, in case you care. It's called _With Every Light. _Finally _finished_! That's all she wrote. Please, please, please review or let me know what you think. I really went through hell with this story so I would love to know that it is at least appreciated or something. Feel free to tell me whatever you'd like, unless it's a bitch about the pairing or something like that. Okay, next project, step right up!


End file.
